This G.G.S. , Or What ? - [update]

[wellimhere]

k - so brief background on the situation .

In a relationship for the past 2 yrs. with the woman i Love .been having normal relationship issues / discussions on matters .a compromise would have solved it .[ an example here ] Sat i call her around 1 pm say theirs that band you like playing in the neighborhood .like to go tonight ? . her reply k sounds fun . gets later 6,7,8 pm i'm calling [ no answer ,leave voice mail , no reply . ]

NOW sometimes she'd just show up at my place 10 - 11 pm etc . BUT sometimes she wont , and go right home .I know , or knew for sure their was no other guy in the picture . she was out shopping with friends .SO i say i don't mind you hang out and shop with your friends BUT let's communicate and compromise .shop until 3,4,5 pm THEN come to my place that'll give us plenty of time to plan something .her reply i'll try .[ that's happened quite a bit .]

 

CURRENTLY i've seen her sporadically and when i have she's been cold-ish , stand off ish .i'm concerned and ask what's wrong ? i get told oh it's just work .this goes on a week or so .i show my concerns again ask what's wrong , anything i can do ? get told no .we talk she says you know i'm frustrated with how things between us are now , you're acting controlling telling me when and who i can shop with [ or whatever ] i say i don't care who you shop with , BUT being you can only do it on weekends due to working during the week it's the only time you and i can hang out do something.i'm just looking / asking for a compromise here and communication .

 

LAST 3 weeks she barely calls me , i call she always needs to cut it short .

k we live close by each other THEIR is another guy that has been confirmed 1000% A- i saw with my own eyes [ which killed me ]by accident [ went to store saw her leave store with guy get in his car i didn't approach ,make myself known ] .B- one night after she left her i got a '' butt dial '' heard without a doubt her and a guy talking / laughing [ in his house] she hasn't been home at night for a while .

 

SHE stopped by my place 2 times both times i said hun is their someone else you're interested in , someone else you want to be with ? i get told [ to my face her looking in my eyes ] no .i didn't let on what i knew then .

 

I have gotten the '' we're friends'' speech , '' maybe i just need to be on my own '' ,and all the other speeches [ last maybe 3 weeks ] .

 

SO last time she was here [ 3 days ago ] we talked a bit [ she was in a hurry ] i said i know about the other guy , i saw when at the store , i know you haven't been home at night .anything you want to tell me ? i get told no nothing i want to tell you , you don't know everything [ well i know enough and know what i saw ] .NOW she's left a necklace here which she loves [ she was afraid she'd loose it or whatever ] I put the necklace in her hand i said take this with you for 2 weeks then you ring my bell you come in and tell me what you want to do is that fair ? crying she said yes it's fair .

 

NEXT week the 2 weeks is up .i'm afraid i already know the answer i'm going to get .she tried going n c on me a week or so ago BUT i didn't go for that i figured theirs an issue we deal with it , i didn't want to wait for her , talk when she wanted to [ this involves me and my life ] BUT now haven't contacted her since she was here last .she hasn't contacted me [ i didn't think she would ] every time we speak good or badly i always tell her i Love You we have some normal issues we can work out [ i get no reaction ]

[PegNosePete]

Not sure why you felt the need to create another username to tell your story again? Or why you didn't respond to the answers given in your last thread?

 

The relationship is dead as a dodo. You have to wake up and smell the coffee. It's over.

[wellimhere]

well i didn't remember my log in info here. sure the relationship may very well be dead - like i said i know the answer i'm most likely going to receive . just been reading a lot here about g.i.g.s. and thought maybe that's what my situation was .

she comes here tells me it's done , over, fineto that's o.k. i'm not going to sit around moping , or grieving what's the point she made her choice she'd be dead to me

[PegNosePete]

What difference does it make whether it's GIGS or PTSD or NASA or RPSCA?

 

It's over... you need to move on.

[wellimhere]

k well whatever

[wellimhere]

hey - so i'm a dumpee was blindsided by the dumper [ she still hasn't , or doesn't have the decency or respect to just say we're done to me ] .right now she's just talking in circles to me about our relationship .YES she is spending time with another guy [ i've told her i knew , told her i seen but no matter to her i get told '' you don't know everything'' ] true i don't but enlighten me .

Anyways we've been N.C. initiated by her for a bit now .before she attempted the N.C. towards me [ out of the blue] BUT i'd call .i called because i wanted answers [ not in a demanding way ] .just wanted to know why she was acting cold-ish to me , distant .cause i figured if she would have told me then theirs something we can work on [ bring it to my attention , i'm not a mind reader ].

SO this evening i called her [ actually figured she'll see my name ,number and wouldn't answer and i was o.k. with that [ would have left a brief message ] .i called her because last time she was here at my place she was playing with my dog and noticed he had a strange cut on his ear .he may have rubbed up against something ,scratched it to hard whatever .we agreed i'd take him to the vet to have it checked AND i thanked her for pointing t out to me .so i called her she answered k i just said '' hey just was calling to say took the dog to the vet , just got back everything's good '' she said she was concerned and was going to call to ask at some point [ which i really doubt she would have ]we talked maybe 5 min just about everyday stuff -no relationship things or anything personal .left off well you want to check up on the boy don't hesitate .she said o.k. thanks .

 

I know the whole N.C. concept is for me [ the dumpee ] i get it it will help heal the wounds , misery , heartache .no matter who initiates it .obviously from reading posts here it works it's proven i admit it .MAYBE it's me .maybe i'm the exception here . see i'm a guy ,a guy that likes things done now [ i'm sure theirs plenty others on here also ] i'm not saying hey if your ex wants to play school yard games with you haunt her .cause to me N.C. between 2 adults does seem childish .if 2 adults are in a serious , exclusive relationship then have respect and decency to talk face to face [ good or bad ].i'm not going to be talking to my ex as a '' friend ''over a phone ,in person,social media etc .ACTUALLY i don't even think she'll call me , i wont call her BUT we're supposed to meet up in about 10 days and talk [ she's going to be honest with me on things ] hey it can end , it probably will , it probably already has .the hints[ or red flags ] are all their . i know continuing to break N.C. will only push her further away , and pro long my heal time .i wont be contacting her again BUT if she does call to check on the guy i'm o.k. with that -i guess for me it's because she associates me with him and maybe [ or i'm hoping ] that is something we're both passionate about [ animals ] it's a chance for us to talk like we used to before issues arose in the relationship .will that bring us closer or to reconcile prob not . she could show up here anytime and just say listen we're done ,over etc BUT with me as long as it's a definite answer i'm good

and i would go full blown N.C. ....

just felt like sharing that , or venting

[LD1990]

It sounds like you're finding reasons to justify staying in touch with your ex. Unnecessary updates on your dog (if she cared, she would've called, you knew she wouldn't so why bother getting in touch with her for that?), a meeting in 10 days so she can be honest with you (honesty from a dumper, good luck with that).

 

Do you really need her to spell this out for you? She doesn't hang out with you, she's seeing another guy, it's pretty obvious this relationship is over. This really isn't about respect or decency, this is you hoping she'll reconcile with you.

[wellimhere]

well about calling her [ with my dogs issue ] i just did because when she noticed she was concerned , would she have called me to ask hmm prob not BUT she would have asked someone else we know .

us reconciling not it .when i see her will she be honest with me being she's the dumper - i'm guessing no 100% come clean on everything . BUT at least i'll get to let her know about what i know for sure . see she's playing a game wanting to keep me in the '' friendzone'' which she knows i wont do BUT i feel she's trying to push with me for that .to make herself feel better or whatever reason . she can be totally honest [ i'd like that ]at least i'd get truth , not her just trying to do a disappearing act . i want her to be an adult face this .

she say's we're done [ which is obvious ] that'll be my healing , do't drop me hints etc just come out and say it

[wellimhere]

hey just a question i've been kind of curious about . do dumpers think of the person they dumped ?

i guess they would in a way depending on the situation and everyone's is different .

BUT in a case where the female is starting something new with another guy [ and probably had it started while she was in the relationship ] . do they think about the dumpee ,

[sooshi]

If someone has every truly cared for you, I believe that they will think of you because you will be a part of them.

[privategal]

Yes. I think they absolutely think of you for sure. Its hard for all parties to forget the other regardless of the circumstances.

[juniorrocha]

Yep, I do believe so. That doesn't means they want to get back together though. Even though sometimes a break up is what a relationship needs to get back on track, most of times break ups lead to at least one of the parts realizing they're better alone.

[Darkeyy]

I'm sure there will be moments when the dumper will think of you.. especially if you were in a LTR and had a decent relationship throughout the years you were together.

 

She will think of you but not as much if she started a new relationship (after or while you were together) then their focus is going to the new person. She will probably compare now and then but you will never know.

And even if they think about you, it won't be like you want it. It does not matter anymore.

 

Do you think it will help you in any way if you know she is thinking about you?

No.

[keiji]

Of course they do. I know I've thought of my ex's when I've been the dumper. My latest ex even confessed to being really unhappy without me and that everything reminded her of me and she ached. Did she try to have me back? No.

[wellimhere]

man i'll tell you after your dumped like trash the weekends are the hardest ,and this being a 3 day weekend just digs even more .see my girl of 2.5 years just one day decided to stop calling me , stop coming over [ just wanted to disappear ] though we were in a loving exclusive relationship . YES theirs another guy [ has been for a bit ] i found out , even seen

 

BUT we were still meeting up talking trying to figure out how we can solve the issues we were going through [ which were not extremely difficult honest communication would have solved them ].but if the other half is a bit busy doing her thing issues don't get solved alone by the other .

 

it hurts being lied to , to your face [ with tears ] from the woman you love unconditionally [ after i knew about the other guy when we met up i straight out asked ''is their someone else your interested in , someone else you'd rather be with ? "" . and get told ''no'' ]that happened early last week .[ i haven't seen her we spoke briefly by phone . so we confirmed our plans for this 3 day weekend just bbq and hanging out .obviously not going to happen [ least not involving me ].

 

the nights are killer when everything's quiet and your thoughts basically haunt you , your body feels broken to pieces .friends call say '' hey what's going on , wanna go somewhere'' but you say '' nah just gonna stay in '' because you don't have the energy or desire to do something .so the nights feel longer .

 

IN about 2-weeks me and her are supposed to meet up.we agreed she'd stop by bring something special i had given her and either say ''we'll work on our issues together'' , or '' it's been fun nice knowing ya '' k i'm leaning towards the later happening . ALL i wanted was honesty and for her to be an adult as i would have been with her .just sit down say something like '' hey i love you , i care about you ,we have great times together made awesome memories BUT these issues i don't see being solved and i just can't deal with them so i think it's best we part ''.just show some respect , integrity,decency then the pains might be lessened .

 

now we have been in strict n.c since the last time she was her , until the 2-weeks is up [ she said she need time to process things and not make a hasty judgement , i said that's fine so would 2-weeks be good ? she said yes that's fair ] she said that as she started to cry .k i'm not Einstein , or a relationship expert of any kind BUT if you're out nightly with a new guy [ who is way more than just a friend ] you're not thinking anything with , or about me or us .

 

these 2-weeks getting done is feeling more like months .and i have to keep my composure when i see her stay calm cool collected even though i feel like tearing her head off .we both said in the beginning we didn't like liers, and cheaters .those are the worst things you could do to your partner that hurts the very worst .

 

YET here she is doing it to me , and living her life happy go lucky like she doesn't have a care in the world ,as i deal with constant pain -doesn't seem fair , no one ever said life or these situations would be fair, that doesn't lessen the hurt

Edited May 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragrpahs, punctuation.. in the future please use it

[LostOnes05]

I wouldn't contact her ever again...and I know from being cheated on in a 4-5 yr relationship that it hurts. But it's necessary. Why work on anything with her? She isn't trustworthy and you'll never really trust her again. Anytime she is 15-20 minutes late, you'll wonder what she was up to..who she was with. That's not healthy and will make you look like the bad guy to everyone else. And you know what she'll say??...He was so controlling, He never wanted me to go out, I had to get away, He kept tabs on me everywhere I went.

 

Personally, I close the door and put triple locks on it when it involves a cheater. They will do everything under the sun to make themselves look good and you bad. They will justify their actions and have you confused as to why you even tried to work things out when you return to your senses.

 

Let this chapter close on your terms, work towards your goals, and give her silence. You'll be glad you did.

[wellimhere]

man i got myself into some situation that i'm totally not doing good with .

how to you cope knowing the girl you were in a loving exclusive relationship just up and tried to disappear from you one day after a 2.5 yr relationship ,never had the '' it's not working out talk '' or anything , and you find out you've been lied to your face , and cheated on .now last time we met we spoke a bit , i said '' hey i understand you need to process what we spoke about and that's cool ,how about we meet up in 2-weeks and see what we'll do [ either work on our little issues , or walk away ] being she's already got another guy i'm pretty sure it'll be we walk away .i don't see how she can process our stuff when she's out constantly with him going around like she doesn't have a care in the world . it just eats me up inside ,we're in strict n.c. until the 2-weeks are up , then i already know i'll need to be the one to call and say '' hey what night works for you to meet up ? '' and i know pretty much for sure she'll give me a time / evening .

[juniorrocha]

Exactly what LostOnes05 said. Close the door, lock it, throw away the keys and run away. It looks like as soon as you start not giving her any attention, she will come back crawling. And even when she's doing that, you should stay NC to show her that you're moving on. I'm sure you can do it!

[wellimhere]

very true i agree 100% on the comments ..i went dark on her [ she went dark on me in the beginning of the end ].i'm supposed to meet up with her in 2-weeks .just to get back an item and get a decision from her on what were doing [ but i already know the outcome ]far as ''friends'' [ she has said '' oh were friends'' NO and i told her before '' we'll never be friends after what's happened''.just rally blows it's kind of a small town we live in ,we can walk to each others place if we wanted to , eventually we're going to run into each other [ hell i'll probably see her with the new guy ] and i'd have to avoid her like the plague [ the woman i loved ]

[wellimhere]

MY story - dating a woman [ soulmate,love of my life ] for 2 plus years . good relationship mostly .couple of months ago some minor issues came up that we could have easily worked out with communication , and compromise [ but guess she didn't love me back enough to do that ] .

 

K one day she just decides to cut me off , go dark on me [ out of the blue ]. their were red flags [ her not calling , or being home ]i asked about those i got lame answers '' oh i was working late went home right to bed'' , '' oh i stayed at a friends place'' .k- their is another guy [ yes i found out and saw ] it crushed me .last few times we spoke she was acting distant /cod-ish towards me [ more red flags i believe ] I came right out and asked [ after i asked what's wrong] i said '' is their someone else , or someone you want to be with just tell me ?'' i got '' no theirs no one else'' .

 

WHY can't the person just come right out and say something ? '' hey we're not working out best we part ways '' anything . AND why give false hopes ?

instead of being an adult they'd rather try to run and hide .

 

i'm supposed to meet up with this woman about something next week .basically she's '' thinking '' [ i don't know how you think when you're constantly with your new guy'' .i already know her decision [ it's mr new guy ] i've already had my heart broken when i saw what i saw , i already started grieving ,we're in N.C. until we meet up. YET even knowing what i'm going to hear i'm still hurt and probably re open wounds after we meet

i have been waiting for my bell to ring [ or hopping it would ] and it be her saying '' sorry i messed up '' been waiting for a call [ bu that's not coming ]i think that's just my ego their .their really is no preparation you can do in your mind for what you know is coming , you know it's gonna hurt ,know you'll be up nights etc .i tell myself '' screw her or f her etc. it doesn't do much my emotions and feelings are involved .

[wellimhere]

MAN i HATE what;s happening with me [ i'm sure others go through , or have gone through this ] and it's probably normal ?

 

Dated who i thought was my ''soul-mate'' for 2.5 years .nothing majorly bad happened , just some [ what i thought ] were minor , normal issues honest communication would have solved the issues .

we both loved each other and said so a-lot through our time together.UNTIL a few weeks ago everything did a 360 .she acted distant and cold-ish towards me said nothings wrong it was just her job and family things etc .

 

turns out she disrespected m by starting a relationship with another guy , and trying her best to hide it from me, BUT i had feelings she wasn't being faithful[ even approached her about it and got told theirs no one else] THEN my suspicions were confirmed i saw them out together. i felt horrible,betrayed,lied to and other bad emotions all at once .

 

SHE went N.C. on me did a disappearing act on me not calling,taking my calls,returning messages, plans we've made together not happening etc .

 

she is on a vacation with the new guy , and another couple[ no one told me i found out on my own ] . we're supposed to meet up this week to talk,she still thinks i'm clueless about everything-thinks she got one over on me .I know when we meet up it's not going to go good for me at all . we never had the '' were over discussion'' BUT it's so black and white obvious .

 

what i HATE is this i think about her constantly during the day no matter what i'm doing , i'm out and about i'm looking to see if she's around.nights are the WORST i go to bed thinking of her ,wake in the middle of the night she's on my mind,first thing in the morning her memory is in my head . i shake and get over come with emotions ,i ask why ? but can't figure it out [ i'll never get he answer to why ] going on 3-weeks here and it still feels so fresh and supposed to see her in 3-4 days hear the lies to my face. theirs no preparing for the meet .

 

i'm working hard lately on moving when my lease is up come Nov [ i know being here and living so close to her at the holiday time will kill me inside ]

i'm looking forward to leaving and not looking in my rear view mirror as i go and have the fresh start [ it'll be a new state where i don't know anyone]

her memory will always haunt me though , the no answers and no closure will haunt me [ even if i got answers and closure which i know i wont wouldn't even make sense or a difference to me .

 

AFTER all that was said and done to me [ the lieing to my face,the other guy,the mistrust,disrespect etc ] inside i still have feelings for her , still feel like i love her [ or the way it was , what we had when it was good ]i still never spoke of her unkindly to others ,or cursed her [ just to myself in my head ] she's the one i met that's irreplaceable [ i could never look or try to compare anyone to her ]i know thank god we weren't married or had kids, lived together etc . BUT SHE'S THE ONE I WOULD HAVE PROPOSED TO TO BE WITH FOREVER . that's why this one hurts so much - hoping time heals these wounds - i believe it will for some but not all .

[privategal]

I really feel for you.

I can see you are really hurting.

Im wishing I could sit down with you and convince you no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts, to just not ever speak to her again.

I know you cant or wont follow this advice so I wont try to drive it into your head.

I will just say Im very truly sorry for the pain you were caused.

You are such a nice person, I can tell.

I know you just want her to snap out of it and remember the good times and come back, but it isnt that simple and it hurts alot that you cant get through to her and make her see what you see.

Its hard to understand, its exhausting, the stress and pain are wearing you down and missing her is breaking your heart. I know.

And the best I can do is let you know your pain is understood.

I am praying for you.

[Giggles666]

You have to make the NC strict. Feelings are not rational, they're chemical and hormonal reactions. That being said having feelings for someone who is not good for you is normal but also toxic and will screw you up worse.

 

Doing NC is supposed to help these feelings subside so you can think more clearly and begin to heal.

 

Try this approach, if you do the NC you are in control, get control of your life back. Do not dwell, try your hardest to heal and move on. Take control of your own life.

 

You're in a tough spot, I feel for you. NC healing takes time and each time you do not follow no contact or dwell on why she did what she did you will only go in circles. Closure is a myth, and her thoughts and actions are not yours.

 

It's her not you, you will never understand.

[wellimhere]

it's been 2-weeks of strict no contact ,out of the blue i'm hanging out in my living room blinds open i notice a car driving by slow, i get up and notice it's my ex girl friend [ though no break up actually happened ya know no talk ] BUT she's been seeing some other guy .

 

NOW we are supposed to meet up this week and talk .BUT we never did make a definite date / time for that ..

JUST wondering if maybe she has a concience and wan't to be honest with me on everything ? maybe her and the new guy had a fight ? maybe just checking up see if i'm home ? lot of maybes.

i'm just going to stay in and see if anything happens .a knock at the door , a phone call, text etc

 

NOT getting my hopes up trying to stay cool here

[Stercrazy]

I wouldn't give her the time of day. She made her choice. You deserve better.