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How long do Dumpers think an Olive Branch is good for?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 12th December 2015, 4:36 PM   #1
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How long do Dumpers think an Olive Branch is good for?

One thing that has really bothered me when my Ex dumped me is when at the very end, after I tried everything I could to not let her go through with the breakup, I told her if she ever crossed a day where she had 2nd doubts/regrets, to promise to contact me. She said if that happened she promised she would. These were one of the last words I ever said to her prior to going NC. We've been NC since the initial breakup. Looking back, I hate that I said that to her. I looked so pathetic and so weak. It's been several months now, and I'm doing a lot better. I don't really care anymore and I'm currently talking to a girl who in many ways is better than her (hotter, younger, more stable, better match) but it's still too early to know what's going to happen with us. Anyways, I wanted to know, do Dumpers assume that the Olive Branch you've extended to them during the breakup in letting them know if they ever changed their minds to contact you is always going to be there??? Do they think that no matter how long it's been that your offer still stands?? I just wanted to know from somebody else's point of view whether or not if they had a similar experience and if they assumed that the dumpee would always pin for them because of those words.

I was in a very emotional and dark place when I said that and now that the dust has settled, I no longer feel that way. But sadly, I fear that she may think I still pin and hope for her to come back because of what I said at the very end.

Last edited by DodgersFan15; 12th December 2015 at 4:40 PM..
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Old 12th December 2015, 4:45 PM   #2
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If she initiated the breakup months ago, I doubt she thinks about it anymore.

We all know people say things in the heat of a breakup. I wouldn't worry about it.
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Old 12th December 2015, 5:12 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by DodgersFan15 View Post
One thing that has really bothered me when my Ex dumped me is when at the very end, after I tried everything I could to not let her go through with the breakup, I told her if she ever crossed a day where she had 2nd doubts/regrets, to promise to contact me. She said if that happened she promised she would. These were one of the last words I ever said to her prior to going NC. We've been NC since the initial breakup. Looking back, I hate that I said that to her. I looked so pathetic and so weak. It's been several months now, and I'm doing a lot better. I don't really care anymore and I'm currently talking to a girl who in many ways is better than her (hotter, younger, more stable, better match) but it's still too early to know what's going to happen with us. Anyways, I wanted to know, do Dumpers assume that the Olive Branch you've extended to them during the breakup in letting them know if they ever changed their minds to contact you is always going to be there??? Do they think that no matter how long it's been that your offer still stands?? I just wanted to know from somebody else's point of view whether or not if they had a similar experience and if they assumed that the dumpee would always pin for them because of those words.

I was in a very emotional and dark place when I said that and now that the dust has settled, I no longer feel that way. But sadly, I fear that she may think I still pin and hope for her to come back because of what I said at the very end.
You appear to still be in somewhat of an emotional state, and not thinking clearly. Imagine that you broke up with someone, and they told you that they would take you back whenever. All you have to do is show up, and you're in.

Now assume that
  • 10 years later, you show up. Would you seriously think that the offer still stands? Of course not.
  • What about five years? Probably not.
  • A year? You'd think it was possible but not a lock, right?
  • Six months? You'd have doubts.
  • Three months? You'd wonder.
  • Even a month. After one month of no contact, I don't see how anyone in their right mind would think that there is a 100% chance that they could come back and not meet at least a little resistance.
Anybody, a dumper or otherwise, would have to have a really high opinion of themselves to think that. It would take a serious suspension of belief to think you could just waltz back in after a certain amount of time. I don't care who you are, or what the circumstances were.


So, really, that's the last thing you should worry about. Miss Scarlet is right. Your ex doesn't even think about you anymore, much less whatever you may have said. What's more telling is that you actually fear that she may think this. What that tells me is you're not quite done with her emotionally, you're not as over her as you think you are.

But here's one way you can make yourself feel better. Have a speech ready for her, just in case pigs fly into hell and cause a snowstorm:


Quote:
Hi Matilda! Long time no see! You're here because of what? Are you ****ing kidding me? Listen, I know what I said, but let's have a little common sense, ok? That offer expired the minute you walked out the door. I don't care what I said. If it makes it easier, tell yourself that I lied to you. Wow. I feel sorry for you, I'm sure showing up took a lot of guts. Well, this is pretty awkward... and look at the time! I just remembered that I have to buy some shampoo. Sorry, I've got to go. It was really great seeing you. You look great! Be good! See ya! Good luck! Bye!
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Old 12th December 2015, 6:05 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by DodgersFan15 View Post
One thing that has really bothered me when my Ex dumped me is when at the very end, after I tried everything I could to not let her go through with the breakup, I told her if she ever crossed a day where she had 2nd doubts/regrets, to promise to contact me. She said if that happened she promised she would. These were one of the last words I ever said to her prior to going NC. We've been NC since the initial breakup. Looking back, I hate that I said that to her. I looked so pathetic and so weak. It's been several months now, and I'm doing a lot better.
I think that it depends on the maturity level of the dumper.

Most people, with any life experience, would see that as an emotional moment and something that you say as a last ditch effort.

If your ex doesn't have the ability to relate to this state, then she may think that the olive branch is a blank check to be cashed at any time. Otherwise, most people know not to take it that way.
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Old 12th December 2015, 7:50 PM   #5
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We all say things that we regret or look back and cringe at. The main thing is that you know the truth behind whether that offer still stands or not. If it doesn't, who cares what she thinks? Let her think all she wants. She's someone else's problem now, not yours. The fact that you said that to her, it won't change the eventual outcome anyway.
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Old 12th December 2015, 9:04 PM   #6
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The irrational hope they'll come back is purely based on you not meeting anyone better or the thought of this concept. Every time I've been in a breakup and moved on whether a month, two or 6 months or more the feeling of being in love you so desperately crave after a breakup is found with someone new and it's usually even better.


Offering to take someone back no matter what is easy to say when controlled by emotions, but from the other persons perspective it makes you look very weak in their eyes, why would they even want someone like this back, even in the future?


The best way to deal with a breakup is to just move on because if someone is worthy of being in your life they will make the effort to stay, never ever and I really mean this, try to keep someone in your life.


Keep working on yourself and meeting new people.
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Old 12th December 2015, 10:02 PM   #7
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The irrational hope they'll come back is purely based on you not meeting anyone better or the thought of this concept. Every time I've been in a breakup and moved on whether a month, two or 6 months or more the feeling of being in love you so desperately crave after a breakup is found with someone new and it's usually even better.


Offering to take someone back no matter what is easy to say when controlled by emotions, but from the other persons perspective it makes you look very weak in their eyes, why would they even want someone like this back, even in the future?


The best way to deal with a breakup is to just move on because if someone is worthy of being in your life they will make the effort to stay, never ever and I really mean this, try to keep someone in your life.


Keep working on yourself and meeting new people.
But what if they really were the best you could have ever had and now it's gone, therefore, it's hard for you to move on. What if due to you age, (30's) you didn't have favorable odds of finding someone better? I want to find someone younger than me, and with no baggage, either and that's harder the older females you look for. What if due to other religious/nationality/socio-economic reasons you've accepted the fact that you have to find a partner of the same class and therefore, the odds are against you?? I don't want to get into too many specifics, but all these factors play a huge role against me in my situation and the reality is it will be difficult in finding someone else that will me these requirements and have mutual love for both on my part and hers.
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Old 13th December 2015, 6:29 AM   #8
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But what if they really were the best you could have ever had and now it's gone, therefore, it's hard for you to move on. What if due to you age, (30's) you didn't have favorable odds of finding someone better? I want to find someone younger than me, and with no baggage, either and that's harder the older females you look for. What if due to other religious/nationality/socio-economic reasons you've accepted the fact that you have to find a partner of the same class and therefore, the odds are against you?? I don't want to get into too many specifics, but all these factors play a huge role against me in my situation and the reality is it will be difficult in finding someone else that will me these requirements and have mutual love for both on my part and hers.
I could totally understand your point if there were only a couple hundred people in the world. There are a few billion. You've got your ex on some pedestal for what reason I don't know. I'm assuming she left you. So obviously she's NOT the best you'll get because the best WONT leave you.
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Old 13th December 2015, 7:12 AM   #9
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Dude dont sweat it, we all say things like that, actually if I remember correctly I probably said the exact same thing to my ex. And no they don't think its an "olive branch" or whatever for them to come back to you whenever.

BUT, and this happened to me also, my ex contacted me about 6 months post breakup and NC, to checkup and see if she still had me in her back pocket, and I, like the idiot i was, after a few conversations gave in and told her what she wanted to hear. Regret that alot, but whatever we all make mistakes.

Point is I doubt she thinks she can contact you and be in a relationship again out of the blue, but the possibility of her contacting you and seeing if you're still on the hook is high, esp if things arent going well in her new love interest, as my ex did. Learn from my mistakes, and tbh forget her, shes the past and we're not living in the past anymore.
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