TooMuchThinking Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Just found out he is seeing someone else. I feel like I want to throw up and my head is spinning. I had suspected he was dating this person...but now I know for sure. There is no more hope for us. I've been NC for two weeks...but I don't feel any better. I just want this all to end. Why can't I get over him as easily as he has gotten over me. I feel like a fool. A stupid fool. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 You are not a fool, you just fell for the wrong guy. Now that you know the painful truth you need to block him on all social media so you don't expose yourself to more pain. It is tough, but in the long run you will be better off without that access. You will get over him in time and meet someone much more deserving of your affection. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
greenleaves54 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 You are not a fool! You are in the first and hardest phase of healing right now, where we have all been. It's okay to feel sad and cry. You have one job though: Stay NC! It's essential for your healing. Be patient and give yourself time. Getting over someone takes a lot longer than two weeks! I don't know your story, but I'm guessing you two are quite young? It's important to remember that break-up probably had nothing to do with you. As he's dating someone else so soon, it seems that he just wants to charm other girls and feed his ego for a while. He probably doesn't realize what he lost yet. Remember, even the most beautiful and successful people get dumped all the time. Focus on yourself and stay NC. It's a win-win. In time, you will break the addiction your brain currently has to your ex and you will realize that you are worth a lot and that there are loads of guys who would die to be with you! And if your ex does come crawling back one day, then you hold the position of power and can pick and choose as you please. Stay strong! There's light on the other side of the storm, trust me! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BonerFide Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I feel you, I was in your exact position a couple months ago, find out an ex I wasn't over had a new girlfriend. Trust me, it's probably just a rebound. It doesn't reflect your relationship or make what you had mean any less, you were still incredibly important and I doubt he is over you. It doesn't mean he isn't still thinking about you. It just means he's not trying to get you back, he's instead trying to move on with his life, so now it's your turn. No Contact is initially about not making or accepting contact, but it also provides the space to not only grieve the loss of the relationship but to focus your energy elsewhere and begin rebuilding your life. What it isn’t, is cutting contact and then sitting around trying to not have any more thoughts about them. It's imperative now you CUT ALL TIES. Trust me, I did the whole stalking on social media thing and it's just not healthy. In fact, it'll cause you a world of unnecessary pain. Remember why you broke up in the first place, it was for a good reason. I don't know what else to say but never feel stupid. You're not ready to find someone else and that's okay, just focus on reconstructing your life so you'll be a happy, wholesome person without having your happiness rely on someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Honestly, finding out they're with someone else (or still with the other cheating party in my case) hurts like hell at first, but inadvertently forces you to move on much faster. It's a blessing in disguise, even though it's a $h!**y one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I agree with SoThatHappened. Stay strong. It was one of the reasons I signed up here almost 3 years ago (can't believe it's been that long), it's one of the worst feelings and it was so hard to get through that phase... slowly but with a lot of discipline and cutting down the pity parties, I somehow made it. It's always going to hurt in some tiny way... but it's just a memory now. Don't treat yourself too hard. I was like that and even though the emotional consequences were bad enough, the worst were the physical effects this had on me, I think I developed colitis around that time, lost all appetite and too much weight as a result, had an acne breakout on my neck that stayed with me for almost a whole year... it was awful. Now I can look back with enough clarity and realize I was blaming myself and just being so hard on who I was for someone that was absolutely not worth any of it, and this is something that you will see in time, you just have to have faith in it and hang in there... eat right, make sure you sleep enough hours, keep yourself active (physically, socially), the basics, it will not cure any of the pain but just stick to it and things will get better, I promise. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooMuchThinking Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Thank You all for your responses! They really help. I think the hardest thing is that we are also in the same social circle. I joined a group activity club in my city - and I made the most amazing and wonderful friends. After being in the group for a few months I met him and we hit it off immediately and began dating. Now that we are broken up - we still share all of the same friends. In the past few weeks I have avoided places that I know he will be. If I am going somewhere that he will be I make sure to have friends around, I don't talk to him, and I have been pretty okay. I have deleted him and blocked from all social media - and am trying really hard to not type his name in and check-up on him anyway. I'm doing it less and less...although I still have messed up. My big issue is that in a few months our social group is going to start up again. Once the activities start up I am going to be seeing him 1-2 times a week every week. I can't give up the group because it's brought me so much happiness, and all of my best friends are involved. I just want to be able to not pine after him by that time. I know its not good to set a time limit - but I'm feeling anxious about not being over him "soon enough" Especially if he starts bringing his new date around. I dont want this relationship to ruin my entire social experience - and push me out of something I really love. I just feel hopeless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I know its not good to set a time limit - but I'm feeling anxious about not being over him "soon enough" Especially if he starts bringing his new date around. I dont want this relationship to ruin my entire social experience - and push me out of something I really love. I just feel hopeless. Unfortunately, as many have said, there is no timeline. You can't do much to heal faster. NC definitely helps, but just the fact that you might see him a couple of times a week will defeat NC's purpose, and it won't work. I know you love your social group, and it brings you happiness, BUT if it becomes associated with him and painful memories, you might want to reconsider that position and look for other activities/groups. You can probably still hang out with several mutual friends, but far away from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooMuchThinking Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Unfortunately, as many have said, there is no timeline. You can't do much to heal faster. NC definitely helps, but just the fact that you might see him a couple of times a week will defeat NC's purpose, and it won't work. I know you love your social group, and it brings you happiness, BUT if it becomes associated with him and painful memories, you might want to reconsider that position and look for other activities/groups. You can probably still hang out with several mutual friends, but far away from him. Yes I think that will be something I have to think about. I just love this sports group - and its the only one of its kind in my city. I've been thinking about how it's like my college relationship. When we broke up we were in the same major and I saw him everywhere. It HURT like hell. But eventually I got over it. I just have to prepare myself to be extra strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Not enough information. He was dating someone else while you were seeing him? He was dating both of you? He was dating and you were hooking up with him and didn't know he was dating someone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooMuchThinking Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Not enough information. He was dating someone else while you were seeing him? He was dating both of you? He was dating and you were hooking up with him and didn't know he was dating someone? He was not dating anyone while we were dating. We dated for 8 months - had a rocky last month. A lot of fighting - push/pull behavior. And decided to end it. A month after we ended it he started talking to someone else. They are not officially dating - but they are on their way to that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Not enough information. He was dating someone else while you were seeing him? He was dating both of you? He was dating and you were hooking up with him and didn't know he was dating someone? Could you be any less sensitive? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Just found out he is seeing someone else. I feel like I want to throw up and my head is spinning. I had suspected he was dating this person...but now I know for sure. There is no more hope for us. I've been NC for two weeks...but I don't feel any better. I just want this all to end. Why can't I get over him as easily as he has gotten over me. I feel like a fool. A stupid fool. Being in the same sports group sucks. Though agree with the others, the fact that he is with someone else helps, even if it doesn't seem like it now. It makes it more final, you know? You realise there is no going back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooMuchThinking Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Being in the same sports group sucks. Though agree with the others, the fact that he is with someone else helps, even if it doesn't seem like it now. It makes it more final, you know? You realise there is no going back. Thanks! It's hard to see it now - but I do think you are right. I always have a really hard time letting go of relationships...but I do feel more ready to want to move on now that I know he is with someone else. If anything I don't have the urge to contact him anymore. Although I can't let go...the thought of contacting him while he is seeing someone else makes me feel dumb. I think my EGO is too big for that. I'm not usually a person who talks about my feelings with friends or anything so you dont know how helpful these forums have been! Thank You! Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 He was not dating anyone while we were dating. We dated for 8 months - had a rocky last month. A lot of fighting - push/pull behavior. And decided to end it. A month after we ended it he started talking to someone else. They are not officially dating - but they are on their way to that. OK then I don't understand why you feel like a stupid fool? You were in a relationship that didn't work out. Does it suck? You still love him so yes it sucks. But why feel like a fool? Don't feel like a fool. The last thing you want is to force a relationship that he doesn't want. Let him go and if he loves you he will come back. Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Could you be any less sensitive? What is your problem? She felt like a fool so I figured there was much more to the story. How am I being insensitive by asking for more information? Link to post Share on other sites
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