Ex texted me she misses me!

[SwedishJohn10]

Me and my ex broke up about 5 months ago and ive posted on here a few times regarding several concerns along the way which you can read if you like. But a lot has happened since then i rather keep this post completely new rather than reply to my last post which had a different mindset than i do now. Anyways since we broke up (she broke it off with me) she has been trying to keep in contact with me repeatedly. After the first month of our break she would text me once or twice a week about how im doing. Then finally i told her i couldnt keep talking to her as it was preventing me to move on so she hesitantly accepted and understood.

 

About 2 months later she texts me asking how i am and i ignore it because i had felt like i was beginning to move on and didnt want my emotions going back to square one. Next day she texts me saying thank you for some favor i had indirectly done and i ignore that as well as her 3rd "hello?" text. THEN, the next day i receive a large text from her that she doesn't blame me for not wanting to see me but she really would like to say hi to me and my family and stop by. She, at this point, is across the street cuz her dad lives there and she was down to visit him. At this point, i immediately left the house and told her i wasn't home. She then understood and said that she hopes one day she can see me again and afterwards hoped i was doing good. I did reply to that and from there we had a sort of small talk. The small talk then ended the next day until about a week later which was her bday. Which i thought long and hard whether to say something or not but figured we had an amazing relationship and i wouldnt want any resentment so i told her happy birthday. She then said thanks and immediately asked me if i was at a certain festival that was in town cuz she was there. I told i couldnt cuz of work and she eventually told me she wished that i was there (not to mention she was on a molly at the time, which is a form of ecstasy) and seemed all excited to talk to me sending me paragraphs and pics of her and her friends and whatnot. Anyways, a few days after that is my bday and she says "happy birthday" and i ofc said thank you.

 

Now the convo ended there up until a few days later, about 2 weeks from today, she texts me "hey". Hours later, late that night, i reply with "sup", and then the next day she texts me "please dont be mad at me for saying this but i miss you". Now here is where my head started spinning a bit. Not at first, but later on. I at first didnt know how to reply and later decided to just ignore it, at least for awhile. But now it is 2 weeks later and im considering replying either tonight or tomorrow or the next day to ask her what that message really entails and what she really wants from me. Now i know that you're all gonna say that i should just forget about her and continue moving on but lately ive actually noticed that i really havent been all that happy. I think during the NC i was content because i was always trying to keep myself busy and i had everyone on my back supporting me. Now that it's months later, when i dont party and almost anytime im alone and have nothing to do i get pretty depressed. I drink quite often now and take something to help me sleep almost every night. Something i did not mention was part of the reason we broke up was that i caught her visiting her ex from before me and she actually flew states away to see the guy. I know that she kept seeing him after we broke up and my ex's little sister about a month ago told me she overheard her talking to her mom about him and that she is supposedly still talking to him. This angered me off quite a bit and may be part of the reason i am tripping lately and am suddenly missing her so strongly again. I recently heard from an acquaintance from mine that him and his ex broke off about 5 months ago, same as me and are as of recently starting to hit it off again. He also did seem happier than ever. I have never been one to give in to any weakness and in fact its been the biggest goal of this break up. So im not attempting to message her strictly because "i miss her" or because "im not happy now" because maybe part of the reason im all mixed up and confused is because her last text has flooded my mind. So i think texting her back and having some sort of closure will put my mind at ease and ill find happiness again whether its with her in my life or not. What do you guys think? And how should i word my text? And also tomorrow is Thanksgiving, do you think i should wait til after. Thank you all for reading and any answer will help!

[mightycpa]

Me and my ex broke up about 5 months ago and ive posted on here a few times regarding several concerns along the way which you can read if you like. But a lot has happened since then i rather keep this post completely new rather than reply to my last post which had a different mindset than i do now. Anyways since we broke up (she broke it off with me) she has been trying to keep in contact with me repeatedly. After the first month of our break she would text me once or twice a week about how im doing. Then finally i told her i couldnt keep talking to her as it was preventing me to move on so she hesitantly accepted and understood.

 

About 2 months later she texts me asking how i am and i ignore it because i had felt like i was beginning to move on and didnt want my emotions going back to square one. Next day she texts me saying thank you for some favor i had indirectly done and i ignore that as well as her 3rd "hello?" text. THEN, the next day i receive a large text from her that she doesn't blame me for not wanting to see me but she really would like to say hi to me and my family and stop by. She, at this point, is across the street cuz her dad lives there and she was down to visit him. At this point, i immediately left the house and told her i wasn't home. She then understood and said that she hopes one day she can see me again and afterwards hoped i was doing good. I did reply to that and from there we had a sort of small talk. The small talk then ended the next day until about a week later which was her bday. Which i thought long and hard whether to say something or not but figured we had an amazing relationship and i wouldnt want any resentment so i told her happy birthday. She then said thanks and immediately asked me if i was at a certain festival that was in town cuz she was there. I told i couldnt cuz of work and she eventually told me she wished that i was there (not to mention she was on a molly at the time, which is a form of ecstasy) and seemed all excited to talk to me sending me paragraphs and pics of her and her friends and whatnot. Anyways, a few days after that is my bday and she says "happy birthday" and i ofc said thank you.

 

Now the convo ended there up until a few days later, about 2 weeks from today, she texts me "hey". Hours later, late that night, i reply with "sup", and then the next day she texts me "please dont be mad at me for saying this but i miss you". Now here is where my head started spinning a bit. Not at first, but later on. I at first didnt know how to reply and later decided to just ignore it, at least for awhile. But now it is 2 weeks later and im considering replying either tonight or tomorrow or the next day to ask her what that message really entails and what she really wants from me. Now i know that you're all gonna say that i should just forget about her and continue moving on but lately ive actually noticed that i really havent been all that happy. I think during the NC i was content because i was always trying to keep myself busy and i had everyone on my back supporting me. Now that it's months later, when i dont party and almost anytime im alone and have nothing to do i get pretty depressed. I drink quite often now and take something to help me sleep almost every night. Something i did not mention was part of the reason we broke up was that i caught her visiting her ex from before me and she actually flew states away to see the guy. I know that she kept seeing him after we broke up and my ex's little sister about a month ago told me she overheard her talking to her mom about him and that she is supposedly still talking to him. This angered me off quite a bit and may be part of the reason i am tripping lately and am suddenly missing her so strongly again. I recently heard from an acquaintance from mine that him and his ex broke off about 5 months ago, same as me and are as of recently starting to hit it off again. He also did seem happier than ever. I have never been one to give in to any weakness and in fact its been the biggest goal of this break up. So im not attempting to message her strictly because "i miss her" or because "im not happy now" because maybe part of the reason im all mixed up and confused is because her last text has flooded my mind. So i think texting her back and having some sort of closure will put my mind at ease and ill find happiness again whether its with her in my life or not. What do you guys think? And how should i word my text? And also tomorrow is Thanksgiving, do you think i should wait til after. Thank you all for reading and any answer will help!

Ugh. Text this back to her:

 

Do I have to change my number or what!?! Enough alright!?! Goodbye for like the 15 millionth time.

[schlieman]

Hey, have a look in the separated and divorce sub forum, up the top is a critical readings pinned, this might help you.

I coppied this out of the thread, hope you can take something out of it.

 

Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do?

A. The question is: Why are they contacting you?

If it's just to get something back, box up their stuff and have a friend give it to them.

 

Otherwise, there's no need to reply. No matter what, don't contact them back right away. Don't answer if they call. Show them you have a life and you don't need them in it. Yes, it's kind of a game but at this juncture, it's a necessary evil. I know a lot of people might disagree, but first of all, I would want to know why the ex is contacting me. If they are having doubts, they will make it clear. If you respond to them, be sure to take a day or two to do so. This will give you time to think clearly about what you want to say. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. Don't make any small talk. Don't bring up the past (big no-no). Don't volunteer any information about yourself. Be the first to end the conversation. Do be happy, do smile inside (CBT) and know that you'll be fine. Trust me, if your ex wants you back nothing will stop them from getting in touch with you. And this is ideally what you want. You want them to initiate the contact because it will be their heart that has changed.

 

If they really want you back, then you have to listen out for the apology. The complete 180.

"I'm really sorry for what I did. I don't know why I did it, but all I know, is that it was the most stupid thing I've ever done. I want to try again, and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, prove I'm deadly serious, and regain your trust. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?"

 

Anything other than this - any small talk, any "so how are you?"s, any tentative chit-chat - is just breadcrumbs. Mostly, to appease their own guilt, make them feel better, and confirm that they can still yank your chain.

 

The only thing you should actually ever respond to is a clear and absolutely unequivocal signal, from them that they desperately love you and would do anything to be able to try again.

Anything - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING - else - is just a way of chatting with you and keeping you simmering on a back-boiler until you are roasted, broiled, cooked, done, shredded, dried out and falling off the bone.

 

Remember: The question is NEVER "Why are they doing *this* or why have they said *that*?

The question is always, but ALWAYS:

"What do I do now?"

And the answer to that, is to not try to head-read, or second-guess. It's to keep on doing what you're doing. Ignore it, and stay in NC.

[chinadiary]

I know how you feel. It hasn't been as long for me but I was managing NC even though it was hard. But then the little messages started.

 

I replied to the ones I had to with 1 or 2 words. No conversation, just factual.

 

Then 'I miss you'. I believe he does but I also feel as if he's trying to keep me on a chain that he can yank every now and again. If he REALLY missed me, he'd change and he's had so many chances, I know that won't happen.

[SwedishJohn10]

Hey, have a look in the separated and divorce sub forum, up the top is a critical readings pinned, this might help you.

I coppied this out of the thread, hope you can take something out of it.

 

Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do?

A. The question is: Why are they contacting you?

If it's just to get something back, box up their stuff and have a friend give it to them.

 

Otherwise, there's no need to reply. No matter what, don't contact them back right away. Don't answer if they call. Show them you have a life and you don't need them in it. Yes, it's kind of a game but at this juncture, it's a necessary evil. I know a lot of people might disagree, but first of all, I would want to know why the ex is contacting me. If they are having doubts, they will make it clear. If you respond to them, be sure to take a day or two to do so. This will give you time to think clearly about what you want to say. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. Don't make any small talk. Don't bring up the past (big no-no). Don't volunteer any information about yourself. Be the first to end the conversation. Do be happy, do smile inside (CBT) and know that you'll be fine. Trust me, if your ex wants you back nothing will stop them from getting in touch with you. And this is ideally what you want. You want them to initiate the contact because it will be their heart that has changed.

 

If they really want you back, then you have to listen out for the apology. The complete 180.

"I'm really sorry for what I did. I don't know why I did it, but all I know, is that it was the most stupid thing I've ever done. I want to try again, and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, prove I'm deadly serious, and regain your trust. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?"

 

Anything other than this - any small talk, any "so how are you?"s, any tentative chit-chat - is just breadcrumbs. Mostly, to appease their own guilt, make them feel better, and confirm that they can still yank your chain.

 

The only thing you should actually ever respond to is a clear and absolutely unequivocal signal, from them that they desperately love you and would do anything to be able to try again.

Anything - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING - else - is just a way of chatting with you and keeping you simmering on a back-boiler until you are roasted, broiled, cooked, done, shredded, dried out and falling off the bone.

 

Remember: The question is NEVER "Why are they doing *this* or why have they said *that*?

The question is always, but ALWAYS:

"What do I do now?"

And the answer to that, is to not try to head-read, or second-guess. It's to keep on doing what you're doing. Ignore it, and stay in NC.

 

Thing is she did say she was sorry many times. And I've repeatedly not forgiven her and I think that's beginning to just be unfair. She said she was sorry that she's hurt me, no she hasn't directly said she wants me back but still I want us to be on good terms. And what harm could be caused by asking her straight up what does "i miss you" mean. It lingers constantly throughout every day since she's said it and I think the best way to clear it would be to ask. I haven't exactly defined many of me and her convos in my story because that would be too much but she has told me she's only happy sometimes and that she's been living in a struggle as well. We've also talked about how much we've changed since the break so all in all we've both been going through a pretty similar situation leaving me to think that her thoughts can't be too different than mine.

[mightycpa]

Swede,

 

The reason she misses you is because SHE'S NOT WITH YOU ANYMORE. Keep your eye on the ball.

[antimanchild]

She's feeling guilty and nothing more. Might also be looking for an ego boost. If you must respond to alleviate your curiosity, I would say," Thank you for your message. It's best if we didn't keep in contact. This was your decision, so you should honor it by leaving me alone. I wish you the best."