layla_13 Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 After being in a relationship for 9 years my boyfriend ended things but only when I asked him if everything was OK as I had a feeling that something wasn't right when he returned from a weekend away and he had not been as loving for a while before,I don't believe he cheated as I feel I know him well enough to know that he would not do that. We have lived together for 7 years, like any couple we have had our ups and downs but nothing that I thought was serious enough to break up. We have both been guilty of taking each other for granted and have not been spending enough time together going on dates or any of the fun things we used to do. We were renting a small apartment and unable to save for a house because of this, we felt like we were not moving forward in our relationship but I thought it would all work out eventually. We had talked of marriage, I never pressured him into proposing but he would talk about it and I later found out he told his family the month before he broke up with me he was going to look for an engagement ring. He broke up with me so suddenly although he says I should have seen it coming as we hadn't been going anywhere for the last two years but the truth is I never for one minute thought we would ever break up and I wish now that I had spent more time in the present and not looking forward to a future that is now never going to happen. I am completely devastated and lost, I moved out that day and he wouldn't even look at me when I asked if he was sure. I never realised that would be the last time I would see him or have the chance to talk or say goodbye. I texted him the next day and asked if I could see him to talk but he said he doesn't think it's a good idea we see each other again. I don't understand how one minute we are watching to me moving out an hour after this bombshell was dropped. I feel like he has just thrown me and our relationship away and was so cold when I texted him like he didn't even know me. I can't believe the person who I thought I knew better that anyone and who was my best friend would treat me like this. I have no closure and feel tormented. I have not contacted him for for 5 weeks (broken up for 7) I hope that he will realise what he had given up and that we still have a relationship worth fighting for. Both our families are devastated also, all I can think about is when/if he meets someone else she will take my place and the future that we should have had. Will no contact give him time to think and give him a chance to miss me or has he moved on already after only weeks. I miss him so much x Link to post Share on other sites
Myforkintheroad Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 He walked away after 10 years without much of an explanation. That was a selfish thing for him to do and it's no wonder you feel so lost. He was struggling with his feelings regarding the relationship, and instead of communicating that with you he made it a personal problem and left you alone and reeling. He may have had his reasons for not communicating this with you, maybe he was ashamed, or didn't feel safe within the relationship to open up in that way. You may never know. In any case, he made an unfair choice and while this is so much easier said than done try to find a way to be thankful that he behaved so irresponsibly before you married him. I commend you for maintaining no contact for five weeks so far. I don't doubt that he is considering his actions and wondering if he made the right choice, despite his cold behavior. But I just can't recommend that you break no contact. If he comes to his senses or realizes he made a huge mistake in treating his best friend like an expendable, he'll let you know. But if he doesn't and he is moving on so quickly, then say goodbye and say a prayer for the next poor soul that will have to deal with the consequences of a broken man. I'm so sorry he did this to you. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 You've got to read the NC guide, seek council from a therapist or close friends and family. You've got to stay NC no matter what. You've got to get out of the denial phase. Its over. That hurts and stings but its true. In 5 weeks of nc...he knows he hurt you and you are confused. Why does he not reach out? Because he doesnt care, likely theres someone new in his life....doesnt matter the reasons. You are handling yourself with class and dignity. Keep going in NC. A breakup means its broken. Write, paint, exercise, take a road trip and go camping, swim, change jobs, maybe move away. Start to find your own company and like it. spend a day at the lake or beach alone and reflect all you want in life outside of him. Let the females in your family or circle of friends know you are hurting and need support. Write all your feelings then burn the page. Just dont write HIM. NC is for peace and healing. It is not easy and doesnt take away all the pain but it doesnt allow new pain. He has to live with his choice. Leave him be. Link to post Share on other sites
JFReyes Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 I understand your pain as my ex-girlfriend dumped me after 10 years together and I still don't fully understand the reasons. That was 3 years ago. A year after the b/u I met my current girlfriend and while I occasionally think about the ex, I'm very happy with my new love. Be strong, keep NC and have faith that things will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author layla_13 Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 Thank you for all of your advice, at the moment I am trying to fight the urge to contact him ? I have a feeling I could be waiting a lifetime for him to get in touch. It's like I never knew him at all and that makes me so sad and disillusioned with everything x Link to post Share on other sites
ydb_xo Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 wow ten years, that is a very long time. i feel you, my ex left me after seven years with the i love you but not in love with you...which confused me because it was like a switch. honestly hun, i know your pain. you are doing the right thing by keeping no contact. he will realize that he threw away a good thing, and if not then you deserve someone smarter than that. keep focusing on yourself now. i havent contacted mine for two months now, and what i do when i get a really bad urge, i text as if im texting him, but dont send it to him. i send it to one of my good friends...keep yourself busy. begging and pleading and trying to win him back will only push him away. just keep doing you. whatever the reason is, still has the same fact - he does not want to be in a relationship anymore. so wasting time wondering will not bring you both together, it will just make you stuck. you got this, be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
urmysong Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 I feel You cause my husband broke up with me too after almost 9 years of married plus 1 year of being girlfriend and boyfriend. He was my first boyfriend but sad to say he just ended it and threw away. It's been 3 months now but I can still feel the pain inside. All I do now is just focus my time with our 4 year old son. And dance zumba, sing, reading here oN LS, really helps me. He is 56 and I am 28. I have been told that I can still find someone better, someone younger but my question is, if the 56 year old man dumped me, how much more the younger man. I said to myself that I will never let myself fall in love again. And I really think I will never again. There are times that I just want to die but our son needs me. And my parents and sisters love me so much. Life must go on no matter what... Link to post Share on other sites
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