Wow. my life. what a life,

[username001]

So i was with a girl about 3 years, high school sweethearts pretty good relationship. first kiss and well my best friend.She left me because she didnt love me anymore and thats just really it.

 

I had a pretty tough life growing up. Crazy home, poverty, drunken, drug addict abusive father and hes been that way every single day, all my life.

 

I grew up sickly hospital up and down, all kinds of stuff was happenning to me. then when i got older i stopped getting sick lol. breaking bones this time. my foot, my arm, dislocations. all kinda ****.

 

I've always hard to work hard, doing all kinds of jobs all day for next to nothing money, but i had to do it. And i never really complained im just talking bout it because i never did before, only with my ex.

 

I lost close friends and family and just had it hard. No role models or anyone to help me in anyway. With all that though, i turned out to be a great guy. I have a great personality, fun, kind, funny as hell and just all round awesome. And i thank god for that.

 

I dont mean to be loading my problems here, just feels good to let it out.

 

So back to the relationship. Like i said it was good, we talked alot and shared alot. we were very close and loved each other alot.

 

It ended the middle of last year. she just wanted different things, well i got alot of other excuses. Its the first time im really talking about all this. I just dont know why i still feel so down sometimes. We never had sex or anything, i never even seen her naked. She said to not rush her or anything and i never did, honestly she wasnt even excited to see me. when she started work she never called me to hang out, never called to have lunch or anything. She never even once asked to see me and idk why i was so weak to let myself be treated that way.

 

It wasnt because she was beautiful or anything that i stayed, it was mainly because for the first time i actually had someone. Someone i couldve talked to about anything, and just had a friend when the day came. I think i created an unhealthy attachment with her and it makes moving on alot harder than it should be.

 

I wish things were diff but they arent, we talked now and then after the break up. Meeting up came up once or twice but she never followed through, she said it'll happen when it has to happen and all that **** i was just like ok.

 

I asked her to start over too, she said she doesnt know and that never really came up again. I dont expect anything from her. Its hard sometimes to know that after sharing so much with someone its just over, and they never look back.

 

Honestly idk if this was love or just attachment from me. I mean i did love her, i wouldve died for her. But how could u love someone who never did much for you, never cared to see you, never came to see you when you were ill and in pain, never made an effort to be a part of my life. Thats not love. That was just me being too scared to end a bad relationship.

 

She had close friends who use to talk **** to me, even a guy she use to held hands with and stuff, i remember the time she was crying, was for him, nothing for me

 

I wanna get over this now. and move on with my life. thanks for reading.

[Marc878]

http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LEV1k9Z71WQYAAZ6bBGOd_;_ylu=X3oDMTEzdXF1MG4yBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDQ0JURDE1XzEEc2VjA3Ny/RV=2/RE=1455282109/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2f7chan.org%2flit%2fsrc%2fRobert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=VUHj37Jygq0euQBLmjQn8zIrQmk-

 

Maybe this will help. A good read.

 

Your life is going to be what you make it. Not her or anyone else.

 

Go dark with her. There's nothing there and probably never was much.

 

Concentrate on your self. Exercise, reading, take some classes. Doesn't matter about the past look to your future and what you want.

[Been]

Honestly I think you just wanted someone in your life so you accepted all the things that you shouldn't have.

The problem with most people is that they don't want to be alone and if faced with being alone they will put up with a lot to insure they have someone.

You deserve better and you'll find it.

[Marco Valerio]

I'm sorry for you man. I'm pretty sure you loved her deeply, and also that your attachment to her was an unhealthy one.

Love has to be seen as a two ways road, what goes on side has to come the other. If it's just about giving and not receiving...then that's not love and it's not worth it.

[b-Shock]

Sorry you're going through all of this right now. Breaking up is hard. It's clearly taken an emotional toll on you.

 

Have you thought about counseling at all? Sometimes you don't realize how much your past effects your ability to move forward in a healthy way. A good counselor can help you process everything and respond appropriately.

 

I hope the best for you. Hang in there.

[frigginlost]

Re-read what you wrote, and reverse it!!

 

Dude!

 

You have been through a hell of a lot, and you survived! Major props to you! You kept moving on and moving forward regardless of what life threw at you!

 

That girl is so minuscule in the totality of the things you made it through. Don't you dare think for a second that she is the one that moved you forward. It was you and only you!

 

You got this!

 

Someone will come along... trust that!

[username001]

Hey guys thanks for the replies. It just gets so damn hard sometimes. It just becomes too much too handle and idk how much more fight i have left in me.