Heart completely broken

[D_y]

Hey guys! 24 year old male dumpee here

 

For the past weeks I’ve been searching different threads for some great advice on how to cope and though so far helpful, I feel the need to share my story and interact with other people. So here goes nothing!

 

My relationship lasted for 1 year and 9 months and was full of laughter, smiles, and sincere and heartfelt feelings. Overall I was so happy that, even though she was my first love, I thought I had been lucky enough to find (on my first try!) the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Problems didn’t matter, as we both thought that we would be able to overcome whatever obstacles were put in front of us. In short, we had our own shiny and glittery Nicholas Sparks novel going on. Well, LOL, buckle up, cause the drama-meter is about to go boom.

 

Three months ago, more or less out of the blue (she had been acting weird for some weeks) she broke up with me. Basically said she had fallen out of love. Ouch. Needless to say, my world literally crashed and I was left pretty devastated.

 

Silver lining: I have managed to keep NC ever since (only have stalked on Facebook eight times or so –the last one today. I know -terrible idea ) but it doesn’t matter. The pain is granite-covered-in-steel hard. I just feel that the best thing in my life is over and the most important person for me, gone .

 

Wait- how’s that you say?! Your partner the most important person in your life? Surely there must be SOMEONE else! Well, sadly not; most of my close family members died some years ago and my friends... well, they’re “bros” lol (you just need to get your **** together bro! haha). So yep, this has been a pretty much “Goddamm, I’m losing the person I care for the most, alongside all of her love, AGAIN” situation. She brought much long needed happiness and even though I am trying to move on, deep inside I’m still very attached and secretly hope her feelings will come back. It doesn’t help that we ended on good terms (she did nothing I could hate her for) and from what I’ve stalked, looks absolutely happy without me.

 

TL : DR --- I'm alone and in pain and I would love to hear your insight, advice and success stories. I really need them.

 

Bless.

Edited December 28, 2015 by D_y

[D.r.e]

In the same boat here. Lost the person I cared about the most. One thing I will say, is that she is not responsible for your happiness, you are. It sucks, and you really just have to experience the pain. Eventually, you can use that pain to grow. People make the mistake of running from it.

 

Remember that no one is going to take care of you except you. Let yourself heal, it doesn't happen overnight. It's small progress, so small it feels like nothing is happening, everyday just gets a little easier. Stay away from her, or anything that triggers you and focus on yourself.

[Strength in Healing]

Dre had powerful advice right there. Few times do I fully agree with someone's advice but his was spot on.

 

That aside, I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I experienced that as well. Sounds like maybe what you need is for someone to genuinely just listen and understand. I'm sure we all can understand here.

[Sar112]

Completely agree with what everyone is saying. Plus, you want her to be able to see a confident, successful guy getting on with things not someone who is waiting around for her to change her mind.

 

A time more often than not arrives where your ex will be in touch either regretting the break up/missing you. This might take months/years but you just need to focus on yourself right now, then if that time does arrive you will be healed enough and be able to think clearly enough about what it is you really want.

 

Well done with the NC as that's the hardest part in these early stages (I'm currently on day 22 and really struggling!). Try to stay away from looking at anything on social media etc...

 

I read something the other day about how powerful a thing the mind is... if you don't know what is going on in her life you can't get too upset as you can continue to tell yourself that she is single and will be alone forever. Sounds ridiculous but it really helps.

[D_y]

In the same boat here. Lost the person I cared about the most. One thing I will say, is that she is not responsible for your happiness, you are. It sucks, and you really just have to experience the pain. Eventually, you can use that pain to grow. People make the mistake of running from it.

 

Remember that no one is going to take care of you except you. Let yourself heal, it doesn't happen overnight. It's small progress, so small it feels like nothing is happening, everyday just gets a little easier. Stay away from her, or anything that triggers you and focus on yourself.

 

 

Read your thread and I feel you. I'm sorry that you are also going through a break up, as it is emotionally one of the worst things that can happen if you are a still-in-love dumpee. Some positive energy going your way!

 

Regarding what you wrote, you' re definitely right in the sense that I must find a way to be happy by myself, and not so dependent on someone else's love. However, I don't have a clue as to how. I'm trying new activities and so on, but at the end of the day, when I'm all by myself, the sorrow starts creeping in. I guess its normal, but I'm just afraid it won't stop.

 

Btw, I'm also working on blocking her on fb. Gonna do it over the next couple of days; probably after New Years as a symbolic way of saying goodbye.

[D_y]

Dre had powerful advice right there. Few times do I fully agree with someone's advice but his was spot on.

 

That aside, I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I experienced that as well. Sounds like maybe what you need is for someone to genuinely just listen and understand. I'm sure we all can understand here.

 

I would be very grateful if you shared a little bit of your story and how your recovery went through. It's always great to hear from others who fought the good fight and made it!

[D_y]

Completely agree with what everyone is saying. Plus, you want her to be able to see a confident, successful guy getting on with things not someone who is waiting around for her to change her mind.

 

A time more often than not arrives where your ex will be in touch either regretting the break up/missing you. This might take months/years but you just need to focus on yourself right now, then if that time does arrive you will be healed enough and be able to think clearly enough about what it is you really want.

 

Well done with the NC as that's the hardest part in these early stages (I'm currently on day 22 and really struggling!). Try to stay away from looking at anything on social media etc...

 

I read something the other day about how powerful a thing the mind is... if you don't know what is going on in her life you can't get too upset as you can continue to tell yourself that she is single and will be alone forever. Sounds ridiculous but it really helps.

 

I've learnt the hard (at least not so hard!) way that it's a necessity to eliminate traces of her in every conceivable way. Otherwise, my mind will just keep on spinning with the new information it is fed and additionally, it sucks to see the person whom you loved and broke your heart doing absolutely fine without you and enjoying a new chapter on their life, while you sulk and suffer. It really is terrible.

 

As for keeping NC, you can do it! NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING GOOD will come out of breaking it. If you feel the urge, talk to a family member, some friends or go out and do something cool. I know you can do it.

[D.r.e]

Read your thread and I feel you. I'm sorry that you are also going through a break up, as it is emotionally one of the worst things that can happen if you are a still-in-love dumpee. Some positive energy going your way!

 

Regarding what you wrote, you' re definitely right in the sense that I must find a way to be happy by myself, and not so dependent on someone else's love. However, I don't have a clue as to how. I'm trying new activities and so on, but at the end of the day, when I'm all by myself, the sorrow starts creeping in. I guess its normal, but I'm just afraid it won't stop.

 

Btw, I'm also working on blocking her on fb. Gonna do it over the next couple of days; probably after New Years as a symbolic way of saying goodbye.

 

Thanks. You're going to feel it when you are alone. Don't fight it, but don't dwell on it. Right now I am alone watching myself in pain. I am sick today, and have no one checking on me to make sure I am OK. I was given some false hope of reconciliation by a friend , but I know it's nothing. She simply saw my ex, and said she was going to find out what happened. Everyone knew us as being happy together. I am not going to ask what she finds out. I need to remind myself it's over, and build myself back up better than before.