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run-in with ex, feeling extremely low


NeverHurtSoMuch

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NeverHurtSoMuch

Hey guys,

I've been on here and shared my story before, but it was a while ago so I'll give a brief recap:

 

Dated my high school girlfriend for more than a year, had a really bad breakup 5 months ago. It ended with her blocking me on facebook, blocking my phone number and my snapchat. The last thing I said to her before college was asking her to talk to reduce animosity between us, nothing about getting back together or anything like that. She responded with coldness and blocked me. So, I slowly start to get over her. Anyway, about a month into college she shows up at a frat party at my school, sees me, gets me kicked out of the party and proceeds to hook up with a guy knowing im standing outside the door in shock. Then, after the party ends, she essentially refuses to talk to me and then basically laughs at me as I walk back to my dorm. After this, I was shattered emotionally. It was as if I was back at square one. She didn't apologize to me or attempt to contact me in any way after that. This past week was Thanksgiving, and for some reason I had hope that she would see me and apologize or something. But instead, last night at the party we were at with all of our friends from high school, we both ignored each other completely. And, I found out that all night she was constantly texting and snapchatting some guy that she either had hooked up with, was going to hook up with, or even worse is about to start dating.

So, right now I've kind of settled into a numb, sad state. I've had no closure at all, and i know it's been months and I should be over her, but i'm not. If I'm honest, I still love this girl. But I can't even talk to her, and she's well on her way to dating someone else. Don't get me wrong, I've been with other girls at college, but I think of her after it happens and I have no emotional attachment to any of those girls. I don't really know what to do at this point. I've tried the "fake it till you make it" approach. We've been no contact since August. I don't see her social media because I'm blocked on everything. I'm kind of starting to feel like I won't ever get over her, or care about someone else the same way I care about her. I don't even talk about it with anyone anymore, but I still feel the heartache all the time, and I kind of just quietly try and push through, but it's not getting any better.

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I remember feeling like that before. I'm going to take a wild guess, and ask you if maybe you're trying to suppress your feelings for this girl, in an effort to "fake it until you make it?" It's one thing to show a brave face, but you do need a private outlet for how you feel, or it will never go away.

 

Based on my experience, I would suggest that you take some time every day, an hour, and express your emotions and say whatever else it is that you want to say to her in letters that you don't send. If I remember right, my letters consisted a lot of retelling of incidents between us, how I felt, and I apologized if I thought I needed to, described how I should have acted, or same for her, whatever I needed to get out. I would read it over the next day, and while it would be close, it wasn't perfect, and I would write the same letter over and over, the words and ideas being mostly the same, but I noticed that no letter really satisfied. I figured out eventually that it was because my feelings were changing, slowly but surely, and I had to say things a little differently to keep up. In the end, I said everything I wanted to say until I had no desire to repeat it.

 

These letters were a lot like Plato lecturing his students, where I would take the role of me, her and third-party onlooker, and tell every side, in an effort to be intellectually honest. In the process, I learned a lot about myself. A whole lot, and I learned how to deal with myself honestly. It helped me get to the bottom of things.

 

By the time I stopped, I can't honestly say that I didn't love her anymore. I sort of still did. But I could absolutely live with being without her, and I could definitely get interested in other girls, and just getting there was good enough for me. I got better than that too, it just took me a lot of time.

 

I wrote just about every day, for well over a year, maybe even two years, but my days became more even. Getting rid of my emotions through written expression really helped me.

 

Maybe doing that will help you too. I don't know, it's just a suggestion.

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There's no such thing as closure, but her acting like an a** and getting you kicked out of a party and then laughing at you should be enough of a reason to at least want to start moving on. You deserve better than that. Just because you've broken up doesn't give her a right to treat you that way.

 

It's good that your blocked because you won't be able to look at her social media, just try to avoid her as much as possible and if she's at a party you're at, just maybe try and ask your friends to go to some other party or hang out somewhere else? Eventually you'll be able to stay in the same room with her but right now I'm guessing it's hurting you.

 

Hold off on dating/hooking up too because sometimes this can just make you miss the ex more because it's not them. Just focus on yourself and your studies for now. :)

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NeverHurtSoMuch

Thanks for your input. I guess there's nothing really that anyone can say or do to help me out, unless I get a conversation with her which has a 0% chance of happening, especially now that she's texting potential new boyfriends. I guess I'll just have to try to keep chugging along quietly and hope it fades eventually.

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