K2z Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I thought maybe, maybe I'd get something. I am now just trying to hold back from doing something silly. I am so angry at being ghosted. I don't know where she is, and she hasn't said anything in response to the most sincere letter I've ever written in two months. Meaning I don't even know if she's received it. Say no, if nothing else, if you are so sure you want away from me. It's cowardly, it's crude, it's immature, it's cruel. Happy f*****ng birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I thought maybe, maybe I'd get something. I am now just trying to hold back from doing something silly. I am so angry at being ghosted. I don't know where she is, and she hasn't said anything in response to the most sincere letter I've ever written in two months. Meaning I don't even know if she's received it. Say no, if nothing else, if you are so sure you want away from me. It's cowardly, it's crude, it's immature, it's cruel. Happy f*****ng birthday. A bit more back-story on the events of the BU would be useful if you wish to get people's opinions on your situation. Why did you two break up? How long ago? And I'm assuming she left you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author K2z Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 My apologies. Back story here. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 K2z as I mentioned before, as far as her family was concerned, you just weren't in it to win it. You actually spent 7 months of those 3 years, physically together. 3 years should be enough for ANYONE to propose and commit. Buy physically, under 1 roof as it were, it was just over half a year. I would suspect (as I said before) there is a strong cultural/family interest and influence there. That's a hard one to knock a dent into.... Happy Birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
Chronograph Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I thought maybe, maybe I'd get something. I am now just trying to hold back from doing something silly. I am so angry at being ghosted. I don't know where she is, and she hasn't said anything in response to the most sincere letter I've ever written in two months. Meaning I don't even know if she's received it. Say no, if nothing else, if you are so sure you want away from me. It's cowardly, it's crude, it's immature, it's cruel. Happy f*****ng birthday. I can relate so much to what you're saying and feeling. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I would probably feel the very same thing (my birthday is still to come ...) BUT: Think about it:Would it have been better to receive a polite distant one liner saying "happy birthday, all the best"? Or would it have been better to receive an actually genuinely honest and kind birthday greeting from which you then would deduce reasons for hope, and you would not move on, not date someone new, just think about her, just hope and dream ... only to learn later that she just wanted to be kind to you on your birthday but that doesn't mean that she wants you back? What would have made you happy? The only thing that would have made you satisfied, I guess, would be if she tells you: Hey, so sorry, I made a mistake, I miss you and I want you back, happy birthday. But: How likely is that? I think it's really hard to know what's the best thing to do on such occasions like birthdays. And also your letter, maybe you just caught her off guard and she just doesn't know how to respond, and how to deal. So she decided to not respond would be the best thing. It's horrible, it's cruel, it's immature - I totally agree with you. But that's how people are. A lot of them, a lot of times. I don't know, it's just sad. Maybe we just cannot expect anything nice from our exes. Maybe it's best we learn that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author K2z Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 After the central (inaccurate) complaint was made at the time of BU that I did not want to commit, I sent a note extensively outlining a life commitment plan, translated into her and her family's language. Not on board? Fine. Put a bullet in me with a sentence or two. But months of silence? Cruel and infantile. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 After the central (inaccurate) complaint was made at the time of BU that I did not want to commit, I sent a note extensively outlining a life commitment plan, translated into her and her family's language. Not on board? Fine. Put a bullet in me with a sentence or two. But months of silence? Cruel and infantile. I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm just trying to offer possible scenarios... it's tough whichever way you look at it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author K2z Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Thank you. I guess my little bday present to myself was a bit of self-indulgent whining on this forum. Relationships suh-huuuuuuuuuh-UCK. (Except when they don't, I know. But in my universe they do.) Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyBerty Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Similar situation to me. I wrote a long letter and never got a response. Spend days making it perfect with references to special moments and good times. Thought it was bound to work. But nope, nothing. Now looking back I'm kind of glad. It must have been really hard to read and too difficult to reply. I don't think I'd have liked a reply now even if it was a no. Would have set off another depression. Try to take the 'no reply' as a kind and gently 'no'. That's how I took it and I felt great afterwards. I've had bad days since but mainly good. I got closure so I'm doing much better. Try to do the same maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Draper Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hey K2, I had a similar experience a few weeks ago, with my ex continuing her ghosting on my birthday. It definitely stings a bit because we had talked so much about how we were going to spend my birthday in the city and we had all these plans, so for her to not say anything is pretty hurtful. However, I too came to LS for help that day and someone said something like this to me: Trust me, you don't want to hear from her. You'll find a way to turn it into some kind of hope and you don't need that right now. I went out and a good night at the bar with friends. I hope you find a way to enjoy your day despite all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author K2z Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hope perseveres. But it took a real body blow this week. (I was in the hospital this week and saw a new born baby... this thing can't be 24 hours out of the oven... and my instant, visceral, volcanic emotional reaction was 'I want one of those with you-know-who.' But yeah. Talking to friends, and a professional about ways to tip toe towards whatever "reality" is.) Link to post Share on other sites
sowhynot Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) At a certain time in your life, you'll realise that birthdays are seriously over rated and only possess the virtue of reducing your car insurance premiums. I have one coming up in a few weeks time and I really hope ungrateful ex. totally ignores it - as I wil do with hers. Vent, vent. Edited October 14, 2015 by sowhynot Naff grammar. ... Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 My apologies. Back story here.That's not being ghosted. That's being abandoned for cause. But either way, why you'd think for a second that you'd get some kind of birthday greeting is incomprehensible, especially at your age. I think you need to examine what happened, re-frame the story in your head and accept what's going on here without the anger. She doesn't owe you anything, not even a no. Disappearing might be her way of coping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author K2z Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 to reprise a slightly old thread (which sadly remains front and center in my consciousness)-- mightycpa I agree that disappearing is a coping mechanism, and appears to be more widespread in Thai culture... just say nothing, and blow away like a tumbleweed, it happens in business too apparently. What I want is to arrest the process. Intervene. I postulate, the NC rules may bend here. But maybe that is wishful thinking. TaraMaiden (and others) -- at times I consider contacting her sister and brother in law--- that's who she was visiting during her little breakup Club Med-- and saying something to indicate I am a sane, sincere guy with integrity who wants to be with her more than anything in the world. Insane? Stupid? Hit me. Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I thought maybe, maybe I'd get something. I am now just trying to hold back from doing something silly. I am so angry at being ghosted. I don't know where she is, and she hasn't said anything in response to the most sincere letter I've ever written in two months. Meaning I don't even know if she's received it. Say no, if nothing else, if you are so sure you want away from me. It's cowardly, it's crude, it's immature, it's cruel. Happy f*****ng birthday. Hey, first of all happy birthday It was my birthday last week and I was really hoping to get something from her, but eventually nothing happened, we mate have to accept that when something is over, it is over, there is nothing we can do, nothing to be honest, it would not surprise me if anyone told me that she did not even remember that it was my birthday. So what? I have been through this for 3 months now. Long letters, short letters, they have been all unanswered here in my life too, she even sent me a message 2/3 weeks ago, I replied to that like a fool, but she did not reply back. We have to come to terms that they are done with us, so we should finish things up from our sides now. Hang in there mate, there are good and bad days ahead of you, at 3 months, I sometimes feel great and sometimes awful. We have to move on, no matter what, I only blocked her on my cellphone after 2 and half months, it was the hardest thing to do, but I don't need to wait for any messages or anything like this at least Link to post Share on other sites
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