Dating my GF who's a stripper and has 2 kids. break up :)

[Bazamu]

I feel like this is going to be a very long story... maybe, so I will do a talk to text, therefore I apologize in advanced for my grammatical errors, along with my sentence structure.

 

Around late April, I have been going to strip clubs, like it was a bar. Why go to a bar, when you can go to a bar where naked girls are. Keep in mind that the strip club that I went to did not serve alcohol. Most people would drink in the parking lot and then come inside drunk... I was one of those types of people. While I was at the club and a few hours have gone by a beautiful girl sat in front of me. I was recently just going through a breakup and was down on myself while I was at the club and I was not really looking for any type of one night stand, I was there with a girl friend who likes strippers.

 

The girl who sat down next to me started talking to me and had a really cute smile, a very attractive laugh, and a very sexy voice. Now a little bit about me, I have been going to strip clubs for maybe 6 to 7 years. I want someone who would go into a club once a week either. I was one of those young guys who was going to them about 4-5 times a week.

 

Anyways, I have gotten with let's say about 10 girls from the clubs. The girl I was dating just recently has two kids, from two different baby daddies. A little bit about her past, as she's cheated on every one of her boyfriend she's ever been with.

I thought I would be that number one guy that would sweep her off her feet and show how a real lady should be treated. In my mind stripper or not, even people who work at McDonalds cheat.

 

I ended up taking her home, actually it wasn't my home it was my friend's condominium. And had sex with her the first night I met her. That right there should have raised to my first red flag. I take that back, her actually coming home to my friends house was the first red flag. After we decided to go ahead and have intercourse I was about to go to bed, the time was probably around 8 a.m. right when she knows I was about to go to sleep she told me that she was going home. And right there and then I knew that she has done this I don't know how many times but, will probably just say a lot.

 

I guess I will cut this short, we were together for almost 2 years, she does not take child support from any of her baby daddies, and she also doesn't drink do drugs. She only smokes cigarettes so that is really amazing. I also thought that if she didn't do drugs or drink and she was sober the whole time she worked at the strip club, there has to be something mentally wrong in her head.

I would go into her past about her family and how her younger sister is a stripper as well at the same club, but that would take a lot talk to texting lol.

 

Are the reason why we ended our relationship is because she started having feelings for her manager, she acted like he was just someone who wanted to be her friend, well when I looked at her text messages and I see good morning beautiful and sweet dreams all the time on her text messages, and definitely looks like something else is going on. I am pretty sure they are in an intimate relationship now even though it's been a week since he's broken up with me. I hope she gets burned. She gave me a list one time tell me what I can and can't do and one of the times I was talking to a female and she flipped her s*** on me. I find it kind of funny that she's dating her manager or doing something with her manager and her manager flirts and does things with all the other dancers, I know it will only be a matter of time where she might just call me back, but I don't want to be that go to guy. I wish you didn't do this but I guess things just happen and I just have to go ahead and keep my head up.

 

The real reason why I going to say is because I'm trying to cope with all this and it's really hard. How we ended it was even worse, she told me that she was going to have coffee with her manager, and I said it was a date and she said no. I am NOT a fool and I wasn't born yesterday, so I packed up all my stuff and left. She hasn't responded to me in over a week and I have text her a few times during the week, she did try to call me, but I was too late to pick it up. That was probably a good thing though because I don't want to talk to her ever again. I am scared that I might be too weak if he does call me and wants me back and I might just jump back in her arms and let her take advantage of me again.

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[Been]

Go no contact because she will contact you but your right you'll be the fall back guy then. Always option 2. Don't fall into that.

[Downtown]

I also thought that if she didn't do drugs or drink and she was sober the whole time she worked at the strip club, there has to be something mentally wrong in her head.

Perhaps she does have mental problems, Bazamu. Several empirical studies have shown a strong relationship to exist between both stripping and prostitution and having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). One study, for example, found that 55% of strippers have full blown BPD. See If pornography made us healthy, we would be healthy by now :: Catholic News Agency.

 

I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will NOT enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Only a professional can do that. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman who is just like her. Take care, Bazamu.

[Bazamu]

I don't know per say she has a bpd, she has lived a very messed up life, since her dad and mom split up when she was 13. That's when everything went downhill for her. She was pretty much hanging out with other 13 year olds. One specific 13 year old, her parents let them drink, so she considered her parents her mom. Sorry, if this is confusing, but this is her life and I got brought into this crap. I wish no one goes through what I did.

I resent her for the things she has done, and her kids, omg her kids. She let's her baby daddies walk all over her and she doesn't care. I watched this happen for almost 2 years and I told her what we should do and she never did it. I feel like she made me the crazy one!

I know this is part of the breaking up process. I go to bed at 12, sometimes 10pm, then I have this built in clock in my head of what time she gets off, which is around 3am-4am. One of the sad things about this, is sometimes I wish she would throw rocks at my window and she will be standing outside, which she use to do when I would leave.

I'm nI saint and you guys only here one side of the story. We have always had a rocky relationship, it was toxic, very very toxic.

[Downtown]

Bazamu, did most of the 18 traits sound very familiar, to the extent you believe she strongly exhibits those behaviors? If so, which ones? If you are wanting advice -- and are not simply venting -- it would be helpful if we knew more about her specific behaviors. Or, if you prefer to only vent, that is fine too.

[Bazamu]

Sorry for the delay, she has been acting way off since we got back together again. I have come to a realization, me sober now, that all she wanted to do was give herself to me and accept who she is and didn't care what I did. Eventually she wanted to control me and kind of is. Her work (gentlemen club) is her coping mechanism. She also went on coffee with her manager and now tomorrow, they are going to a movie to see deadpool, just them 2.

I am hurting because of all of this, but a little history about us. I have been breaking up and packing all my stuff and leaving every 2 week or so. We literally have broken up 20 or more times.

The last time we broke up, I broke her phone and threw a fit and left. I got mad, because I saw a text on her phone from her manager that said, "good night beautiful". This has been happening for a week or more. Anyways, she is still letting me be with her and I have no idea what to do.... yes yes yes, everyone will say run or you are a piece of ****. I hate what I did to her and her kids by coming in and out of their lives when I choose to. No all I want to do is show I can change, but I think it's too late.

 

I think I need to leave before I even get hurt worse. I dunno. []

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Personal information redacted.

[Bazamu]

And about the BPD traits. I have most of them

[Downtown]

I have been breaking up and packing all my stuff and leaving every 2 week or so. We literally have broken up 20 or more times.

One of the hallmarks of a BPDer relationship is the endless cycle of push-you-away and pull-you-back. These relationships therefore are notorious for having multiple breakups. A BPDfamily survey of about 460 such relationships found that nearly a fourth of them (23%) went through 10 or more complete breakup/makeup cycles BEFORE finally ending for good. About 40% of the BPDer relationships experienced at least six breakup/makeup cycles before ending. See "Results" at BPDfamily Breakup/Makeup Poll.

 

And about the BPD traits. I have most of them

Actually, Bazamu, you should occasionally exhibit all of them. We all do. BPD is not something -- like chickenpox -- that a person "has" or "doesn't have." BPD is not a disease. Instead, it is a set of basic human behaviors that we we all exhibit to some degree.

 

It is called a "spectrum disorder" because every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some extent (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether you or your GF exhibits BPD traits. Of course you do. As I said, we all do.

 

Rather, at issue is whether you or your GF exhibits those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met either of you, I cannot answer that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list.

 

They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as always being "The Victim," lack of impulse control, and rapid event-triggered mood flips. Did you have time to follow the link I provided above to Rebel's Thread? If so, did that discussion ring any bells?

Edited February 21, 2016 by Downtown