About too break the NC rule

[Lawislife]

So I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years unfortunately because she ended up cheating on me and destroying my heart I honestly still love her with all my heart and hate her at the same time I have not contacted her for 2+ weeks now and she hasn't contacted me either to apologies or ask how I'm doing I know I shouldn't even bother with someone like that but it's love...

 

What can I do to avoid calling her or any sort of communication? I push myself to think she's an unfaithful woman I get over her for a day then bang! My mind starts from scratch again thinking about all the cute trips, holidays fun I had with her and how much I honestly loved her.

 

I've deleted all our photos, conversations, letters, chucked away her gifts but I cannot throw away my love because it's in my heart I know you're probably thinking I'm a man with no pride but honestly I am, but it's something about her that I miss and I can't seem to get over it no matter how hard I try.

[TaraMaiden2]

It's only been a matter of days....

 

Find something to do, call someone, speak to a buddy, do anything but contact her.

 

If she cheated, she has no reserves for you and you are insufficiently significant to warrant respect from her.

She made it clear her life would be better without you, because she cheated.

She disregarded your feelings in preference for hers, and didn't care about the consequences, because you didn't matter enough.

 

Harsh, but true.

 

No go do something.

[SixxChick]

Three words: Don't do it.

 

Two letters: NC

[Lawislife]

If only it was that easy was I've recently signed up for a gym to get rid of my stress been doing volunteery work donating blood I'm still thinking about her not sure what else to do but thanks I will take your advice to consideration

[TaraMaiden2]

Like I said - it's only been 2 weeks. A broken leg takes longer to heal, not sure why you think or believe that you should have got over her already.

It's going to take you at least 8 months.

Gradually, these feelings will evolve, change, dissipate, blow up, cool down, go through changing processes, and eventually fade.

 

But it's around 8 months or so, for you, based on the apparent theory that it takes a third of the time you were together, to move on completely....

[Lawislife]

Thank you for your prompt reply and good examples I understand what you're trying to get at but like you said time heals everything so I will do as you said thank you!

[TaraMaiden2]

No, I never said time heals.

It does nothing of the kind.

 

I said it takes about 8 months (theoretically, according to your time spent together) during which you will heal.

But Time doesn't heal.

Time does diddly-squat, but pass.

 

YOU heal.

And the speed and degree to which you will heal, is not down to time.

It's down to you.

 

If you actively, consciously release this and let go of the pain, you will move on far more quickly than you would if you were to cling to every painful vestige of the relationship.

Under that threat, it could take even longer.

 

So ultimately, it's up to you.

 

Choose.

[keiji]

It's completely normal that you still have feelings for her. The fact that she's wronged you doesn't automatically erase them, but you need to show self-respect. You say she didn't even reach out to apologize, and that's probably your ego hurting as well. Do you walk away from that relationship with a clear conscience? Then it's only her who has a problem and she's carrying it with her. I know you'd feel better getting an apology, but at the end of the day, what would you do with it? That won't change anything. As everybody advised, go NC. If she wants to get in touch with you, she'll find a way to do it, believe me. And if she does, never forget she's a cheater.

[Sunnymae]

I know from personal experience what you are going through. You're hurt and angry but, after two weeks., the feeling of hurt and anger are overshadowed by good memories. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that when you are cheated on or dumped the cheaters or dumpee is not thinking about you. They are thinking about the person they are with. It's someone new, and they are excited, and frankly it's hard for me to fathom this how these type of people can go from loving you one day to throw it all away. I'm starting to thinks it's in the DNA, but until someone comes up with a way to test this, we are at there mercy. Stay strong don't contact her it will not make her come back to you, if anything it will drive her away even further. I know you have questions, and you wanna know, but please just concentrate on the NC instead of contacting her.

I broke the NC rule in two weeks, and trust me in two weeks your wife/girlfriend has just begun enjoying her freedom with the now new person and you are the last person on their mind. If you make contact, it'll only hurt you, and you would accomplish nothing, but to drive her further away. This early in your breakup, She'll still want him, not you. He is new, and exciting. But eventually the honeymoon stage or the newness or excitement will wear off, then she'll be faced with the consequences of her choices. She has lost your trust and it's very hard to regain that. Hopefully, the consequences of her selfish action will come tumbling down on her, and the one person that stood by her (You) will probably have found someone else. Yes, I speak from personal experience, one of my earlier boyfriend left me and after a year he found himself without this girl he left me for. I still had feelings for him but after the pain I had gone through, It was a no brainier. It never is easy, when these people pull this ****.

I'm going through this again with my current ex. Feel free to look up my thread Dumped and confused. You'll read about my humiliating experience making contact after two weeks. Best of luck to you.

[privategal]

If you have to reach out and prompt an apology then it wasnt sincere anyways.

I dont understand why you are even considering breaking NC?

This will show you that you have zero self respect. It will make you feel low and terrible about yourself.

Get it together and be strong.

Let her keep walking.

Be proud of yourself for the 2 weeks and keep going.

Value yourself and keep doing good things and you will start to feel less pain. At 4 to 5 weeks is when most break nc. Beware of that time too and keep your impulses and emotions in check. Just because you miss her doesnt mean she is right for you.

She betrayed you so shes a low morale character kind of girl.

You deserve better.

You might want to talk to an adult female in your circle of friends or family about this.

No one would advise you to ever speak to her again. I think your emotions are getting the best of you and you cant see clearly.

You cannot break NC.

[sooshi]

You can post on here what you want to say to her/what you wish you would hear from her instead.

 

It's okay to have her in your heart. She is a part of you.

 

Right now, it hurts a lot, and you really miss her. The breakup is still new, and everything is still fresh. You're doing great.

[Buddhist]

but I cannot throw away my love because it's in my heart I know you're probably thinking I'm a man with no pride but honestly I am, but it's something about her that I miss and I can't seem to get over it no matter how hard I try.

 

No-one can get over any relationship in a fortnight. No-one. Let alone one that also involved betrayal. You will go through all the stages of grief not necessarily in a set order, for many months to come. You will go through each stage several times. You will probably write 100 different letters to her each time, thats fine but don't post or send any of them. If you do, you will regret it the very next day.

 

The human brain cannot instantly give up a habit, she has been in your life for 2 years. The urge to talk will not instantly go away. Its annoying but it's just a habit. Don't confuse that with love or needing to have her in your life. That's not what that urge is about. It's habit.

 

Having her back in your life will only rub salt into an open wound. You will look at her and resent everything she has done. Having her back will solve nothing and won't save your from what you are feeling. You just need to feel it.

[Lawislife]

I would like to thank you all individually for your support and advices May god bless you all!

[Caster5]

What can I do to avoid calling her or any sort of communication? I push myself to think she's an unfaithful woman I get over her for a day then bang! My mind starts from scratch again thinking about all the cute trips, holidays fun I had with her and how much I honestly loved her.

 

Here's what could work for you, man. As it did for me for more times than I care to count (I don't mean just RS problems, but all tough life situations in general).

 

--> Start thinking on paper <--

 

1. Fetch a pad and a pen.

2. Create 2 lists, 'her positive traits' (that you liked) vs 'her negative sides' (that you prob'ly dislik ed).

3. Start recalling your RS, as clearly as possible, as detailed as possible.

4. Write.

5. Add more clear detail, analyze, keep growing these lists.

 

This will help you get your mind out of fog and clarify her image that you have right now in your brain.

 

You can do it 5-15 minutes per day, or 1-2 hours per day, or whatever time you'd like to dedicate to this mental exercise.

 

Try it. If you like it, I can share more simple-to-execute techniques with you.

 

Take care.

Edited May 26, 2016 by Caster5

[DrByte]

Move on....RUN

 

she will not stop

&

You will find love somewhere else.