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I think it's time to finally let go


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In July me and my ex split up from a 2 year relationship. It has been on and off a few times, mainly my fault, I've always had trouble with dealing with fights and emotions correctly. I would shut down and not express myself as freely to her as I wanted. She deals with depression pretty deeply and has tried to commit suicide a few months before the first time we met. She's come along way now, but needs a lot of emotional support. During our relationship she would reach out to ex's for emotional support which in return would push me away and make me distant, as I saw it as emotional cheating. By the end of the relationship I started getting really distant and ended up sleeping through a day we had planned together, which caused her to end things. I've told her I love and I'm willing to go see a professional on dealing with my emotions correctly, but she just doesn't trust me at that point. she ended up starting seeing an ex from out of state(at the time she claimed she was just talking to him as a friend) but she told me she could possibly she herself with him again. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, she blocked my # to help both of us move forward but ended up telling our mutual friend that she only sees that guy as a friend and would get back with me if I worked on all my problems. So I reached out to her and she told me a different story. 1. When I asked if she's seeing the guy she said "kinda" and I asked about getting together with me if I was to work on my self, she said "that was kinda a far off in time thing". So it's all kind of confusing to me. She blocked my # again and now I'm wondering what to do. I'm 30

And have been in several relationships, but this woman has been completely different to me and I don't want to lose her. Should I make another move? Drop flowers and a letter on her door step? Give her space? I just need some advice. Thanks!

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dude she sounds like she isnt into the whole one guy thing and like bouncing around between guys and is easily led by the one who is entertaining her the most

 

you are just one of her toys, and she likes having you there when theres no other toys to play with

 

so when she needs a bit of security shell bounce off u until something better comes along

 

move on from this girl, you might get a bit of fun from time to time, but in between its only going to be painful for you

 

youre better off remove her from your life and putting your energies into someone new

 

block block, accept it as a nice chapter in your life, shes was a wild ride, but someone with more integrity is out there for you, focus on finding that girl

 

2014-no-contact-guide

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So, my friend texted my ex for me yesterday, I needed some closure on things. She told him she wishes she still could be with me, misses me like crazy, and still wants all the things we talked about, but we can't because her dad hates me. I've owed him an apology for a while and should of done it sooner, but I was intimated and a coward. Should I just show up at his door step and apologize? If not for any chance of getting back with her, maybe at making me a stronger person in general while starting a new chapter in my life.

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At the beginning of our relationship we were both pretty depressed and she was suicidal. We ended up splitting and she moved on to another guy and told me. I lashed out at her and said some really disgusting things that I'll never forgive myself for. She forgave and her mom forgave me but her dad didn't. We got back together, but I never attempted to make things right with her father, when I really should have. We split back in July over some fighting, and her dad really doesn't want me back with her.

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Do not apologize and do not contact her.

 

From the sounds of things I'm not quite sure I can blame him. It doesn't sound like a good relationship and on and off at least twice. There is no good that can come it. You are only looking to apologize now because you hope to get back for yet another round and you or her or both will get hurt again. You would not have felt a need to apologize before you knew this new second hand information you got possibly from your ex.

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So, I went through with it. He wasn't at his house when I arrived, but my ex lives right next to him, So I went to her house and asked if she knew when he was coming home. She was shocked to see me, even more so for the reason I was there. She told me he'd be back in 20-30 min after calling him. We made some small talk and and she wanted to make sure that she has given me everything that I've left at her house. She made a comment about me looking like I've gotten taller, I assume because the guy she started seeing is shorter than me. I reached in to get a short hug goodbye and she latches on tight and hugs on for a lot longer than I expected, she stayed latched on until the guy she is seeing came outside and asked what I was doing there.

 

I then set off to do what I set to do and went and met up with her dad, I was of course, extremely terrified. I was amazed that he was so down to earth and so understanding. He was extremely happy that I had enough respect towards him to come and apologize and speak to him in person about everything. He even went as far as to say I can stop by anytime I'm in the area and believes if we both love each other, we will find a way to get back together. I'm not gonna hold on to false hope, but I do feel good about overcoming my fear and finally showing him the respect he deserves, from one guy to another. I think it'll better me as a person going forward.

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We've been split since July, it's been rocky. We've tried maintaining contact as friends which never works and was stupid on my part. This past week she talked to a friend of mine and told him how much she loves me, misses me like crazy, and still wants the future we talked about, but I messed things up with her family and she doesn't trust me. After doing that, I put my pride down and went and talked out my problems and apologized to her father and he was awesome and understanding. This past weekend my phone was still blocked. I randomly call her phone tonight and it rings a few times, letting me know it's no longer blocked, I just wanted to hear her voice.. She of course didn't answer or hasn't responded. Am I looking too much into this? I know it's pathetic...

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Unlucky_I_Guess

Yes, you're probably over thinking things...and calling her number multiple times only makes things worse.

 

IF she wants to contact you, she will.

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thejabberwocky

I've read your other posts, and at this point, contacting her is bordering on harassment. You need to calm down. You are not friends at this moment and it's not a possibility unless neither of you have feelings for each other.

 

Your best bet is to do a 60 day no contact. After that, you can contact her and discuss your relationship. She will most likely miss you and that will work towards your advantage if you want to reconcile. If she doesn't miss you, at least she'll respect you.

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thejabberwocky

That's a good idea. You should block it too, so you won't be tempted if she reaches out to you. I know it's soooooooo hard. I'm going through it right now too. Day 29 of NC and it still kills me. But you've got to do what's best for you. You're not going to get her back while you're an emotional, desperate mess. That's not who she fell in love with. NC will help you think clearly emotionally and put you in the best possible light when you do talk to her again.

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Good on you for stepping up and patching things up with your father. In doing that, I think you've done all that you can. Just gotta wait it out now and see how she feels, as jabber said.

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Thanks for the response bud. It feels good to reach out to someone for advice, especially when I know my friends are tired of hearing about it all. Tomorrow will start a new but I'm sure very struggling start.

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sounds like a flower that is coming to life again

 

dont go near it, just wait

 

and when it does reaches for you, ensure your grass is very green, and ensure u are sexy and cool like you was first time she met you #impressiveness

 

also dont try to get back together, be strict and imply that a date or a catch up coffee for a couple months is all you can offer, and dont try to kiss her or touch her, wait for her to touch you

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When I switched from my iphone to android all my blocked contacts became unblocked so it may have been deliberate but it may have not. I wouldn't risk the pain of reading into it the wrong way. Not now.

 

Good luck

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  • 4 weeks later...
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After being split with my ex since July, we got back in contact during the end of last month. Everything seemed amazing! We talked about all our dates, all the mistakes we made, and we talked about hope for the future. She hasn't been ready to meet in person, and it did make me feel cautious about the whole thing, but I thought she would come around. So yesterday I sent her a text asking if I could see her this weekend. I got no reply until that night when she called. She told me she couldn't have me in her life like that, she couldn't complete block me out, but we could only talk through text. I'm completely shattered, this month has been rough on me for a lot of reasons, but this was the final blow. I'm just crushed and feel so pathetic for letting myself getting worked up just to be knocked down again. I'm gonna go completely NC now, there's nothing left of this, I don't even know who she is anymore, she just sounded like a completely different person.. But what it boils down to, stick with NC, don't waste your time holding on to something lost or beg them to comeback, it's just not worth it. I've never felt so low, I feel hideous and just unattractive.

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As crushing as it sounds youve reached the end of the road and you know its dead , no more wondering what if and thinking of contacting her , i know its horrible but i parcialy want to go through that last crushing blow with my ex , you will be able to move on now after this

 

just allow your self to grieve , stay off the alcahol and look to the future now its done ! your next love is just around the corner

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It is not always bad, and believe me when I tell you, you got a closure you were seeking, It is hard I know I know... but that will give you the strength to heal properly and move on with your life, the way I see it is that she may care for you and enjoy your company but she is not in love with you, and I can guess she is in another RS... Stay strong, it spites for some time, but this moving on is unlike the previous one. It is very different.

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Sucks man, I completely understand.

 

Me and my ex broke up in May, been together for 4 years.

 

It hurts like hell when you don't recognise the person you fell in love with - I suggest NC, think of the good times and move on.. Time is honestly a great healer.

 

All the best.

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  • 6 months later...
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I've been seeing someone off and on for 3 years now, we've had our ups and downs, but I couldn't imagine sharing my life worh anyone else. We broke up last July, and spent 2 months away from each other. We got back in contact and decided just to take things slow as friends. Things would progress a little over time, but she would end up saying she's still not ready to date again. So I kept my distance and didn't act pushy. We've been like this since last month. It kinda gave me a sense of security, I guess I never really questioned it and felt like we would work things out when the time is right. About 3 weeks ago I message her and ask her why she's been so quiet( She has been for a good solid week at that point) she says it's just drama with her family and needed time to herself, I understood. A few days later I message her and she doesn't respond until the next day, saying she went out the night before and got busy, she said she went on a date to just see how it would go.. I kinda got upset and lashed at her.. Eventually we talked and she said she's been trying this whole time, but don't think we can work things out, I kinda plead her to go on one more date. She agrees, but the next day I just decide it's just not gonna change anything. We agree to meet up and exchange possessions, and it bummed me out that she came with a male friend, as if she didn't trust coming alone. So after she leaves I lash at her again, just saying hurtful things that I regret. I dunno, I feel led on in a way, I've been living in safety net just continuing to build up for a future she has stopped wanting for a while. I'm not sure why I'm posting or expecting you guys to respond.. I guess it's just good to let it out

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I dunno, I feel led on in a way, I've been living in safety net just continuing to build up for a future she has stopped wanting for a while. I'm not sure why I'm posting or expecting you guys to respond.. I guess it's just good to let it out

 

It's your fault. She didn't lead you on. You chose to stay in a situation that never provided you with any commitment. You stayed because you were too afraid to let go.

 

Stay no contact and do not let her back in again. She kept you around as a fallback until someone else came around. Chances are, if she's ever in a situation of being single again, she might swing around and seek you out.

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Souldier1234

Dear derek519

 

I say this with the no judgement but with pure intentions. You are a love addict dear one. And your girl was a love avoidant, this creates for a dysfunctional relationship.

 

Please hear me when I say. You are not dysfunctional, the relationship was.

You got caught in a power struggle, where you were dependent on her for validation and for her to make you feel "whole". Believe me, as a love addict myself I know the signs.

 

But to break free from this and claim your power back, you need to accept the situation for what it is. You need to focus all your efforts on you again. BE derek519 without her. Be the derek519 before you met her. But be the better you. Be upgraded and more wiser. Be one who is independent and love addict free. When you find your other soul mate, (Yes, there is more than one, the movies lied to us all, life is not so cruel to make you live alone), you will find it easier to be inter-dependent than rather being co-dependent.

 

And please google "what is a healthy relationship?" as I sense, we have all lost the true meaning. I know I did.

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