Dumped My Girlfriend For Disrespecting Me!

[soulforge]

If your partner disrespected you in public and really hurt your feelings, would you dump them, or stick around for further hurt and humiliation down the road?

[soulforge]

Its been 3 weeks now.. i have feelings for her, but was forced to dump her.

[TaraMaiden2]

Need more info. Disrespect covers many different things and levels. One person's disrespect is another person's tactlessness....

 

Sorry. Until we can make more of an objective comment, who knows?

[Wewon]

Character rules everything.

 

Unless a person has some fundamental change of heart, I would assume that the attitude will manifest itself in different ways.

[soulforge]

e has just turned 49 years old.. has her own house, car, and a good income.. and she has come out of a divorce around 3 years ago!

 

I am 39 years old, we was dating for 6 months and it was a committed relationship, things was fine between us, other than one ISSUE

 

She used to go out drinking quite allot in bars & sometimes get drunk. It seemed like she was quite into the bar life with her friends.

 

Since seeing me, she did tone it down somewhat tho.

 

Anyhow things started getting serious with us, we talked about living together, i met all her family etc & she was going to meet mine.

 

3 weeks ago we was watching a movie & talking, so you asked me what my do's and don'ts are in a relationship.. she wanted to know what i find acceptable or not acceptable in a LTR.

 

As things was getting serious, i decided now is a good time to talk about our boundaries..

 

I explained to her i am perfectly fine with her going out for drinks, on occasions, family events, birthdays etc etc.. but i don't feel just going out to bars generally to get drunk or on regular nights out would be healthy thing for a relationship.

 

I spoke calmly without making demands, and she seemed to be fine with what i wad saying, and she agreed, so we dropped the subject.

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, we both booked some time off work & decided to go stop for a few days at her friends luxury apartment in Scotland.. It was my GFs birthday, so i thought it would be nice for her..

 

She told me that her friend would like us to join her for a meal on one of the days.. i was perfectly fine with this!

 

so we arranged to go for a meal then pop into a bar or two for some drinks after with her friend..

 

Earlier that day we had been walking all day sight seeing & had done quite a bit of driving too.. so i was feeling quite exhausted.

 

So i suggested to my GF that we don't stay out too late tonight... so at this point she TURNED on me & snapped.

 

Her - You need to get over it, this is my friend who i have not seen in ages, whats your problem, you need to get over it ok blah blah blah

 

 

i was quite shocked to hear her outburst.

 

 

ME - Hey i'm perfectly happy going out with your friend, i just didn't want to be out too late (i.e) all night or very late because its been a very long day.

 

 

Her - Well my friend needs to be back home for around 9.30pm or 10.00pm anyway

 

 

ME - Well that is fine.. Why the rudeness and attitude, i didn't like the way you spoke to me just there. I didn't mean anything bad by what i said.

 

 

We then spent rest of the day walking around, site seeing and hardly speaking to each other.. we didn't hold hands etc, like we normally do.. i felt quite miffed off with her outburst.

 

Later that night we got together for that meal.. I spoke to her friend as nicely as possible. Keep in mind i have never met this friend of hers before.

 

During the meal, her friend told my GF that she has bought a villa in Malta & they should fly out to Malta for a girls holiday, nights out, drinking, shopping etc.

 

My GF jumped at the chance, and agreed to it straight away.. GF even suggested March this year, even tho we had both agreed to go abroad together as soon as we both got our holiday time booked off work in March.

 

I found it strange she agreed to this GIRLS holiday straight away, without even discussion with me, about the holiday me and her had already planned together.

 

so we was sat around the table chatting, and i noticed my GF was drinking alot.. half way into the meal, she was pretty DRUNK!!

 

and her friend was quite tipsy.. i decided to use the toilet, when i came back to the table, they was both talking to each other quietly, but stopped as soon as they saw me.. it looked a bit suss to me!

 

that coming Saturday me and the GF & her daughters was supposed to be going out to a bar/diner in Manchester for her birthday.. i was invited by her daughters.. we had planned this meal and drinks over a week ago.

 

all of a sudden her friend who i have known for around 2 hours tells me...

 

Friend - you seem like the cool, laid back, chilled out type.. i don't think you would enjoy this bar your going to at the weekend, its quite a upbeat party kinda place..

 

 

Me - Why wouldn't i enjoy it.. i don't mind places like that sometimes, it makes a change..

 

 

Friend - Maybe you should both try work something else out

 

 

GF - This is going to sound disrespectful, but i think i WILL drive you back home tomorrow, i don't think u would enjoy this bar..

 

Me - Well i'm old enough to make that decision for myself, but i think i will leave it.. i won't be coming to the bar with you.. its not a problem.

 

I knew my GF had conspired with her friend to put me off the idea.

 

I could clearly tell my GF did not want me there with her at the weekend, and this was her and her friends idea of trying to convince me that i should not go.. Hint taken!

 

An hour later, my GF is still quite drunk. I then suggest i will call us a taxi to get me and my GF back to the apartment.

 

my GF then states we don't have a number for a taxi, and we can't google the number on your phone because its RUBBISH.. i then tell her, my phone is not rubbish i can make calls, i can send text messages, that's all i need..

 

i don't need facebook and whatever else u get on smartphones.. at this point my GF starts to argue with me.. she angrily shouts your phone is rubbish, get google on it then, prove it...

 

I tell her.. your tone right now is quite rude, and your making a scene and you are DRUNK.. i felt like i was being disrespected in front of her friend.

 

it was getting quite embarrassing.. so i called a taxi and we both left.. we hardly spoke to each other on the way back, when we got back to the apartment she headed straight for the spare room, and went to bed and left me stood there like an idiot

 

so i slept in the bed without her... i was furious all night long and could not sleep.. felt so disrespected..

 

i was in a strange place, and stuck with her for another 3 days... so during the night i packed my things, and first thing in the morning i left.. and caught a Train costing me £110 back to my home town.. the train journey took 4 hours

 

 

when i got home.. i sent her this simple text message..

 

Hi sorry i will not be seeing you again, goodbye

 

i could have explained more, about why i am ending it.. but i felt there was no point in explaining, as she should already know why i have done this.

 

 

she sent a text back..

 

I Totally agree with it..

 

I'm not sure what to do now.. i liked her allot, and felt like ending it was the only choice i had left, otherwise i would be accepting bad behavior from her, and things could get even worse

[ExpatInItaly]

Can you provide more information, OP?

 

What did she say or do that caused you to end the relationship? How long were you together?

[soulforge]

When i ended it.. she rang and left some voice mail messages, claiming that she was going to end it too.. and she is fine with it bieng over.

 

 

She also made me feel like a scrounger, claiming i did not pay towards anything when we was dating..

 

Whats hurts me is.. if there was an issue or a problem, then why not talk to me about it privately..why embarrass me infront of her friend

[Poutrew]

Don't feel bad, OP. In my opinion, she gave you very little choice. She and her friend obviously wanted to go the party scene and they didn't want you around. They wanted to be free to play. Hook up. *uck guys. They both planned this ambush, and got what they wanted. Your problem is going to come when she finally gets back home. She'll be super apologetic, and try to worm herself back into your good graces. Let bygones be bygones and all that. She'll promise that it was all just a misunderstanding, and she never meant to break up with you... she's really not that way... she was just too drunk, bla bla bla. Don't believe it. She showed you her true self. You need to put the garbage to the curb and keep it there. You see, if you do let her back after how she disrespected you, she will have no problem thinking of you as nothing but her doormat. She will be wiping her dirty go go boots clean on your face from here on. Just go NC. And find someone better...

[ExpatInItaly]

My goodness.

 

OP, you definitely made the right decision. You were insulted and dis-invited from her birthday. Going out once in a while with the girls and having some drinks is not such a big deal, but I get the sense from your post that this was a fairly regular occurrence, especially if you felt the need to explain you weren't comfortable with her getting drunk on regular basis. It would have continued to cause friction.

 

You have dodged a bullet.

[sandylee1]

I agree that she disrespected you. Her lifestyle isn't the same as yours...she drinks too much and you seem more sensible than that. Makes me wonder why she got divorced.

 

I would have been annoyed in your situation too. She didn't do anything to make you feel welcome with her friend and just behaved like a teenager with a tantrum. It's a good job you discovered this side of her before you lived together.

 

Her and her friend sounds like Dorian from birds of a feather.

[Murek]

When i ended it.. she rang and left some voice mail messages, claiming that she was going to end it too.. and she is fine with it bieng over.

 

 

She also made me feel like a scrounger, claiming i did not pay towards anything when we was dating..

 

Whats hurts me is.. if there was an issue or a problem, then why not talk to me about it privately..why embarrass me infront of her friend

 

See this is something I vibe with.

 

I feel you.

 

Truth being told talking about issues,problems, being honest with others is something truly hard especially if they care. A lot of people will react to certain situations with different views and actions; Clearly this was the case. My advice is to not respond to her reaching out - express that if you must. A suggestion for this could be "do not contact me unless its something of worth."

[Been]

Man you did the right thing. If you didn't it would just repeat itself down the line.

49 years old and still has to run around to bars. That right in itself should speak volumes about her.

Funny because I dated a woman who was around 48 -older then me.

At first I thought she was great. Then on one date we went to a bar and BAM

She turned into a different person. Funny because alcohol sometimes can be a truth serum.

[soulforge]

I felt hurt, disrespected.. if she did not want me to come, then why not just talk to me in private.. why make a complete ass out of me, infront of her friend.

 

She invited me, but then sneakely took that invitaion away.. i felt so belittled when she said she WILL drive me home tommorow..

 

Why not give me a choice wether i want to come or not?

 

 

She has texted me every day for the last 2 weeks... no apology, no remorse.. just bread crumbs.. i have ignored her, and remained strictly NC

 

I miss her... but i do not know how to move forward.. if i get back together with her, the disrespect could get even worse.

 

 

What shall i do? She does not even realise what she has done wrong?

Edited February 14, 2016 by soulforge

[Zahara]

You move forward by blocking all contact, pushing through your pain to get to the other side. Receiving breadcrumbs keeps you connected and affected. Cut it out.

 

I hate to sound harsh but if you get back with her, she'll take you for a doormat. She's 49. She's likely stuck in her ways and not about to change to accommodate you.

 

Of course she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. It's because she doesn't give a crap about how you feel.

 

You did the right thing. Unless you want to go back to being treated badly, block her and go cold turkey.

[Simon Phoenix]

You should stay broken up and block her (not sure why you haven't yet). You're simply incompatible and she shouldn't treat you like that in public. I kind of get her being annoyed if she thought you were treating her like a child, but that's no excuse for her to disrespect you like that. What you said was not in any way deserving of the response she gave you. You're good not to put up with that and you shouldn't put up with that.

 

But even without the disrespect factor, I think you two are on different wavelengths.

[LostOnes05]

Ahh...if you could hear the round of applause I just gave you. You did the right thing! Why do you think she keeps reaching out to you if SHE thinks you did the right thing and is happy about it?? It's because she isn't happy about it. Continue to have no contact with her...it's soothing for the soul. And if you get any weak moments, just think if this is someone 1) who respects you and 2) whose behavior you can accept. Some people love drama no matter how old they get. Just remember that age doesn't necessitate maturity. Best of luck man!! (don't cave in)

[soulforge]

I wanted to clarify, her friend was not coming to this bar at the weekend.. it was meant to be my GF her 3 daughters and me... but then i got dis-invited..

 

 

She said in her voicemail that she won't be told where she can go (meaning bars)

 

 

So here are the main problems if i get back with her..

 

01. She may do exactly as she pleases, by going out to bars drinking etc, and i will not be able to say anything about it.

 

02. I fear by letting this incident go, she may walk all over me in the future

 

03. She also said she was happy for it to end, so if i reach out to her to talk, she may well reject me, and i then become the dumpee

 

04. She does not seem to realise, that she has done much wrong

 

05. Plus breadcrumbs, but no clear indication if she wants me back

 

 

This her last text to me.. this came through yesterday!

 

 

HER - We was together around 7 months, and you have just walked out like this without explenation.

 

All this over something silly that happened that night.. i'm not asking for anything off you, but it wouldn't hurt you to text me back.

 

 

Is she wanting a text for closure?

 

 

Is NC and moving on my only options here???? Feel torn about what to do.

[soulforge]

Right now NC seems to be the only option, as i fear she may treat me like crap again or the bar / night life may become a big issue in the relationship.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, NC is your only option unless you want to in a relationship where you are taken for granted and treated like crap. If that's your thing, go for it. But dude, you need to block her. Why are you giving her access to you? Even if you don't respond, her texts are obviously breaking you down to where you're about to crack. So block them!

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If it was just the fight prior to meeting her friend, I would have suggested that you try to work things out, but what happened later on was so spiteful and cruel I think you did the right thing breaking it off and going no contact.

 

Anyone who is capable of humiliating their partner and tossing them aside like rubbish is not worthy of your love.

 

Just as concerning is the fact that she has no accountability for her actions and has turned it round and blamed you for leaving her. That tells you a lot about her character. If she can't be honest then how can you trust her again?

 

I think it would be helpful for you to block her number so it doesn't mess with your head anymore. You deserve a partner who respects you, clearly she doesn't.

[soulforge]

Again i want to clarify something. .

 

She did not dis-invite me, so she could go drinking with her friend.. her friend was not and did not attend her birthday dinner and drinks..

 

She just coluded with her friend to put me off going to this bar at the weekend..

 

Maybe she did not feel she could enjoy herself or get drunk with me there.. which is stupid because we have a had drinks in the past and its never been a problem.

 

 

If there was any underlying problem, then why did she not just talk to me.. in private!

 

Its the fact that she publicly made me feel like chit and embarrassed is what hurt the most..

 

And to be driven home by her, after being dis-invited would have been too embarrassing for me, this is why i chose to leave..

 

The reason i have not blocked her on whatsapp yet is because..

 

I HAVE BEEN HOPING SHE WILL MESSAGE ME TO APOLOGISE AND ASK ME TO TRY AGAIN, THEN MAYBE WE COULD WORK THINGS OUT..

 

She sent me this message around 1 week ago..

 

Her - Don't you think we should talk like adults, please contact me

 

 

I was very tempted to call her.. but it felt like a breadcrumb, so she can get closure.. she was not clear about her intent why she wants me to talk to her.

 

I am stuck.. i need to move on, yet a little part of me is holding on

[soulforge]

Is there such thing as giving a person a second chance, when in a situation like this? A

[soulforge]

She sent me a picture today...

 

It said, Happy Valetines Day To One Of My Very Best Friends!

 

Also she sent a pic of a heart, with plasters on it... meaning its been hirt i guess..

 

 

I feel like talking to her

[Zahara]

Are you not listening to anything anyone is saying?

 

Realize your REALITY. If you want to go back to someone that is telling you point blank that you will not have a say in what she chooses to do whether it disregards your feelings or not, then go back. Expect to be whacked over the head again.

 

Second chance? She has never even cared to apologize! No remorse. No self-awareness.

 

Everyone is telling you to block her. But you insist on remaining open to her contact.

 

Someone like her is not changing and chances are history will repeat itself. I understand you're missing what you had and you're driven by your emotions, that is why it's best to block her and soon your brain is going to take over.

 

This is a 7 month relationship. Bite the bullet, block her and open yourself to possibilities of meeting women that will respect you, share compatible values and wants with you and possibly give you the relationship you deserve. Stop wondering if you should go back to what's broken because of temporary hurt, sadness.

Edited February 14, 2016 by Zahara

[stillafool]

OP, how many people do you need to tell you that you did the right thing by breaking up with her. Why are you thinking of taking her back???? Just block her, go NC and move on. She totally disrespects you which you agree.