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~ 8 months after breakup: New job, new country, saw ex.


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Hey guys,

 

I thought I would come in and give you an update of my situation. Some of you might know me and my terrible breakup situation with my cheating ex-girlfriend.

 

If not, here's a very short summary:

- I was in a relationship of 6 years with my girlfriend. We are both the same age, 25.

- She moved to UAE in September 2014 to work with an airline agency here and met someone else just 2 months after.

- I saved up to meet her (and bought her a ring), proposed and everything. She accepted the ring but then as soon as I got back, she dumped me.

- Went through a whole ordeal to get the ring back, in which police was involved and she even lost her job and had to come back to my country.

 

Since then, I was offered a very good job, as a Director here in the UAE (Karma?). The job is really amazing, the people are really good and supportive to me. I have a kickass apartment near the beach and made some new friends. It was all going really good.

 

Anyway, a week ago, I went to India for business. On coming back to the UAE, I was walking in the airport when I saw her. There she was, with her boyfriend (who's a staff at the airport). All the feelings came back, rage, anger, sadness and I had to try REALLY hard to compose myself. I don't think she saw me, and I walked quickly so she could not.

 

After the breakup, I thought, I would work on myself, get this kickass job and make something out of myself so she would regret when she sees it, but the truth is, when I saw her, I realised how different it actually is. She seemed very happy. That's it.

 

.. and I am not. A year after, with everything that's happening to me professionally, I am still depressed over the whole situation. I haven't met anyone new, and I don't feel like it to be honest.

 

I got better, sure, but I still have days where it's hell. Maybe it will just take a little more time for me to get over all of this.

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After the breakup, I thought, I would work on myself, get this kickass job and make something out of myself so she would regret when she sees it, but the truth is, when I saw her, I realised how different it actually is. She seemed very happy. That's it.

 

I think that this means that you were not over her , like you sought success just so when she finds out about it , she will regret it.

you should be happy for yourself for landing an awesome job , when you meet someone else , I think that you will not care about your ex as she will be just a distant memory.

 

dude, she is a cheater and a bad news , you dodged a bullet if you asked me .

 

and remember , just because someone looks happy , does not mean that they are actually happy , you know what they say about the grass being greener

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Processing times post breakup vary so much from person to person. I have seen people just get over it within a month, where as I have taken more than a year at one instance.

 

Also it is impossible to know how a person really feels. I put up a great facade. So if you were to ask anyone they would probably say I seem very happy, but in reality there are a few voids I am trying to fill.

 

When we get out of a relationship we try to do different things to improve ourselves. It is one of the best ways to move on and those things should be done for yourself not to show your ex how much better off you are. But the truth is that we do them in part at least for that exact reason. You want your ex to see you living your life, happy and all.

 

All your interaction means is you still have some moving on to do. Nothing wrong in it. Maybe it will take a little longer but eventually you will do things for yourself without even a thought of your ex.

 

My worst enemy is myself because I compare myself to other people too much. And I can't see behind their masks, I can't see their struggle and sadness so I assume that what I see is how it is. And it makes me feel like sh*t because it makes me think that everyone is ahead of me and I am constantly falling behind. It is a hard mindset to shake but an important one.

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Processing times post breakup vary so much from person to person. I have seen people just get over it within a month, where as I have taken more than a year at one instance.

 

Also it is impossible to know how a person really feels. I put up a great facade. So if you were to ask anyone they would probably say I seem very happy, but in reality there are a few voids I am trying to fill.

 

When we get out of a relationship we try to do different things to improve ourselves. It is one of the best ways to move on and those things should be done for yourself not to show your ex how much better off you are. But the truth is that we do them in part at least for that exact reason. You want your ex to see you living your life, happy and all.

 

All your interaction means is you still have some moving on to do. Nothing wrong in it. Maybe it will take a little longer but eventually you will do things for yourself without even a thought of your ex.

 

My worst enemy is myself because I compare myself to other people too much. And I can't see behind their masks, I can't see their struggle and sadness so I assume that what I see is how it is. And it makes me feel like sh*t because it makes me think that everyone is ahead of me and I am constantly falling behind. It is a hard mindset to shake but an important one.

 

We are very much alike. I put on a great facade too, with the travelling and all, but there's always a feeling of emptiness. It's getting better, slowly.

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Think of it this way:

 

Maybe her penance on this earth for being such a conniving bitch is that she's cursed such that she can only be happy with an airport worker. That's not really her style, right? That's not going to let her live the way she wants, is it? But if she's happy, then she's stuck with him, and she has to face who she really is and make the same terrible choice every stinking day.

 

You won, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. Give it time. Happiness is both fleeting and fickle.

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Think of it this way:

 

Maybe her penance on this earth for being such a conniving bitch is that she's cursed such that she can only be happy with an airport worker. That's not really her style, right? That's not going to let her live the way she wants, is it? But if she's happy, then she's stuck with him, and she has to face who she really is and make the same terrible choice every stinking day.

 

You won, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. Give it time. Happiness is both fleeting and fickle.

 

You always have the right words ;)

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Hey guys,

 

I thought I would come in and give you an update of my situation. Some of you might know me and my terrible breakup situation with my cheating ex-girlfriend.

 

If not, here's a very short summary:

- I was in a relationship of 6 years with my girlfriend. We are both the same age, 25.

- She moved to UAE in September 2014 to work with an airline agency here and met someone else just 2 months after.

- I saved up to meet her (and bought her a ring), proposed and everything. She accepted the ring but then as soon as I got back, she dumped me.

- Went through a whole ordeal to get the ring back, in which police was involved and she even lost her job and had to come back to my country.

 

Since then, I was offered a very good job, as a Director here in the UAE (Karma?). The job is really amazing, the people are really good and supportive to me. I have a kickass apartment near the beach and made some new friends. It was all going really good.

 

Anyway, a week ago, I went to India for business. On coming back to the UAE, I was walking in the airport when I saw her. There she was, with her boyfriend (who's a staff at the airport). All the feelings came back, rage, anger, sadness and I had to try REALLY hard to compose myself. I don't think she saw me, and I walked quickly so she could not.

 

After the breakup, I thought, I would work on myself, get this kickass job and make something out of myself so she would regret when she sees it, but the truth is, when I saw her, I realised how different it actually is. She seemed very happy. That's it.

 

.. and I am not. A year after, with everything that's happening to me professionally, I am still depressed over the whole situation. I haven't met anyone new, and I don't feel like it to be honest.

 

I got better, sure, but I still have days where it's hell. Maybe it will just take a little more time for me to get over all of this.

 

The bold is where you went wrong here - You were doing all of this for her, to try and get her back, when in actuality you should be doing it for yourself.

 

If you are able to do it for yourself, you don't care how she reacts to it because it's making you happy and that's all that matters. I think all you need to do is redirect the purpose behind your work on yourself.

 

Do it for you, not for her.

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The bold is where you went wrong here - You were doing all of this for her, to try and get her back, when in actuality you should be doing it for yourself.

 

If you are able to do it for yourself, you don't care how she reacts to it because it's making you happy and that's all that matters. I think all you need to do is redirect the purpose behind your work on yourself.

 

Do it for you, not for her.

 

I think, anybody in my position would feel that way though. Don't get me wrong, I am loving the results. I guess, some part of me wished that she would feel bad about leaving me when she sees the amazing progress I have made over the last few months.

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I think, anybody in my position would feel that way though. Don't get me wrong, I am loving the results. I guess, some part of me wished that she would feel bad about leaving me when she sees the amazing progress I have made over the last few months.

 

Sure they would, I was the exact same...until that is, I got fed up because all my efforts were getting me nowhere. I realised this was because it was all directed at making her miss me - My sharp new haircut, my new body from working out, my new career etc etc, it was all for her to begin with, which is why it didn't move me forward. It was getting no response so I was still miserable.

 

When I was able to redirect my efforts towards being used solely to make myself happy, regardless of how she saw it, I was able to start to feel full and satisfied again. My mindset shifted from, "I wonder if she'll think about taking me back when she sees x and y that I've done" to something like "I no longer need her presence or her approval to be happy, because all these new things I'm doing are filling this happiness void she left behind."

 

This allows for two things: It allows you to remain open to the idea of potentially accepting them back if they do decide to come back, but it also allows you to be content if they were to message you saying they never want to speak to you for the rest of your life. Why? Becuase you are doing things that make you happy and whether they are around or not has no impact on that.

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I think, anybody in my position would feel that way though. Don't get me wrong, I am loving the results. I guess, some part of me wished that she would feel bad about leaving me when she sees the amazing progress I have made over the last few months.

 

The thing is, YOU should be amazed at the progress you've made in months. I mean, come on! you landed a directorship position with a company, amazing apartment a block from the beach. Making new friends, going out and having a laugh. You're getting you life together. A LOT of people would love to be in the situation you're in right now! You're making it!

 

 

So, you saw her. But, it didn't kill you. It only knocked you back a few pegs, that's all! Keep focusing on you! Do more things that are going to make you happy. And remember the old saying "all work and no play...." just remember to enjoy life every once in a while.

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The thing is, YOU should be amazed at the progress you've made in months. I mean, come on! you landed a directorship position with a company, amazing apartment a block from the beach. Making new friends, going out and having a laugh. You're getting you life together. A LOT of people would love to be in the situation you're in right now! You're making it!

 

 

So, you saw her. But, it didn't kill you. It only knocked you back a few pegs, that's all! Keep focusing on you! Do more things that are going to make you happy. And remember the old saying "all work and no play...." just remember to enjoy life every once in a while.

 

Thank you. Like I said, I am very happy with the progress I'm making professionally. It feels truly incredible to me.

 

However, I want more in terms of my personal life. I would really welcome a romantic relationship at this point even though everyone will recommend against it, at this point.

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I think that this means that you were not over her , like you sought success just so when she finds out about it , she will regret it.

you should be happy for yourself for landing an awesome job , when you meet someone else , I think that you will not care about your ex as she will be just a distant memory.

 

dude, she is a cheater and a bad news , you dodged a bullet if you asked me .

 

and remember , just because someone looks happy , does not mean that they are actually happy , you know what they say about the grass being greener

 

This. You can never know what someone else thinks. Your life is better and hopefully you'll realise and find a way to be happy with yourself

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Thank you. Like I said, I am very happy with the progress I'm making professionally. It feels truly incredible to me.

 

However, I want more in terms of my personal life. I would really welcome a romantic relationship at this point even though everyone will recommend against it, at this point.

Good job on everything man! It is good you saw her, it made you realize certain things. Now the most important thing we need to learn in life (I believe) is patience and an eye for the good things happening. We all like to have the maximum in life all the time, including having a nice girlfriend. But most of the time life is not full. What I mean is try to see what you did manage! Getting the maximum is a rare thing, at least in my life :p There are lots of things happening - with me and people I know - that I do not like, but I realize that I am healthy and have good friends, knowing that makes me most of the time positive. Perhaps this is something we realize more and more when we get a bit older.

 

Go on like you do!

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Thank you. Like I said, I am very happy with the progress I'm making professionally. It feels truly incredible to me.

 

However, I want more in terms of my personal life. I would really welcome a romantic relationship at this point even though everyone will recommend against it, at this point.

 

 

 

Dude, if you think you're ready to date, then date! No one is going to stop you or say no! Actually, maybe dating is the next step in your healing. Part of reinventing yourself. I mean, you made so many improvements in your life, maybe this is the next step. To go out for an evening with a girl that has agreed to spend the evening with YOU. That wants to go out with YOU. That looks forward to that evening with you. Might feel nice knowing this.

 

 

So, give it a shot! BUT! If you do, we want all the juicy details!!!!

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This. You can never know what someone else thinks. Your life is better and hopefully you'll realise and find a way to be happy with yourself

 

Thank you. Quite true, although it was enough to rile me up for couple of days.

 

Good job on everything man! It is good you saw her, it made you realize certain things. Now the most important thing we need to learn in life (I believe) is patience and an eye for the good things happening. We all like to have the maximum in life all the time, including having a nice girlfriend. But most of the time life is not full. What I mean is try to see what you did manage! Getting the maximum is a rare thing, at least in my life :p There are lots of things happening - with me and people I know - that I do not like, but I realize that I am healthy and have good friends, knowing that makes me most of the time positive. Perhaps this is something we realize more and more when we get a bit older.

 

Go on like you do!

 

I am grateful for everything I have. I worked hard enough for it since early on and I am now reaping the benefits. I guess one of my strengths during the break-up was that it never affected my professional drive. There's so much more I have yet to do! :)

 

Dude, if you think you're ready to date, then date! No one is going to stop you or say no! Actually, maybe dating is the next step in your healing. Part of reinventing yourself. I mean, you made so many improvements in your life, maybe this is the next step. To go out for an evening with a girl that has agreed to spend the evening with YOU. That wants to go out with YOU. That looks forward to that evening with you. Might feel nice knowing this.

 

 

So, give it a shot! BUT! If you do, we want all the juicy details!!!!

 

Haha sure. I wouldn't lie to you though, it's scary for me to put myself out there. After all, it's going to be my first time. I have never dated any other girls.

 

Some friends have tried to hook me up with their mutual friends but it feels like I am only getting their attention because of my job or where I stay at. The problem with me (and I don't think it's a problem) - I want someone who doesn't know anything about me to show an interest.

 

There are also 1-2 girls sending signals along in the office, but I would never entertain a relationship at work.

 

All in all, it's going to be quite the challenge to find someone I like, but I will be sure to let you guys know about the progress. ^^

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You know, if this is true:

Haha sure. I wouldn't lie to you though, it's scary for me to put myself out there. After all, it's going to be my first time. I have never dated any other girls...The problem with me (and I don't think it's a problem) - I want someone who doesn't know anything about me to show an interest.
Then you should really think about practicing with a few of these girls:

Some friends have tried to hook me up with their mutual friends but it feels like I am only getting their attention because of my job or where I stay at.

It's like anything else - practice makes perfect. You want to be ready when a real one comes along.
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OP, I feel you, it is painful I know, but like the other posters said, one door closes, another opens up for you.

 

It could be awesome to be single and be out there dating, and meeting new people. It's fun. Just go out and have fun man. You have a good career going and a nice apartment - make good use of it :)

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You know, if this is true:

Then you should really think about practicing with a few of these girls: It's like anything else - practice makes perfect. You want to be ready when a real one comes along.

 

You're probably right. There's nothing wrong in going on a couple of dates.

 

OP, I feel you, it is painful I know, but like the other posters said, one door closes, another opens up for you.

 

It could be awesome to be single and be out there dating, and meeting new people. It's fun. Just go out and have fun man. You have a good career going and a nice apartment - make good use of it :)

 

Thank you. I'm going to do just that :)

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