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Do Dumpers Admire Dumpees who went NC???


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I'm just curious to know from other dumpers' perspective whether or not they admire the person they dumped when the dumpee initiated NC and never contacted them back since the beginning of the breakup?? I know it doesn't change anything in the grand scheme of things, but do other dumpers look back and say "Hey, you know what, I never expected to never hear from him/her, and he/she was stronger than I thought."

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PrettyEmily77

Not for me as the 'dumper', no. Some gratitude / relief for a bit, perhaps, but no admiration - probs not what you wanted to hear, though. Sorry.

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I'm just curious to know from other dumpers' perspective whether or not they admire the person they dumped when the dumpee initiated NC and never contacted them back since the beginning of the breakup?? I know it doesn't change anything in the grand scheme of things, but do other dumpers look back and say "Hey, you know what, I never expected to never hear from him/her, and he/she was stronger than I thought."

 

to be brutally honest, when i was a dumper - i never thought about that person... ever again, really. so i never even noticed that they went no contact and i definitely didn't think about it from the "being strong" perspective.

 

most dumpers just don't care and don't think about those they dumped.

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I don't like the term dumper. It sounds so harsh. I think it depends on the person who chose to end it or the circumstances. Were you "dumped"? If you are the initiator of NC, aren't you the dumper? Are you trying to get feedbacks as encouragement to remain in NC or that the "dumper" admire you for staying away? Trying to make a choice? It would be more helpful for you if we know why you ask this question so we may be more direct.

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I don't like the term dumper. It sounds so harsh. I think it depends on the person who chose to end it or the circumstances. Were you "dumped"? If you are the initiator of NC, aren't you the dumper? Are you trying to get feedbacks as encouragement to remain in NC or that the "dumper" admire you for staying away? Trying to make a choice? It would be more helpful for you if we know why you ask this question so we may be more direct.

 

I don't think I've ever heard anyone calling themselves "the dumper" despite initiating NC (my current situation), when in fact they did everything they could to stop the other person from ending the relationship and not agreeing to those terms, but being forced to since the other person fell out of love, I guess. To be honest, I don't know why I'm asking the question. I think you're correct in that it's a little bit of everything you pointed out to. I know I can't ask some of these questions to friends around me, so from time to time, I come here and write my thoughts, and receive good feedback from others. Sometimes that feedback is a reality check for me, and sometimes it's a pat on the back. I've been in both situations when it comes to ending a relationship so I know from my own personal experience, but sometimes I just want to know from other peoples points of view, too.

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I don't think I've ever heard anyone calling themselves "the dumper" despite initiating NC (my current situation), when in fact they did everything they could to stop the other person from ending the relationship and not agreeing to those terms, but being forced to since the other person fell out of love, I guess. To be honest, I don't know why I'm asking the question. I think you're correct in that it's a little bit of everything you pointed out to. I know I can't ask some of these questions to friends around me, so from time to time, I come here and write my thoughts, and receive good feedback from others. Sometimes that feedback is a reality check for me, and sometimes it's a pat on the back. I've been in both situations when it comes to ending a relationship so I know from my own personal experience, but sometimes I just want to know from other peoples points of view, too.

 

You're probably asking the question because you want to think you are somehow relevant to your ex's life. That she thinks about you in some deep way. The reality is that she probably doesn't think about you in the way you think about her. That realization might help you move forward.

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I'm just curious to know from other dumpers' perspective whether or not they admire the person they dumped when the dumpee initiated NC and never contacted them back since the beginning of the breakup?? I know it doesn't change anything in the grand scheme of things, but do other dumpers look back and say "Hey, you know what, I never expected to never hear from him/her, and he/she was stronger than I thought."

 

To be honest, I think that the one that did the dumping is usually relieved when the dumpee goes NC. The exception being truly cruel people that need validation and want to see an impact.

 

For anyone with enough empathy to see beyond themselves, they know that being contacted from the dumpee is usually going to be sad and likely come with some degree of guilt.

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You're probably asking the question because you want to think you are somehow relevant to your ex's life. That she thinks about you in some deep way. The reality is that she probably doesn't think about you in the way you think about her. That realization might help you move forward.

 

I think you're right. It sucks, but is most prob the truth.. I know in my own experiences all the ex's I have dumped, I've never really had significant thoughts of in any way, with the exception of only one and that only came about a long time after.

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I think you're right. It sucks, but is most prob the truth.. I know in my own experiences all the ex's I have dumped, I've never really had significant thoughts of in any way, with the exception of only one and that only came about a long time after.

 

I think that once you dump someone, you don't feel deeply anymore. If you are able to go on without the person, you clearly don't feel deeply. So they probably feel relief and hope you move on. They feel lukewarm about you. It's hard to comprehend because you feel differently, and we can only understand our feelings. We have a tendency to project our feelings onto others because we have no other frame of reference.

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I think that once you dump someone, you don't feel deeply anymore. If you are able to go on without the person, you clearly don't feel deeply. So they probably feel relief and hope you move on. They feel lukewarm about you. It's hard to comprehend because you feel differently, and we can only understand our feelings. We have a tendency to project our feelings onto others because we have no other frame of reference.

 

This was so well said, and hit home.... "It's hard to comprehend because you feel differently, and we can only understand our feelings. We have a tendency to project our feelings onto others because we have no other frame of reference"

 

 

I love that quote and sadly it is the 100% truth!

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This was so well said, and hit home.... "It's hard to comprehend because you feel differently, and we can only understand our feelings. We have a tendency to project our feelings onto others because we have no other frame of reference"

 

 

I love that quote and sadly it is the 100% truth!

 

It's probably the root cause of many relationship problems in general.

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You know it honestly depends.

 

I had a guy dump me after a month and then pay me loads of attention. 5 days after he did it to me he texted friendly like nothing happened. And kept doing it.

 

One . other ex dumped me . and said he felt sick at never seeing me again and kept sending texts.

 

Some exes have an ulterior motive

They like to keep collections around for their own selfish means.

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That is a very wishful-thinking type of thought, OP.

 

No. People who break up with you don't think of you in one way, or the other. They are too busy getting f*cked and chasing their own little desires to "admire" you, dislike you, or have any thought of you at all.

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been the dumper and the dumpee.

 

Quite right that mostly the dumper just wants to forget the dumpee.

 

However, later on when things settled I still think high of the dumpee keeping NC, very brave as I knew she was hurting so much

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Simon Phoenix

Admire? No, it takes a lot to earn admiration. Respect? Maybe down the line they'll respect you for going out with dignity. Relief? That's more likely.

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Man, it really is quite depressing even a few months after the breakup when I start thinking to myself that she doesn't even think of me as many of the people here have stated. No, it doesn't change anything, and no, I don't expect her to come back/ I agree when it's done, it's almost always done, but still, part of me has always thought at the very least she still thinks about me a lot...

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I think they do think of you.

 

They cant not. They will remember something you did together or something, but thing is you wont know about it.

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part of me has always thought at the very least she still thinks about me a lot...
Right, I get this. I too indulge in such false thinking. As soon as you can be realistic, and admit to yourself that you do not matter to your ex - AT ALL - then you can begin to move on.

 

While this is one of the hardest truths to realize, it is also one of the most helpful. Denial serves no one.

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Honestly, I was relieved when one of my ex-boyfriends finally went No Contact. I felt terribly guilty when I broke up with him because I knew he was hurt and each time he called me afterwards I really didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't make it better. Slowly we fell out of contact and eventually went complete NC. I didn't admire him; I simply hoped he was finally doing what he needed to do to move on from our relationship.

 

It's not that I never thought about him after we broke up. Of course he crossed my mind now and again. But it didn't stir romantic feelings.

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Honestly, I was relieved when one of my ex-boyfriends finally went No Contact. I felt terribly guilty when I broke up with him because I knew he was hurt and each time he called me afterwards I really didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't make it better. Slowly we fell out of contact and eventually went complete NC. I didn't admire him; I simply hoped he was finally doing what he needed to do to move on from our relationship.

 

Maybe then it is how the dumpee handles it.

 

In my last two i just said my piece and then left it.

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Man, it really is quite depressing even a few months after the breakup when I start thinking to myself that she doesn't even think of me as many of the people here have stated. No, it doesn't change anything, and no, I don't expect her to come back/ I agree when it's done, it's almost always done, but still, part of me has always thought at the very least she still thinks about me a lot...

 

Here's another angle, I doubt it will make you fell better, but it might.

 

If you were a decent person in the relationship, or she dumped you for petty or shallow reasons, she may think of you anytime she has new relationship problems. New boyfriend lies, is mean or cheats, she may think of how these were never concerns when she was with you.

 

Probably not the most flattering thought, but it is a way that she may remember you. One the other hand, you could just as easily become a cautionary tale if you were a jerk.

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Right, I get this. I too indulge in such false thinking. As soon as you can be realistic, and admit to yourself that you do not matter to your ex - AT ALL - then you can begin to move on.

 

While this is one of the hardest truths to realize, it is also one of the most helpful. Denial serves no one.

 

Thanks for the wise words. I appreciate it. It's funny, or sad, depending on how you look at it. I think to myself I've made progress, and conclude, I'm not in denial anymore, yet, there is always another hurdle of truth I have to come to terms with. At first, it was finally admitting to myself that she broke it off with me not for the reasons she stated during the break-up (stress, work, school, etc.) but rather, she simply fell out of love with me. It was really hard allowing myself to admit that. Your mind just doesn't want to believe that, whether it's because the truth hurts too much, or that you won't allow yourself to go too deep into that thought process, I really don't know, but it's hard and you can very easily never allow yourself to being the self-realization process. After that, it was coming to terms and admitting to myself that the breakup wasn't temporary, but that it was permanent; She'd taken a long time to process things and once she made up her mind, it was done. And now, it's trying to admit to myself that my ex doesn't think of me or admire me for being strong and going NC. I think for me, as another poster here said, I'm projecting my feelings onto her because I have no other frame of reference. So, if I'm feeling this way, I conclude she, too, must also being feeling or thinking about me also.

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Here's another angle, I doubt it will make you fell better, but it might.

 

If you were a decent person in the relationship, or she dumped you for petty or shallow reasons, she may think of you anytime she has new relationship problems. New boyfriend lies, is mean or cheats, she may think of how these were never concerns when she was with you.

 

Probably not the most flattering thought, but it is a way that she may remember you. One the other hand, you could just as easily become a cautionary tale if you were a jerk.

 

I actually hope that is what my last ex especially thinks.

 

I never did anything wrong or hurt him in any way. I was nothing but nice to him...although his behavior left alot to be desired.

 

That way I wonder will he think of me when single or new relationship problems.

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she simply fell out of love with me.
Here's the thing. Here is what men don't understand. It's taken me a while to really understand this. Are you ready?

 

Unless you have been abusive and a complete sh*t... women fall out of love with you for absolutely no reason. They might wake up one day and see you differently. They may meet a man who is a shiny new thing. Whatever. It could be one of a million things.

 

To attach significance to WHY a woman falls out of love with you, is a complete fool's errand and 100% a waste of your mental energy. Women do not have some Big Reason that they don't love you anymore. A woman's Emotions are like the wind. Always changing, senseless, meaningless.

 

Men wonder for months, years. WHY??? Why did she leave me? The reason is, no reason. She's incapable of love in the way that you are. Her love is circumstantial, conditional. Her love is not faithful. Her love is self-serving.

 

So stop trying to solve the mystery. She's merely a collection of fleeting fantasies, moments, and feelings.

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Here's the thing. Here is what men don't understand. It's taken me a while to really understand this. Are you ready?

 

Unless you have been abusive and a complete sh*t... women fall out of love with you for absolutely no reason. They might wake up one day and see you differently. They may meet a man who is a shiny new thing. Whatever. It could be one of a million things.

 

To attach significance to WHY a woman falls out of love with you, is a complete fool's errand and 100% a waste of your mental energy. Women do not have some Big Reason that they don't love you anymore. A woman's Emotions are like the wind. Always changing, senseless, meaningless.

 

Men wonder for months, years. WHY??? Why did she leave me? The reason is, no reason. She's incapable of love in the way that you are. Her love is circumstantial, conditional. Her love is not faithful. Her love is self-serving.

 

So stop trying to solve the mystery. She's merely a collection of fleeting fantasies, moments, and feelings.

 

 

 

 

I want to nominate this as the Comment of The Year. This is without a doubt, the best piece of advice I've read. If I thought about it from this rationale earlier on, I would have saved a whole lot of time and energy because it truly does apply to my situation and to many others.

 

 

Guys, it's really pointless to try to find out the why because there is no answer. Stop trying to solve this riddle because there is no answer and instead direct your energy to finding someone who is better than your ex.

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