I broke up, because I had to, not because I wanted to

[jeba]

Hey,

 

recently my girlfriend broke up with me.

We were together for about 1,5 years and living together for about a year. We lived in an appartment about an hour drive from her home and an hour drive from my home. We chose to move close to our job, causing us to have no one around us but ourselves. At the time, this was no problem because all we needed was eachother. But I realise that being in love turns into loving eachother and being together all the time, having only eachother, became a drag in our relationship.

She broke up because she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

This was about 2 months ago. During those 2 months, we still contacted eachother, but 99% of the time it was me saying I miss her. It was always me who showed her that I wanted to keep on trying. When I asked her, she told me she missed me as well, but it was always because I asked her. It was never just her who told me that she still wanted to be with me. In those months, we also went iceskating once and she enjoyed. It was like nothing ever happened between us. We really enjoyed it. But what is so hard for me is that it's always me who has to take the first step. Everytime I still saw her, it was because I asked. Everytime she said she missed me and still loved me, it's because I asked. This became very confusing to me.

Last week, we saw eachother again and I asked her a lot of questions about the past months. Apparently she had been having sex with some guy, but I'm okay with that because if I had the opportunity, I would have done the same thing. Just rebound sex to try and fill the void.

I also asked her what it is that she wanted most. She told me she wished she never broke up with me and that I came back to her, to live with her. She told me she misses me so much and still loves me. I was so happy to finally here those words. We kissed and slept on the couch together. Everything was like normal. But then I went home and I didn't see her again. I texted her and she answered. It was again me. When I didn't text her, she would text either. I finally called her and asked her if she wanted to see me again. She said yes but it wouldn't be until next week. Again, very confusing to me. I just want to be with her, but although she said she also wanted to be with me, she apparently doesn't feel the need to be together as much as I do.

I have very low confidence in myseslf and thus need some attention every once in a while. She on the other hand has a lot of difficulty expressing her feelings, but it's so hard for me to accept that it's even too hard for to send me a text to say she wants to be with me or just invite me over.

 

The next I didn't text her until late in the afternoon. She didn't text me back. I called her really upset and frustrated and got angry (which I hardly ever get). I told her that I loved her, that she was the girl I wanted to grow up with and even have kids (I never wanted kids until I met her). I told that she means the world to me and that the only thing I want from her is to show me that she means what she said when we talked last time. I told her I can't do this anymore. I'm dying on the inside and feel so lost. But now I pushed her away and the only thing I want is to be with her. I love her so much and I know that she loved me as well, but just doesn't know how to show it.

 

What can I do? I really don't want to lose her.

[Rachel39]

What I have realised is you can't make someone do or feel what they don't, it has to come from them.

 

Iv also realised that trying to make some one see your worth and love for them just makes you feel terrible.

 

I don't know what advise to give you really except maybe try to realise it's over for now and stop contacting her it the best way to gain some self respect.

 

I know it's the most difficult thing to do Iv struggled my self, but you are not alone in this!

[jeba]

What I have realised is you can't make someone do or feel what they don't, it has to come from them.

 

Iv also realised that trying to make some one see your worth and love for them just makes you feel terrible.

 

I don't know what advise to give you really except maybe try to realise it's over for now and stop contacting her it the best way to gain some self respect.

 

I know it's the most difficult thing to do Iv struggled my self, but you are not alone in this!

 

Thanks for your reply Rachel. That's the mindset I had when I called to say I can't go on like this. I want her to show me. I deserve to be shown that I'm loved by her. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find that mindset anymore.

Thanks

[Rachel39]

Iyes a struggle I'm 4 months in and been holding on untill a. Week ago in all honestly I'm secretly holding on but not to the point where I think we will be together now. I'm hoping for the future!

 

Maybe in deluded probably am but you just can't stop loving wanting that person and all the things you have planned together.... It's not how it works!

 

I'm slightly depressed but not as bad as I was and I honestly am struggling with not contacting him today.

[Steven1]

I know exactly how you feel. My relationship of 7 years ended a few month ago now for the exact same reasons more or less. She told me that she no longer loved me and hadn't for a while, and that she had now met someone else. She still asked to be friends but in order for that, I would have to accept that she no longer had any of those feelings for me and that she was with someone else. After 7 years I didn't even get the courtesy of a phone call from her, on top of that she dumped me the day before Valentines day when I had booked us a hotel for Valentines.

 

I think as hard as it is to accept as it was for me, you have to let her go. Say anything you need to say to her, and then that's it. Don't contact her after that. I genuinely feel a thousand times better thanks to advice from members on here and friends around me etc. It took a good few weeks, 8/9, for me to feel this way. And it definitely wasn't easy through that time. But it does get better. Sadly what you feel for her, you can't make her feel in return. And I suspect that similar to me, after what she has told you, as much as you love her and want her, there will be issues that will develop in a future relationship with her because of this. I certainly don't trust my ex the same any more, even as a 'friend'. Nobody I class a friend would do to me what she did. You will realize that soon as well.