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Suddenly Single after 10 Years (Long)


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This is my first post, so be gentle. My name is M.J. and I had been with my Ex fiance since I was 21. A week ago today she moved out and today she basically ended everything. I met, shall we call her Alicia through a friend when I turned 21 and she was 24. Quick Rewind-I left school to take care of my father. This is an important, he became disabled after getting hurt at his job so I left school to care for him. After a while of dating she moved in due to being kicked out of her home by her mother. While not ideal we loved being together so much due to us being in love as well as best friends. Over the years her relationship with her parents was violtile, often with me being the center of attention. Also my as my fathers health deteriorated, we had to finish my basement in order to move down there. Enabling my father to have the upstairs to himself. It was around this time he was diagnosed with Parkinson's. Seeing my father in his state and having to care for him due to his lack of savings we both decided to go back to school (I was 25 at this time and she was 28). Also our friends sort have merged and became "our" friends. During this time most of my money went towards school as well as caring for my father. Half way through my education she graduated from a Trade school as a pharmacy tech. After getting a job she was happy enough, and I was working as much as I could. Several months down the line she flat out quits. As time passes she gets more and more reluctant to get a job and seemed to give up on everything but I kept trying to get her to cheer her up. Due to the stress (according to my shrink) I developed a high level of anxiety and suffered from attacks. However this past June I graduated top of my class in Engineering. She was happy, but obviously it wasn't always about her at times. Shortly after the job hunt began and we were a bit stretched on money. It was then she got pregnant. I was understandably nervous and over thinking everything. And then she lost it. After getting checked out the OB said she needed to go back and never did. While upset we rejoiced because I found an amazing job and all of our plans were beginning to fall into place. November we became engaged, I let her pick her ring out and everything (She didn't like the first one ha). In fact I even went to all of her families parties despite the obvious issues and enjoyed myself. Now to get to where it all breaks down badly.

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About two weeks ago we attended a nephew’s birthday party and she began to act odd. After the party I find she is question our relationship and didn’t know how she really felt anymore and felt “off”. After discussion and communication issues were fixed. Things seemed fine but two days later it broke down again. We talked about our issues and it was decided no matter what we were going to exhaust ourselves trying to make it work and not give up on our relationship out of nowhere. Among the issues for reference were; sex became difficult after miscarriage, things seemed to planned (i.e. dinners, day, events, life I guess), and she felt trapped and wanted a home. We then made an appointment for a dealership to get a new car. Made a dr’s appointment for the OB. and Approved for a mortgage, all our dreams that we had made together were right there. Fast forward to the next day and I was at work sick. My anxiety was high due to the recent influx of fights and I was vomiting at work and my supervisor saw me. He sent me home, at that point I came home and she was complaining of stomach issues. She went to the doctor and was sent to the E.R. Where they found nothing but it was the best day we have had in as long as I remember. Jokes, fun, kissing at the E.R. everything. It was like old times again. The next day I went to the dr and was prescribed medicine to help my nerves. Sadly it had the opposite effect and made the anxiety much worse, almost paranoid. I took the next two days off and slept. She was in and out the bathroom multiple times of the day. Things seem to be fine, laughing smiling and enjoying each other’s time. Then Tuesday hits. She texts me telling me that she felt anxious so she went out with her dad and that she loved me. A long day, and I get a phone call from her mother. Alicia is scared, doesn’t want to come home, paranoid and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. After some talking I get her on the phone. She loves me but isn’t sure she is in love with me and that she feels like she is trapped and everything. I mentioned everything we discussed and she doesn’t know what to say. I say I love her and just want her happy. Her mother gets back on the phone and says separation is good, she isn’t in a good place right now and can Alicia get her clothes the next day. I agree and she asks that I not be nasty in which I say, I want her happy and that is all. The next day I don’t bug her and drive home…all of her clothes and jewelry are gone. Like gone. Dogs are still there, books, memories, pictures still there but nothing else. The next day paying the bills, I notice she texted a number multiple times I had never seen before. I come to find it’s her friend from high school she hasn’t talked to 20 years. A roller skate d.j., and well not all there. I freak a bit but apparently its nothing. Saturday comes and she wants to talk but we are interrupted due to my mental state and agree to talk by the next Saturday. Today comes and I get a random text asking if she get some stuff out of the safe, which I say yes. My dad goes around and her and describes as acting off, complaining about our friends interfering, and she shaved her entire head. After this she ends it completely. Says she wanted to talk Saturday but is just done now. I am the best and I only deserve the best, she loves me but isn’t sure she is in love with me and left her engagement ring in the safe. She also mentions that she hates everyone else and she and I will talk, she promises. Do not hate myself because she doesn’t and will never say a bad word about me. Her mother shortly after texts me that Alicia has problems. Why am I typing this? I have no idea, I’m lost confused, scared, lonely and most of all hurt. During our time, so many issues have happened that this wasn’t even close to a bump in our road. I am not sure how to continue with dreams that are now shattered, i.e. new car, new house and family. How in the hell do I start over…

Things I failed to mention in my story.

She’s adopted

She turns 35 on the 28th

She feels that besides me that she had no friends

She never once said a bad word about me

I can’t remember the last time she did something without me asking her too. i.e. packing

After my new job started, I was not home anywhere near as much

She mentioned that when we were struggling it seemed like we had everything

I love her and I always will. I am not sure if this is the end of us or not and have no idea what to do. We went through hell together for years and were finally about to break through, and now I am starting over. Thanks everyone for letting me share, it helped, even if just for a minute.

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