stapler123 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 We were together 1.5 years, friends for 4 years before. he was very needy at first and always loved me more than i did. i had helped him get through a severe depression. one day completely randomly - he even said it was sudden - he said he stopped loving me and became very cold and told me he wanted to stay together as long as he can hang with other girls. He knew my weakness was marriage and he'd promised me it for a longtime even till the last few days. He promised me that after falling out of love with me for no reason that he was falling for me again and he told me to stay even though he was making no effort for me at all. He told me kids names and marriage venues and how we should move in together soon. He did other things though that were upsetting me, he invited girls to his house amd he would not message for days or ask how I was. He was very selfish and didn't make time for me at all and spent late nights out with girls and guys without telling me. for the last 6 months i was very depressed about it because i was pretty much alone and he only talked to me about himself. so one day, even though i was very scared of telling him my opinion, i told him I was unhappy that he didn't seem as into the relationship as me so he told me he doesn't love me at all. i feel like he used me to get back on his feet after the depression and after, i was no use. He led me on for the 6 months saying we'd be together forever. It's been 4 months. 3 month NC. he insulted me a lot to my friends and he used to insult me during my time with him which made me cry - i used to want to leave but he'd promise me marriage so id stay. I'm Still heartbroken because he led me on for so long and i was attached. i even tried getting back together with him but he said never. How do I move on? do i actually deserve better? i feel like i won't find someone who treated me as well as he did at the start. ps. i logged onto my twitter and an update came that showed that a girl had said lots of love to him. i feel completely dejected. some days im good, some days like today, i cant cope with the memories Link to post Share on other sites
Author stapler123 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 i want to say goodbye. it ended very badly and all i want is to see him, go through what happened and leave for good. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 i want to say goodbye. it ended very badly and all i want is to see him, go through what happened and leave for good. Well, you probably already know what most of us will tell you... The goodbyes were already said. Really. It's over, and the idea that "one last goodbye" would bring you any closure it is really a delusion at this point. I am really sorry for how you are feeling, but this is one of those moments that reading these discussions will help you immensely. Right now, your mind is confused trying to rationalize all these feelings, and trying to protect you (as the ego), but it really can't. We all have to just go through this pain. A couple of years ago, I lost my wife to cancer. Once she was gone, there was no chances of "one last goodbye". That "one more thing" I wanted to say went unsaid. This is how I look at breakups now - the ex is dead to me. I can't reach them anymore, and they can't reach me either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stapler123 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 thats a good way of looking at it. im really struggling with not contacting him. i miss him so much. what do you think? did he treat me badly or am i overreacting Link to post Share on other sites
DarkHorizon Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 what do you think? did he treat me badly or am i overreacting I don't think you are overreacting, but that is really not important at this point. One thing that the brain does during periods like these is to over-analyze every single phrase, sentence, word, said. Every action. The mind is just doing what is supposed to do - to think; but right now, it won't find answers. More importantly, those questions are no longer important, because the relationship is no more. It is really just the brain trying to find ways to protect you from similar future situations (threats), but since people and emotional conditions are always different, wondering about the reasons of why this or that happened, or who was right or wrong, won't take you anywhere. That obsessive, ruminating process will just spin in circles, and later become compulsive and even delusional (the mind will create situations to fill in the gaps). Distract yourself with other things. I know it isn't easy, but it forces the mind to focus attention on something else, and the mind can't focus on two things at once. The more you do it, the more the mind will get used to it. The mind is a habit. The other day I went to an antique store. I am not even interested in antiques, but everything was different and new, that I couldn't help paying attention to everything. When I left, I was feeling lighter. It is a slow process. It is a painful process. But it does end, and when that happens, you will be whole again. Stronger and, hopefully, wiser. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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