missdragonfly Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Is anyone else practicing the 'no contact' rule? My partner asked for space in March. I texted him a few times but he has not replied. So last Monday I decided no more contact. It's been 8 days and I'm slipping back into a depression. He broke up with me before and I did not contact and he called in 3 1/2 weeks. I'm hopeful it'll work again. I could use some support if anyone wants to help me out and I can help you too. Thanks. (I'm 31, relationship has been about 3 years or so). Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Sounds to me like you're using No contact to manipulate or to get back with your ex. No contact is not a tool you use to get someone back. How many times will it take for him to break up with you before you realize you're worth more than that and to treat yourself right? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
drewbee30 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I'm almost 60 days in to NC. It gets easier with time, hang in there. This for you and only you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missdragonfly Posted May 3, 2016 Author Share Posted May 3, 2016 I asked for support. Not this. Please don't reply to my post again. If people can't be supportive and kind then just keep scrolling. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 You do not understand the NC rule. It's not a technique to manipulate somebody into coming back. It's a healing tool. Think of your broken heart as a a flesh wound. It needs time to scab over to heal. If you pick the scab all you do is make yourself bleed, delay healing & cause a scar. Every time you talk to your EX or look at their social media you are picking the scab that is trying to grow on your heart so you can heal. The NC rule is designed to help you stop picking the scab. You want your EX back. The way you get somebody back is you talk, you communicate & you work together to resolve your issues. One person going off to sulk because they need "space" solves nothing. It lets things fester & causes more problems. You & this guy have already been down this break up make up cycle but you have never fixed anything that was fundamentally wrong. Just stop trying. Your dysfunctional relationship need to end once and for all. the best support we can offer you is advice to be strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 He's playing with you. This is nasty business. It sounds as if he says 'jump' and you ask 'how high'...? He manipulates you because he knows he can. Please read the NC Guide in my signature, and stick to it, 100%, and 100% of the time, no conditions, ifs buts or maybes. There's no such thing as 'space' or 'a break'. People exit something because they don't want to be a part of it, and they don't want you. NC isn't something to dangle as a carrot in the hope that it will entice someone back. He came back in 3 1/2 weeks last time, because he felt like it. Not because you went NC. He wanted you back for his purposes, and he contacted you - and it worked. It could have been 2 weeks, or even 4. The point is, he re-surfaced and you fell for it, like a dream. So he's doing it again. The trick this time - is to never, ever respond, ever again. No Contact is for good. Period. Done and dusted, finished, over. Don't abuse the system, because he will use it to walk all over you. If you're going NC, then stay NC. No matter what he says to entice you back. For goodness' sake, you're a grown woman, not some lovesick barely-out-of-her-teens, silly-minded juvenile. Get a grip, put on your big-girl panties and let that backbone solidify. Any questions? Gladly answered as long as they don't start with "Yes, but....." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missdragonfly Posted May 3, 2016 Author Share Posted May 3, 2016 Oh my God. this forum is awful! I'm so sad and I came here for support. OBVIOUSLY I have NO FRIENDS to talk to and you guys are really not being kind at all. Calling my relationship dysfunctional??? WOW!!!!!!! Super low and cold. God I actually feel WORSE since coming here. You all should know that break up lead to thoughts of suicide and such and the things you are saying are really upsetting. Just forget it. I tried to delete this all together but I can't now. Please no more, I can't take it! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I asked for support. Not this. Please don't reply to my post again. If people can't be supportive and kind then just keep scrolling. Thank you. You're mistaking sound good advice for cruelty and unkindness. I think you need to understand that people are not going to tell you what you want to hear, simply because you want to hear it. People are going to tell you the truth, and how to get out of this crazy mess that is eroding and eating away at your self-worth, integrity and dignity. People are being supportive, and they are being kind. To give you the support you actually want - isn't kind. It's unhelpful and will harm your progress, from the get-go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AVeryConfusedGuy Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Well, I'll tell you a little bit of my story. I was dating a girl for 4 years, very happy and loving relationship. We got extremely close. 3 months ago she broke up with me because she's 'confused and doesn't know what she wants', and that she needs time apart to figure herself out. And you know what? I haven't heard from her since. I never even got a "how are you" text that I feel like most dumpees get. I reached out a month ago (after 2 months of no contact) asking if she wanted to catch up, she replied 3 days later saying that she isn't ready for that, I said okay and we've been in no contact again since. I believe it's been 35 or so days of no contact so far. I'll tell you right now it 100% gets easier and better over time. When she first broke up with me, I kind of shrugged it off and was actually enjoying the extra time I was getting. About 2-3 weeks after the breakup it hit me. I felt like I was having withdraws, I felt depressed, felt like I was freaking out. My heart was trying to tell me to send her a long, long text to ask her to basically beg to come back and make myself seem pathetic. Instead I relied on my friends and got talked out of it with their support. It's still hard even 3 months later. I don't get that hurt and depressed feeling, but I do miss the hell out of her as a person. But it truly does get easier with time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 misdragonfly It was never my intention to upset you. I do want to help. You want us to blow sunshine at you & tell you there there honey, don't worry he'll come back. The reality is he might come back because that has been his pattern. However, that pattern is not good for you. The break up make up cycle is definition. The classic definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over but expecting different results. I am not calling you insane. You are simply heart broken & that makes people think all sorts of things. If you are truly suicidal please call a hotline, talk to a friend or go to your nearest ER. He's not worth taking your own life over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Oh my God. this forum is awful! I'm so sad and I came here for support. OBVIOUSLY I have NO FRIENDS to talk to and you guys are really not being kind at all. Calling my relationship dysfunctional??? WOW!!!!!!! Super low and cold. God I actually feel WORSE since coming here. You all should know that break up lead to thoughts of suicide and such and the things you are saying are really upsetting. Just forget it. I tried to delete this all together but I can't now. Please no more, I can't take it! You came here for answers, because what you're doing, isn't working. It's just going round and round in cycles, of 'lather, rinse, repeat'. If what you're doing, isn't working, the logical thing to do would be to change tactic and try something - for yourself - that will. We're nor hurting you deliberately. We're offering the same support we would give anyone in your position. And we have done that for a long time now. We've seen all kinds of problems, issues, dilemmas dysfunctions and situations bordering on critical-mass shut-down. We've been here a while, and tragically, we probably will be for some time, while there are people like you needing help. Don't be so hasty in your denial of our help. Stop. Think. Evaluate the situation. You are desperately unhappy and seem held to ransom by his comings and goings. Tell me how that is a healthy, beneficial, enjoyable relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Not to sound rude but how would you describe your relationship with your ex? Considering how this isn't the first break up, I can't imagine it being that amazing because if it were then there would be no need for space or breaks. And since you're not providing that much details to begin with then people can only go by what you posted on your first post. If you're looking for support as in someone to say the things you want to hear and agree with the things you say and think then you should outline it more clearly in your first initial post and "people" like "us" who are "low and cold" wouldn't waste their time replying. You have to realize that most people that post their reply is out of goodwill and looking out for you. Rarely do people reply on here to harm others, if their good intentions hurt you then sorry don't take it personally. Just remember people are just replying out of good intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
drewbee30 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 (edited) I know it's hard to hear, but it's true. NC is for you, not to win him back. It took me a couple of weeks to realize this. Acceptance is the hardest part and once you accept what's going to be is going to be, you'll begin your healing. It won't be easy, but you have to trust all of us that it's the best. I still have my down days thinking about her, but they are spacing out. I was with my girl for 10 years and apologized for all my faults. Her responce, "sorry it didn't work out!" Do I really want to be with someone who was just willing to throw away 10 years together? At first I did, but little by little I realized there will be someone else out there for me who will treat me the way I want to be treated. The same goes for her. She's not going to drag me along as a friend while she "searches for that something else." Back to you though, no person is worth having such bad thoughts over. You have a lot to offer to someone else, just dig down and find it. We all have it in us, we just have to survive. This is a time for you to truly reflect on what you want. Best of luck in your recovery. We will all be here for you. Edited May 4, 2016 by drewbee30 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Oh my God. this forum is awful! I'm so sad and I came here for support. OBVIOUSLY I have NO FRIENDS to talk to and you guys are really not being kind at all. Calling my relationship dysfunctional??? WOW!!!!!!! Super low and cold. God I actually feel WORSE since coming here. You all should know that break up lead to thoughts of suicide and such and the things you are saying are really upsetting. Just forget it. I tried to delete this all together but I can't now. Please no more, I can't take it! The truth can be upsetting..but lying to you wouldn't help you. I'm so sorry you're hurting..I really am. I went through a horrific break up too a while back. It will get better. I even have another boyfriend now. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I'll say it again for the people in the back: The 'No Contact Rule' is not for manipulating your ex to get back together with you. It is for healing and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
B345T Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I am officially on my first month of NC and I can promise you I feel way better than I did 30 days ago lol. It gets easier you just have to take it as a life lesson and build on yourself. Nobody ever gained any positive benefits by letting themselves constantly get hurt emotionally. You don't deserve it and neither does he. Make yourself happy because in the end you are the only important character in your story 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Becky1986 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 One of my best friends tried to end things nicely with her guy, just hoping to move on, but she could not stop him pestering her endlessly, finding all sorts of ways to seek her out. It really drove her to despair, and she wishes she'd been harsher when she broke up, as no matter what, he wouldn't listen when she told him it was definitely over. When someone wants NC, respect that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sowhynot Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) I asked for support. Not this. Please don't reply to my post again. If people can't be supportive and kind then just keep scrolling. Thank you. There's some pretty tough love on this forum, but love it most certainly is. Take it from me, the support and advice on Loveshack - for those who want to listen to it - certainly doesn't get any better. Edited May 8, 2016 by sowhynot Changed a word and added another.. Link to post Share on other sites
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