Been Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Figured I would start a thread on red flags that you ignored in your relationship that had you wouldn't and acted upon them you wouldn't be posting on here. I'm dating this woman in her forties for a couple of months. Everything seems fine. I go over one day and she starts showing me pictures of different things that occurred in her life:birthdays,vacations etc. We come to a section of pictures that shows and elderly man-74 years old. I figure it's her grandfather or something so I don't think too much of it until there is a picture of them KISSING!! So she proceeds to tell me that she had just broken up with a long term boyfriend and she met this old man and they became "friends". She was 40 at the time. So I say it looks like you were more then friends. She says yes it was sexual as well!!And then proceeds to tell me he would send her monthly checks to "help her out". HUGE RED FLAG. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I dated someone in my 20s, we were talking about past relationships and I noticed that every relationship that she had ended on some explosive or dramatic note, cheating, broken windows, keyed car etc. I took the 'benefit of the doubt' approach and proceeded. I felt like I spent the next 6 months arguing, playing games and essentially bouncing from one crisis after another. The break up wasn't as dramatic as her past ones, no property damage etc. but it was more drama than it really needed to get the job done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Various red flags, different women, years of experience in a short list one of her friends warned me that she was't quite rightdidn't have a checking account- cash only, paycheck to paycheckused faulty logic to rationalize whatever she wantedexplosive arguments over the tiniest of things, all about her moodprevious boyfriend ended it and broke her heart, asked how long ago... 3 monthsmade a boatload of money, loved status, couldn't empathize with the less fortunatenot empathetic, no kids, few relationships, didn't like oral went into "you must chase mode" when I showed interest, princess mentality, high expectations, low agreeableness This is from "normal" women. I didn't even attempt to include BSC woman. Her list would be long indeed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Those are all good. I think the funniest one I might have had:Went on a date to the local bar. We go inside and she starts hardcore scanning the bar-looking at everyone and everything. Finally I ask what's she's looking for. She states she's looking to see if there are any men in this bar she's had sex with!!!!So I ask is their?Her reply? Yes there TWO but I don't have anything to worry about!!!!!!!!!!! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 She brought her 15 year old little sister to my house for our second date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Yep this sounds about right...everything I experienced a few months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 An ex once told me, early on, that I shouldn't stay because he knew he would hurt me someday. Yeah. Should've believed him! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 An ex once told me, early on, that I shouldn't stay because he knew he would hurt me someday. Yeah. Should've believed him! This is not red flag. This is cliche example how he failed in 'woman want to hear ' department. Ex that brought me here - heavy drinking, no ambition, often sleepovers with friends disproportionate to her age, physical conflict with a few males, mobing on her previous place. It is then when I learned there are always two sides of the coin regardless of circumstances, eg she took part in abuse too. Second - actually this is my current and we have a baby boy together - no ambition, huge disproportion between our paygrades, previous divorce, too close with her family members, I'm responsible for her and mine happiness etc. Sure I turned a blind eye to red flags in life. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 This is not red flag. This is cliche example how he failed in 'woman want to hear ' department. Ex that brought me here - heavy drinking, no ambition, often sleepovers with friends disproportionate to her age, physical conflict with a few males, mobing on her previous place. It is then when I learned there are always two sides of the coin regardless of circumstances, eg she took part in abuse too. Second - actually this is my current and we have a baby boy together - no ambition, huge disproportion between our paygrades, previous divorce, too close with her family members, I'm responsible for her and mine happiness etc. Sure I turned a blind eye to red flags in life. :/ Can you explain what you mean? Without going into detail, he hurt me in ways I couldn't have imagined at the time he said it. I did not fully understand what he meant by that comment until a few months later. And I very much wish I had listened to him the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 "All of my past relationships have ended explosively. Every single one." What the %*#@ was I thinking?! He wasn't even hot! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 When I met my ex we hit it off and were flirting right away, I assumed he was single in how he was behaving toward me (no hookups just the lovey banter) and I started to fall for him, and he then later revealed he was in a relationship when we met but it was not going anywhere with her, and that they hadn't talked in weeks so it was just waiting for someone to end it. We started our relationship pretty much right after that, but I thought he was actually done with her like he said and it wasn't working like he said. I gave him the benefit of the doubt since I didn't know him that well. WELL, that was my red flag there because he did the exact same thing to me that he did to her....when he found a new girl that he was interested in and was interested in him he swung over from our relationship to his next relationship right away. He was developing things with her emotionally before our relationship ended and we didn't have a chance to work on anything because he just broke up with me our of the blue, and he already had someone new to run too. That is his pattern. Just ditch out of one relationship, and jump into the next one...and he wont call it cheating because he never got physical. I feel cheated though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 I'm in a store trying different colognes. I pick one and ask my then girlfriend at the time her opinion. She says no this one reminds me of memories. I say bad memories? She looks at me and says:Oh no REALLY good memories of an ex boyfriend that dumped me!?!?! WAY TOO MUCH INFO given. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lilnomar33 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 From my little over 5 year relationship these were the biggest red flag's i ignore. *was never affectionate *very materialistic and never satisfied( ex if i got her flowers she's say something like you haven't gotten me shoe's..get her shoe's than says you haven't gotten me a new hand bags and so on never ending cycle * emotionally cheated on me with another guy * bad with money * way to close to family to married her is marrying her whole family who all live like in a 8 mile radiuses from us and each other * my last straw was after i was recovering from a very serious surgery was basically saying i took her for granted and i was being to needy. So i finally pack my bags and left. Holy hell Batman they really don't lie when people say love is blind. Thankfully am recovering health wise and every day that passes am emotionally getting better too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 30, 2016 Author Share Posted January 30, 2016 Bad with money seems to top the list. Interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Brando Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Her ex boyfriend from 6 years ago was still stalking her. Her ex boyfriend from 1 year before we met was still blowing up her phone, threatening suicide and got her name tattooed on himself. I think it's because she gives no signs of breaking up....shows up one day...says she done with no reasoning and goes immediately into NC. Luckily I am not crazy and said oh well and started healing. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 I will love you today, tomorrow, forever.Read it and weep Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 "All of my past relationships have ended explosively. Every single one." What the %*#@ was I thinking?! He wasn't even hot!So "hot" will make you turn a blind eye? A girl after my own heart! Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 he never complimented me - ever - and was always looking at/commenting on men. i once read that people will look at what they like he turned out to be bi.. not my thing, so i dumped him when i found out for sure. i saw signs all along but just ignored the red flags. Link to post Share on other sites
DrMario Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 She was really cold and cruel at times, she would happily drop me like a wet fart if it came to other plans, never the less, I loved her and I'd still take her wet farting ass back for all of the good things that she brought to my life, but in hindsight, I should have seen the break up and the silence there after coming Link to post Share on other sites
Hughes101 Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 To name a few Bad relationship with mother - it was all her fault but i felt like i only got half the story. Tried to spin everything she did as being something she was doing for me - manipulative. Heavy drinker - any sign of problems in the relationship lwd to her drinking heavily. Makes me cringe to think about it, but way too many flirtations while i was present. Guys working in the supermarket for example obviously hitting on her and her laughing it up yuck. Naturally gravitated towards other "sick" people. Granted none of these red flags i actually missed but i didn't move on for quite a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Just smile Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 People literally warned me . To my face . Two failed marriages and relationships never lasted Severe impotence and sexual fetishes Alcoholism highly functioning Unstable at times Loves drama Plays victim During arguments always shared with his family including kids! Show- off Manipulative Selfish Controlling And yes this was telling for me to do this Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 She was Thai. There were several Danish novels in her room. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 My last ex: . Compulsive liar (I thought she wouldn't dare lying to me ) . She started cheating on her SO since she was 11 (with SO's BFF ) . She didn't care at all about other people's feelings. . Too worried about other people's opinion about her. . No self-esteem at all. Link to post Share on other sites
jonwashington Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 When someone is not affectionate and or doesn't have a lot of friends or like a lot of people. Now there's a difference between being a loner and enjoying your personal space and just being a plain weirdo. And I don't mean to be gross but if your guy and you like women, and their vagina stinks that is also a bad sign Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Didn't want to go to his sister's wedding and lied about working the "wrong shift." Asked me to a party at his house and ignored me most of the time. Allowed a friend of mine to snog him at same party. His house (that he shared with 2 other guys) was a tip. Never wanted to visit his parents. All his friends said he was lazy. Was insensitive and un-empathetic. Workaholic. That'll do for now ...... Link to post Share on other sites
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