What is the timeframe for knowing whether you love someone?

[LeftHanging]

I [19] have been dating a guy [21] for a little over 4 months. Everything was great and I felt so relaxed with him, even started to fall for him. Everything was just really easy and we had so much fun together, it just felt right. A week ago he ended things because he said he wasn't in love with me yet and if it didn't happen now, then it wouldn't happen at all. He really liked me and said if he wasn't going to fall in love with me, he wasn't going to fall in love at all. He really liked me and said I was the most beautiful, smart, and sexy girl he's been with but just didn't feel butterflies (which is what he thinks love feels like). When he was ending it, he was crying as well and said he didn't cry in like 3 years. And I know he really cares about me.

 

He said he was always wondering if he loved me or not and said he asked all his friends about how he would know if he was in love. They said he would know by now, but I think it's insane that he's listening to his friends and basing his experiences on theirs. He said he was never in love before and I have never been in love yet either, until I started to love him.. And also I am the longest he's been with a girl, and he thinks you fall in love with someone within the first two months. He stayed over for the night and it was really great, talked a lot, had a lot of fun, and then just seemingly woke up and decided he needed to end it. Said he was even thinking about it the last night.. I did talk to him the next day over the phone, and he was adamant on making me know that he never saw me as just a friend.. But since then, I havent contacted him and he hasnt contacted me.

 

There was a time after about two months of dating that he got freaked out about me wanting to spend more time with him and we got in a little argument and he almost ended things. Then he came back a week later saying he wanted to try again. He was saying that he isn't used to arguments, and that it was easier to be alone but then he would be without me so he decided to come back. Ever since then, we never really had any problems.. Until he broke up with me.

 

For me, I think it's absolutely crazy that he broke up with me because he wasn't in love in 4 months. Am I wrong to think this? Is there any way that I could get through to him? I feel as if he didn't truly try to love me and be open to it, and would just like him to try and wait a couple more months. I know that he really cared about me a lot and he put so much effort into our relationship which he never did with anyone else. Or was he right to end things after 4 months for not feeling butterflies in his stomach?

[d0nnivain]

His "reasoning" is definitely whacky but if he ended things all you can do is accept that. Chalk it up to him being a flake & move on.

 

 

Dwelling, wondering or worse trying to change his mind will only hurt you.

[Finalchapter]

I [19] have been dating a guy [21] for a little over 4 months. Everything was great and I felt so relaxed with him, even started to fall for him. Everything was just really easy and we had so much fun together, it just felt right. A week ago he ended things because he said he wasn't in love with me yet and if it didn't happen now, then it wouldn't happen at all. He really liked me and said if he wasn't going to fall in love with me, he wasn't going to fall in love at all. He really liked me and said I was the most beautiful, smart, and sexy girl he's been with but just didn't feel butterflies (which is what he thinks love feels like). When he was ending it, he was crying as well and said he didn't cry in like 3 years. And I know he really cares about me.

 

He said he was always wondering if he loved me or not and said he asked all his friends about how he would know if he was in love. They said he would know by now, but I think it's insane that he's listening to his friends and basing his experiences on theirs. He said he was never in love before and I have never been in love yet either, until I started to love him.. And also I am the longest he's been with a girl, and he thinks you fall in love with someone within the first two months. He stayed over for the night and it was really great, talked a lot, had a lot of fun, and then just seemingly woke up and decided he needed to end it. Said he was even thinking about it the last night.. I did talk to him the next day over the phone, and he was adamant on making me know that he never saw me as just a friend.. But since then, I havent contacted him and he hasnt contacted me.

 

There was a time after about two months of dating that he got freaked out about me wanting to spend more time with him and we got in a little argument and he almost ended things. Then he came back a week later saying he wanted to try again. He was saying that he isn't used to arguments, and that it was easier to be alone but then he would be without me so he decided to come back. Ever since then, we never really had any problems.. Until he broke up with me.

 

For me, I think it's absolutely crazy that he broke up with me because he wasn't in love in 4 months. Am I wrong to think this? Is there any way that I could get through to him? I feel as if he didn't truly try to love me and be open to it, and would just like him to try and wait a couple more months. I know that he really cared about me a lot and he put so much effort into our relationship which he never did with anyone else. Or was he right to end things after 4 months for not feeling butterflies in his stomach?

 

My suggestion: RUN!!!!

 

it's just been 4 months. Imagine being through the same pain for years together, thinking and hoping and dreaming that he will change. They won't.

 

RUN!!

[mightycpa]

I'm with his friends. Four months, assuming that you've seen each other a lot, is enough time to know whether you're headed there or not. Believe it or not, you can date really awesome people and not fall in love. It can be frustrating, because that would make the relationship 100%.

 

Kudos to the guy for owning up to this. Consider the alternative - you're "good enough" and he continues to see you while you fall deeper and deeper in love, and he doesn't. Then one day, someone catches his eye and you're soon history.

 

The end was coming, you just got lucky it was sooner rather than later. I'd say he gave it the old college try.