Otter2569 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 At first I was willing to call it all a loss and walk away. Luckily I was able to take almost everything I wanted as the ship was sinking. I left a ghost supply of clothes that I cold really care less about - many of which were Xmas presents from her. I did leave about $200 in art supplies. I am tempted to ask for that back. I would prefer to have no contact at all but its also not fair that I let her keep my stuff. Not sure if I should ask for my things or just move on? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 That is a decent chunk of change to walk away from. If you could arrange to get it back without drama, I'd do it. Arranging the exchange to me has always been the only valid exception to the NC rule. You have to fully conclude your business before you walk away. If she is unwilling to give it back to you peaceably just eat the $200. Your mental health is so much more valuable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 You sure this isn't a ploy on some level to get access to her again? If it's all legit, and assuming your art supplies aren't irreplaceable, the little $200 isn't worth the turmoil that seeing her again is bound to cause. Let it go. (Besides you get to keep all the underwear she left. ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Leave it. It isn't going to be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 If they were that important, you would have claimed them during the previous times you tried to break up with her. I tend to agree that this seems to be a way of trying to go back, if just for a temporary bang. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 If life, and she, were fair, she'd offer it back since it's of no interest to her, presuming art was exclusively your thing. Sure, you can investigate that willingness by asking. However, as it is, consider it a cost of profitable downsizing and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Move on. Learn the mantra: It Is Just Stuff. Is the real reason you want the stuff a segue towards communication with her?!? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 In previous break ups it was one of the first boxes I grabbed b4 I left. We subsequently created and "art room" in one of her spare bedrooms. The break up took place via text so I never had a chance to get my stuff, never went back or even tried to contact her. I'm going to let it go. It's all replaceable: collateral damage as they say!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Its kind of a kick in the ass because most things were very new and she knew it meant something to me. Let this be a lesson: You dont leave **** you want at a place you cant see yourself staying. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Its kind of a kick in the ass because most things were very new and she knew it meant something to me. Let this be a lesson: You dont leave **** you want at a place you cant see yourself staying. True, but of course you did see yourself staying. Let's be real Otter, this isn't about the art supplies. And it's ok that it's not, but it's best if you take on the actual issues and not stand-ins. We all do this to an extent eventually so don't feel bad, but you need to mourn and grieve her. Just allow it to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 Honestly Jen I didnt. When we got back together I was hopeful & optimistic but after about 8 decent weeks the slow and steady downward spiral began (again). She knew I was protective of my stuff and was actually jealous that it meant something to me. I brought it back to her place as a sign of good faith and comittment since she wanted to create a room where we could work together on creative projects. Regardless, its all **** and water under the bridge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 This is a follow up to my earlier post: I never returned her things (a few clothing items & underwear). We have not exchanged a word in over 2 months which is part of the reason I didnt send her things back. I didn't want to break NC. I also realize that I need to get rid of her things in order to move on. I still have a lot of things at her place also. Actually I am surprised she didn't send any of my stuff (clothes, art supplies, tools) back. Luckily I did take most things I cared about as this ship was sinking. Should I send her things back at this point? Was thinking of adding a note if I do "Please return A, B, C. Donate the rest" Or should I just toss her stuff and call it all a loss? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 This is why it's sensible to exchange "stuff" before beginning NC. If it were me, I'd send her an email or FB message (text is too short). Explain in a business-like manner what you have, what you want back, and give 3 dates you are free to exchange. If she picks one of your dates, do the exchange. If she suggests an alternate date, do the exchange. If she doesn't reply in a week, ditch/donate her stuff and write your stuff off. Ignore anything she says that is not to do with exchange of stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 I hear you Peg. She lives an hour away. I was thinking of mailing her stuff back I really don't have much that belongs to her and its much less personal that way. If nothing else, I rid my place of her things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 If you want to do that then go ahead but chances are you won't hear anything back and you'll be out of pocket. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I would just mail her her stuff back and ask her to return the favour in a note. There is no need to engage with her personally so your NC remains intact. As long as you have her stuff and are mulling over whether you should give it back or not, YOU are thinking of her and that is no good for your healing. Mail it - forget it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 My thoughts too Elaine. Besides what am I going to do with a bra, underwear and her bikini? My horoscope said that I will be thinking of past relationships and it will dampen my mood. Who the heck needs that?! Answer = no one! LOL Get rid of the stuff! Even if she keeps my stuff who cares, I did the right thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Get rid of the stuff! Even if she keeps my stuff who cares, I did the right thing. Exactly... once the items left are down to just misc. stuff and have no real $ worth then get rid of them.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 My question is, who cares if she needs two items of underwear and a bathing suit. Keep that as a memento of your conquest or toss that crap. Really? Underwear? Not worth breaking NC and opening yourself up to any more pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I would just mail her her stuff back and ask her to return the favour in a note. There is no need to engage with her personally so your NC remains intact. As long as you have her stuff and are mulling over whether you should give it back or not, YOU are thinking of her and that is no good for your healing. Mail it - forget it. I like this idea the best. If you really want the stuff back that is. A lot of the time it's just stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Call it a loss and learn the mantra: It Is Just Stuff. (I think I said that in the other thread and you agreed that what was left was nothing hugely important). Curious why you are still dwelling on it - do you really just want to contact her again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I think your junkie mind is playing tricks on you. Trying to find ways to make contact? Your last thread a month ago -- you were pondering on "stuff" and you finally decided you were going to let go of the $200 worth of art supplies and some clothes, I believe. Now, you're back again a month later grappling with "stuff". Let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 ^ Yep. I thought this was already settled but you're asking about it again ....sounds like a ploy to get some kinda interaction to me (the sending stuff w/notes will almost guarantee you get a junkie response). If you've found some resolution on the underwear issue that's great but personally I think the best thing is to keep that stuff and don't initiate any contact. Getting over someone and moving on doesn't mean pretending they never existed, it means getting them into the right place in your mind and your personal history. We all have pasts and they make up who we are, so remember her (and keepsakes are good for that), but let her live in the past and move on. No artificial property drama - that's the present. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 That is why I posted this before acting - counting on Jen, Zahara, Carrie and others to talk some sense into me. Everything I left behind is replaceable. Ill just pack her **** in a box. Walk away from the stuff Otter....walk away from the stuff! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Edit: misread. Link to post Share on other sites
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