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Six Weeks


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Sorry I just have to get something off my chest...

 

Six weeks since you've left me

Six weeks since i've seen you the last time

Six weeks since i've been with you and our unborn child

Three weeks since our wonderful phone call

Three weeks since we've laughed together

Three weeks since I got hope we could be together again

One week until you got your ultrasound appointment

One week until you tell me there's (hopefully) everything okay with our child

One week until three months pregnancy are done

In four months we wanted to get married

 

You are the love of my life. You have been the love of my life since I first saw you 8 years ago. After we met again after not having contact for 6 years you still were the love of my life. You've been it yesterday, you are it today and you'll always be. There's no day my thoughts are not with you and our child. I miss you terribly and I would love to be there for you. We but especially you went through so much in this short period of time. We've been from top to rock bottom but we managed to get through everything together no matter how bad things were or how hopeless the situation appeared to be. We always said we dont wanna loose us again. We said we wont leave each other ever again. This time it was supposed to hold the next 60 years. You once wrote you hope a month becomes a year, a year becomes a decade and a decade becomes a century. You once asked me if you could come with me if I'll ever leave you. Now you left me and its all my fault. I'd like to make it undone but what happened happened. We had so much planned I even wanted to teach you how to swim and how to ride a bike. I'm endlessly sorry it came to this. I hope you'll soon give me another chance. i love you!

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sorry you're hurting.

but imma let you know something, things have to be worse before they get better.

Sending some positive energy your way! so cheer up man i know its stings like hell, but you will become so much more after this exp.

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Question is when will things get better?

 

 

I'm scared... every single day

 

scared of loosing you

scared of never being with you again

scared of never being able to be there for you

scared of never being able to spend time together

scared of you choosing another man

scared of your next message

scared of meeting you

scared of the future

scared of the uncertainty how things will turn out

scared of a life without you

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Do you sometimes think about the wonderful things we've experienced together? I constantly think about our time because it was the most wonderful time I've ever had. It's just been 5 1/2 months but they changed my life in a way nothing or nobody else could before.

I really like to think back and remember...

...Jun 15th 2015 when we randomly met on a parking lot after not seeing each other for 6 years. You dropped your shopping bag and everything went flying as soon as you saw me. Your friend had to tell you to ask for my phone number. You asked me if I were still together with "this one girl".

...the many days after where we met and hanged out and talked for hours and hours. so much and often my then girlfriend complained I would be more with you than with her at home because I often left in the morning and came back home late at night when she was already sleeping.

...the day we along with your best friend spontaneously have driven 300 miles to Venice, Italy just so you could get out of everday life and see something different like the beach you always wanted to. We ate a tuna wrap for breakfast at 6/7 in the morning. We desperately searched for a cigarette vending machine and couldn't at first figure out how to use it.

...our first vacation together at the North Sea. We've been at the zoo, made a trip around the world at a museum, searched for hours for a special place to eat in a huge shopping mall, lived in two different holiday apartments and walked the family dog at our second place we stayed, because you like dogs so much.

...your new car I bought you because your old one broke down. We spent many hours at a friend installing my sound system into your car. All you had left for your ex-boyfriend who came by for a few minutes was one single mean sentence.

...the day you visited me at the hotel i stayed at where we've run out of space while having fun in bed. I had to lay there with my elbow on the ground so we could move on.

...the day we went shopping because you practically had no real clothes. You didn't want me to pay for you clothes because I always spent money for you but you knew I'd pay for it anyway. At the end you finally had clothes you liked and fit. I also bought the winter jacket your best friend wanted to buy for you.

...Nov 18th 2015, the day we bought our engagement rings. On the way there you told me it's forever if I go through with this. As I said we still could get a divorce you told me thats one of the many reasons you love me so much. You saw a pair you liked and as we tried them on they both fit our fingers perfectly. Later that day I asked you to marry me. It wasn't always easy but that's what counts. A sentence which couldn't be more true. This day we also made the decision to get one more person into our family. We found names for our child and even if it's gonna be a girl I know you're looking forward to it. You're gonna be the world's best mum.

...Dec 15th 2015, the day you made a pregnancy test. You couldn't believe it at first so we went to buy another one with your best friend. You really were pregnant so we drove to the gynecologist in the hospital at 6 pm. You had your first examination and three days later already your second ultrasound image. 5 mm so tiny... We then had to buy baby shoes so we had a christmas present for my parents.

Edited by Caramello
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