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How much "break up" explanation should you give after 4 dates?

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I have been annoyed that the guy I just want to stop dating is hassling me with texts and calls.

 

We were not official and there were no promises made. After the last date nobody made contact for about 3 days. Then he texted me a small talk text that didn't require a response so I ignored it.

 

Then he texted me yesterday "Wow are you blanking me?"

Me:"I don't think things are going to work out between us. I need someone that has more free time and that actually plans dates in advance"

Him:"What do you mean? I played golf all day Saturday and had a BBQ on Sunday and have worked all week" (note: when I asked to see him on Saturday he said that he is working. So he is obviously lying).

Me: "I have decided to move on and wish you the best luck."

He proceeds to call me about 10 times. I didn't pick up.

 

This morning: "Stop blanking me again"

 

I don't owe him any more explanation right?

This is exactly the same pattern as when he tried to make plans at 6pm for 8pm the same day. If I wasn't avaialble, he would bombard me with calls and texts. :sick::sick::sick:

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Standard-Fare

Standard-Fare

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Yep. Agree with the others - no more action needed on your part. Other than potential protective measures if he persists...

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fitnessfan365

fitnessfan365

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Nothing more is required. Block and move on.

 

I mean at least you gave him an explanation. I remember awhile back when I saw this woman for six weeks. Every date better than the last, stuff in common, physical chemistry was insanely good, etc..The last date we had ended just like all the others that she couldn't wait to see me again. Called/left a voice mail the next day. Never got a call back. Waited four days and then set a follow up text. Nada. I wish that I had gotten a clear cut explanation like you gave him. I would have been disappointed initially, but at least accepted/respected the reason and moved on. But to this day, it's still the one ghosting that makes absolutely no sense to me..LOL

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joseb

joseb

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Never got a call back. Waited four days and then set a follow up text. Nada. I wish that I had gotten a clear cut explanation like you gave him. To this day,it's still the one ghosting that makes absolutely no sense to me..LOL

 

In cases like these, I always assume that they have been abducted by aliens :)

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fitnessfan365

fitnessfan365

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In cases like these, I always assume that they have been abducted by aliens :)

 

Haha.. Maybe so. I guess it's just one of those mysteries that keeps things interesting. It's funny though because after you've been dating enough years you can sense deep down when something is off. So if it ends, or there is a ghost, you can at least make sense of it. Only one that blindsided me.

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PegNosePete

PegNosePete

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You've already told him what he needs to know. No idea why people try to "bargain" with dumpers (if it can even be called dumping after 4 dates), as if that will make them change their minds LOL. NC.

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spriggan2

spriggan2

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The whole "I need someone that has more free time and that actually plans dates in advance" was a bit...I dunno...biting? unnecessary? would invite him to be defensive and think it's something he could change/convince you otherwise. It was probably not the best reason to give him. But at this point you've made it clear that you don't want to continue seeing him.

 

You can explicitly tell him one last time to stop contacting you, but other than that just block his number.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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No you don't owe him more explanation. If he doesn't stop, I might send him a copy of your local harassment laws then file to get him to stop.

 

 

How pushy of him.

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lilmissjava

lilmissjava

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Sounds really creepy.

 

I hope he gets the picture!

 

Block and delete. You don't owe him a thing.

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No_Go

No_Go

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I think preraph suggestion is ideal.

 

The dude is acting jerkish, but you didn't help either with the planning/time sentence - that sounds like a cry for attention / request for him to change.

 

If a clean 'not a match' statement is followed by more calls - he enters the zone of harassment - act accordingly.

 

Just say, "you're a nice guy, but I don't see this going anywhere. I'm moving on."
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Shining One

Shining One

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I don't owe him any more explanation right?
You certainly don't. I wish all women broke things off with me like this. You left nothing to doubt and you even gave him the "why".
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jen1447

jen1447

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You certainly don't. I wish all women broke things off with me like this. You left nothing to doubt and you even gave him the "why".

 

That was good, but to be a little niggly, the initial blanking wasn't. Should have just given him the "thanks but no" speech when you first started feeling that rather than ignore him.

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LydiaLong

LydiaLong

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Really, if he doesn't get it when you say you've moved on and wished him good luck, there's something wrong with him.

 

Just continue to ignore.

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joseb

joseb

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The whole "I need someone that has more free time and that actually plans dates in advance" was a bit...I dunno...biting? unnecessary? would invite him to be defensive and think it's something he could change/convince you otherwise.

 

Yeah i agree with this. If someone told me this id think that they were telling me if i step up and change a bit then she is probably interested. So I can see why the guy is still contacting you.

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mightycpa

mightycpa

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You know, I'm just not feeling like this is going to go anywhere for me. I don't think we should date anymore, no offense.
If your "ex" or whatever title he might really deserve keeps bugging you, record a video where you say (very nicely of course) that you just don't want to date him anymore. Then attach it to a text that says "I made this video for you just in case you ever get confused again about where we stand. Good luck."
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Shining One

Shining One

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That was good, but to be a little niggly, the initial blanking wasn't. Should have just given him the "thanks but no" speech when you first started feeling that rather than ignore him.
Good point. I don't know how I missed that and I completely agree.
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BlueIris

BlueIris

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I have been annoyed that the guy I just want to stop dating is hassling me with texts and calls.

 

We were not official and there were no promises made. After the last date nobody made contact for about 3 days. Then he texted me a small talk text that didn't require a response so I ignored it.

 

Then he texted me yesterday "Wow are you blanking me?"

Me:"I don't think things are going to work out between us. I need someone that has more free time and that actually plans dates in advance"

Him:"What do you mean? I played golf all day Saturday and had a BBQ on Sunday and have worked all week" (note: when I asked to see him on Saturday he said that he is working. So he is obviously lying).

Me: "I have decided to move on and wish you the best luck."

He proceeds to call me about 10 times. I didn't pick up.

 

This morning: "Stop blanking me again"

 

I don't owe him any more explanation right?

This is exactly the same pattern as when he tried to make plans at 6pm for 8pm the same day. If I wasn't avaialble, he would bombard me with calls and texts. :sick::sick::sick:

 

No, you don't owe more explanation, but I don't think even owed as much as you gave. Often when you give any reason- like you did- they'll debate you and it only makes things worse.

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NoLeafClover

NoLeafClover

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That's fine. That guy should appreciate you didn't ghost him :lmao:

 

Thats what she did..ghosted...That's why he said stop blanking

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