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My Ex Broke Up With Me & I Broke The No Contact Rule **Updated**


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Matthew1211

Hi, this is my first post here. I'm new to this whole community in general. Your input is highly appreciated as I don't know who to talk to. It's a long post so I can give you all the context.

 

My Ex and I met in college. She was getting her BA while I was getting my MFA. My program was only two years while she had three years left. We are the same age, she's a few months older. We met pretty early on in school and hit things off. She was my first love as I was never confident in high school or college. She knew she was my first and didn't care as she'd had two previous boyfriends. We were living in the same dorm building at the time. We hated our roommates so we did everything together. I was always in her room and shared her twin bed with her, she'd cook for us and we bought groceries together, etc. She also took my virginity.

 

We decided to get an apartment the following year so we didn't have to live with idiots. We loved living together and I was in all my glory starting a life with her. Her dog was there and we were independent. I got to come home to her everyday, it was heaven. We came from different backgrounds as her parents divorced slightly before school started. So her financial situation was upside down as her mom always struggled keeping jobs and her dad was no help. They wound up losing their house and moving into her brothers townhouse. I didn't mind as I loved her for who she was.

 

As school ended, this was my last year, a professor treated me so ****ty over my thesis it scarred me. Now I've ALWAYS been a great student. My partner tried to screw me over the week before graduation and I was scared I wouldn't graduate on time. Luckily I worked my ass off to get everything worked out and wound up graduating and getting my degree. Regardless of this I was emotionally scarred. I lost my confidence as I'd never been treated like this before in school. After graduation I moved back home and tried to find a job. My girlfriend and I were now long distance as she was from NC and I IL. I had no luck finding a job and it was making me feel awful. I was becoming depressed over that and school. Plus not knowing when I'd be with my girlfriend was giving me anxiety, which I never knew I had. My girlfriend and I got in a fight over the summer and she ignored me for days...I thrive on communication so it made things even worse. She came to IL to be a camp counselor and I picked her up from the airport and we settled everything. I bought her flowers, wrote an apology card, etc. If you can't tell I love this girl. Fast forward a few months, she goes back to school to finish up and she lives with two roommates to reduce rent. I wound up taking an internship back by school so I could live with her and get work experience. Everything was great again. Come December my internship ends, I find out my dad lost his job then find out my dog is ill. My girlfriend and roomies were gone for their winter break so I was alone in the apartment for a few weeks. My girlfriend came down for my birthday. The next day my parents urge me to move back home as there's no reason to be there anymore besides my girlfriend and that they're going to have to put my dog down. So I said ok and packed my stuff. My girlfriend and I were driving to her family's house when I get the call my dog had to be put down that day. I had to say goodbye over FaceTime, it was heartbreaking. Thankfully my girlfriend was with me. So now my emotions are even worse than before. I spend Xmas with her family then move home as now there's no rush.

 

When I get home I try to find a job and still have no luck to this day. My grandma had a near death experience and had to go to the hospital plus her dog was put down. So things keep getting worse and my new anxiety keeps getting worse. My girlfriend and I would Skype nearly everyday, but I was becoming super clingy as I relied on her to raise my spirits. A few months later I go visit her at school to try the Career Fair. Everything is great for the few days I'm with her. I then go back home. I'm still depressed as no luck comes from the fair. My girlfriend finishes school and moves back home. A few weeks later I see a post on FB a girl posted about her breaking up with her boyfriend as they will be graduating and not knowing the next step. It bothered me so I told my girlfriend and she breaks up with me. I break down crying and she tells me she's been meaning to do it. I beg and plead with her and she says no. After like an hour I finally say ok. The next morning she texts me to see how I am, which meant a lot. Then she says we can skype the next night. So we skype and she tells me she's not sure she wants to get married in general, she's scared of having a child one day and that we want different things (she wants her mom and brother to live with us and she won't move without them) and that she's having a quarter-life crisis as she was denied from her first job interview. She brought up things I said from the past, which bothered me, as I was really beginning to accept her wanting her mom with us. She said she wanted to take a break for a month and see where things go. I said ok.

 

So about two weeks into No Contact, I'm changing all my bad habits I had (I was spending money frivolously, putting on weight, eating horribly and just being lazy and depressed), she removes me as her boyfriend on FB and deletes nearly every photo of us on FB and Instagram. So I freak out and call her, but she doesn't answer. So I see she's on Facebook and message her crazily until she answers. I'm acting emotionally here as I'm scared. She tells me I'm making her uncomfortable and that I can't just call her like that during the NC. She then tells me she's not romantically into me anymore, the way I'm acting is making her resent me, she hasn't changed her feelings since we split, no matter how much I change it won't matter, that she's happy doing her own thing, that I'll make a girl very happy one day, that I deserve the love I give (I am very loving and she's not quite as affectionate but it's been enough for me), that I'm a great guy, she doesn't want to be with me anymore, and that she just wants to be my friend. I try to reason with her and ask if we can Skype but she says no so I say ok and apologize. She says it's ok and that we weren't meant to be. I told her I bought Mother's Day cards and gifts for her mom and grandma as I love her family and they love me. She told me I didn't have to do that but it would be fine if I sent them. We talk casually then the convo stops. So I left her alone for the next few weeks (now) and don't interact with anything she posts. Here I see she is happy and changing her lifestyle by becoming more active, losing weight and just becoming more attractive. This of course eats at me as I'm proud of her and love how good she is looking. I start stalking her Facebook and Instagram just to keep up with her. I sent the cards/gifts and get thanked by her grandma but not her mom, which is unlike her mom as I've bought gifts for them before in the past. Fast forward to Mother's Day today, my Ex likes a post I posted about my mom so I like a post she posts about her mom. This is the first contact we've made since she called it quits.

 

During these past few weeks I've cried a lot. But I've also really analyzed myself and my relationship. I've realized how toxic I became and have literally done everything I can to eliminate all the bad habits I had. I was extremely selfish and have been giving so much of myself. This was the first time I bought my mom a MD gift and she loved it and I cried as I was so proud of myself for changing. I also just started seeing a therapist to help me conquer this anxiety I never knew I had. But I've literally stopped doing all the bad things I can think of that put strain on our relationship. I miss my Ex everyday and have urges to talk to her but fight them. I started hanging with my friends and family again as I isolated myself during my relationship, which is why all the pressure fell on my Ex. I even started writing a blog, which is something I wanted to show her.

 

Do you think this blog post would be ok to send to her once our original 30-days of No Contact end in a week or two? LINK: http://wp.me/p7waUF-m

 

I love my Ex. She's my best friend. She told me I was the love of her life at one point. There are things she's done/said that have bothered me but I know I did the same to her. We are both loyal to each other. I know she's not seeing anyone right now and I'm not either, we are just improving ourselves. She's doing much better than I am as she seems to have moved on so fast. My friends and family are telling me to move on but I don't want to. Something deep down is telling me to hold on to her. I love her so much and I miss talking to her. I had an urge tonight out of the blue to talk to her like usual but I can't for obvious reasons.

 

What do you think? Do I have a chance? Do you think my blog post could win her back? Long distance is what's keeping us apart right now, but I want her back in my life. I'm just so scared of permanently losing her. She literally means the world to me and seeing how we are both in different frames of mind now makes me think we'd be happy together. We were together for almost 2.5 years, so how could that just be wiped away? My parents told me early in our relationship they didn't think she's the one but they've loved her because I love her and my family has too. My parents are mad she handled this the way she did and that her mom can't thank me for the generous gift I gave her.

 

I'm sorry for the super long post, I just don't know what to do. I've been reading relationship articles similar to my situations on Google. Stuff is eye opening and other stuff is frustrating as they want you to buy some book or something. Your help/input is highly appreciated.

 

Thank you!

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I'm sorry for the super long post, I just don't know what to do. I've been reading relationship articles similar to my situations on Google. Stuff is eye opening and other stuff is frustrating as they want you to buy some book or something. Your help/input is highly appreciated.

 

Firstly, I'm very sorry you're going through this. The first true heart break is often the most painful to deal with.

 

Secondly, I'm sorry.. but you need to let her go.

 

She's made it clear to you that she no longer has romantic feelings for you. It's great that you're working on solving your problems, but honestly, that's something you need to do for yourself, not to try and get your ex back.

 

You're both very young and it's likely the relationship has run it's course.

 

Grieve the relationship. Accept that it's coming to an end and allow yourself to feel sadness over that fact. Fighting to get her back won't work at this point. She hasn't made demands of you. She's flat out told you she's done.

 

Respect that, be grateful for the time you did share.. and let her go.

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Matthew1211
Firstly, I'm very sorry you're going through this. The first true heart break is often the most painful to deal with.

 

Secondly, I'm sorry.. but you need to let her go.

 

She's made it clear to you that she no longer has romantic feelings for you. It's great that you're working on solving your problems, but honestly, that's something you need to do for yourself, not to try and get your ex back.

 

You're both very young and it's likely the relationship has run it's course.

 

Grieve the relationship. Accept that it's coming to an end and allow yourself to feel sadness over that fact. Fighting to get her back won't work at this point. She hasn't made demands of you. She's flat out told you she's done.

 

Respect that, be grateful for the time you did share.. and let her go.

 

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it. It's just so hard for me to let her go as we have such a history with each other. I personally don't understand what the past two years meant to her since she erased everything and seems to have moved on so quickly. I'm extremely sad our relationship is over as I never ever thought I would lose her. I am improving myself as she really allowed me to open my eyes with the shock value of the situation, but I too wanted to change to help the relationship as well. I just don't get it. Why wouldn't someone fighting for you make you realize how much you mean to them? The fact she said I'm a great guy and that I'll make a girl proud one day baffles me as if you feel that way why wouldn't you want to benefit from the new me? It makes no sense. She knows I love her. It just breaks my heart as there's nothing I wouldn't do for this girl. She does still want to be friends, which is important to me as I don't like to burn bridges, especially with someone who means so much to me. It's just really hard to accept as I consider her one of my best friends. You don't think I could respark those feelings somehow? I guess I'm just in denial.

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lolablue17

She's deleted every mutual memory because it helps her to move on. She thinks about HER interests and you should do the same. Words people say about their feelings today ("You're the love of my life") can rapidly change tommorow. This is how life goes.

 

You might want to learn your own lessons, and keep it as an important life experience (Better than having no experience at all). Start moving forward in the healing process. It takes time... Good luck.

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She does still want to be friends, which is important to me as I don't like to burn bridges, especially with someone who means so much to me. It's just really hard to accept as I consider her one of my best friends. You don't think I could respark those feelings somehow? I guess I'm just in denial.

 

I'm speaking to you as someone who managed to screw up and lose a 6 year relationship. I know the pain of all that shared history, believe me.

 

Yet, it's not lost. This relationship has opened your eyes, made you sit up and understand that you need to address some things in your life. That in and of itself is HUGELY valuable.

 

Please, do not attempt to maintain a relationship with your ex while you feel this way. Attempting to be "friends" with her, while still being in love with her is only going to cause you pain. You need to give each other space. REAL space, in order to get over each other and move on with your lives.

 

As far as "resparking feelings" go, it's not something you can change directly through your actions. I say directly, because the best thing you can do at this point is back off, give her space and focus on getting yourself together.

 

If someone has "had it", believe me, the last thing they're interested in is you trying to win them back. No, you need to give yourselves space to heal, to grieve. At some point in the future, if you two are truly meant to be, you'll find each other again. It simply isn't something you can force.

 

It's normal to feel the way you're feeling. True grief feels that way. Don't expect to simply shake off the loss and go on like nothings happened. It'll be ok with time. Eventually you'll find acceptance and with it, peace.

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You really need to cut off all contact with her and her family. Unfriend or block her on social media, you're driving yourself crazy checking out all her status updates. And for the love of God don't show her that blog post.

 

She's not attracted to you anymore, and the most unattractive thing you can do is keep trying to get her back. Any attempt is going to make you look more and more pathetic in her eyes.

 

I'm sure this has been and still is very hard, but it's time to pull yourself together and see the reality of the situation here. She is your ex. She is not your friend, and guys that stay friends with exes in hopes of winning them back are pathetic. She has moved on with her life and in all likelihood doesn't care about how much she changed your life.

 

Build a better life for yourself. Get out there, socialize, start flirting with girls. It's fun. No more babying yourself, no more crying, no more woe is me attitude. Go full no contact, not this half-assed version, and start trying to have fun. You'll have to force it at first, but then you're going to actually start enjoying yourself.

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Matthew1211

Thanks for all the feedback, I really appreciate your input. It's just hard to lose someone you still care about so deeply. Because I'm such a loving person it's just hard for me to understand how someone can just let you go like that and not want to try again. I just don't get how you could erase two years of your life with someone in a snap. And I won't show her that blog post, but writing is helping me release some pain.

 

It just really frustrates me that she isn't willing to try again when we've always worked through our problems. I just love her so much and it breaks my heart.

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I really feel for you too.

 

But . . .please, please, try and face the fact that this one is over.

 

The best you can do right now for you is leave her totally alone. The last thing you will ever do by contacting her is make her 'come back'. Desperate, romantic gestures work in the movies but not in real life.

 

It's good that your learning from this - others on this thread have said that 'time spent improving yourself is never wasted' and they're right.

 

Grieve, let go and move on.

 

And feel free to vent here as much as you need.

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I'm just not one who can cut someone out of my life like that when they meant so much to me. Since her and I didn't end on bad terms it's hard for me to just let her go. I will always love her for all that she did for me. She touched my life in many ways and gave me a chance. I'm not sure how I'm really feeling as I have so many emotions going through me.

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Matthew1211
I really feel for you too.

 

But . . .please, please, try and face the fact that this one is over.

 

The best you can do right now for you is leave her totally alone. The last thing you will ever do by contacting her is make her 'come back'. Desperate, romantic gestures work in the movies but not in real life.

 

It's good that your learning from this - others on this thread have said that 'time spent improving yourself is never wasted' and they're right.

 

Grieve, let go and move on.

 

And feel free to vent here as much as you need.

 

Thank you. I definitely have been improving myself during this time. It's been a huge learning process for me. It's just really hard to let go of someone who touched your life in many ways. She had told me she still wonders about her first love even though they ended negatively. She said it's natural to hold on to them deep down. I just really miss my friendship with her. I loved her family so much and I loved her dog so much. He was like my second dog as he lived with us in our apartments and I'd spoil him. I just lost so much with this relationship. It just really hurts.

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I had removed all my photos of her and I in my house. I deleted her off my PS4 as she had an account there. I threw away all our anniversary, birthday and Valentine's cards she had given me. Those meant a lot to me as she said such wonderful things about me in them. She said I was perfect the way I was and that she didn't want anyone else but me. I just don't get how that changes over time as I never changed towards her romantically, I just lost myself in our relationship. I guess I was overly nice to her as I always just wanted her to be happy. But I did it all out of love as I felt that was the right thing to do.

 

It's just really hard to bounce back from this. I never thought it would happen. Deep down I think I knew she probably wasn't right for me as I'd question things and sometimes she'd say things like she just couldn't be emotional about something as she's scarred deep down from the past. It was hard to accept that she was somewhat dead inside about things, but I just accepted her for who she was. She told me when we split that I had to live with the choices I had made, which is true. I just have trouble understanding why she would call it quits 100% as she was so loving and caring, so I thought. She loved talking to me. It's like one day it just changed. I know I struggled and she was there for me majority of the time. I know nobody likes an insecure partner, but I was troubled.

 

I read an article recently about a woman whose partner just didn't love her unconditionally and when things got hard he was distant. And she struggled with that as she would always support him but he just couldn't really do the same. In a way I feel that's what I'm going through. I was at my lowest point and she bailed on me. It hurts. She went through a lot of hardship in our relationship and even though I may not have verbally always said things right, I still supported her and was always by her side. I didn't ditch her. So her telling me I deserve the love I'm willing to give I guess makes sense here. She just can't match my love. And I thought I was ok with the love she gave, I was with her for like 2.5 years for crying out loud, so I just don't know where this came from. In a way I feel like she just didn't love me as much as I thought she did. It just really hurts someone can let you go and not want to keep you in her life. Her family felt I was a blessing to her. I never abused her and I always treated her well, like I said I just lost myself, which made her unhappy.

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And she said all her relationships last around two years and then they end. She felt she was becoming like her dad who just kind of bounced around from woman to woman. He would date someone or marry them, like her mom, then suck them dry financially and move on. He just recently remarried and may end up doing the same to that woman. My Ex's mom was also married and divorced twice. My Ex's brother was in a relationship that he was in love with but the girl he was seeing moved overseas and he never stopped loving her. Now he's in a relationship with a girl that he seems happy with but my Ex said he's not happy with her.

 

I'm saying all this because it sounds like her family just has trouble with relationships. They have trouble committing to someone from what it sounds like. She doesn't have any great examples I guess to follow. My family has always been stable and financially ok while hers hasn't. My Ex worked very hard and was sweet for the most part, she just always wanted to give her mom a better life after all the hardship. I just think she's going to have a hard time finding a man who will want all her baggage. My Ex said she thinks she's going to die alone and it really made me sad. Here I am, a guy who sincerely cares about her and wanted to give her a better life and she pushed me away because I pushed her away emotionally with my depression. That's why the fact I've turned myself around baffles me that she wouldn't want to try again. She doesn't have insurance or any real stability in her life. When I learned this early on I wanted to give her everything once I could afford it. I wanted her to have a better life. And I know one day I could've, it's just hard to see that right now when I can't land a job because the job market is really tough.

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You know I ultimately realized over these 30-days that she came into my life for a reason. She taught me a lot of things, good and bad. Without her my habits probably would've never changed. I ultimately matured a lot and still have a ways to go of course. I'm grateful she did that as I'm ultimately becoming a better, healthier person physically and mentally. Without the shock value of losing her I would've never changed. I think this is a mature why to look at the relationship and situation.

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Matthew1211

I considered my Ex my best friend and still do. We were together almost 2.5 years. She broke up with me almost a month ago. We were now long distance due to us being from different states. We met in college and lived together almost two years. We were like a married couple and did everything together.

 

After she broke up with me the next day she asked me how I was and said we could skype the next night. So we did. She said she was having a quarter-life crisis and that she wasn't sure if she wanted the same things in life as me anymore, like getting married, having a child although she'd consider adopting and leaving her mother and brother (she wanted them, her mom especially, to live with us). She then said she has a lot of baggage and feels she's going to die alone, which breaks my heart as I LOVE HER and accepted her baggage. She then said we should do NC for 30-days and see how we feel afterward. I said ok.

 

So I made a lot of lifestyle changes and left her alone. I'd like photos she'd post of her progress. She'd like posts of mine sometimes. Then about a week or two into NC she removes like every photo of us and me as her BF on Facebook. So I freak out and call her, no answer, so I see she's online on Facebook and message her panicking. She says she's uncomfortable from me calling her and now messaging her like crazy. She said she's no longer into me romantically, no matter how much I change won't matter, she's resenting me more, she's not happy with me, I'm a great guy and I'll make a girl happy one day, we weren't meant to be, she's happy doing her own thing, we just didn't work, her feelings didn't change since we split, and she wants to be my friend. I apologized for hurting her and she said it was all water under the bridge. I said ok and now really leave her alone completely.

 

CONTEXT: So the second year of our relationship I developed really bad anxiety where I would overthink and worry a lot and I believe depression as well. I had a lot of negativity occur when I graduated grad school and it rocked me emotionally. She was supportive through it but I guess I drained her. I was just very negative and relied on her for my happiness. Then later in the year my grandma's dog was put down then my dog was put down the day after my birthday, my dad lost his job and my grandma had a near death experience in the hospital. So I was now just emotionally trashed. I was addicted to collecting toys and spending money constantly, a hobby my ex and family didn't like but it made me happy so they let it go. My Ex was very conservative with her money as she didn't come from a family like mine where money wasn't as big an issue, so it bothered her. I'd still spoil her and take her to dinner and movies, etc. so that wasn't a problem, she was just afraid I couldn't save money. I got caught up in Facebook group drama as I had a lot of success on YouTube come from my toy hobby as that's what my content revolved around, so I was very involved in the community and it honestly took over my life and it was really toxic. My ex encouraged me to hang with friends and just do what I enjoy because I isolated myself when we were apart and just wanted to skype with her every night. And she would most of the time. Then one day I saw a FB post from a girl who split with her BF as they were going to graduate and move apart as they didn't know where the future would take them. This scared me and I told my Ex and she broke up with me. She said it was a matter of time.

 

I love my Ex. She was my first love as I got into the dating scene very late in life. She took my v-card. I LOVED her family, still do, and my family loved her although my parents told me she wasn't the one early on but they still loved her because I did. My Ex is one of my best friends. We had a lot in common and we always worked through our problems. We have our differences but I've accepted them because I love her for who she is. She's had a rough few years since her parents divorced not long before we met. Her dad screwed over her mom and they lost their house so she and her mom moved in with her brother in his townhouse. Her mom hasn't had the best luck with job security so she doesn't have insurance, etc. Since we started dating I always wanted to give her a better life. Her family felt I was a blessing compared to her past ex BFs who were a-holes, which is why she was kind of emotionally scarred.

 

My point to this post is that I still love my Ex. I consider her one of my best friends. She told me she's doing amazing and is happy right now and she's really taken pride in her image as she always wasn't confident about her looks. I know she said what she did to me about us, but I love her so much and know we always had a great time together. I don't get how she could erase the past 2.5 years and become happy almost instantly. She recently liked a post about my mom and I her mom, the first contact since she really broke up with me. I just don't believe it's really the end of us. We still want to be in each other's lives, but I want her back. I'm mad she "gave up" on me because I became a miserable person deep down, but I was struggling with a lot of loss not to mention now losing her. I started seeing a therapist finally to help me break this as its really not who I am. I just want her to see it was a phase and it's not permanent. I'm mad she didn't stand by my side when I really hit my low point because with all she's been through I still was there for her, even if stuff bothered me. I know my habits and immaturity probably turned her off, but they're all practically gone now. I left the forums, cut off my toxic hobbies, changed my diet, lost weight and began exercising.

 

I'm sure you'll tell me to move on like everyone else, but something is telling me to hold on. I don't know how to explain it. Personally I can't cut someone out of my life like that when they meant so much to me. She told me at one point I was the love of her life and that always stuck with me, through the good and bad. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Yes I said stupid things sometimes but I still loved and supported her.

 

All her relationships lasted around two years, it's weird. Her mom married and divorced twice. Her brother lost his true love and is unhappy in his current relationship. Her dad has bounced around several women as well. I don't know if she feels like she has to mirror them? I never thought she'd leave me honestly. I feel like what she said/did was all emotional actions versus logical.

 

I just don't get it. If she knows I'm a good guy and I'm changing all my immaturity, looking back I realized I had a lot of immature habits, why wouldn't she want to benefit from my new, positive changes? I don't get it. I can see why she wasn't happy anymore, I really can, but why not try again? I'm adding an extra 30-days to our NC from the day I broke it. I really miss her presence. I miss talking to her everyday and her love and care. She was very caring, so I thought? She kind of made me mad when she broke up with me as she didn't seem compassionate during part of it and more kind of laughed at me over some of it as I wanted to Skype as I didn't know how my messages came off but she said that would make her more uncomfortable.

 

I don't know. I really want her back. People on here told me to move on in another post of mine. She was a great aspect of my life. I almost feel like someone planted in her mind I wasn't worth it anymore. But I don't know. It's all speculation. We were always SO loyal to each other. I'm just confused. But I do want her in my life. I want to fight for her and let her see I'm such a better person. If we are both happy why not be happy together and be stronger than ever? I want her back. I want her to realize I'm healthier and cleansed and will be a better person on my road to recovery. The past 30-days really allowed me to dig deep within myself and realize how toxic I was to our relationship and then make the changes to eliminate all of it from my life. I just don't get how seeing how much your partner improved their life after realizing how bad they were wouldn't attract you to them even more? You know, being mature and changing than just staying the same. It takes a lot of effort to do that and even realize your flaws.

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Scarlett.O'hara
She said she's no longer into me romantically

 

This comment stands out to me the most. In my experience when people don't feel that same level of attraction anymore then you can't change that. It is such a personal thing and sadly it can sometimes be fickle and never return.

 

I can see why you are trying so hard to improve your life but make sure you are doing it more for yourself than for her.

 

You are clearly very devoted to her, but realistically you can't, nor should you put your life on hold indefinitely. You deserve someone who will give you all the love and affection you need so keep your options open.

 

Give each other time and space to grow as people. If in the future you reconnect, great, if not you might find someone so amazing that your ex won't even matter anymore.

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This comment stands out to me the most. In my experience when people don't feel that same level of attraction anymore then you can't change that. It is such a personal thing and sadly it can sometimes be fickle and never return.

 

I can see why you are trying so hard to improve your life but make sure you are doing it more for yourself than for her.

 

You are clearly very devoted to her, but realistically you can't, nor should you put your life on hold indefinitely. You deserve someone who will give you all the love and affection you need so keep your options open.

 

Give each other time and space to grow as people. If in the future you reconnect, great, if not you might find someone so amazing that your ex won't even matter anymore.

 

I agree. She did tell me that I deserve the love I'm so willing to give as she can't match it. But her love kept me going so I'm not sure I agree but I don't know. I am changing for myself but I too changed for her, I won't deny that. But over this 30 day period I've really learned about myself and where I went wrong. I feel better about myself knowing I'm moving in a good direction physically. It's just mentally I struggle as I love her and want her back.

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Scarlett.O'hara

I understand. It can hurt so much some times. You wish there was something you could do to make them understand what they are throwing away, but you know you can't.

 

There will be good and bad days, but it starts to get easier in time.

 

Taking care of yourself has to be your number one priority right now. It may not feel like it but you are doing really well considering.

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Matthew1211
I understand. It can hurt so much some times. You wish there was something you could do to make them understand what they are throwing away, but you know you can't.

 

There will be good and bad days, but it starts to get easier in time.

 

Taking care of yourself has to be your number one priority right now. It may not feel like it but you are doing really well considering.

 

As silly as this question is, why can't you make them realize it? What has changed so much that you can't even have a deep conversation with them anymore? That's what I honestly don't get. Yeah we broke up, but why can't we talk about things? Why can't we work through it?

 

I just don't get how once that happens it's like literally everything you've created together is just gone? Where's the friendship and trust? I don't get how that literally just disappears. Why does a breakup mean everything is just done completely? To me a break up is just another fight with worse consequences. I guess this is an immature way to look at it? I don't know I just don't know what to make of it in that how people just act totally different.

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Scarlett.O'hara

I think it is a mistake to think that the other person in the relationship feels exactly the same way we do. People's feelings are complex and they change.

 

The sad thing is that the doubts usually build up long before they take the drastic action of ending the relationship, but they usually keep it to themselves until it is too late. By that point they have had time to process the idea of breaking up, a luxury you as the blind sided dumpee don't have so it tends to hurt more, it wasn't your choice.

 

That's why you see dumpers typically move on faster and less likely to hear their partner out. Love takes effort and commitment, but you can't do it alone.

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Yep, when a woman says that "she's no longer into me romantically" that is the end. That is the kiss of death and leaves no hope, which is a good thing she said that because she is being honest. A woman never says that if she doesn't mean it. You really can't get that feeling back and just like the other poster mentioned, when there is a break up, it is because the other person dos not feel the same and probably hasn't for a while. They've probably had to put up a front for a while. Hard to fathom I know, I've been there, but it is so true.

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Matthew1211
Yep, when a woman says that "she's no longer into me romantically" that is the end. That is the kiss of death and leaves no hope, which is a good thing she said that because she is being honest. A woman never says that if she doesn't mean it. You really can't get that feeling back and just like the other poster mentioned, when there is a break up, it is because the other person dos not feel the same and probably hasn't for a while. They've probably had to put up a front for a while. Hard to fathom I know, I've been there, but it is so true.

 

That is really hard to fathom. It upsets me knowing she didn't really bring it to my attention, at least not that I remember. I did notice she wouldn't necessarily say the same affectionate things she would sometimes, but I figured that's just how she was feeling. She would still tell me she loved me and missed me. We still had sex and everything. I just don't get how someone can put up a front like that and not be open with their partner about it. The reason she felt this way is most likely because I was struggling and that's not fair. To leave me because I'm going through a lot of pressure. That's aggravating and hurts.

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Matthew1211
I think it is a mistake to think that the other person in the relationship feels exactly the same way we do. People's feelings are complex and they change.

 

The sad thing is that the doubts usually build up long before they take the drastic action of ending the relationship, but they usually keep it to themselves until it is too late. By that point they have had time to process the idea of breaking up, a luxury you as the blind sided dumpee don't have so it tends to hurt more, it wasn't your choice.

 

That's why you see dumpers typically move on faster and less likely to hear their partner out. Love takes effort and commitment, but you can't do it alone.

 

Why not be open about it? I guess in a way she was trying to protect me from everything I was going through? But like I said I personally don't think it's fair to ditch me because I'm struggling. I've been through a lot of negativity lately, why not be supportive? I was supportive of her, even if what I said to her didn't come off super supportive I never ditched her. I get that her romantic feelings changed as I became a negative person and that's hard to deal with, but what about our friendship and the bond we built the past 2.5 years? How does that just vanish once she says we are broken up? That makes no sense to me at all.

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She has decided she doesn't want to be friends with you. You can consider this girl in another state your best friend all you want, I can guarantee she doesn't consider you the same. She's gone.

 

You're never going to completely understand her perspective, or why she did what she did. You may think it's unfair, which is somewhat true, but hey, such is life. What's important to realize is that you need to move on with your life, without false hope that you two will get back together or this idea that you're going to "fight" for your relationship.

 

You can't make someone love you or want to be with you, and she clearly doesn't want a relationship with you anymore. While you may be upset that she doesn't want to be friends either, she's doing you an unintentional favor. If you two were friends, you'd be hung up on her even longer and constantly analyze every interaction hoping to find some hint she wanted to be together again. A clean break is best for both of you.

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Matthew1211
She has decided she doesn't want to be friends with you. You can consider this girl in another state your best friend all you want, I can guarantee she doesn't consider you the same. She's gone.

 

You're never going to completely understand her perspective, or why she did what she did. You may think it's unfair, which is somewhat true, but hey, such is life. What's important to realize is that you need to move on with your life, without false hope that you two will get back together or this idea that you're going to "fight" for your relationship.

 

You can't make someone love you or want to be with you, and she clearly doesn't want a relationship with you anymore. While you may be upset that she doesn't want to be friends either, she's doing you an unintentional favor. If you two were friends, you'd be hung up on her even longer and constantly analyze every interaction hoping to find some hint she wanted to be together again. A clean break is best for both of you.

 

Thanks for the reply. We are still friends on social media, just haven't spoken since I broke NC. She's liked a post or two on Facebook since, which shows she still cares to an extent. I'm not reading into it, but it shows she doesn't want me completely out of her life. It is a hard pill to swallow but each day I'm getting better. She helped me become a better person. I learned a lot while with her and plenty while without her now. Her breaking up with me allowed me to change for the better, so I do appreciate that. I just miss our friendship in general at this point.

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Thanks for the reply. We are still friends on social media, just haven't spoken since I broke NC. She's liked a post or two on Facebook since, which shows she still cares to an extent. I'm not reading into it, but it shows she doesn't want me completely out of her life. It is a hard pill to swallow but each day I'm getting better. She helped me become a better person. I learned a lot while with her and plenty while without her now. Her breaking up with me allowed me to change for the better, so I do appreciate that. I just miss our friendship in general at this point.

 

You're welcome. If you're still friends on social media then you aren't in NC, and you're holding your healing back for as long as that's the case.

 

Liking a post or two shows that she saw the post and took the half second necessary to tap "Like." Not unfriending you just means she doesn't mind having you on her friends list. You're really grasping at straws here by putting so much stock into what she does or doesn't do on social media.

 

I understand that it's hard to let go of that last link to an ex, but you'll be saving yourself a lot of future pain. You've already stalked her social media plenty and made yourself feel lousy by seeing all of her life updates and pictures. It's going to feel about fifty times worse when you see a picture of another guy with his arm around her. When you see her update her status to "In a Relationship."

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