100rxr Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Was dating this woman last year, we spent 2 months getting close/flirting then sex happened and we became official in October. Within the 1st month of dating we she was very much wanting to plan a future, talk of engagement, possible moving in together down the road. I was open to that as long as we had a solid relationship going. She was a bit needy and insecure along with trust issues. About a month and half into the relationship out of the blue she drops me a text saying she wasn't happy and wanted to no longer date. A day goes by and she calls and tells me she misses me and wants to get back together, we do. Things go good up until Xmas, however I can tell she is pulling away, a few weeks after she tells me one week that wants space and barely contacts at all. I give her a call after a few days to see whats going on and where we are, she tells me she no longer wants to date, not ready to be in relationship, still hasn't healed from the pain her ex caused her and can't get emotionally close to me. She says she wants to remain friends and maybe if I wanted to date her again down the road we could but some things would have to change. It's been 4 months and since the breakup she has initiated short basic contact and every 1-2 weeks to see how I'm doing and how things are. She recently mentioned getting together soon to go out. I am missing her a lot and would like to get back together, however I am not getting those same feelings/signs from her. Not sure if I should pursue her to see if things have changed or am I wasting my time..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Why don't you ask her if things have changed? Ask her if she is ready for a relationship and if those "things that would have to change" have changed. If you don't feel that she's keen then just tell her on and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 100rxr Posted June 14, 2016 Author Share Posted June 14, 2016 Definitely something I have been thinking about discussing with her over the last few weeks. My plan was to wait till we actually went out and bring it up then, rethinking now that could be anytime or not at all. I hate asking these types of things over the phone or through text, no ability to see reaction and/or interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Its difficult to know where you stand with someone who is so ambivalent. Things could look fine, and then you get told out of the blue, that she doesn't want to continue. Then she tells you that she does........... and so on. There's no badness behind it, she's just flaky. Only you know if you have enough patience to tolerate it. Definitely have that talk. Then decide what you want to do. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 100rxr Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 I have decided to move on with my life, mainly to find someone who wants to spend time together instead of being flaky/wishy-washy about it. She mentioned weeks ago about getting together, I reached back and said let me know, since then no definite plans have been made. I should have a talk with her but in my heart I don't think things will work and my gut is telling me to leave it alone as far as trying to rekindle a relationship she ended. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Good call. Because you know her better than us and if you get the feeling that she's not even interested in dating you again, then you are wasting your time. There are plenty of girls that are looking for a guy that is ready to settle down to an exclusive relationship. They're out there waiting for you to get out there and find them! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I have decided to move on with my life, mainly to find someone who wants to spend time together instead of being flaky/wishy-washy about it. She mentioned weeks ago about getting together, I reached back and said let me know, since then no definite plans have been made. I should have a talk with her but in my heart I don't think things will work and my gut is telling me to leave it alone as far as trying to rekindle a relationship she ended. Just go NC then. You don't owe her anything but basic civility. Tell her you want to move on, and leave it at that. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tomatome Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I have decided to move on with my life, mainly to find someone who wants to spend time together instead of being flaky/wishy-washy about it. She mentioned weeks ago about getting together, I reached back and said let me know, since then no definite plans have been made. I should have a talk with her but in my heart I don't think things will work and my gut is telling me to leave it alone as far as trying to rekindle a relationship she ended. Your gut is right; listen to your gut, that voice exists for a reason. I wish I would listen to mine more often! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sorano Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Good call. I learned my lesson as well. When people act like that, bounce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I think we're all in agreement on this one 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Audacious Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 not ready for a relationship is a lie , that is my opinion because even if people were in a bad place they won't waste the chance of being with someone that they like and care much about it goes under the same category as"I need some space "and ' I am busy" I call them BS excuses . she is keeping you on a string and you deserve someone better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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