greatsauce1 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Hey.. my girlfriend who was a virgin when i met her (3 year relationship) broke up with me the other day after a lot of unexplained crying, saying that she was unfulfilled with her life, she was feeling very unhappy about herself and her own self esteem etc, and needed to be alone and not in a relationship to sort herself out. We spoke, and altough I was shocked, I tried to be completly understanding and comforting. She then left, and after a day she has sent me "How are you doing?" which I didnt reply to and she sent me several texts wondering why i didnt reply to her, and after a while I replied and we spoke, where i asked her one last time if there was a way where we could work this out together, but she repeated she needed to be "just her". I then said "I understand, take care of yourself ey." she then continued to complain about how I took this so lightly and didnt seem to care and all i wanted was to move on.. I didnt reply and then she sent me these three last ones, roughly in a little over 24 hours. Now she sends me texts like: "I never meant to hurt you.." "I dont understand how you can just ignore me like this, like i havent meant **** to you" and this last one: "Ok, i will never ****ing talk to you again. You get it as you want it! ****ing heartless ****!" (roughly translated, sorry for the language) I havent responded to this and havent heard any since, but I feel like I should.. I dont know what to do, im hurting so much over this and never wanted it to end, but im trying to be strong for both me and her if this is something she truly wants.. what does she mean by doing all of this?? She has not broken up with me on facebook yet and im SUPER confused and I feel completly hollow inside.. She also told me she didnt want to break up, but she just could not take feeling this way about herself anymore.. When I always do things and try to make her feel great.. I hope someone can try to help me out a little making sense of all of this, I dont have many other places to go to now.. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 When I broke up with you, I didn't want to break up with you, but I couldn't stand the way I was feeling, so I broke up with you. Ya. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anonymousbear00101100 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 This is what happened to me! I just wish I had done what you did, and now I'm beating myself up over it. She's not happy and wants to break up, but on the way out she wants an ego boost. She wanted you to beg and ask for her back. That's the trap I fell into. You did the right move of going straight into NC. Now you need to decide what's best for you. Do you want to move on? Or do you want to try to work it out? If you want to move on, never respond to her again, just block her on everything. I wouldn't really be the one to ask on the latter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Sounds like she got what she asked for, and is still throwing a childish tantrum. Let her cry, OP. She gets to deal with her choice. Don't ever contact her again. Link to post Share on other sites
antimanchild Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Agree with Oregon_Dude. She wants the reassurance that you're still hanging around, but ultimately she doesn't want to be with you. Let her deal with the consequences of her decision or you'll never move on Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 She wanted you to be out of her life. Now she's experiencing the price she has to pay with breaking up with you. So, she's trying to have it all - To break up with you and simultaneously having you around like you're her puppy - willing to serve her. Don't you worry about her. I'm willing to bet with real money that 1, 2, 3, Pooph!!! surprise!!! The girl who wanted "to be just her" has a new guy. I'm giving her a week! maybe two. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusioncreepsin Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 A week or two....I would almost believe that she has something already and has had it for a couple of weeks already. Always gotta have a plan b somewhere... Link to post Share on other sites
Author greatsauce1 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 I havent heard anything from her yet, except a random "my story" picture I saw on snapchat, which was a picture of a random road sign (assuming she just wanted to see that i had viewed it, im planning on deleting her snapchat pretty soon.) I'm hurting.. It's so hard because I do really want to talk to her, but I dont think talking to her at this point is going to change anything since she already shut me down after asking her "to work things out together". We are still in relationship on facebook (to be honest I dont care so much about that, but it's very confusing) - I should probably remove it soon and delete her.. But I have this little hope that she might come back to me, this very tiny hope.. It's a very weird feeling, im feeling happy in one moment thinking of all the benefits and freedom, but then this dull cloud of sadness comes to me, and I feel completely empty again. Maybe I should try to stay more occupied with stuff.. This is so hard... Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 We are still in relationship on facebook (to be honest I dont care so much about that, but it's very confusing) - I should probably remove it soon and delete her.. Yeah, you need to get ahead of her, show some f*cking balls and unfriend, then block her. She'll be surprised, and ironically, kind of impressed by you. Take some control, dude. Be a man here. Even if she comes back to you, you can't trust her anymore. Grieve this chick, but don't ever consider getting back with her. Move forward, not back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I should probably remove it soon and delete her.. But I have this little hope that she might come back to me, this very tiny hope.. It's a very weird feeling, im feeling happy in one moment thinking of all the benefits and freedom, but then this dull cloud of sadness comes to me, and I feel completely empty again. Maybe I should try to stay more occupied with stuff.. This is so hard... Yes it's hard. You need time and actions. It takes time to get over a break up. About the hope she will want you back - She will want you more if you delete her. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I have to tell you to not contact her. If you let her see that you will jump every time she throws a tantrum, not only will she lose respect for you but this behavior will end up being the norm. She broke up with you! Therefore it is up to her to come to you to talk about getting back together; not just being friends. She probably broke up because there is someone else she wants to date who is probably not biting the way she thought he would. She wants to make sure you still want her to feed her bruised ego. Don't do it as that will be a mistake. Delete her on FB. If she runs back to you with true remorse then talk it out but no more childish games. There are too many other girls out there to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusioncreepsin Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 The hardest decisions will the ones that show character and support your value to yourself....block her, unfriend her, remove her from your sight as much as you can. She is raging at you for not responding, but yet she is the one that wanted TIME to herself. Makes sense, NOT! (borat) Teach her that you will not tolerate **** test text messages, and let her go wallow in the TIME she needs. Funny, when they say that they mean TIME away from you to do whatever they want but keep a hook in you as a plan b. Normally, TIME can be given without breaking up in healthy relationships..... Just a thought Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Guilt, ego boost, attention. Probably a mixture. Unless she spells out to you that she made a huge mistake and wants you back, don't question anything she says. Actions > words Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 A lot of dumpers don't really stop to consider that what THEY are asking for when they dump you is that YOU never talk to them again. Then they act surprised and hurt when we ignore their insulting little breadcrumbs. However, what they don't consider is the degree to which they've hurt us, and that in our silence, we are only trying to protect ourselves from further injury. I know in my heart that my ex has missed me since our BU... I just think she, too, protected herself by staying silent. This stuff is confusing for everyone, not just for those who have been the "rejected". A lot of times the dumper will remain silent forever. There could be many reasons. They're with someone new; they feel guilt over letting you go; they have enough respect for you to leave you alone. My experience, however, is that people miss each other at different times. So he/she may start to miss you months down the line, after THEY have been rejected, at which point you are largely recovered and/or seeing someone new. The timeline on these things NEVER matches up, though. Lately what's been helping me is that whenever I have a negative thought about my ex, I think, "I forgive you". I really do not want to be stuck in resentment and grudge-holding over this girl. It's the old adage about drinking poison and expecting it to harm someone else. Ugh, this stuff is tough. But you must remain in NC, ESPECIALLY if you were dumped. To teach your ex a lesson, sure, but mostly to set new boundaries for yourself; live for the NOW and the future; and allow time and silence to do their wonderful healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greatsauce1 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Hi, just wanted to say that im so thankful for everyone of you who have shared your toughts, advice and opinions with me here. I dont have a very strong support system to fall back on (like she has) except my goals and my dreams, and it can be very lonely, but reading your comments help me out a great deal. I have now blocked her from facebook etc, and we have spoken briefly, basically the same conversation we have had earlier, minus me asking for her to get back together with me. It's sort of a mutual understanding now not to contact eachother for a long time, and I havent heard anything from her. I still really want to talk to her, and it hurts so bad, more than what I can put into words, it's like it has finally sinked into me that this is completely over and will continue to be so, and I feel more pain now than I think I've ever done throughout this breakup. This deep pounding in my chest that won't go away.. But I'm trying to take this as an opportunity to learn more about having compassion, and seeing what I can learn from this no matter how hard it might be. My mind is going crazy with ideas, ideas I dont want to have, like how I heard a standup comedian put it once "Someone is going to gorilla**** your girlfriend" bleehh.. I hate this! Last night, Friday, she was probably out having fun, living life, talking to a lot of new guys with her girlfriends, while I was slumbering around thinking about it - I do wish her the best, and that somehow ironically she is doing those things, but its so ****ing hard, and it hurts like hell, and I wish it didnt. My biggest obstacle now is just trying to keep a positive mind frame, steer away from such toughts and try to be greatful for the time that we've spent together, and get the focus back on me. try to get my "mojo" back somehow. Hope I'm going to end up ok! but now I honestly have no idea.. Ill keep you posted if something major happens.. Thank you guys for supporting. Edited December 5, 2015 by greatsauce1 Link to post Share on other sites
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