Emaize3 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Hi, Just wanted to see how everybody is doing regarding a recent break up. For me, It's a daily struggle. Everything I see or hear reminds me of "him" and how he's completely gone and not in my life anymore. I know you all are going through the same. It's been about 12 days since the break up now and I thought I'd be a little better but I can't even smile, in fact all I know how to do is cry and get angry. What happened??? How is everybody else holding up? Link to post Share on other sites
RandomTraveller Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Doing my best to stay up but it's a fight everyday. I recently read an article that says that after 11 weels you start to feel better.... dunno if that's true... I'm at week 8 and everything I see get's linked str8 to her... so much pain Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Doing my best to stay up but it's a fight everyday. I recently read an article that says that after 11 weels you start to feel better.... dunno if that's true... I'm at week 8 and everything I see get's linked str8 to her... so much pain The articles that give you set times for anything like this are full of BS - Every relationship is different, therefore recovery time and speed constantly varies. It also varies on the person, their age, their previous experiences and several more reasons. As for how I'm doing today, I'm doing great (But I do have a reasonable head start on you lol - it's been about 6 months since my break up!), but nonetheless hopefully this can give you a bit of positivity in regards to the future: I still think about my ex several times per day, every day. The difference is that these thoughts are much more similar to those of "what's for dinner" thoughts than they are painful thoughts. Put it this way - When we first broke up, the thought of my ex with another guy absolutely killed me and would keep me down for hours, but today I thought about that same thing and it stung for a second or two but that was it. Time heals all! SUPER cliched but its the truth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wuku Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Saturday night, so it's the worst day of the week for me. It's when we would spend the most time together. Just doing the best I can to get through it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 I know how you all feel. I feel so lonely just thinking that he's laughing and doing great. I feel like I'm suffocating or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deinonychus Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 It's been a rough day, no tears but missing the idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm sorry. I had tears all day today..I thought that would've ended by now. URGGHHH Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 To all of you: Now that you are experiencing this kind of heartbreak, can you still say that it's totally worth it? I mean, you did love and lost. But if given a chance to change everything (i.e. not have met this person at all) will you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 This is loss, this is grieving. If you ever lost someone close, you know the process, and this is no different. You can apply the five stages of grief to this, if you want: - denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance. As far as the time, it makes sense that a longer relationship will take longer to heal. Your neurons have been wired in this particular way for quite some time, and now, exactly like the process of drug addiction withdrawal, your brain is trying to reprogram them as fast as it possibly can. There is no quick fix. Just keep reminding yourself that it will take time, but it will heal - exactly like the healing process of a physical wound. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Finalchapter Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hi Emaize3, we will get through it. I know we will. We have before with other exes. I used to keep myself awake with the thoughts i will end being 'just another ex' for my boyfriend. I guess, I perhaps am..but so is he for me. I literally fell sick and had to be hospitalized for days since i wasnt able to swallow any food. i had lost all the self-esteem i had.. i constantly questioned myself and my abilities. i had moved to a city (for him) where i knew no one and had no friends. but it does get better!! i promise it does! my roommate gave me this amazing suggestion to replace my obsession with him with something else. so i started with watching funny youtube videos. everytime i thought of him or wanted to see his fb page i would rather just watch some youtube videos (though a few videos led to a lot of triggers, but mostly they were nice). I remember nights when i spent hours just watching some series or some or the other documentary..it was unhealthy in a totally different way, but atleast helped me with nc. I remained in nc for 8 months (something that I am proud of) before he managed to drag me back to his mess again. But I know that he will lose the power over me very very quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) To all of you: Now that you are experiencing this kind of heartbreak, can you still say that it's totally worth it? I mean, you did love and lost. But if given a chance to change everything (i.e. not have met this person at all) will you do it? Would I change it if I could? Not at all. Even though I had to go through many, many painful days after my breakup, the relationship taught me many lessons and gave me many great experiences. It's much easier to get through a breakup if you focus on what you gained from it rather than what you've lost now that it's over. Edited February 7, 2016 by louxor 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hi FInalchapter, I'm sorry you went through so much. I lost all self esteem as well and am afraid I'll be hospitalized for depression. I do not have depression normally. It's that bad. I did get out tonight and got some positive advice but I hope I can follow it. Link to post Share on other sites
Finalchapter Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 @Emaize, you won't be able to follow all the positive advice that you get. i am telling you that so that u don't berate yourself about being weak. i used to do that. everytime i had a weak moment, i would feel disgusted at myself. i am still trying to get over that emotion. i take it as a personal failure when i succumb to responding to my ex's texts. but it is ok to feel weak at times. seek help from friends and family. if they say that they have heard your story a 100 times, ask them to listen to it for 101st... start writing, painting, going to the gym. this is your chance to be your most amazing self!! i did that...so much so that when i did meet my ex after an year he was staring at me with his mouth wide open That was validating!! Link to post Share on other sites
Finalchapter Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 To all of you: Now that you are experiencing this kind of heartbreak, can you still say that it's totally worth it? I mean, you did love and lost. But if given a chance to change everything (i.e. not have met this person at all) will you do it? No I wouldn't. But that's because I really wanted to save our friendship. me and my boyfriend were best friends and we could have remained that way if we never got into a relationship in the first place. I should have just said no when he wanted to date me. i badly want to be a part of his life because i know that there are a few issues that he only discusses with me. but i can't be the one to offer him strength..not anymore 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pseudoblepsia Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 It's been 3 weeks and I feel different (was dumped after 5 years). What helps me is thinking there simply wasn't any other way, plus a new project. Just something new to focus on. Complete change of scenery has also contributed, while NC has failed to happen to an ideal extent. I'm surprised I've started feeling this different this soon, as I haven't even been distracting myself actively. Maybe that's specifically why the process has been fast and efficient, even if exceedingly painful. There will no doubt be some horrible moments in the future but they're less frequent now. 2 weeks ago the days were all just one never ending bad moment. Now it's mostly varying degrees of weird apathy with a feeling of emptiness, which isn't as all-encompassing as it was before. I keep wondering if I've just hit a milder phase or something, cause 3 weeks is a very short time. The main issue for me is that I have some kind of dream with him in it every damn night. Sometimes we're broken up in it, sometimes we're reconciling. It's hard to try and put it behind when my subconscious keeps bringing him back. I always have to start dealing with it first thing in the morning. I rarely dreamed of him when we were still together. Anyone else having dreams about their ex? What are they like? Link to post Share on other sites
lanimi Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 It's been about the same since my break up as well. I've been doing okay most part, but there aren't a single day that I don't think about him. I miss him and I want to talk to him but I know this is not the time right now. I can't stop sighing throughout the day and I find myself thinking "I wish I could talk about this to him" whenever I find something interesting or "I wish I could eat this with him" when I try something new. All the little daily stuff is killing me because first thing that comes up in my mind is him and I know it's not the same with him and he's doing completely fine and indifferent already. I come back here every single day since the breakup and I read a lot of forums for hours before bed and stuff (maybe not so healthy) but knowing there are people in the same situation or people with hopes and reconciliation helps me cope with the pain. But at the same time I feel like I'm denying the breakup yet and afraid that one day it will sink in and make me feel worse... For now though, I'm focusing not to contact him and focus on picking myself up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm having dreams everyday. The reason why I can't heal is because I refuse to say it's over. I'm still in shock. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Yes. Every night and they're horrible. Dreams that he never loved me but I know he did. It's the breakup causing these dreams Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm having dreams everyday. The reason why I can't heal is because I refuse to say it's over. I'm still in shock. Yes, you are still in the very first stage: denial. That will be followed by anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance. Note that some of these stages, if not all, might happen simultaneously, or alternate throughout your day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 I've definitely been going through the stages randomly. Yesterday was sadness and tears just like the first day. Very bad day Link to post Share on other sites
Bri101 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 It being 7 months today since breakup, I feel like the days still are not getting any better. Thinking about Valentine's Day next weekend is really bringing me down, and how I just can't wait for it to come and go. ive keep being told time will heal and how to just give it time but omg I pray it ends soon. 7 months of pain has been long enough Link to post Share on other sites
nauticalpoem Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I've had a lot going on in my life so I actually feel really relieved right now. Not in too much pain. (Granted it was a short relationship.) I feel guilty for feeling this way. I really do like him. I guess I truly do believe we will be able to date again once I get my life sorted out :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hi Bri101, God I feel your pain. I can't imagine feeling this way after 7 months. Every minute right now is pure torture for me. I think it's good that we can all lean on each other but sometimes reading these posts makes me more upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emaize3 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Question for anybody... In doing NC but after the breakup I was left with many questions. I sent a long email to him and he texted saying thank you and that he would send me a letter in kind and call me on Monday (last Monday). I neve got the letter or call. Why? Why would he say that and not do it? He knows I'm totally hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Finalchapter Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Question for anybody... In doing NC but after the breakup I was left with many questions. I sent a long email to him and he texted saying thank you and that he would send me a letter in kind and call me on Monday (last Monday). I neve got the letter or call. Why? Why would he say that and not do it? He knows I'm totally hurting. That letter is perhaps not coming. Because he doesn't want to confront the guilt or the consequences of his actions. I had written a letter to my ex too...declaring NC. I hoped for him to reply for a week. No answer came through. That weekend a friend of mine showed me a picture of him and his new gf on fb (he was blocked on mine). Do not expect replies to letters or mails or texts. Trust me its for the best. HE CANT GIVE YOU CLOSURE. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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