london2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 You will see from my other posts that I just broke NC after 3ish months following a 6 month relationship that she finally ended..We had argued seriously for a couple of months on and off but they would get to the 'theres no point of us being together' level of argument... One day she held that and decided she had had enough..Of course on the outside its the right thing to do but I chased/begged for a couple of weeks after which was somewhat down to her as we was giving me 'breadcrumbs' i believe you call it with videos of her at work, emailing me late at night proving she is not going out etc... I had a moment of weakness the other day which resulted in me checking her social media/emailing her wishing her a nice December/Xmas/NYE..Of course I got nothing back but I dont regret emailing her because I feel at peace with it all now.. But on reflection, I realise I cared for her a lot more than she did to me. She told me in the first few weeks she was very difficult, not used to guys treating her well or showing her love and didnt believe in the whole marriage thing..I ignored these points perhaps due to me being so fascinated with her or just keen to be in a relationship.. I would be the one planning anything we did (except if it was my birthday), treating her with gifts i.e. remembering a hat she liked on our first mall trip and buying it the next day as a surprise and at the 6 month anniversary point (although not a big milestone i know) i was the one who got a 'goody bag' of gifts of things that reminded her of us or was important to us..she got me nothing.. Has anyone looked back on their relationship and realised they did all the caring? Is it normal to realise this when you are 'out' of that scenario? I just dont understand how the other person who took all the care and love and consideration you showed them and threw it away so easily?! how is it possible?! Link to post Share on other sites
lonewolf110 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Sometimes people are so focused on themselves & being miserable, they cannot see or accept the other person's kind gestures. My last ex was a depressed guy with everything going downhill and I tried my best to care for him and support him. He broke off cold turkey. After an year he showed up apologizing and realising how much I had done for him. So I would say not to take it personally. You gave your best. Its her loss and her issues that she is unable to see anything right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author london2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks lonewolf - but for them to take take take from you and be the one that breaks things up and then ignores you post-break up and move on so quickly - how is that even possible?! I might be coming across stupid with these questions but i have never had this experience and find it so hard to believe!? I am not the jealous type at all but she brought a lot of baggage into our relationship as it was 'normal' for her to remain close friends with all of her exes..they would message wanting pics of her/updates on her life etc and i just thought we were still so fresh after a few months to see how we were going before getting involved in stuff like that, you know?! Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Not everyone loves equally or in the same way. It sounds like your feelings were always stronger for her. I'm sorry that probably isn't what you want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
SixxChick Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Sometimes people are so focused on themselves & being miserable, they cannot see or accept the other person's kind gestures. My last ex was a depressed guy with everything going downhill and I tried my best to care for him and support him. He broke off cold turkey. Yep. My story too in a nutshell, lonewolf. The thing that you should take away from this, london, is that you know you have a lot to give. But it has go to the right person who cares as much as you do. If the door closes, quit banging on it. Whatever was behind it wasn't meant for you. Consider the fact that maybe the door was closed because you were worth so much more than what was on the other side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mountains Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 She didn't appreciate you enough and you need to think about that because it will help you move on. I treated my ex really well and found out today that she left me for an ex who broke her nose a few months ago in a drunken rage. At first I was pissed, but now I realized that I couldn't have treated her better and maybe that was the problem because she was used to being treated like dirt. So my problem was I treated her too well and she wasn't used to it. You never know with women sometimes (no offense to the women here). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Sometimes we love not to accept, cherish or enjoy but instead to control. When you stop thinking like a victim and you detach you can begin to learn and eventually regain your objectivity. Then you will be able to find meaningful answers though you may find you have healed and moved on by that time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author london2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks guys..I dont regret doing it but I did beg/plead for the couple of weeks after we had broken up but upon reflection what was I begging for?! The chance to care for her much more than she did me and put up with the stuff I didnt think was acceptable for longer?! I just find it astonishing that someone can take all that support, and acknowledge that I helped her through things, supported and cared and showed so much love and just because I chased and begged for the same a couple of weeks after she makes the final decision its all forgotten and its like I dont exist?! sorry i may come across clueless but the previous breakups (i was with someone for 6yrs and then 2yrs) weren't like this.. Link to post Share on other sites
schlieman Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Hey london, i had the same experience, only my relationship was going on for 7 years and i ended dumping her to keep my sanity. Your comment about how you begged initialy but what for, to care more and get nothing in return is an eye opener. Stay strong and find your way in life, care for yourself now i try to do the same. Its not easy but we will get there and one day we can care for someone that equally cares for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 You know if you were nothing but nice at least you know that. The one thing i take away from being too nice and kind in both my last relationships is that perhaps if they end up in another relationship which is less than ideal they will remember the one who was nice to them and wonder what if. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I just dont understand how the other person who took all the care and love and consideration you showed them and threw it away so easily?! how is it possible?!I hate to be the one to tell you, but what it means was that she enjoyed all the stuff you did, but at some point, she realized that she didn't enjoy the person who was doing it for her - YOU. At that point, everything you did became tedious and unbearable, and that was the end of your run. That's how it goes when they don't like us. They feel like they're being put out, wasting their precious time being with somebody they don't want to spend that kind of time with. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I just find it astonishing that someone can take all that support, and acknowledge that I helped her through things, supported and cared and showed so much love ... The sad thing is that some people are used to being cared for this way and do not know what they actually are given when someone goes that extra length for them. You are worth someone who does know. Link to post Share on other sites
Riptide91 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I can relate here OP. When my last LTR ended I reflected upon it and decided I wasn't the person I wanted to be to my ex. I could have cared more, been nicer and treated her better. Maybe that's why she left me.. After a good amount of time I met my recent ex and I had changed. I think I became ther person I was before my LTR ex and showed her nothing but kindness. I also think I cared for her much more than she ever cared for me. And she used to tell me at least twice a week how she has never been treated this well and that she couldn't believe I was a real person. But, she also left me. Her excuse was she needs time to figure out her life and isn't ready for anything serious.. So at this point I'm feeling a bit cynical. I don't think I'll ever treat someone as kindly as I did her, it just doesn't feel right now. It's like putting your best effort forward only to get beat down and told it wasn't good enough. I swear that saying "nice guys finish last" is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author london2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Thanks Guys. I guess the final piece I am thinking about is 'what if' I didnt do the chasing for the couple of weeks after we broke up... We werent right for each other and if we had continued I couldnt see it getting any better but that doesnt stop a small part of me thinking what would be the case if I didnt chase after her. She was messaging me giving me 'breadcrumbs' as its referred to on here with messages saying how lonely she is, bored of work etc but then I realise those messages were as a result of her already seeing me as a friend very quickly so I would have been upset further when she moved on right in front of me...you know?! Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 And how would not chasing for a couple weeks make you two any better suited for each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I can relate here OP. When my last LTR ended I reflected upon it and decided I wasn't the person I wanted to be to my ex. I could have cared more, been nicer and treated her better. Maybe that's why she left me.. After a good amount of time I met my recent ex and I had changed. I think I became ther person I was before my LTR ex and showed her nothing but kindness. I also think I cared for her much more than she ever cared for me. And she used to tell me at least twice a week how she has never been treated this well and that she couldn't believe I was a real person. But, she also left me. Her excuse was she needs time to figure out her life and isn't ready for anything serious.. So at this point I'm feeling a bit cynical. I don't think I'll ever treat someone as kindly as I did her, it just doesn't feel right now. It's like putting your best effort forward only to get beat down and told it wasn't good enough. I swear that saying "nice guys finish last" is true. I'm sorry that this experience made you feel so cynical about how kindly you will treat your next girlfriend. I think that is such a shame because I think when you meet the right person who feels the same way, they will appreciate it and reciprocate in turn. I disagree with the statement that nice guys finish last. It just sounds like a excuse to be jerk and treat others like dirt. Nice guys are far superior. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Thanks Guys. I guess the final piece I am thinking about is 'what if' I didnt do the chasing for the couple of weeks after we broke up... We werent right for each other and if we had continued I couldnt see it getting any better but that doesnt stop a small part of me thinking what would be the case if I didnt chase after her. She was messaging me giving me 'breadcrumbs' as its referred to on here with messages saying how lonely she is, bored of work etc but then I realise those messages were as a result of her already seeing me as a friend very quickly so I would have been upset further when she moved on right in front of me...you know?! For what it is worth, I don't think that it would have made much difference if you didn't chase her. She wasn't the right person for you, but that doesn't stop the feelings you have for her. Watching her move on quickly will hurt so much. That is why so many people decide to go no contact. It makes it easier to cope. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Hi, What you did for her - gifts - is really sweet of you. Don't ever change that! Buying the things she likes for her shows that you listen to her, pay attention and care about her. If she didn't appreciate your caring during your relationship, she will now. FOR SURE! Some people tend to take the other for granted if he/she keeps trying hard. About the fights....you pick your fights. Also, there is a diplomatic way to deliver things so it wouldn't escalate into a huge fight. Don't sweat the small stuff. Just keep being yourself and expect to be treated the same caring way. There are a lot of sweet, caring girls out there who would love to have you. So, keep your eyes open Link to post Share on other sites
makemineamac Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I was also in a relationship like this but I was conscious of the non-appreciation thing pretty much right from the start. It's kind of hard to believe that someone isn't reciprocating and after awhile I just lowered my expectations. I think I've learned that going forward I really need to find a type of person that is similar to me that way. That's what most of my girlfriends were like in the past. This one not at all, and people thought it odd that I would be with someone like that. You just need to be sure that what you're craving is a truly reciprocal type of relationship, and that the returning of niceties isn;t expected. Not giving to get. I'm sure you will find someone more deserving of your attention. Hope I will too! Link to post Share on other sites
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