Jumped the gun or was I right?

[Been]

Been dating my girlfriend for 3 years. During that time she broke up with me to get back with her ex boyfriend. It didn't work out and I took her back.

She assured me that she was finally over him and wanted to move forward. I said ok.

Everything was fine for the last 4 months and then she started to act distant. No show of affection in any form. I asked her if everything was ok and she said she was just stressed over work/bills.

I thought otherwise. She left her phone on the table and I went through it which in itself is wrong I know but I had a feeling in my gut she wasn't being truthful.

I saw on her messages a conversation with her sister stating that I was a great guy but I was no "Keith"-her ex boyfriend. She stated that since "Keith" wished her a marry Christmas she couldn't get him off her mind.

I confronted her and said we were done and I don't ever want to talk to her again. She stated she didn't want to get back with "Keith" and I was jumping the gun.

My girlfriend of 3 years started acting distant. I asked if everything was ok and she said yes but her actions said other words. No show of any affection for 2 weeks-nothing.

[Nickr3023]

Been dating my girlfriend for 3 years. During that time she broke up with me to get back with her ex boyfriend. It didn't work out and I took her back.

She assured me that she was finally over him and wanted to move forward. I said ok.

Everything was fine for the last 4 months and then she started to act distant. No show of affection in any form. I asked her if everything was ok and she said she was just stressed over work/bills.

I thought otherwise. She left her phone on the table and I went through it which in itself is wrong I know but I had a feeling in my gut she wasn't being truthful.

I saw on her messages a conversation with her sister stating that I was a great guy but I was no "Keith"-her ex boyfriend. She stated that since "Keith" wished her a marry Christmas she couldn't get him off her mind.

I confronted her and said we were done and I don't ever want to talk to her again. She stated she didn't want to get back with "Keith" and I was jumping the gun.

My girlfriend of 3 years started acting distant. I asked if everything was ok and she said yes but her actions said other words. No show of any affection for 2 weeks-nothing.

 

Sorry to say my friend, but definitely not a good sign. The fact that she's already left you once and you took her back, shows that she's capable of doing it and will most likely do it again. Go and read my story, I know all about being a sucker and a woman back in after she left me not once, but twice. In the end she cheated on me because she felt no matter what, I was always going to be on the back burner. Don't be naive like I was. Chances are if your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something is definitely wrong. And the fact that you went through her phone shows you don't trust her (I did the same thing, I admitted it to her, and that's what started our downward spiral). I wish you the best of luck with all of this and sorry you're dealing with it.

[Been]

It's funny because no matter everything I do for her is never enough. I bought her Christmas presents for her family and her x boyfriend did nothing but wish her a marry Christmas and she can't stop thinking about that!

[sportygirl]

I have no words of wisdom... I just know if found out the one I loved said I was 'no xxxx' then I'd be crushed beyond belief. Just sending hugs your way.... I don't have enough life experience to be able to offer any more than that x

[Wewon]

I saw on her messages a conversation with her sister stating that I was a great guy but I was no "Keith"-her ex boyfriend. She stated that since "Keith" wished her a marry Christmas she couldn't get him off her mind.

 

Nope, you didn't jump the gun at all. As a matter of fact, I say that you had impeccable timing to avoid the humiliation of being dumped a second time for the same reason.

 

Sorry that this happened, people often do self-centered things like keeping another human being on hold simply out of a fear of being along.

[Been]

Thanks for all your advice. I'm going to stick to my guns and not see her ever again even though she keeps saying I jumped the gun. I think she shouldn't have compared me like that to her ex and I'm not going to deal with that.

[D.r.e]

Thanks for all your advice. I'm going to stick to my guns and not see her ever again even though she keeps saying I jumped the gun. I think she shouldn't have compared me like that to her ex and I'm not going to deal with that.

 

I would never say that about someone I was with. I wouldn't tolerate it either.

[Liono84]

Damn, man. Sorry to hear that. You shouldn't snoop around somebody's phone in the first place. You may not realize it being in your own shoes, but that's a telling sign from the birds-eye-view since it shows a lack of trust on your part with her, and as we found out, rightfully so. To answer your question, no you did not jump the gun. That's about as big as a red flag as you can possibly have and you'd be an absolute fool to pretend like it's just nothing and carry on with the relationship. It hurts, I know, but be glad that you found this out sooner rather than later, because if you didn't, I can guarantee you she would've broken up with you in the near future.

[Been]

As far as the phone goes to me that's her fault-she was given the chance to come clean and she didn't. She started acting funny with the phone so she gave me reason to be curious. We've been together 3 years so there shouldn't be any secret conversations about me regarding anyone.

The sad part is this came on the heels of me paying for her Christmas for her family and helping her out on bills which at the time I didn't regret being I thought we were a team per say. Had I known about this earlier I wouldn't have helped. And she knew that.

[Deonce]

Come on man. She broke up with you to get back with her ex? You should have NEVER gotten back with her again.. And all those words she said about you... You definitely did the right thing by ending things with her, don't look back and question your decision. But I know it's hard. That's why you should go NC on her completely from now on.

 

And please don't even consider taking her back. She'll be with you until she finds someone "better" and then you'll be heartbroken again.

Good luck.

[Been]

I agree. Had I not confirmed it though looking at her phone she would have manipulated me into thinking I was acting too rash. I just needed to have proof in what I was already feeling in order to move on.

[Thistooshallpass21]

I agree. Had I not confirmed it though looking at her phone she would have manipulated me into thinking I was acting too rash. I just needed to have proof in what I was already feeling in order to move on.

 

Been, you seem like a very strong willed man. I mean that as an absolute compliment, you did the absolute right thing, **** that. You're going to find someone amazing one day and that girl is going to simply be stuck on her douche of an ex. I hope at one point that I can be as strong as you and really put things into perspective.

[ExtraSpice]

Does not seem like you jumped the gun. I mean when caught very rarely do people come out and say yes I am guilty, sorry. Almost everybody tries to come up with a plausible excuse first. Just how we are I guess.

 

But you seemed to have done the right thing. Mostly I am in favor of second chances and you already gave her one so you are in the clear.

 

It is good you had some evidence to back up your claim. And I am not saying that this is your habit or not but checking the phone is always dangerous. If you have a strong gut feeling for it then okay. But a lot of the times people get a little paranoid and then they try to find things that are not there. This is obviously not your case, just something to be careful about it.

 

Good luck and I am sure you will find someone better.

[kittyxo]

Sorry to say my friend, but definitely not a good sign. The fact that she's already left you once and you took her back, shows that she's capable of doing it and will most likely do it again. Go and read my story, I know all about being a sucker and a woman back in after she left me not once, but twice. In the end she cheated on me because she felt no matter what, I was always going to be on the back burner. Don't be naive like I was. Chances are if your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something is definitely wrong. And the fact that you went through her phone shows you don't trust her (I did the same thing, I admitted it to her, and that's what started our downward spiral). I wish you the best of luck with all of this and sorry you're dealing with it.

 

Don't these people ever feel guilty for treating us like doormats?? My ex disrespected me and cheated on me and always knew that he could do anything and Id still be there to take him back... I know id feel so guilty if I even considered doing that..