Must Read Break Up Story

[TF1111]

Hey All,

 

This is truly more of a vent than looking for answers as I believe no one could possibly know at this point. However I will share the entire story as much of it as I can re call.

 

Starting with myself. I come from a really good family, good morals, family has money and I have worked my way up a corporation to a top spot as well.

 

In late 2013 I was dating a rebound girl after breaking off an engagement with my college sweetheart. Being that I started dating her at the tail end of the engagement I never felt the pain of that break up. I just sugar coated it.

 

In December 2013 I was working at a gym when I met her. Let's call her Jane. Jane is 3 years younger then my, stunning, wild, free spirited and unlike any girl I have ever met. The type of girl that walks into a room and is immediately noticed and loved by everyone present.

 

The first time we made eye contact it was as if the world stopped. I was in a relationship and so was she but it was clear the connection between us was way to strong. We began flirting for the next 10 days until we ended up at a bar with coworkers on a Saturday night and literally went at it on the dance floor. A mutual co worker pulled us a side and said we were being inappropriate and to exchange numbers and take it from there.

 

From that point on we were inseparable. I had discovered that Jane had bounced around the foster care system and was a bit of a nomad. Jumping from relationship to relationship obviously dealing with some commitment issues. Both of her parents are scziphrenic and she was sexually abused by her mother before being removed. Due to these facts I was scared to leave the girl I was with to be with someone who was so unstable.

 

 

For the next month or so Jane was my girl on the side. I bounced between the two girls until one night Jane sent me a text that she wasn't waiting for me anymore. I asked her to reconsider but got silence. The next day at work she said she had made a mistake and wanted to be with me. I said I wanted to be with her and just her and a week or so later we started dating.

 

The first month everything was fairy tales and roses. We do truly love each other like nothing anyone has ever seen and people could see it from all over. Jane and I both have drug issues and although I had been clean for years we started partying.... Hard. Big NYC night clubs VIP tables and a lot of ecstasy in the first month. The sex was over powering for the both of us.

 

One month in on a train ride home completely hungover Jane told me the reason she had cut me off was because she was also sleeping with another coworker at the gym. The floor COMPLETLEY fell out from underneath me. I was shattered. We had broken up for a day but I took her back. Over the next month she lied and lied about all the details of their relationship until I got all the details from third parties. She claimed she didn't want to hurt me but I think she was just covering her own ass.

 

For the next year and a half we dated. I had claimed to let that go but it ate me up inside and often got brought up in fights. Our relationship had ups and downs. Mostly characterized by an intense spiritual and physical connection that scared the both of us. Our love was so over powering every one in our presence couldn't under stand it.

 

During this time the drugs and the partying got worse and worse and worse. Both of us are sexually promiscuous and during this drug and party binges often had threesomes and out right risky sexual experiences. I felt like a celebrity. Big VIP tables parties drugs. This girl looks like a Barbie doll and had no problem grabbing a bunch of other girls to join us on our fun.

 

Our day to day life was normal. We lived together for a year. Had a cat. We were a big time fitness couple and always hit the gym together. We had a really nice life.

 

Fast forward to 2015. We had went to different gyms over the year but finally ended up working together again. At this point the drugs and partying were out of control. We would begin taking Molly on our days off and just having sex all day. Our life had become fighting having sex making up and trying to resume life as normal.

 

Late 2016 her feeling changed almost immediately over night. She broke up with me just like that. I later learned she had been interested in someone else and was trying to peruse that. She's a bit of a nut and a psychic told her one time she was going to end up with a cop and she believes that. The guy she basically left me for was a cop. No shocker.

 

From June to August 2016 she basically lead me along while I chased her with everything in me until she started dating this other guy. Now I am 26, make 6 figures, live in my house by the water, and I am always in fantastic shape. To top it off I'm very old school and a romantic. This guy was a total loser. One they started dating I chased her hard and harder until finally she blocked me in every way possible even changing her phone number.

 

I was devastated. But I have up. I had checked her social media various times to see a billion pictures of them and in my gut I knew they weren't happy. In September I gave up and started dating a really nice girl. She's really perfect. Let's call her Alexa. Alexa is older very mature great job amazing girlfriend. I was "ok" but still very much so in love with Jane.

 

In late October I sent Jane an email. The only way I knew how to reach her. I told her I was still thinking about her and wanted her back in my life. No response. On the night of November 10th 2015 I was laying in bed texting Alexa. Alexa had asked if I had heard from Jane or if we have talked. I went on a long rant about how she was done and I was done and it was COMPLETLEY over. Alexa laughed and said you don't know women she'll be back. I promise you. I laughed and said there's no way. RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS CONVERSATION like the universe was listening at 11:30pm I get a call from an unknown number. I felt my heart beating out of my chest. I already knew who it was.... After 3-4 of rings I picked up.

 

Straight out of an Adele song I heard "hello, it's me". My heart was beating so loud I couldn't believe it. The conversation kind of went like "I am near your house I don't know if your with your new girlfriend or not but I wanted to see if I could come over" I finally said yes and 15 minutes later my doorbell rang

 

Before I opened the door I looked in the mirror. Since we saw each other last I had gotten 2 promotions at work and was in the best shape of my life after losing 25 pounds. I was ready for this moment. I swing open the door and there Jane is. Tears in her eyes as she shyly said "hey"

 

I let Jane in and immediately notice she looks like she's been to hell and back. This once Barbie doll looking supermodel looks like she ran through a dumpster.

 

For the next 3 hours we cried a lot and then laughed and we caught up on our lives. She confirmed everything I thought. She said the guy was a loser and she was miserable and missed me so much. It was a nice ego boost. we made out a little bit and she left. Just like that. When she went home I texted her how I want to take her back and she told me she had to figure out her life.

 

Over the next week we reconnected and had an amazing time doing basic stuff. During this time I had found out she was also talking to an old **** buddy of hers and she was basically choosing between the two of us even. Finally on 11/22 we spent a beautiful day in the city and it felt like we were together again. At the end of the night we sat in a park and I asked her what's gonna happen with us. She is HORRIBLE at communicating but blurted out "'maybe I am falling in love with you again" and then "but I'm fighting it". That night she tried to have sex with me but I turned her down and said "this time I want your heart not your body"

 

The next day she asked me why I wanted to be with her and I told her. The following day she said I think we shouldn't hang out like that anymore and just be friends. I had assumed she picked the other guy so I chased and chased and chased until finally in mid December she blocked me again. And I gave up.

 

On 1/6 we had started talking again. She didn't mention the other guy but at one point she said she hasn't been with anyone since before christmass. We talked for a week until one day out of the blue she blocked me again. I sent her a long really nasty email about how she's messed up and we are done. We got in a short but huge fight via email and that was it.

 

Over the next week she posted some crazy stuff on social media about loving someone but being over it. And being heart broken and all that stuff. A mutual friend had called her apparently to tell her how good of a guy I am and how much I love her and how she will regret it.

 

A week passed since this giant fight and one night she texts me. She comes over and we have sex and that entire week she was really talking about us getting back together. She stated how much she misses me and how all she thinks about is how much stuff she misses about me.

 

About 2 Saturday's ago I went out to some bars with my friends but was texting her all night. She kept telling me how I am a cut above the rest and dating around made her realize how lucky she is to have me and basically talking about us in future tense. At this point I was convinced I had her back. That night she was sending emails back and forth to my mom about how we were getting back together. We said goodnight at 3am and the next day we were going to get lunch.

 

At lunch the next day it was a complete 180. She basically said she's confused. Doesn't know what she wants. And we should be friends for now. My heart SHATTETED at the table. She looked at me so sadly and said I'm sorry I can feel your heart breaking from here. She dropped me off and that was that. For the next week I pressured her for answers. I tried to figure it all out. This time I truly didn't get it. Finally on 2/7 our anniversary I told her I love her but I'm done and to have a really beautiful life and I will truly miss her.

 

I have now been ZERO contact for the first time ever for almost a week. 2/11 was her birthday and I didn't say a word. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I will not say a word.

 

Here is the summary from everything:

 

I am madly in love with this girl. I want her back badly. I know she loves me too however do to her upbringing she has mega commitment issues. I think also due to her age she has some grass is greener on the other side issues going on as well because we were going to get married.

 

Maybe we are toxic to each other but the love and friendship there is unreal. I am pretty confident no contact is the best approach as a) I have never implemented it with her before and b) she may or may not be a sociopath and just wants power over me.

 

Will I hear from her again

[Satu]

Love or dysfunctional attachment?

 

There are many things that people call 'love' which aren't love at all.

 

Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, wanting, craving and needing.

 

Its important to understand those differences.

 

Those things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing.

 

Really reflect on that.

 

It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better.

 

 

Here's a little test:

 

 

"Love is total commitment to a person's wellbeing."

 

 

If you can both meet that standard, its love.

 

If you can't, it isn't.

 

 

 

Take care.

[TF1111]

I and everyone involved knows there is a lot of dysfunctional attachment.

 

 

However we are both on better paths individually and I think we would both get questions answered if we tried again

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Yes, she probably will contact you again. You both appear to be addicted to the drama, so the pattern will continue.

 

Do whatever you want as long as you aren't hurting Alexa. It is unfair to keep her as a backup while you cheat on her with your ex. Her feelings matter and she doesn't deserve to be treated that way.

[TF1111]

Alexa is 100% aware of the entire circumstances and chooses to be involved. She wants better for me. Truly I do want to move on and know it's best. Addicted to the drama is probably correct.

[Hoosfoos]

If you get back with her, she will cheat on you. Then again, and again.

[Marc878]

Look up serial cheater.

 

Why would anyone knowingly go there.

 

No one not even her can fix that.

[TF1111]

This is kind of why I posted....

 

I come from a really good family. Two great parents. I have a very anyltical mind but I am also an extremely emotional person. I tend to give to much of myself in relationships and tend to pick "broken people" as I want to fix them. I believe I have secure attachment however I air on the side on anxious attachment.

 

Jane as I stated has 2 scziphrenic parents and her mother sexually abused her. She then spent 15 years in foster care before ending up with her grandparents who in my opinion don't care about her needs.

 

She is dismissive avoident attachment. She is deffinitley impulsive. Permiscuous. And your right would probably cheat on me again.

 

It's very hard for me to seperate the heart and the mind. I do love the girl and I can say it is love. Especially after the break up I do really want what's best for her and she is not on the best of paths right now. However I am learning that you can't save everyone.

 

My mindset is 100% on moving on however, I can't help but be drawn back. It's a mix of co dependency love and a general desire to help the girl. In the relationship I often acted more as a parent then a boyfriend.

 

I had spoken with my ex fiancé after our break up. We are still close as we were just to young and ended on decent terms. She was a) PISSED off at Jane that she watched me go back to using drugs b) feels I need to pick girls that aren't so problematic (my ex fiancé has her own issues including a close of a parent and sexual abuse)

 

As an interesting trend of mine. I have been in 3 long term relationships

 

1) Her mother died when she was young and grew up just with her father

 

2) her father died when she was 13 and was subsequently sexually molested by her older brother

 

3) Jane whose past I had revealed.

 

Between these relationships I had dated a few girls who had zero issues but I couldn't "fall in love with them"

 

Alexa is older then me, more mature then me, great job, great family, secure attachment. Almost makes me question my "picker" so to speak

[Been]

Really? She cheats and so do you. Your both toxic to eachother. Hell you were both dating someone else when you first hooked up. BOTH of you are too immature to even be in a relationship.

Know what's going to happen? One of these days you or her are going to escalate an argument to the point the police become involved.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

So your current girlfriend knows you had sex with your ex and would step aside in a heartbeat if she wanted you back?

 

It is difficult to believe she could be so selfless, unless she has no attachment to you at all.

 

Either way it still sounds disrespectful to keep her as a backup.