Years later, the wound is just as fresh

[ShiningMoon]

I rarely break down like this. As a matter of fact, no other man ever triggered such a strong emotional reaction, whether good or bad. Yet, I can't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to this specific man. Just when I feel okay about moving forward, something happens and I'm back at square one.

 

I really thought he was "The One" when I first met him. When I first laid eyes on him, I thought to myself: "I'll marry him someday". I was deluded. He and I certainly had an instant connection but I certainly liked him more than he liked me. As a matter of fact, he told me he only liked my body and nothing else after telling me the complete opposite weeks before. He then ghosted.

 

It's been about two years or so now, and although his Facebook profile has been reading "single" since then, I know he's been seeing girls. One, specifically according to their Facebook interactions. There's no way they are simply platonic friends. Today, I came across something and I literally broke into tears. It almost felt like a panic attack.

 

I've never experienced such emotions. After all, I thought I had moved on. I met many great guys after him. I've traveled a lot and started a great career. I'm very "strong" on the outside, that's what people always notice about me. Yet, he's my weakness. I can handle a lot of things, but when it comes to him, I'm weak and hopeless. I don't know why. Nothing affects me more than he does even though we haven't spoken in years.

 

It's not that I haven't dated or met guys. I have. They all tell me I'm the most beautiful and intelligent girl they've ever met, it's like they're ready to marry me right away, but I'm blank. I'm disinterested.

 

I didn't date for a year and a half because I wanted to work through my baggage before putting myself out there again. I have. I've even significantly improved my lifestyle, health and overall appearance. So, I haven't been sitting there waiting for him to come back. As a matter of fact, he's blocked on my personal account, my number was changed right after he disappeared and we have no friends in common which makes it impossible for him to contact me.

 

I've done everything I'm supposed to do to move on, yet the smallest thing can throw me into an emotional spiral I can't get out of. I completely hand over my control to my emotions and I can't stand it. I become helpless and lose myself completely.

 

I've never had any abandonment issues and have a great relationship with my father, so this can't be related to my upbringing.

 

Why does such reaction happen? This is seriously scary.

[salem mark]

I understand exactly how you feel, I have an ex i feel the same way about.

 

you feel hopeless and out of control emotionally,

 

have yo contacted him or he has he reached out to you the last years?

[ShiningMoon]

I understand exactly how you feel, I have an ex i feel the same way about.

 

you feel hopeless and out of control emotionally,

 

have yo contacted him or he has he reached out to you the last years?

 

No I have not because after he told me he only liked my body, I thought I would be doing myself and my self-respect a disservice by reaching out to him like a desperate groupie.

 

As for him contacting me ... well, I didn't have Facebook when we dated and when I created one afterwards, I made sure I blocked him right away as he has my last name. I also changed my phone number a few weeks after he let me go and ended up moving away. Hence, as I have no online presence and we don't have any friends in common, there was no way he could ever reach me. I'm not even sure he tried.

 

It killed me because the day before he told me he only liked me body, he told me that even though he understood I had a hard time believing in "love", it didn't matter to him because he did believe in it enough for the both of us yadi yada. Now, when I see him with this girl, it hurts my feelings because he's probably treating her the way he never treated me. The way I wanted him to treat me. I felt like the last resort to him when this girl really seems like a priority. It kills me.

[salem mark]

sorry. you got let this go,

it didnt seem he respected you at all.

 

if someone wants to see you they will jump thru fire to make it happen, ive been in alot of relationships, i should be a couple counselorlol

[salem mark]

how long were you together?

[Blanco]

Well, for one, stop looking at his Facebook profile. A wound can't heal if you keep picking at it, and by staying updated on his life via social media, that's precisely what you're doing to this wound.

 

I'm sorry for you. The only relationship that I thought would lead to marriage took me about two years to get over, too. Looking back, I inadvertently extended my healing time by keeping her on social media, and still talking to her when I knew deep down I wasn't in a good place to do so.

 

Deleting and blocking him from FB isn't going to be an instant cure, but it will at least create more distance between you two. Right now, it sounds like you need to take advantage of any opportunity for that that you can.

[mightycpa]

Have you asked yourself why your heart still wants a man that wants you only for your body?

 

I know it sounds like a ridiculous question, because the initial answer is that you know you don't, but your heart wants him. So the real question is what motivates your heart? This can be difficult to answer, but I think there is an answer that needs to be uncovered. Maybe that you'll have some kind of status, or you'll be loved, or you will be able to take on a role or there's some kind of reason that motivates you. The key to truly moving on will either be to understand this about yourself so that you can correct it, or to convince your heart that it is wrong during the process of trying to understand it. There is some loss you need to grieve that is above and beyond this guy is what I think.

 

In other words, I think you've just convinced yourself that you feel this about him, but it is something related to him, not just him. You are probably only one insight into yourself away from total freedom.

Edited December 16, 2015 by mightycpa

[Samhain]

You're not doing yourself any favors by obsessing over his facebook page and he'd probably be extremely creeped out to know after 2 years you were doing that.

 

He told you the opposite to start with because he wanted in your pants, as horrible a ploy that is, it happens often. After he got what he wanted for a short while he was honest with you about his intentions. You were right to not contact him, but you aren't respecting yourself by continuing to look at things that will rip the scab off and prevent healing.

 

If you are used to guys telling you that you are the most beautiful and awesome woman they've ever been with then it probably wounded your ego more than anything else that somebody could use you to their disposal so frivolously.

 

We can't be everyone's everything.

Edited December 17, 2015 by Samhain

[ShiningMoon]

He probably wouldn't care much since half of his Facebook friends are fake cam girls. That said, I know I am really dragging the pain by monitoring his Facebook profile.

 

I know the words he told me were only meant to get me into bed. However, it's not my ego that's hurt. It's not about the fact that other guys liked me and he didn't. I got dumped a few times before he came along and I never cared much. I've never had a problem moving on. This time around, I got invested too quickly by believing in my intuition. With the other guys, I instantly knew they weren't "The One", so I got far less invested.

 

I feel insane for wanting a man who never saw me as anything more than simply a piece of meat meant to to fulfill his animalistic desires. After all, he really has nothing to deliver. He doesn't have a college degree, works a low-wage job and has never experienced anything significant such as traveling abroad. I know I can do so much better because I'm equipped with qualities and a status he doesn't have. I'm simply blinded.

[xuanqi1988]

Well, for one, stop looking at his Facebook profile. A wound can't heal if you keep picking at it, and by staying updated on his life via social media, that's precisely what you're doing to this wound.

 

I'm sorry for you. The only relationship that I thought would lead to marriage took me about two years to get over, too. Looking back, I inadvertently extended my healing time by keeping her on social media, and still talking to her when I knew deep down I wasn't in a good place to do so.

 

Deleting and blocking him from FB isn't going to be an instant cure, but it will at least create more distance between you two. Right now, it sounds like you need to take advantage of any opportunity for that that you can.

 

I'm with you there on FB blocking. the only thing I'm wondering though, is what this guy would think after finding out ex from years ago has blocked him...not right after the breakup, but now?

[ShiningMoon]

I'm with you there on FB blocking. the only thing I'm wondering though, is what this guy would think after finding out ex from years ago has blocked him...not right after the breakup, but now?

 

As I stated, I blocked him as soon as I created an account. I didn't have Facebook when we dated. I created one a couple months after we dumped me. I blocked him on my personal account since he has my last name.

 

I however have a professional page and this is where I cave in. He was blocked the first year and I didn't check anything but these days, I have been more interested than usual.

 

I don't think he'd know I blocked him. How could he possibly know?