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4 years to the day & it's officially done


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4 years ago today my ex messaged me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

4 years down, and I'm officially heartbroken. 35, a mum of 2 & I'm in pieces.

 

He's been my Rock for 4 years. We officially split in April, met up every month since, spoke everyday, text everyday, back to nicknames and heart emojis. I'm so happy when I'm hearing from him, so happy knowing there will be a message waiting for me from him. Now the silence is deafening.

 

He denied our relationship to others to meet women closer to him. We were 2 hours apart. He wanted someone closer. yes, it sucks, but I wanted to fight for us. He didn't. Today it all blew up, today a woman messaged me telling me what he'd said. Today I lost my sh*t with him, I told him it was me or nothing. He picked nothing. He said I'd have no trouble dating, then told me everything would work out for me. That's it. Officially done, 4 years to the day it started. Ironic really.

 

I've cried, I've been angry. Now I'm just Lost.

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Sorry you're hurting.

 

Your big mistake was staying in contact after the breakup. If you hadn't, you'd be feeling much better today.

 

But what's done is done.

 

I strongly recommend that you institute strict No Contact, so that you can focus on healing from the breakup.

 

Things will get better.

 

 

Take care.

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We split because his job took him away for weeks on end. We've had 2 periods of not speaking - 17 days then 15 days. I text the first time, he did the 2nd. Hooked up 3 times in the time since splitting in May.

 

Basically a woman got involved after having a crush on him, he said to her he wasn't in a relationship because it was too far to be classed as a relationship.

She was messaging me telling me what he'd told her about me, basically awful stuff. He's said he never said any of it.

2 days ago it ended like this -

 

You have nothing to worry about with dating! There will be somebody nice for you

 

Me -

 

Nope. Giving up.I've a career to work on.

 

Him -

 

It will all work out for you. I promise.

 

I don't know what to think of that! We were together 4 years, split on the day we first went exclusive. I miss him.

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That's how the text message conversation ended, I'm not sure where to go from there. it all got ridiculous, with this other woman pretending to be different women on dating sites to talk to him, then messaging me telling me what he'd said. All bad stuff, like he stayed so long with me out of pity, I got fat towards the end & my body turned him off etc. He says he never said any of that, but then accused me of being involved with her, and it all escalated into an argument, which finished like that

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Heart..PLS STAHP

Your mistake was the part where you acknowledged what that other girl told you.

Your mistake was the part where you acknowledged what he told you as well.

 

Initiate NC and forget about the whole thing. You are not there just to be a messenger between the two. Leave them and take care of your own happiness. You are only extending your misery by being in close proximity to the whole matter.

 

NC! Now!

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Turns out it was his ex who was trying to cause hassle. It worked, I don't know what he's said or not said, and that's what hurts. Then he says hed never say anything bad about me because he has massive feelings for me. Then says there will be someone nice for you. Just confused

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Heart..PLS STAHP

Why are you still dwelling on that? Stop thinking about it and have some thought of your well-being.

 

He made you feel bad, he tells you you will find someone better yet you still cling to what he said, what he meant and stuff.

 

It means you have to let go! Work on your career, go for a walk, take a deep breath and establish some boundaries between your depressive feelings and your wannabe healthy lifestyle to keep moving forward.

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Hello everybody...i need your advice...i met one guy maybe 4 months ago, we live in different countries and he is devorced..from that day when we met he was chatting with me like every day, later i visited him, met his kids...spent nice time and etc..But like i see he tries to avoid all realationship with women...it means no love..But he still writting to me by mssng...And the problem is that i know that can't be just friends with him...Now we will meet in the same party next month..don't know how to act with him...maybe i need just to stop answering??i am first time in this forum..:)

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Why are you still dwelling on that? Stop thinking about it and have some thought of your well-being.

 

He made you feel bad, he tells you you will find someone better yet you still cling to what he said, what he meant and stuff.

 

It means you have to let go! Work on your career, go for a walk, take a deep breath and establish some boundaries between your depressive feelings and your wannabe healthy lifestyle to keep moving forward.

 

He told me all the way through the relationship I was 'out his league', that I was 'too good' for him. It was just so odd the way it ended. The last twice, it's been quite final, this just seemed sad.

I'm doing well, I just don't know what he meant by that

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Heart..PLS STAHP
He told me all the way through the relationship I was 'out his league', that I was 'too good' for him. It was just so odd the way it ended. The last twice, it's been quite final, this just seemed sad.

I'm doing well, I just don't know what he meant by that

 

That he is a total looser! What the hell... he told you that??! That sounds so stupid and dramatic I feel I'm watching a movie about Taylor Swift. Listen stop wasting time with that guy. You are already contemplating too much on this situation. He is a comedian I give him that!

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ExpatInItaly

There's nowhere to go from here.

 

Think about it: if my boyfriend told another woman that he's not in a relationship, I would be done with him because he didn't value or love me.

 

Just walk away from him and the mess he created.

 

When you see him at this party, just be civil. Don't engage with him.

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He's what's app'd me. I've blocked him now, but it said

 

'Just wanted to say, I never bad mouthed you. I never criticised your body (which I like). I did just need to say that, it will all be good for you'.

 

I'm now even more confused

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Heart..PLS STAHP

Good that you did. Now don't break NC and move on! Stop being confused, be certain of your future and happiness.

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He's what's app'd me. *I've blocked him now, but it said

 

'Just wanted to say, I never bad mouthed you. I never criticised your body (which I like). I did just need to say that, it will all be good for you'.

 

I'm now even more confused

 

*Now you can focus on your healing and wellbeing.

 

Spend your time on things that benefit you.

 

You'll be ok.

 

 

Take care.

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I know you're all going to say don't, but I want to apologise. Even if he doesn't reply, I want him to know I didn't mean what I said to him last week.

 

Someone talk me out of it please. I've typed the message out, I know what I want to say. I don't even care if he doesn't reply, I just need him to know I'm sorry ??

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You're in panic mode. The silence is deafening. You can't stand it. So you're looking for ways to break the ice. So you sit there thinking of ways to get a fix because you're like an addict going through withdrawals.

 

Don't send the apology. I don't know what you're apologizing for because I read your other thread.

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You're in panic mode. The silence is deafening. You can't stand it. So you're looking for ways to break the ice. So you sit there thinking of ways to get a fix because you're like an addict going through withdrawals.

 

Don't send the apology. I don't know what you're apologizing for because I read your other thread.

 

I just want to say sorry for losing my sh*t with him. I feel awful about it, but I know you're right. Thank you.

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I just want to say sorry for losing my sh*t with him. I feel awful about it, but I know you're right. Thank you.

 

Your conversation ended civilly and it seems that he wished you well and that you would have no problems meeting someone new. Leave it at that and move on.

 

Contact is only going to send you down the rabbit hole again. You say you don't need a response, but the moment you hit send, you'll be checking every 27 seconds for a reply and when he doesn't it'll dig at the wound again and if he does, that will likely get you confused and anxious all over again.

 

So, stay away from the drug. Delete the email. Go for a walk. Do a 30 minute exercise routine. Go take a drive. Get the urge out of your system.

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Truthfully, it's to make myself feel better! I hate how I left it with him, I hate that he finished with 'it will all work out for you'. I said some truly awful things to him, and I want to clear my conscience and move on happily. I want to text him then block him again, so I won't know if he's replied. Say sorry, block and forget it.

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ConfusedinSaltLake

Do not apologize to this man. It is a very common impulse, to apologize to someone even when you know that you have done nothing wrong, all to get that person interested in you again, or to stop his or her bad behavior. Do not do so, for two reasons. First and foremost, IT WILL NEVER WORK. Everything you have written tells me that this is just a bad guy, for you and for any decent woman. Second, there is just a prideful impulse that I have and that I would bet you do as well, that you should never apologize when you truly believe that you have done nothing wrong, and especially in this case when everybody agrees that you are innocent of everything but bad judgment. And we are all guilty of that. So break all contact with this man. Block his texts and emails, block his phone number(s). He is playing you, whether or not this other woman is playing you as well.

 

Save yourself.

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He told me all the way through the relationship I was 'out his league', that I was 'too good' for him.

 

Read those words again and BELIEVE them. There is your answer. IMO, those words can only come from someone with insecurity issues who does not feel worthy of love.

 

My ex told me the same thing and I couldn't understand why. Until his self-esteem, depression, anxiety and narcissism issues reared their ugly little heads. I wish I would have BELIEVED him instead of trying to help him to no avail. I would have said, "You know what? I AM out of your league. And I AM too good for you." I could have baled back then instead of inserting my head into a brick wall. It would have saved us a lot of wasted time, money and aggravation.

 

If you are confused, remember this. You cannot find logic where logic does not exist.

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He's what's app'd me. I've blocked him now, but it said

 

'Just wanted to say, I never bad mouthed you. I never criticised your body (which I like). I did just need to say that, it will all be good for you'.

 

I'm now even more confused

 

There's nothing to be confused about. He is telling you to move on because he is now with her and you will have no problem meeting another man. I believe he is lying about not telling her those things. She is an arse for telling you this stuff. Forget about him, block all access and keep moving on.

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It's been 10 days since we spoke. 3 times I've been horrendously desperate to text him, to hear from him. I've typed 3 separate messages out, but couldn't bring myself to send them. I've managed to keep myself occupied with different things, cleaning, working, journaling, sorting clothes out to sell, seeing friends. But today no one was free. Today I'm alone. Today whatever I do, I just want to hear from him. I'm counting down until bedtime, reading doesn't have the same enjoyment, my house is insanely clean.

How do you deal with the bad days? What do you do to occupy your mind?

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