How do you guys determine who initiated NC?

[Gretzky99]

So, this is a weird one for me, but suppose your partner breaks up with you for whatever reason. You try everything you can by reasoning, pleading and begging them to not end it, but they have made up their mind and you can't change their mind. They then offer to remain friends with you and say they want you to remain in their lives, and you decline..... They never contact you again and you never contact them again in any way shape or form.

 

So, whose the one that went NC? I can see from my perspective it may have been me, but they may also perceive from their perspective it was them. What are your thoughts?

[Oregon_Dude]

My thoughts are: WHO CARES.

 

If you were dumped.. DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Build relationships and friendships with people who DO want you in their lives.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

It sounds like mutual no contact. It is still painful but sometimes it works out to be the best decision in the long run, without all the games and misunderstandings.

[Gretzky99]

It sounds like mutual no contact. It is still painful but sometimes it works out to be the best decision in the long run' date=' without all the games and misunderstandings.[/quote']

 

Hmm, I've never heard of that. It's usually NC by the dumper or dumpee.

So, is it rare for both parties to mutual decide to go NC without verbally saying it? I don't hear that as much.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I don't think it is that rare. No contact is a personal decision, and not something that would likely be discussed with the other person. Everyone handles breakups differently, but in my experience, people tend to adjust to their situation faster when they have no contact with their ex.

Edited December 1, 2015 by Scarlett.O'hara

[mightycpa]

Interesting question. Generally, I would think that the one who initiates no contact is the first one who doesn't respond where a response is the normal action.

 

The question makes me think back to my first breakup. On that night, we went out one last time (don't ask me why I did it, I was completely discombobulated by the news) and at the end of the night, we were sitting in the back seat of a friend's car. A breakup song started playing on the radio, and I lay my head on her shoulder as we listened to it in silence. After the song, I got out of the car, leaned my head in the window, and I said "Goodbye Matilda."

 

She just glared at me. Didn't say a ****ing word. I'm not really sure why, probably because I didn't object or fight for the relationship, but really, who knows? Anyway, she didn't say a word in reply, and so I left her there in the car and walked away. I never tried to contact her again, and as far as I know, she never tried to contact me.

 

Who went NC first? I'd have to give it to her on a technicality. In your case, assuming it went something like this:

 

Her: We can still be friends.

You: **** that noise.

Mutual Silence.

 

It sounds like a tie, although if push came to shove, I'd give it to her.

 

Now, really, what difference does it make?

[Erik30]

I think in most cases, the dumpee consciously makes the decision to go no co contact at some point. They realize all the begging and apologizing isn't working, so it's best to not contact the ex anymore, especially in order to heal.

 

Meanwhile, the dumper doesn't really care about the contact. They don't feel that need to text or call. So it's likely that the dumpee sent the last message. Maybe after some time they realize they haven't spoken to their ex for weeks/months. Simply because they don't care that much about it anymore.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hmm, I've never heard of that. It's usually NC by the dumper or dumpee.

So, is it rare for both parties to mutual decide to go NC without verbally saying it? I don't hear that as much.

 

I don't think it's rare, no. It has happened twice with two of my previous, long-term relationships. You just eventually fall out of touch and move on.

 

in the end, it doesn't matter who initiates it.

[Gretzky99]

Interesting question. Generally, I would think that the one who initiates no contact is the first one who doesn't respond where a response is the normal action.

 

The question makes me think back to my first breakup. On that night, we went out one last time (don't ask me why I did it, I was completely discombobulated by the news) and at the end of the night, we were sitting in the back seat of a friend's car. A breakup song started playing on the radio, and I lay my head on her shoulder as we listened to it in silence. After the song, I got out of the car, leaned my head in the window, and I said "Goodbye Matilda."

 

She just glared at me. Didn't say a ****ing word. I'm not really sure why, probably because I didn't object or fight for the relationship, but really, who knows? Anyway, she didn't say a word in reply, and so I left her there in the car and walked away. I never tried to contact her again, and as far as I know, she never tried to contact me.

 

Who went NC first? I'd have to give it to her on a technicality. In your case, assuming it went something like this:

 

Her: We can still be friends.

You: **** that noise.

Mutual Silence.

 

It sounds like a tie, although if push came to shove, I'd give it to her.

 

Now, really, what difference does it make?

 

 

Yeah, I definitely agree that you and a few others that in the end, it makes NO difference. It's more out of curiousity than anything for me, because so many of the posts here either have the dumpee initiating NC or the dumper, so sometimes I wonder if what I went through was weird in that we both never decided to communicate after that day. With my situation, we never talked or communicated in any way after the breakup. After I tried to plead to her why it didn't have to end, she then pushed for us to remain friends and part of our lives, and that's when I declined. I told her the only way we could remain a part of each others lives was for us to be committed in a relationship. I told her if she changed her mind for her to contact me, she said she could no longer do that. We then kissed and said our goodbyes.

 

It's weird, I don't think about her anymore like I used to. Just recently, I went on two dates and it's definitely helped me see theres so much more out there. But you hear so many stories where a dumper contacts a dumpee days/weeks/months/years after a breakup. I'm not going to lie, I do still feel a bit jealous on that end, for a lack of better word. I wonder just how insignificant I may have been to her given the fact that she never bothered to follow up in any way with me. But, at the same time, I know it is better to NEVER hear from them or see them, then do receive contact that would be breadcrumbs. I know that would mindfu**k me and set me back, so it's not a bad thing.

Edited December 1, 2015 by Gretzky99