On a break.

[Alwaysstriving16]

Hi Everyone,

 

 

Apologies if this is a long post... guess I have to be thorough though in my explanation

 

 

Right so my girlfriend of over 4 years recently (2-3months ago) told me she doesn't think she loves me anymore, shes not sure what she wants.

 

 

It all stems from a few issues that happened in the past that were my fault, but took full responsibility for them (not cheating).

 

 

So anyway a few months have passed and Ive been just getting on with life to the best I can, its difficult because were still living together as we have 2 small children and don't want to confuse them for no reason at the moment.

 

 

We don't fight or argue at all, were very civil and watch TV together etc.

 

 

Obviously there has been no sex except once at the start of the break. She has depression which is not helping this obviously, shes seeing the doctor in a couple weeks to start medication that should help her (hopefully).

 

 

I love her with all my heart and always have, she always felt the same and even now she says "I cant imagine life without you, but I just don't know what I want".

 

 

A large portion of this is definitely depression as I can see her mood at time is very cold, shes numb and sometimes short with the kids, luckily I try to make up for it when I can with both of them to keep them happy, they seem fine

 

 

Right to the chase, I found out recently shes talking to a guy, technically not a problem as we are NOT together currently but I am finding it hard to deal with the fact she may end up sleeping with him, or may not?

 

 

At the moment she has no sex drive or any intentions with him in regards to moving on but who knows what could happen. Ive thought to myself "perhaps ill try to find someone too but every time I start talking to someone I feel immense guilt because I only want her, the problem is that I keep imagining scenarios of them together and it hurts.

 

 

Now I'm not blaming her because she's feeling numb about everything and really is confused at what she wants.

 

 

What should I do? I cant leave the house (like a break) due to her working hours and also the kids.. I need to watch them... Do I just let her carry on and wait to see what happens? Or do I try and find someone too?

 

 

That's where I'm really struggling ^^^^

 

 

We have both said in October we will re-assess the situation and see whats going to happen next, part of me (70%) says she will see the light and come back to me and we can be happy as a family again. Obviously if it all falls apart I think ill find it easier to move on as I know 100% its done.

 

 

My mind is all over the place and I have good and bad days, just don't know what to do anymore.

 

 

Thanks for reading, just ask if you need any extra info

[DrByte]

Move as quickly as you can... Toxic and troubling. Do it in civil way so both of you can enjoy the kids. RUN, you will find another one to love.

[Alwaysstriving16]

Cant edit the above post so just highlighting some amendments I wasn't 100% clear about.

 

We decided to essentially 'not be together' so we CAN both see other people if we want, this is so we can see if we still feel the same about each other a bit later down the line.

 

So anyway a few months have passed and Ive been just getting on with life to the best I can, its difficult because were still living together as we have 2 small children and we don't want me to leave home so not to confuse them, as we are trying to work things out... If we decide to break up PERMANENTLEY then I will move out and life will just change to suit that.

 

 

We don't fight or argue at all and are very civil to each other, we don't hate each other either.

 

 

I love her with all my heart and always have, she has always felt the same and even now she says "I cant imagine life without you, but I just don't know what I want, your my best friend and I can only ever see me marrying you".

[Alwaysstriving16]

Bump. Please.

[d0nnivain]

"A break" is a precursor to a break up. Your GF is saying all the classic things that somebody who doesn't have the fortitude to outright break up with somebody says: I don't how I feel; I want to date other people (& she's talking to another guy); I'm depressed; It's me not you.

 

 

She's already with him. You are her back up plan her second choice if things don't work out. She's using this time apart to assure herself that she doesn't need you.

 

 

Preserve your dignity. Just end it.

[PegNosePete]

Yeah, what Donnie said. She is emotionally disconnected from you. You're broken up but living in the same house.

 

The best thing you can do is to say why are we bothering with this charade, let's just separate properly and move on with our lives.

 

A 4 year relationship, 2-3 months after breaking up, she's already talking to another guy huh. From some other things you mention I'd wager that actually started before your "break" and has probably progressed much further than you think. But really this is a moot point. It seems she's done with your relationship anyway, so there's not much point following up this line of inquiry.

[kztar]

"A break" is a precursor to a break up. Your GF is saying all the classic things that somebody who doesn't have the fortitude to outright break up with somebody says: I don't how I feel; I want to date other people (& she's talking to another guy); I'm depressed; It's me not you.

 

 

She's already with him. You are her back up plan her second choice if things don't work out. She's using this time apart to assure herself that she doesn't need you.

 

 

Preserve your dignity. Just end it.

 

YES... END THIS NOWWWWW. MOVE OUT ASAP. She already know how she feels, but she doesn't want to "hurt" you. What she doesn't realize is that by her telling you she is confused this is way worse than if she tells you the deal right of the bat. Don't get strung along. She is already with this new guy guaranteed.

 

My ex said the same to me. We "tried" to work it out but it didn't work. He just strung me along for another 4 Months because he didn't want to "hurt" me.

[Holmes85]

Alwaysstriving16,

 

Allow me to fill in the blanks for you.

 

Right so my girlfriend of over 4 years recently (2-3months ago) told me she doesn't think she loves me anymore, shes not sure what she wants.

 

She has been flirting on your back and has a potential romantic relationship that she wishes to pursue after dumping you, she just needs to secure herself with him first before giving you the permanent boot.

 

 

It all stems from a few issues that happened in the past that were my fault, but took full responsibility for them (not cheating).

 

Trust me it isn't your fault. You are just trying to justify it to yourself that it could be because of this and that, which could have lead to the current state, trust me when I say it, it isn't.

 

 

Obviously there has been no sex except once at the start of the break. She has depression which is not helping this obviously, shes seeing the doctor in a couple weeks to start medication that should help her (hopefully).

 

I also take it that she also had depression when you got into the relationship with her, all of a sudden it's a major issue now.

 

I love her with all my heart and always have, she always felt the same and even now she says "I cant imagine life without you, but I just don't know what I want"

.

 

With the actions she is about to take in the future, rest assure these words are going to mean nothing to her and she will prove it to you if you stick around with her longer than you should have.

 

A large portion of this is definitely depression as I can see her mood at time is very cold, shes numb

 

She is being hot & cold with you, because someone is being hot & cold with her, she is also acting like this, because she's not sure how to break up with you, hence the frustration.

 

 

Right to the chase, I found out recently shes talking to a guy

 

This is the source of all your problems, that guy she's talking to, but don't hate the guy, your girl is very willingly pursuing this guy on your back, which you just came to find out.

 

 

At the moment she has no sex drive or any intentions with him in regards to moving on but who knows what could happen.

 

Her relationship with him has reached a climax point, where she can't withhold her sexual urges for him any longer, make no mistake that "no sex drive" thing is gonna return tenfold when she hooks up with him and all of a sudden her depression is gonna say goodbye and her sex drive is gonna me off charts. Just don't stick around to find that out.

 

 

Now I'm not blaming her because she's feeling numb about everything and really is confused at what she wants.

 

 

What should I do? I cant leave the house (like a break) due to her working hours and also the kids.. I need to watch them... Do I just let her carry on and wait to see what happens? Or do I try and find someone too?

 

Dude, listen to me, in this whole post that you have written, the only person trying to save the relationship is you, ALL the effort is coming from you and all the EXCUSES are coming from her. If you allow her, she's gonna play you so bad that you are gonna be a emotional wreck.

 

I want you to boot this girl out of your life, delete her from everywhere, don't respond to her breadcrumbs, go dark on her, I know you want her bad, but trust me you need to spend time alone to get your head together and see the situation with the fog lifted from your head, you need to switch your emotions off on this girl and start thinking logically, you would see what she has done to you or would continue to if you allow her to do it.

 

After enough time has spend, you wouldn't want this train wreck back, this girl has no shame, she has kids and she's flirting with another dude, behind your back, she's gonna traumatise herself and in the kids in the long run and in the future her kids are gonna see it for what she is.

 

As for you, by the time this happens you would care less about her and your thoughts would be someone who deserves to be with you, instead of this flavour of the month girl, who has no clue what she wants in life and runs from one relationship to the next, she goes where her feelings take her, she doesn't run on head & heart, she just runs on feelings, which are like the wind, which come & go. It's time to take out the trash and treat yourself with respect and find someone who respects you and never take this kind of a person back in your life, let her learn the hard way, which is that NEVER gets to be with you again, it's a lesson well learned (for her of course), next time she'll think twice before pulling that stunt or would continue doing the same shenanigans.

 

Either way, the end result is the same, it's her loss.