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Boyfriend broke up by ignoring me


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So my boyfriend didn't contact me for like 4 days because he had a stressful week. I told him I wanted to talk but he ignored my message. I sent him another message saying if he really loved me he wouldn't ignore me. He told me he had a lot on his plate and just because he disappears dosent mean he doesn't love me and I'm just threatening to break up. Then he said he's sorry for hurting me and he hopes the best for me.

 

The reason I was mad is because he always shuts me out when anything is going on and it feels like I'm the last to know.

 

So I texted back telling him how it just feels like he always shuts me out and that it hurt when he ignored my message and I was sorry for hurting him too. I told him i knew he had a busy week but i just wanted him to share more with me. I told him I was worried about him all week and I bought him a presnt. If he wanted to talk about it over the phone or in person, we could discuss it better.

 

He again ignored my messages. So I texted again saying or you could ignore me again and I would leave him alone since that's what he wants.*

 

Did he just breakup with me? What do I do?

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Poor communication skills - on both your parts.

 

If you know he has a tendency to withdraw, give him space. Grant him that favour.

On the compromise that when he finally emerges from his mental "Man-Cave" he agrees to discuss what this is doing to your relationship.

You will find this with a lot of guys.

Rather than face things head on, they'll retreat, withdraw and go AWOL.

 

This is obviously your BF's MO.

 

You can either deal with it and accept it - or break up, if it's not a characteristic you are prepared to tolerate.

 

Simple.

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Do yourself a huge favor that will last you a life time, go to the library and get yourself on a book about men and how they process problems. Try a small book titled Men are from Mars Women from Venus

 

Your boyfriend wants some alone time to take care of his problems, that's what men do. He doesn't want to share his problems with you, that's also what men do when faced with something overwhelming. We women like to talk about our problems, they don't.

 

More you nag him, more you push him away.

 

If you want him to come to you then stop calling, texting and stop demanding that he 'shares' his stuff with you. If you keep insisting he will break up with you. There is nothing more damaging to a relationship than nagging. Stop it.

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isolatedgothic

I dated a man who had read the Venus and Mars book and used it fully to his advantage. The "man cave" idea became something he used in his favor. I tried hard to respect his "man cave" time and to be patient and loving with his need for "man cave" time, till he wound up married to someone I didn't even realize he was dating! So no, the "man cave" is no excuse for the shabby way you are being treated.

 

Give as much as he is giving. At this point, you're giving too much. He wants space? Grant him space. He is not interested in a serious relationship with you. He's making that abundantly clear. Don't let him define the relationship and wonder if you are broken up or not. YOU define the relationship. Are you happy in this relationship? Or does it keep you up nights, wondering about him, worrying about him, wanting to be there for him while he very clearly does not want you there for him?

 

Is this what you imagined your life would look like? Is this what you dreamed about as a little girl, that you'd have a man who withdraws into silence whenever the mood strikes him? He's had some hard times, yes, but we all have had hard times, and when you're with someone you truly love, you don't treat them as this man is treating you.

 

Think seriously about what you are feeling, and whether or not this makes you happy. Then decide if you want to continue investing your beautiful heart in this, or if you'd like to be with someone who would treat you with love and respect. He is not treating you with either.

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He told me in his past relationships he ignored his girlfriend for a month when he was mad at her. How long should I give him?

 

It's just I had an ex like this in the past. Who didn't contact me even when he had free time.

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Besides this communication thing he's been a good boyfriend. He's attentive and remembers everything I tell him, he's open and usually shared his problems with me, I've met all of his friends and been to his house several times.

 

I'm just worried because his ex is still in his life. I do trust him but I don't trust her.

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Is this what you dreamed about as a little girl, that you'd have a man who withdraws into silence whenever the mood strikes him?

 

 

Really ! You don't believe in a book written by a man that has a Master degree in Science and creative intelligence and has written 17 books on relationships but you believe in all those Disney prince charming stories you watched as a child. ..............Ok!

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He told me in his past relationships he ignored his girlfriend for a month when he was mad at her. How long should I give him?

 

It's just I had an ex like this in the past. Who didn't contact me even when he had free time.

 

This is not men caving. Men caving last a couple of days.

 

A man that ignores his girlfriend for an entire month is a manipulative controlling freak.

 

Consider yourself SINGLE if he doesn't contact you for 3 days.

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I'm just worried because his ex is still in his life. I do trust him but I don't trust her.

 

You trust him but not her? how does that work? How can something happened between them without your boyfriend's consent ? c'mon!

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Really ! You don't believe in a book written by a man that has a Master degree in Science and creative intelligence and has written 17 books on relationships...

 

I gotta say, I crack an eyebrow at the discipline of "the Science of Creative Intelligence" (what Wiki notes his Masters as being in).

 

Wiki also reports that there is controversy about whether the author of Venus/Mars received that degree from an accredited uni or not.

 

I definitely don't put stock in the number of books someone has written, either.

 

:)

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I gotta say, I crack an eyebrow at the discipline of "the Science of Creative Intelligence" (what Wiki notes his Masters as being in).

 

Wiki also reports that there is controversy about whether the author of Venus/Mars received that degree from an accredited uni or not.

 

I definitely don't put stock in the number of books someone has written, either.

 

:)

 

 

I was making a point to the other poster.

 

Between John Gray and Walt Disney prince charming collection which one you'd take advice from.

 

I never heard something so silly than 'Is he the man you dreamed about when you were a little girl'.

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hum... mirror back. If he doesn't contact you, don't contact him. He will on his own time. It is possible that he uses time to "punish" you for whatever real or imaginary faults you may have or simply taking his time to process his week.

 

Either way, spending time is a strong sign of interest. Likewise, lack of spending time shows little emotional investment.

 

This is not about him being a good bf, it is about you acknowledging your needs and finding a partner to want to fulfill them happily and willingly.

 

Really, take this opportunity to think long and hard about what sort of a man you want by your side. How you want to be treated, how you want - not just to be loved, but showed that you are loved. People who withdraw, who kick you when you are down, who ignore you when you open your heart to them... is this how you want to be loved? Is this your definition of love, rejection?

 

It is meant to be easy. It is meant to flow.

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I agree especially since he just ignored my texts and didn't even bother opening them. I don't want to just be with someone during their good times. I'm looking for something more serious than that.

 

I did apologize to him so I guess we'll see how long it takes him to finally read the messages and respond.

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I agree especially since he just ignored my texts and didn't even bother opening them. I don't want to just be with someone during their good times. I'm looking for something more serious than that.

 

Then move on.

 

He has a history of ignoring his girlfriends up to 1 month. By the way what woman in her right mind waits 1 month after a boyfriend.

 

His ex is still and his life and you feel something fishy is going on.

 

Again move on.

 

How long have you been dating?

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I agree especially since he just ignored my texts and didn't even bother opening them. I don't want to just be with someone during their good times. I'm looking for something more serious than that.

 

I did apologize to him so I guess we'll see how long it takes him to finally read the messages and respond.

I wouldn't bother waiting, tbh. If he can't be bothered to respond, has kept women waiting for a month (who's the bigger idiot, them or him??) He's a manipulative person, and used to getting his own way.

Apart from the qualities he shares with any loyal puppy, what does he really have going for him that other guys don't?

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I wouldn't wait longer than a few days or a week before moving on. We've been dating for 3 months now.

 

I was in a long distant relationship where we used to talk every day. When he was busy he told me he would contact me at a later time. If I was able to have this in a relationship with a guy I had never met then I don't see why I can't have it with a guy I see regularly.

 

I think I'm going to wait til tomorrow to come up with a decision. If he still hasn't read my message then I'll move on.

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He's ignored two of his exs for that long. That's not the relationship I want. It's downright rude and childish.

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Why?

 

What's so special about tomorrow that you have to put off anything from today?

 

He doesn't seem to have highlighted today as being any different from tomorrow, either, come to that....

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He's ignored two of his exs for that long. That's not the relationship I want. It's downright rude and childish.

 

And you think he will treat you differently?

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He's ignored two of his exs for that long. That's not the relationship I want. It's downright rude and childish.
take your time. It is great to be in contact with your anger. Take your time to make up Your Own Mind & be convinced of it, not because a bunch of strangers on internet tell you to.

 

This sort of RS messes with your head and amplifies the worries & doubts and only confirme your doubts & feelings of low self esteem. It is / will be very hard to extricate yourself from this, so be as gentle and as kind as you can with yourself. What you are going through right now is hard! My thoughts are with you.

 

Best of luck, OP

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I guess part of me is hoping he'll either change or apologize. Probably not going to happen though if he uses ignoring as his way of communicating. I'm just going to focus on me.

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That's exactly the most difficult part - to switch focus from someone who has the power (took the power) to give you moments of happiness (and years of feelings of insecurity and unsettlement) to thinking about yourself. What makes you happy. How men add to your feeling of happiness not how they take it away from you, only to give you little breadcrumbs, at their will...

 

You should hold the power, not him. You should not pang over him. You are the sole contributor to your own serenity and peace of mind. Choose a partner who gives you more love, not one who takes away your tranquility.

 

it's very hard, if your self esteem is shaky and was always put down. Irrelevant of this dude, if you take him back or if you don't, work on yourself. Do yoga, do healing meditations, work on breathing, learn to love to be on yourself and to love yourself.

 

This sort of men - dark, tourmented - have a high power of attraction. You need to get extra strong to resist such attractions. Ideally, not even get involved with such individuals.

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He's ignored two of his exs for that long. That's not the relationship I want. It's downright rude and childish.

 

And history will repeat itself. It's his pattern. The silent treatment. It's a covert way to punish and control. You're next. Don't stick around for it.

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OP, don't stick around for this guy.

 

He uses silence to punish girlfriends (as evidenced by his claim of ignoring a girlfriend for a month) which tells me he's immature and manipulative. He is not boyfriend material. If it's like this after only 3 months, can you imagine what would happen if you encountered serious problems down the road? No thanks.

 

Granted, I do think you could improve your own communication skills. Passive-aggressive jibes over text is not the way to communicate your feelings effectively. That type of discussion needs to happen in person.

 

Also, it doesn't make a lot of sense to trust your boyfriend but not his ex. She can't really cause problems without his consent and participation.

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