Iceshowers Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I just had an ex, who we ended almost a month ago, text me today that he has been trying to find a way to apologize to me, but from what he did, there really isn't a good "way" to do it. I told him that I no longer needed an explanation nor an apology from him (he never gave me either when we were done, so I found my own closure). I really have no hard feelings towards him anymore since I'm over it and have been talking and seeing a new guy for the past 2 weeks. Our dating life (the ex) was only 3 months, so there wasn't alot of time to get deep emotions-wise, although I did enjoy those 3 months together. But, has anyone had an ex who genuinely reached out to apologize or make amends and not try to hook up again? As I stated, I have no hard feelings (or good lol) towards him and after the apology, him and I texted twice and we didn't keep any conversation going. He has been NC for the whole breakup until today. My only small thought is that the chick he choose over me is no longer in the picture, and he figured he'd try to be nice to me. But either way, I haven't entertained him further than those 2 texts. Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I accept your apology, but please do not contact me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I haven't. I had an ex who left me to play the field try and win me back months later, but I don't think I got a genuine apology. It was more of a "that was the biggest mistake of my life" statement. I imagine it can be really hard for some people to apologise sincerely. My last ex I know it killed him how bad he treated me towards the end, he told me all the time but I didn't get an apology. Just more of a "it kills me how I'm being towards you." To be honest, sometimes an apology doesn't mean anything. I always think actions speak louder than words. Even if my exes came back and apologised to me now, I'd shake it off and wouldn't think too much of it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I had that happen a couple years ago, yes. We had to email each other regarding a tax matter (we'd filed income taxes jointly when we were together, needed to clear up a couple points after we separated) In one of his replies, as the end, he simply stated "I'm glad you're doing well and I am so sorry for how we ended and for all my shortcomings." He was in another relationship then, and I'd moved abroad to another continent. So there was virtually no chance he was looking for a hook-up. I believe he really was apologizing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jack237 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I did. It took me a long while. I broke it off. Waited too long. 7 months. Tried to reach out... And she had moved on. From what I heard that point forward my breaking off our relationship hurt her tremendously. After I found out she had moved on, was seeing someone new... I went nuts. I acted way out of line. Impulsive. Angry. Sad. Crying. Begging. Oh God. But the truth is I did love her. I made a huge mistake. I lost my best friend. That was 6 years ago. I still miss her. It took me two years to reach out. Just a simple email. Asking to talk. Nothing more. A month later she replied. We met for coffee. It was very bittersweet. I was happy to see her, but truthfully, I could say with absolute certainty she did not find nor does she have the kind of love we shared. Thats not an egotistical statement. I could see it in her eyes. Hear it in her voice. Our connection was still there. I destroyed that. She did only what she could, what she thought was right. Found someone new. Is now married. But I think in some ways she is still angry, or really, just disappointed. Not that her new husband isnt a fine man. Im sure he is. But disappointed and still not past the fact that we shared an incredible adventure, had a wonderful circle of friends, we shared a great 4 year romance that started as friends. And then a kiss, on a summer evening, in a park, on a blanket, drinking white wine. I killed that. I regret it. Deeply. And its not a selfish regret. I realize shes married now. Its over. But I regret forgetting the most important part of us. She was my best friend. And I, in a proud silly in retrospect spat we had, told her I didnt want it any longer. I apologized and truly feel sorry for placing her in a terribly uncomfortable position after I found out she was with someone new. I should have been more respectful of her, boundries I mean. I dont know if she forgave me that evening over coffee. I know Ill never forgive myself. Its tough when you have such a deep connection, and understanding, and love with someone- and then that is forever fractured. People, guys and girls, we make mistakes. Were human. And yes, I can say that I believe apologies can be truly genuine. No strings attached. But that doesnt mean that everything will work out... We finished our coffees, I gave her a hug, wished her a Merry Christmas, mad fun of her new car... And said goodbye, and then walking off to my car, as tears started rolling down my face. That was it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I wanted to give an apology once, but when I saw her, she started with her usual bull****, and I just got disgusted and walked away. No apology for her! Give the guy credit. At least he tried. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iceshowers Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 I wanted to give an apology once, but when I saw her, she started with her usual bull****, and I just got disgusted and walked away. No apology for her! Give the guy credit. At least he tried. Lol I guess I could. But he still really hasn't apologized for what he actually did.. Was more like a general apology so he doesn't have to come clean. Like I said, I came to my own conclusions and closure that I'm not expecting nor wanting it either way. And I stayed amicable the whole time. No bashing. No cursing. Nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I did. It took me a long while. I broke it off. Waited too long. 7 months. Tried to reach out... And she had moved on. From what I heard that point forward my breaking off our relationship hurt her tremendously. After I found out she had moved on, was seeing someone new... I went nuts. I acted way out of line. Impulsive. Angry. Sad. Crying. Begging. Oh God. But the truth is I did love her. I made a huge mistake. I lost my best friend. That was 6 years ago. I still miss her. It took me two years to reach out. Just a simple email. Asking to talk. Nothing more. A month later she replied. We met for coffee. It was very bittersweet. I was happy to see her, but truthfully, I could say with absolute certainty she did not find nor does she have the kind of love we shared. Thats not an egotistical statement. I could see it in her eyes. Hear it in her voice. Our connection was still there. I destroyed that. She did only what she could, what she thought was right. Found someone new. Is now married. But I think in some ways she is still angry, or really, just disappointed. Not that her new husband isnt a fine man. Im sure he is. But disappointed and still not past the fact that we shared an incredible adventure, had a wonderful circle of friends, we shared a great 4 year romance that started as friends. And then a kiss, on a summer evening, in a park, on a blanket, drinking white wine. I killed that. I regret it. Deeply. And its not a selfish regret. I realize shes married now. Its over. But I regret forgetting the most important part of us. She was my best friend. And I, in a proud silly in retrospect spat we had, told her I didnt want it any longer. I apologized and truly feel sorry for placing her in a terribly uncomfortable position after I found out she was with someone new. I should have been more respectful of her, boundries I mean. I dont know if she forgave me that evening over coffee. I know Ill never forgive myself. Its tough when you have such a deep connection, and understanding, and love with someone- and then that is forever fractured. People, guys and girls, we make mistakes. Were human. And yes, I can say that I believe apologies can be truly genuine. No strings attached. But that doesnt mean that everything will work out... We finished our coffees, I gave her a hug, wished her a Merry Christmas, mad fun of her new car... And said goodbye, and then walking off to my car, as tears started rolling down my face. That was it. hmmmm..... interesting story. You mentioned u broke it off and waited 7 months for a recon. Just curious what caused you to rethink your decision. DO you think it might have been an slight ego thing where u might have reached out to apologise, you then find out she is strong and entered a new relationship. In some ways she kind of reversed the situation on you. Just wondering it it was that or do you think you were really looking at a recon even before she told you she had moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
hasekninh Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 My ex apologized to me in person after our breakup. I went my own my life w out her. After 1.5 yrs of NC she msg about our breakup and demanded something from me that I promised her back then. I never promised her anything and I did give into her demand. After that I never talk to her again. But she did AGAIN apologized by text msg me. I replied by saying " That what you said last time, it doesnt matter to me if you sorry or not, it don't concern me". I never spoke or text msg her again. Baaic on fb, I found out she a single mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I've never had an apology...that is a sincere apology. If they came back months later or longer to say it I would assume their new woman didnt work out and they wanted o get in my panties again. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 My ex apologized to me in person after our breakup. I went my own my life w out her. After 1.5 yrs of NC she msg about our breakup and demanded something from me that I promised her back then. I never promised her anything and I did give into her demand. After that I never talk to her again. But she did AGAIN apologized by text msg me. I replied by saying " That what you said last time, it doesnt matter to me if you sorry or not, it don't concern me". I never spoke or text msg her again. Baaic on fb, I found out she a single mother. That kind of says it all. She comes back to say sorry all that time later now her life is difficult and she is on her own. In other words not out of heartfelt sorrow but because she wants something. She realised you were a good guy afterall. Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Wow Jack, What a heart wrenching story ! May I ask why you left her in the first place ? Did you find someone else? If she met you, she might have hoped you want to reconcile. Did you tell her regretting your decision? Link to post Share on other sites
hasekninh Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 That kind of says it all. She comes back to say sorry all that time later now her life is difficult and she is on her own. In other words not out of heartfelt sorrow but because she wants something. She realised you were a good guy afterall. Doing our BU, she try to give me some of her breadcrumbs. But I werent fall for it. I stayed NC. she always want to get back w me and star over. But I stay NC and we never went back together. I accused me of having a long " grudge" against her. Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Jack, you need to send these same messages (posts) YOU wrote up here to her !!!! She needs to read these ! I am a hopeless romantic ..... Link to post Share on other sites
jack237 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 hmmmm..... interesting story. You mentioned u broke it off and waited 7 months for a recon. Just curious what caused you to rethink your decision. DO you think it might have been an slight ego thing where u might have reached out to apologise, you then find out she is strong and entered a new relationship. In some ways she kind of reversed the situation on you. Just wondering it it was that or do you think you were really looking at a recon even before she told you she had moved on. I had been thinking about it a lot actually. Had long talks with friends and my parents. I was dealing with a lot of stress. And I was likely slightly depressed, or simply, dealing with personal issues. However we worked together. So even post breakup I still saw her daily. I think in some ways I deluded myself into thinking we were both just cooling off... Or taking some time. Working together all day then having a relationship after work was tough in some ways. But in other ways it was so great. We complimented each other in many ways. Motivated each other. Supported one another. I miss that companionship, the collaboration, the trust, the care, the admiration- which went both ways. So as far as ego, I mean, yes of course my ego was crushed when I found out. Because all that time I wasn't dating... Or even looking. But ego wasn't the reason. It was more like... I felt as though I had been cheated on... Like a "What!" moment? Because we saw each other daily. She still wore my earrings I gave her... Little things like that. But I realize she didn't do anything wrong. Even though we weren't together, I was still in love. I fooled myself into thinking it would be ok. I regret my decisions, and even though I miss her still to this day... All I can do is hope she is happy. Truly. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Sounds to me like you broke it off to lower the expectations. Once that weight was off your shoulders you were able to fantasize about the relationship as you pleased because she wasn't in your face with all the commitment talk. I think this is why people cheat sometimes. One person isn't as invested as the other and then kind of subconsciously sabotages things..... the end result.... a relationship with less expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Chronotrgr Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 No and knowing the stubborn nature of my ex, I probably won't get an apology either, it would have been nice though, an apology can go a long way when you feel hurt by someone but it is what it is, I have been on and off this site for many years, I've never heard of anyone ever apologising to their ex unless they wanted them back, personally I always apologise before I go no contact on my part, no guilt, no regrets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Uh, nope. If your ex is a woman, she will never admit to any wrongdoing or culpability. Women are perfect. Didn't you know? Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 i did. my most recent ex did reach out to apologize (all of my longterm exes did), i listened & that was the end of it. he didn't try to hook up again but he is trying to start a fresh friendship, which i smoothly refused. i personally find those apologies worthless. it doesn't mean anything because it won't undo the pain or the damage. and most of the time, they apologize to ease their conscience - not because they truly realize what they did (if that was the case, they really wouldn't do it in the first place). Link to post Share on other sites
greenleaves54 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I'm sorry but, what is there to apologize for really? Everyone got the right to end a relationship that they don't believe in. I'm glad my ex broke up with me since that what was she wanted. She doesn't owe me anything and I don't owe her anything. But if we're talking about cheating or toxic behavior in general, then I see you're point. Link to post Share on other sites
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