schlieman Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hi there, just wanted to write down my story and get it all out of my system. Me and my wife are separated. We knew each other 7 years, lived together 6 years and a bit and were married for more than two years. Now in september i walked out of our relationship with the incentive to finally end it. We had our issues throughout the relationship and i am not here to bitch about her, i was a couple of times on the brink of leaving her but always went back hoping we would be able to work out our problems. Now after i left her in september i crashed at her mums house and the first two month i went ok, i thought this is finally it, i can move on. Got my own place after two month, and two weeks ago i moved in. And now it comes. The weekend i moved in i picked up my stuff from our old home and started to go downhill. Suddenly i miss her again, think about her all the time and can't let go anymore. I know deep down it is the best for both of us to go separate ways but does that stop me from thinking of her all the time? No. I try to keep busy, try to do new things, get out but then it hits me again and again and i retreat back into that hole i dug. I do love her still and i miss her so much, these thoughts are in my head followed by how much pain she put on me and how much she broke my trust in our relationship and how much she hurt me at times. Don't get me wrong, we had good times together more so than bad. My heart says why did you walk out, why not talk and try again while my head says nothing will ever change, she will hurt you over and over again. And here i sit in limbo every day and still waiting for her to ask me to try again. Man what is wrong with me. I try to switch off and tell me"don't go there" and talk to myself listing the things why i left her in the first place...just to fall back to square one and question everything again. Her moving on and dating again doesn't make it easier, i feel like every day my heart is breaking a little bit more and i am caught in this bubble of endless selfinflickting pain. I know where my way is leading and i can see the door i must go through just the way seems to get rockier and rockier and i feel the door is getting away further and further from me. I have red a lot of your stories and i feel for you as much as i feel for myself, thanks for reading my story and i know we will come out on the other side, hope dies last, just a matter of time i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarkwg Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 If you know she & the relationship is no good for you & it does not work & causes you pain & upset yet you still want to be in it then it seems you may have some codependency issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author schlieman Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Two weeks have gone by without any contact, last contact i was going to pick up my last things at our old house but i told her i couldn't right now i gotta sort myself out first. Two weeks ago i was atotal wreck, couldn't think about anything but her and our 7 years together, good and bad. I was devestated of hearing that she was dating already again. Now she text me how i and the dog(dog was ours together) was going and that she sees how much she used to depend on me because she is sick atm and her son runs her ragged and her ex(sons dad) is difficult. Man i am so tempted to break no contact even knowing it is just going to throw me into new turmoil. Need to remind myself why i left, but then last time we talked she said you can ring me when you need to and i sort of said the same back. Gosh...i am so torn. Was getting better but now i don't know anymore what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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