Can someone tell me what's going on? **Updated**

[Ryan52]

I've been dating this girl for about 4 months. Everything has been going very well. We just came back from a trip together. A few days after the trip, she drove up to my hometown to stay with my family and me. The next day, I headed to her hometown for a christmas dinner. Her entire family was there (around 20 family members). It went very well. Her family also bought me some presents too.

 

Three days later we went out for NYE. I took her out to a nice restaurant and then we went to a party (we slept together right before the party). But the very next morning, she asks for a break with me. This came out of nowhere. My friend who was out with us on NYE said that was the last thing he thought he would hear. She couldn't give me a real explanation. First she said she couldn't see herself marrying me. Then she said it was because I wanted kids when I'm older (like 4 years older). She wanted to get married sooner and have kids sooner. Then she said she shouldn't have rushed into this relationship because she came out of a LTR 3 months prior. Her ex has 3 kids (none are hers).

 

She said she wants a few days to get herself together. She came over to grab one of her things (but still left her key to her house), gave me a very sad hug and said she would text me. She hasn't texted me yet and it's been a day. She also still has me on her facebook profile picture. SO what do you think is going on? Also what should I do? Do I give her a few days? Do I just move on?

 

All of this happened within a week. My family and friends are shocked on how out of the blue this is. She was planing a trip with my other family members in spring 3 days prior to this. Also she liked one of my posts on FB yesterday too

Edited January 3, 2016 by Ryan52

[wow123]

Well it probably didn't come out of the blue for her. She may very we'll have been thinking about it for awhile. But didn't want to ruin the holidays. The best thing you can do is NOTHING.

 

Assume she's not coming back, although she may. Expect the worst.

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but she's clearly questioning things and I don't want you to think she just needs a few days and she'll be back and things will be great again. I don't think she would have picked up her things if that we're the case. She may have forgotten about the key.

 

Keep your head up. Don't show her any weakness (I know that's hard). Let her come to you. Don't remain "friendly" to make it easier on her, tougher on you.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I have to agree with wow123 on this. I know her doing this is a huge painful shock for you, but I think the best thing you can do right now is give her space and let her figure things out for herself. If you try to keep up contact with her you might make her feel smothered and drive her away. I know it's hard, but don't contact her. Let her come to you, if that's what she wants. Chin up, man

[Ryan52]

I don't plan on contacting her. She wanted a "few days", so that's what I plan on doing.

[dumbass2]

I don't plan on contacting her. She wanted a "few days", so that's what I plan on doing.

 

Let her contact you. Don't do the initiating. Don't try to force it. It will take more than a few days for her to figure things out. You should not be waiting for her because when someone is willing to break up with you, that's a huge step to take. The fact she was willing to do that should tell you something despite how your heart is feeling about her. She doesn't feel the same way.

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe her ex came back.

[Ryan52]

Just a little rant:

 

How is this fair to me? I have no idea why we are on a break. She can't even give me a real reason why. We are technically still together. Even on Facebook, we are still officially in a relationship. I'm also still in her profile pic. But I'm not supposed to talk to her, until she's ready? So I'm basically in limbo. I can't see my girlfriend and I can't date other people. I thought people who are in a relationship together work through things together... I will give her a few more days and then I may start to look for other options (girls).

[ExpatInItaly]

Just a little rant:

 

How is this fair to me? I have no idea why we are on a break. She can't even give me a real reason why. We are technically still together. Even on Facebook, we are still officially in a relationship. I'm also still in her profile pic. But I'm not supposed to talk to her, until she's ready? So I'm basically in limbo. I can't see my girlfriend and I can't date other people. I thought people who are in a relationship together work through things together... I will give her a few more days and then I may start to look for other options (girls).

 

It's not fair.

 

But you don't have to just go along with it either. You can explain to her that you will consider yourself single if she really feels the need to take a break. If she can't communicate with you what is going on, it's done.

[wow123]

Unfortunately, you need to focus on the fact that she said she shouldn't have rushed into a relationship with you because she just came out of a LTR. It's possible she never go over her ex. Or as someone else said he could be back in the picture. Soddy man. Hope it all works out for you.

[Ryan52]

Well it's been 30+ days no contact. My ex just texted me happy Valentine's Day with kissy faces. Then she called since I didn't reply... What is she doing?

[patooks]

I know how you feel. My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago today. Saying she needs her space and time for herself and her son.

 

I'm in limbo as well. As soon as I suggest moving on to someone else she is like you don't love me, you don't care about me etc. It's so hard. But we have broken up at the moment.

 

I deleted her off FB straight away, yet she keeps on asking me to put her back on as a friend. F *** that. I hate it how one minute they want you, the next they can't decide and like you said, they never give you a straight answer .

[Simon Phoenix]

Well it's been 30+ days no contact. My ex just texted me happy Valentine's Day with kissy faces. Then she called since I didn't reply... What is she doing?

 

Seeing if you're still on the leash, so to speak.

[Been]

There is somebody else. Trust me. They are keeping contact with you so if they have to fallback to you they will.

[ExpatInItaly]

There is somebody else. Trust me. They are keeping contact with you so if they have to fallback to you they will.

 

I tend to agree with the above.

 

Don't fall for it, OP.

[TaraMaiden2]

Well it's been 30+ days no contact. My ex just texted me happy Valentine's Day with kissy faces. Then she called since I didn't reply... What is she doing?

 

Did you respond?

What did you discuss, if you did?

Have you tried asking her what she's doing?

Look, if she's being passive, laid-back and non-committal, there comes a point where you have to take control of your life.

 

Tell her - even if it's in a text - that the next time you hear from her, it MUST be only to say that things are swinging and she wishes to establish a relationship with you.

None of this namby-pamby will-she-won't-she 'sitting on the fence' crap.

She's either in, or she isn't. But you don't intend to sit round like a forlorn puppy waiting for her to make her mind up.

Yours - IS made up.

Either she commits, or you walk and have a nice life seeya bye.

 

It's the only way, dude.

Because until you show your backbone, she's walking all over you....

[Ryan52]

I didn't reply to her initial texts. But then she called me. I picked up (she was drunk) and asked if I got them. I told her yea but I didn't know why she sent them. Then she's like, I'm in the cab and text me. I said why? She said she just wants to say hi. I just text her I'm home from the bars. She replied and messaged me nonstop. So I just ended it, saying text me tomorrow. I was not in the mood for it. I was drunk and she was drunk.

[ExpatInItaly]

I didn't reply to her initial texts. But then she called me. I picked up (she was drunk) and asked if I got them. I told her yea but I didn't know why she sent them. Then she's like, I'm in the cab and text me. I said why? She said she just wants to say hi. I just text her I'm home from the bars. She replied and messaged me nonstop. So I just ended it, saying text me tomorrow. I was not in the mood for it. I was drunk and she was drunk.

 

Just go back to No Contact now. I think the drinks got the best of her. Don't let her use you for attention and an ego-stroke like that. It only delays your healing.

[Simon Phoenix]

I didn't reply to her initial texts. But then she called me. I picked up (she was drunk) and asked if I got them. I told her yea but I didn't know why she sent them. Then she's like, I'm in the cab and text me. I said why? She said she just wants to say hi. I just text her I'm home from the bars. She replied and messaged me nonstop. So I just ended it, saying text me tomorrow. I was not in the mood for it. I was drunk and she was drunk.

 

Dude, you need to block her. Responding was not smart. She was just looking for attention, looking to see if you were on the hook, and you proved you were. Don't do that again.

[Ryan52]

How did I prove to her I was on the hook? She sends me kissy faces says happy valentines day and calls me. All I did was say, glad you made it home safely. And other one word answers. I never wished happy Valentine's Day. I ignored her first few texts and that's why she called. I didn't beg, I didn't call her, I never sent emojis, I never told her happy Valentine's Day.... Her doing all of his stuff, tells me, I'm on her mind. She reached out to me. I wasn't the one reaching out to her.

[Simon Phoenix]

How did I prove to her I was on the hook? She sends me kissy faces says happy valentines day and calls me. All I did was say, glad you made it home safely. And other one word answers. I never wished happy Valentine's Day. I ignored her first few texts and that's why she called. I didn't beg, I didn't call her, I never sent emojis, I never told her happy Valentine's Day.... Her doing all of his stuff, tells me, I'm on her mind. She reached out to me. I wasn't the one reaching out to her.

 

Because you simply answered. She wanted attention, you gave it to her. Doesn't matter what you said. Don't do that again.

[TaraMaiden2]

Because you simply answered. She wanted attention, you gave it to her. Doesn't matter what you said. Don't do that again.

 

^^This^^.

She didn't break NC - you did. She can bang away against your door until her virtual knuckles bleed; unless you respond, that does not break NC.

By opening the door, even to say "Yes? What do you want?" achieves her objective: She got your attention.

She really doesn't care what she says or how she does it. The fact that you nab the bait and get reeled in, is all she wants.

[Ryan52]

So this is all a game to her? No real reason why a dumper contacts you? 95% of the time, it's because they want to mess with you?

[Simon Phoenix]

So this is all a game to her? No real reason why a dumper contacts you? 95% of the time, it's because they want to mess with you?

 

No, it has to do with them feeling better about themselves. It has nothing to do with you whatsoever. Her knowing that you still care enough to respond to her makes her feel better, gives her an ego boost. She's not necessarily trying to mess with you (although that's an effect of her behavior), she's just trying to make herself feel better about herself. And she succeeded.

 

Breadcrumbs have very little to do with the person they are being sent to.

[ExpatInItaly]

So this is all a game to her? No real reason why a dumper contacts you? 95% of the time, it's because they want to mess with you?

 

No, it's not usually intentionally malicious.

 

They feel a void too, and will often turn to exes to temporarily fill that, because they know the ex will respond... because they know they still have feelings. It's almost a sure thing - a Band-Aid, if you will. But unfortunately, it doesn't usually mean more than that.

[Ryan52]

I dated this girl for three months. Things were going well. We took a trip together, spent Christmas at her family's house, spent NYE together. But she randomly dumped me on New Years. She couldn't give me a real reason why. All of my friend's were shocked. No one saw it coming. I asked her if it was because of her ex. She said no. They dated for 2 years and broke up three months before me. He has two kids.

 

Two weeks later she deleted me from all of social media and added her ex. I knew what was going on. A month after no contact, she drunk texts me "happy Valentine's Day!" With a kissy emoji face. She then called to make sure I got them and to say hi. Well a week after this, my friend told me she's in Florida with her ex boyfriend. So it's obvious they are together again. Why would she text me this, while she's in a relationship, and knows she's going on a trip with him within a week? Doesn't she know, I'll find out that they are together? Doesn't she know that it will probably kill any chance or reconciliation?