Ex doesn't know her mistakes and I'm going crazy

[anonymousbear00101100]

So I am currently 3 weeks post break up, and today has been one of the worst days since it happened. I just really need to vent my feelings.

 

She technically initiated the break up, but the feeling was mutual. We just didn't get along. We argued all the time, and I had been thinking of breaking up with her for a little bit but could never bring myself to do it. Why? I don't know. I think I was just content to be miserable in my relationship because it was better than feeling like this. We talked about getting married and having kids some day in the future, but I honestly could not see myself being with her forever. She was just too dependent, complained too often, and I felt like I was giving so much and not getting anything in return.

 

So this should be fine right? But the way she has acted after we broke up is just destroying me. She's a really nice girl, but she's been flirting with and talking to a few guys. She even told me she made out with one of them once. She said it was a mistake, but still, it makes me feel like I meant nothing to her. She even said I was a better kisser than him, which made me really confused and more heartbroken for some reason.

 

(Edit: I found this out because we met in person two weeks after the breakup. We broke up over text because of long distance, so decided it would be mature to meet in person.)

 

I’m just upset because when we broke up she really never took any responsibility in the ending of our relationship and she basically just blamed me for everything. Now she has a couple of guys flocking to her, and she’s probably feeling really great about herself. I’ve had a number of girls come up to me and give me their numbers, but I’m just never in the mood to talk to them. It doesn’t feel the same. She doesn’t seem to care at all and is moving on quite easily.

 

I know we weren’t right together and I didn’t want to be with her either. But for some reason her being able to just get over me easily makes me so upset. Part of me is mad and wants to yell at her and tell her everything she did wrong, and part of me just wants her to be happy and let her live her life. I’m never making the mistake of breaking NC again, but this is tearing me apart. I just want to be able to forgive her in my mind and move on with my life.

 

I realize just writing this that it sounds a bit juvenile (well I am 19, so what can I say). How do I make my heart agree with my mind that I don't want to be with her anymore? And how do I stop caring that she doesn't know the mistakes she made in our relationship, and is now moving on with other guys?

Edited December 1, 2015 by rjblak13

[Blanco]

Some people just handle breakups this way. They need that confidence boost that comes from interest from new people. Impossible as it seems now, try not to take that personally. My most recent ex basically picked someone, anyone to distract her a couple weeks after I left our three-year relationship. Not long after that, she started dating someone else and they're still together all this time later.

 

For some, being single is uncomfortable; they don't really know how to function if they aren't dating or in a relationship. My ex is in her early 30s now and she's either been in a relationship or "hanging out" with someone for nearly her entire adult life.

 

As for them not seeing their mistakes? Best not to cling on to that. You can't control anyone and you aren't likely to find many dumpers who will follow the breakup with acknowledgements of their role in the split, especially at your age.

 

Just know that this stuff passes. I wasn't much older than you when my first serious relationship ended and the months that followed felt like the end of days. Years later, and the thought of her stirs up as many emotions in me as deciding what I want for dinner does. Probably less, actually.

[anonymousbear00101100]

Some people just handle breakups this way. They need that confidence boost that comes from interest from new people. Impossible as it seems now, try not to take that personally. My most recent ex basically picked someone, anyone to distract her a couple weeks after I left our three-year relationship. Not long after that, she started dating someone else and they're still together all this time later.

 

For some, being single is uncomfortable; they don't really know how to function if they aren't dating or in a relationship. My ex is in her early 30s now and she's either been in a relationship or "hanging out" with someone for nearly her entire adult life.

 

As for them not seeing their mistakes? Best not to cling on to that. You can't control anyone and you aren't likely to find many dumpers who will follow the breakup with acknowledgements of their role in the split, especially at your age.

 

Just know that this stuff passes. I wasn't much older than you when my first serious relationship ended and the months that followed felt like the end of days. Years later, and the thought of her stirs up as many emotions in me as deciding what I want for dinner does. Probably less, actually.

 

Thank you. She said she just wants to be alone for a few months, and she won't date anyone. She basically told me she started immediately hanging out with this guy every day for two weeks, and they did end up kissing once, but she said said she isn't planning to continue that. I'm not really jealous of the guy, because he seems like a nice guy. I really do want her to be happy without me. I'm just kind of jealous she can get over me and move on to other guys while I just have trouble getting over it. I know I just need to focus on myself and not worry about what she's up to, but it's so hard.

[whiterose2334]

I'm 25 year-old woman who has just broken with my ex because he lied to me over small things again and again. It felt good when I did the breakup but then I started to miss him. It wasn't easy to leave someone you still have feelin for. We were together for almost 3 years. I'm crying every night wishing he shoudn't have broken the relationship deal breaker (lying) otherwise we'd still be together.

 

In your case, your ex gf was playing a game to make you jealous. I think that's not mature at all. And getting back with her just because of sex stuff will not be healthy. It's going to be hard to move on, I can feel your pain. But you have to move on. You're still very young. I'm 25 now and I feel old. Yet I hope one day I can go through this and recover fully to date someone new again. Good luck.

[Lobouspo]

For your own emotional well being, stay in no contact mode, block her on social media, avoid mutual friends, etc. You will just rip open slow healing wounds. I know the thought of her with someone else, and moving on so easily is difficult, but you have to stay completely away...cold turkey. Trust me, this is for your own good. You will still have things that trigger your times together and have bad days, but its all part of the healing process. Vent here on LS, hang out with family and friends, and consider therapy. As time passes, it does get better

[mightycpa]

Sounds like ego to me.

 

Didn't get along.

Argued all the time.

Wanted to break up, but too weak to pull the trigger.

You knew she wasn't for you.

She was a pain in the ass.

You were getting the short end.

You broke up.

She's moving on.

Even now, you don't want to be with her.

What you really want is for her to be miserable without you. You want visible signs that this affects her. You want her to wail in the streets, wear sackcloth and dump ashes on her head. But she's not. She's kissing boys and pretty soon she'll be banging them too, and being a pain in the ass to them and not you.

 

Boo-hoo.

 

She sounds like the rational one, you know this, and yet you don't really feel that way.

 

It's ego. It will die down. Comfort yourself with the fact that you don't really love this girl. This won't last too long. Just keep focusing on the bad parts of your relationship. You'll get there.

[anonymousbear00101100]

Sounds like ego to me.

 

Didn't get along.

Argued all the time.

Wanted to break up, but too weak to pull the trigger.

You knew she wasn't for you.

She was a pain in the ass.

You were getting the short end.

You broke up.

She's moving on.

Even now, you don't want to be with her.

What you really want is for her to be miserable without you. You want visible signs that this affects her. You want her to wail in the streets, wear sackcloth and dump ashes on her head. But she's not. She's kissing boys and pretty soon she'll be banging them too, and being a pain in the ass to them and not you.

 

Boo-hoo.

 

She sounds like the rational one, you know this, and yet you don't really feel that way.

 

It's ego. It will die down. Comfort yourself with the fact that you don't really love this girl. This won't last too long. Just keep focusing on the bad parts of your relationship. You'll get there.

 

I really needed this. It's definitely an ego thing. Before I broke NC I had pretty much gotten over this aspect of the breakup. I see what people mean by being put back at Day 1.

 

She's definitely not the type to have causal sex, and she's saving her medically defined virginity for marriage. She only kissed this guy because she thought she was going to date him, but later told me she thought it was ridiculous and a mistake. Maybe they'll start dating, which doesn't bother me as much as her flirting with a bunch of guys for some reason. I guess it doesn't really matter because I won't find out for a few months while I have her blocked on Facebook and doing NC.

 

Just kind of hard right now. My imagination is running wild and my ego is trying to pick itself back up. I'm also concerned about what she thinks of me, which shouldn't matter. She treated me bad and I shouldn't care if she thinks I'm pathetic or mean. I know I just need to work on myself and not worry about her, but putting that into practice can be quite difficult.

[anonymousbear00101100]

It's 2:00 in the morning, and I'm starting to really get the itch to text her saying all the things I hate her for. Obviously I can't do this because I don't have her number anymore (and morality plays a factor). I just want to forgive her inside my head and get rid of all this hate. I really don't want to hurt her feelings intentionally because I know she never intentionally tried to hurt mine, but man this letter I'm writing to never send is really exposing a lot of dark thoughts I hadn't allowed to come up yet.

 

I just don't know what my feelings towards her are at this point. I think she's a great person and I'm so happy we dated, but I also really hate her and how our relationship ended, and how she often treated me during it.