Last Letter to Ex?

[Push_Through_It]

I know that we agreed to see each other before you move but I'm not going to be able to make that happen anymore. After a lot of internal debate I've decided it's in my best interest to make a clean cut and end our communication with each other as one last encounter would stir up more emotion and pain than I could handle.

 

In my heart I know that I can never just be friends with you and after hearing you admit there were things you'd never feel comfortable enough sharing with me I'm confident that any future attempt at a relationship would be futile as well. I don't want to spend my life questioning my partners words or wondering if they're hiding things from me and I know you don't want a relationship where you feel it's too unsafe to fully open up and be your true self.

 

My heart is breaking at the thought of never seeing you again but I also know this is what I need to move on. I will always cherish the love that we shared and the time that we spent together and I sincerely wish you all the best with your move and new chapter of life.

 

-PTI

Edited February 13, 2016 by Push_Through_It

[Satu]

I'm not usually a fan of last letters, but in this case I think it's a reasonable idea, because you need to let her know that you won't be meeting.

 

 

Personally, I wouldn't do the declaration of love and the broken heart bit.

 

 

 

Take care.

[Simon Phoenix]

Is there a date set? If so, then yes, I'd send her something -- though probably something much shorter than that. If there isn't a date set for the meet-up, see if she contacts you to confirm. If she does that, then explain why you can't meet up. If she doesn't confirm, then just let it slide and don't meet up at all.

[Push_Through_It]

Satu - Thanks for your feedback, After reading it again I agree the broken heart and declaration of love can be removed. They really don't add any substance to my main purpose which is that I no longer wish to meet up.

 

Simon_Phoenix - No date was set for us meeting up as I was about to leave on an open-ended road trip and wasn't sure when I would return. She'll be leaving in early March though so I'm sure shes expecting some type of communication before then and probably thought it would happen once I returned.

 

I do see your point about keeping it short and must admit that I have a tenancy to be wordy in times like these. I think part of my intent with this is also to address some of the comments she made when we last spoke when she mentioned "I told my family just the other day that you were the one, and who knows what the future holds; you still might be."

 

I think a message like what I drafted could help put that final nail in the coffin but maybe it's not even needed. Maybe it should just be a rip of the band-aid and walk the other way.

[K2z]

My final letter to my ex was a little long, but I personally don't regret a word of it.

 

Here it is:

 

I was daydreaming today.

 

I let my mind wander into a fantasy place in which maybe you decided you made a mistake and tried to come back to me. And then, I recalled a very real phone conversation I had with my mother in which she told me she would never accept you into our family after the hurt I’ve been through.

 

That’s when it hit me. Your family probably said the same thing, or something very similar, to you.

 

I don’t know whether it would have been your mother or your sisters… but someone in your family saw a hurt in you that I did not manage to see enough of— partially because you hid a lot of it from me, but also because I wasn’t able to see it. Maybe I didn’t let myself see it. And I think your family tried to protect you from more hurt of the same kind. That’s why you became convinced “we can’t marry.”

 

I want you to know I didn’t realize how badly you were hurting because of my delays. You would send me crying emoticons on Facebook, but you never spelled it out it to me so clearly, using sincere and personal words, until the emails we exchanged two days before your wedding. I wish so deeply that you had used such plain language a year ago, and told me that you had “cried in your heart,” or that you were becoming convinced that “we can’t marry.”

 

My belief at the time was that we were slowly but surely working our way toward a lifetime commitment. I realize in retrospect that my delays, and my caution, were sending you signals that you were somehow not good enough. Nothing could be further from the truth, or from how I felt.

 

I daydreamed my way past a lot of the urgent signals you were sending me — but let me just explain to you what the daydream looked like.

 

Most US guys want to propose marriage in a special way, with a certain element of surprise— not plan it out, like some kind of negotiation. So what I imagined would happen was that sometime before the end of 2015, I would go down on one knee and put our family’s diamond ring on your finger, and ask you “XXXXX, will you marry me?”

 

THAT’S how I always imagined proposing— and that’s what I would have done with you before the end of the year, even if you had just come back from [Europe] as scheduled with no trouble in between. You can refuse to believe that for the rest of your life, but I swear to God that it is true.

 

I don’t write this in the hopes of reversing anything that has happened. You have made an irreversible decision, and I now cannot be a part of your life in any way whatsoever — including, unfortunately, as friends. Friends is simply not possible. I think deep down, you know that too.

 

I write this because this time around, it is me who has cried in my heart for many months now, and in more recent days my heart feels completely destroyed. My pain now, and your pain before, seem to be linked in a circle. I write this so I can make the circle of pain a little smaller.

 

These are my final words to you.

[Push_Through_It]

K2z - Thank you for sharing your letter with me. I can tell that it was deeply personal and I imagine pretty difficult to write after what you're going through. I read a bit more of your thread and want to first say that you are never too old to find love and I hope the rainstorm you're weathering unearths many beautiful flowers in your life.

 

I'm curious to know more about your intentions in sending your note and whether or not you actually found peace once you hit send. From a few of your previous comments in the thread you allude to wanting to put a pebble in Cinderella's shoe and even purposely signed it with your full name since that's how she did it when you broke up, almost as if the letter was created as half therapy and half attack. Did this work for you, and did you ever get a response?

 

Thank you again for contributing to my situation!

[K2z]

 

I'm curious to know more about your intentions in sending your note and whether or not you actually found peace once you hit send...almost as if the letter was created as half therapy and half attack. Did this work for you, and did you ever get a response?

 

If I am going to be honest, I'd say that characterization is spot on... half therapy and half attack.

 

I deliberately avoided reading her the riot act in the letter or accusing her of being a bad person... but I also wanted to shut down a lot of bulls**t she included in the emails we exchanged two days before her wedding about how "I think we can be very good friends because we can't marry."

 

Yeah, right... good friends. Let me pull this knife out of my heart and wipe it off so you can use it on your wedding cake.

 

So, I felt a real need to stake out some dignity for myself and shut her down a bit-- let her know that this wild decision of hers has a cost, and that cost is me.

[rickdiculous]

I really don't get the sending the goodbye letter.

 

If he wanted to talk about unresolved feeling about you he would set the time aside.

 

BUT he hasn't / thus he has nothing to say.

 

I know you have a lot to say

 

BUT

 

Write it all and don't send it. Wait a month and see how you feel.

 

I did this and I realized how much my feeling had changed. I would have been mortified if I had sent it.

 

Your emotions are too fluid and changing right now to put in words.

 

Plus your ex is in a different mental state then you. He/she will not understand your words the way you think they will.

[Satu]

When all the words have been said, there nothing left to be said.

 

 

"I love you." Been said.

 

"I'm sorry." Been said.

 

"I still want you." Been said.

 

"You hurt me." Been said.

 

"My heart is broken." Been said.

 

"We can't be friends." Been said.

 

 

Take care.

[Satu]

Snip

 

*Let me pull this knife out of my heart and wipe it off so you can use it on your wedding cake.

 

 

Thats an incredibly powerful image, and very apt.