geronimo Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 i have honestly been trying to go NC and avoid my ex since its been almost a year since our breakup and tonight f*cked mr up. I'm still a bit drunk as I'm typing this but a lil back story, we were each others first she's 3 years younger now 20 I'm 23 started dating 5.5 years ago so broke up after 4.5 years. Anyways I knew she was going to be at this event tonight since that's where her and her current bf met so I told my friends I don't want to go there just incase I run into her. So we went to this random club and lo and behold I'm out for a smoke and I run into her friend asking me if she remembers me and tells me that my ex is here. I told her o don't want to see her but she brings her over anyways and we make small talk. Ex asks me to get her and her friends in, I can see that her bf and his friends are in the back so I told her that I'll ger her and her gfs on but not the guys, she's like u know I'm not gonna do that and I light up a cig in front of her face cuz she hates it and walk away. But man I'm so fucjed up after that cuz I really didn't want to run into her and this happened tonight idk what to make of it and I rally want to msg her but I know that's stupid so I'm not gonna. But yea I had to get it out cuz this legit fucjed me over since o fully tried to avoid her and stoll ran into her Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyBerty Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 You're bound to feel like this. I think if a similar situation comes up you should avoid it. No contact works but you have to stick with it to avoid things like this. You won't feel like this forever just try and keep busy for the next few days and you should start to feel better. Try some physical activity or hit the gym. Will help get the frustration out. And don't contact her!! Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mortana Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Whatever you do, don't message her because it's bound to go wrong and male you feel even worse. I know how you feel and that its really hard to think about anything else right now, but try to distract yourself with something until you feel more composed. I would also stay away from alcohol at the moment, since it tends to make you more emotional and make bad ideas sound good... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Not sure what caused the breakup but I see it as pretty nervy to ask for a favor for her and her guy.....I'd probably have done the same thing. Looks like her friend was also trying to play you in bringing the ex over after you said you didn't want to see her. Well played but absolutely, do not contact in any way. You said what you needed to say at the club. Leave it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 DirtyBerty - I have been in NC with her for a while and purposefully didn't go to the event I thought she was going to be at to avoid running into her and the worst part is, she doesn't even chill in the city I was in and went to a club I never thought she would go to but looks like God likes to play jokes with me I honestly had to ask my friend if I actually saw her cuz I thought I was drunk to the point where I was seeing things LOL. Mortana - yea you're right, now that I'm sober I realize what a bad idea it is, I just don't know how to react if she msgs me but I highly doubt she will. Kgcolnel - I know bro now that I think about it I can't believe she had the balls to ask me for a favour, not just for herself but her bf. We were civil after our breakup but that's cuz she made it seem like we broke up cuz of her parents when she clearly left me for this kid. And the more ****ed up part is she wanted me to meet him yesterday and "be nice" to him lol I told her bro if I were more sober I would jump the fence and take him down. But yea it just sucks seeing her again, just ignited all the feelings again esp cuz I was drunk when I saw her it just feels unfinished cuz I wasn't fully aware of everything happening. I still love her so much, and it seems like every time I try to take a step towards getting over her I just get thrown right back to the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Do you know if she ever got into the club? Hopefully she stayed out there in line all night. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 You handled that like such a bad-ass! The image of you lighting a ciggy and blowing it in her face when she said she wanted to get her bf and his friends in as well is just great haha so well done for that. As for what's next, I would say the same as the others have said and suggest you just keep on with NC, not much would come out of messaging her. I would try and rest easy knowing that what you did definitely would've put her in her place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 What you did was absolutely the best you could under the circumstances. The only thing better would have been to just tell her no, let your boyfriend get you in. Don't blow it now by contacting or replying to her if she does text. She has a new boyfriend. That should tell you to move on. She does not feel anything for you. That girl is long gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Do you know if she ever got into the club? Hopefully she stayed out there in line all night. lol no I guess her bf didn't want to come inside with me there so they left. Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 You handled that like such a bad-ass! The image of you lighting a ciggy and blowing it in her face when she said she wanted to get her bf and his friends in as well is just great haha so well done for that. As for what's next, I would say the same as the others have said and suggest you just keep on with NC, not much would come out of messaging her. I would try and rest easy knowing that what you did definitely would've put her in her place. lol yea man it felt pretty nice doing that, even tho it was hard to remember cuz i was so drunk lmao. but yea i'll def be sticking to NC, and i hope i did put her in her place, idk what she thinks just cuz I'm a nice guy and she knows i still care for her, so she thinks she can just keep walking all over me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 What you did was absolutely the best you could under the circumstances. The only thing better would have been to just tell her no, let your boyfriend get you in. Don't blow it now by contacting or replying to her if she does text. She has a new boyfriend. That should tell you to move on. She does not feel anything for you. That girl is long gone. Yea I know, and it just sucks to know that a person you had been with for almost 5 years could leave and "love" someone else right after. idk much about their relationship but I remember her telling me a while ago that they keep fighting and that he doesn't put much effort into the relationship but the fact that she is still willing to fight that and be with him hurts even more, that she's willing to put up with that meaning she cares for him alot. I just don't understand what was so wrong with me that she wouldn't be willing to do the same for me when she even clearly said I was a better bf that him and took care of her more than he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Yea I know, and it just sucks to know that a person you had been with for almost 5 years could leave and "love" someone else right after. idk much about their relationship but I remember her telling me a while ago that they keep fighting and that he doesn't put much effort into the relationship but the fact that she is still willing to fight that and be with him hurts even more, that she's willing to put up with that meaning she cares for him alot. I just don't understand what was so wrong with me that she wouldn't be willing to do the same for me when she even clearly said I was a better bf that him and took care of her more than he does. That is the problem my friend... You were too good for her. Some people are self destructive like that... Let her go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 But yea it just sucks seeing her again, just ignited all the feelings again esp cuz I was drunk when I saw her it just feels unfinished cuz I wasn't fully aware of everything happening. I still love her so much, and it seems like every time I try to take a step towards getting over her I just get thrown right back to the beginning. From where I sit you dodged a big time bullet as this chick is extremely insensitive and VERY self-serving. She seriously asked you to get her and her bf in... wow unfreaking believable. Be seriously grateful you are not with her and instead of pining for her thank God every day that she is gone... and BTW, it wasn't God that put you two together, it would be the one down under that orchestrated that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 lol yea man it felt pretty nice doing that, even tho it was hard to remember cuz i was so drunk lmao. but yea i'll def be sticking to NC, and i hope i did put her in her place, idk what she thinks just cuz I'm a nice guy and she knows i still care for her, so she thinks she can just keep walking all over me. Honestly you couldn't have had a more "Action movie kick-ass mother-fu**er" way of showing her that you are not her doormat and she can't walk all over you. The fact that you were able to do it when you were drunk too says a lot about yourself as usually being drunk around an ex has higher chances of someone doing stuff that makes them look weak so again, well done in how you handled it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 From where I sit you dodged a big time bullet as this chick is extremely insensitive and VERY self-serving. She seriously asked you to get her and her bf in... wow unfreaking believable. Be seriously grateful you are not with her and instead of pining for her thank God every day that she is gone... and BTW, it wasn't God that put you two together, it would be the one down under that orchestrated that. Yea honestly I didn't think about that at that moment but thinking about it after really pissed me off that she had the audacity to do that pretty much instilling the fact that she doesn't give 2 ****s about me. I know I should be grateful that I don't have a person who's so self centred in my life esp cuz she always has to be the victim of any situation too and is never happy but I just can't help it, it's probably cuz I still have her on a pedestal and am in love with a memory/person I thought she was. But I just can't help but feel what we had was real and I'm not able to find that with anyone else. Not that I have given much chances to people but I just don't feel it like I felt with her the first time we met. Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Honestly you couldn't have had a more "Action movie kick-ass mother-fu**er" way of showing her that you are not her doormat and she can't walk all over you. The fact that you were able to do it when you were drunk too says a lot about yourself as usually being drunk around an ex has higher chances of someone doing stuff that makes them look weak so again, well done in how you handled it! Thanks man I really appreciate it lol, too bad I can't remember everything clearly cuz I would love to have that image of her being pissed/sad that I didn't listen to her but I was way too faded lol Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Thanks man I really appreciate it lol, too bad I can't remember everything clearly cuz I would love to have that image of her being pissed/sad that I didn't listen to her but I was way too faded lol lol dude believe me, if she hates ciggys as much as it seems, doing that to her would've left her fuming. Coming from someone who hates the smell of cigarette smoke, if I had something like that done to me in a similar situation I would be seething! I honestly cannot think of a better way to have told her to f*** off in that situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Yea honestly I didn't think about that at that moment but thinking about it after really pissed me off that she had the audacity to do that pretty much instilling the fact that she doesn't give 2 ****s about me. I know I should be grateful that I don't have a person who's so self centred in my life esp cuz she always has to be the victim of any situation too and is never happy but I just can't help it, it's probably cuz I still have her on a pedestal and am in love with a memory/person I thought she was. But I just can't help but feel what we had was real and I'm not able to find that with anyone else. Not that I have given much chances to people but I just don't feel it like I felt with her the first time we met. Maybe it would help to write a list of all the bad things about her, so that when you start to go back to placing her on the pedestal, you can refer back to the list and just cram your brain full of the negatives about her until you get to the stage where the negatives come to mind before the 'pedestal memories'. I have something similar to this that I have on my phone and referring to it when I start to have one of those moments of weakness has been pretty helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Maybe it would help to write a list of all the bad things about her, so that when you start to go back to placing her on the pedestal, you can refer back to the list and just cram your brain full of the negatives about her until you get to the stage where the negatives come to mind before the 'pedestal memories'. I have something similar to this that I have on my phone and referring to it when I start to have one of those moments of weakness has been pretty helpful. Yea she HATES cigs and the smell too, so it was pretty sick lol. Yea I'm going to try that hopefully it will help. My problem is removing her off social media. I did it initially when we broke up but then we started contact/seeing eachother 6 months after breaking up which lead to us adding eachother back, I don't want to do it again now that I'm no longer talking to her I just feel like it makes me look like an indecisive idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Yea she HATES cigs and the smell too, so it was pretty sick lol. Yea I'm going to try that hopefully it will help. My problem is removing her off social media. I did it initially when we broke up but then we started contact/seeing eachother 6 months after breaking up which lead to us adding eachother back, I don't want to do it again now that I'm no longer talking to her I just feel like it makes me look like an indecisive idiot. 15/10 showed her lol You could always unfollow her and any of her friends you may have added on social media. That way you're not unfriending them but their **** wont show up in your feeds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Sooo I f*cking finally deleted her off of everything yesterday. I just was talking to a friend of mine and she convinced me but also made some solid points that I need to stop overthinking this and making it about her, but instead make it about me, who cares what she thinks or doesn't think when I delete her, it just needs to be done so i can move on. She did also say that if its meant to be, it will be down the line but for now I need to do my own thing, and I agree. Lol idk if the Gods are against me or something, but after a few hours of me deleting her, I was talking to my cousin who I haven't spoken to in a while, who asked what was happening with me and my ex, so i updated her on everything. While this was happening, my cousin was stalking my ex, and she just says "Shes so beautiful, idk how you managed to get her, like shes unbelievably beautiful" -___- f*cked me up nicely. My cousin did give me the whole bs about its not just about looks and that I need to find someone with substance and personality, BUT my f*cking ex did have a personality and everything. My cousin just thinks that my ex was insecure and thats why she has to post pics about herself to make herself look and seem pretty. and said that I don't need a person like that in my life. Sure i can agree with that but still. Whatever I guess the truth is, I had it and now I don't and theres nothing I can f*cking do to change that. I wish I could get her back, and the worst part is my ex made me so insecure cuz we were together for about 5 years and I never felt secure in the relationship and always knew she would leave me for someone else, which she did and made my insecurities even worse. I just feel like im going to be alone for f*cking ever. Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Sooo I f*cking finally deleted her off of everything yesterday. I just was talking to a friend of mine and she convinced me but also made some solid points that I need to stop overthinking this and making it about her, but instead make it about me, who cares what she thinks or doesn't think when I delete her, it just needs to be done so i can move on. She did also say that if its meant to be, it will be down the line but for now I need to do my own thing, and I agree. That's spot on. My cousin did give me the whole bs about its not just about looks and that I need to find someone with substance and personality, BUT my f*cking ex did have a personality and everything. My cousin just thinks that my ex was insecure and thats why she has to post pics about herself to make herself look and seem pretty. and said that I don't need a person like that in my life I'm in the same boat when it comes to my ex's looks - she's f***ing unbelievably good looking. But this no longer bothers me because she was like what your cousin said about your ex - incredibly insecure and that was such a turn-off. So I know that all the hot pictures she's posting aren't a reflection of who she really is, they're just a cry for attention because she needed hundreds of 'likes' to feel valid (I don't follow her on social media but I know that's what she's doing). Like f*** she wouldn't even let me f*** her with the lights on - after over 2 years of being together (lol), because she was that insecure, so I just think about that whenever I get upset and it refreshes the fact that being with an insecure girl is not what I want, regardless of how hot she is. Whatever I guess the truth is, I had it and now I don't and theres nothing I can f*cking do to change that Great! So you know you can't do anything, why waste your time and effort wishing otherwise? the worst part is my ex made me so insecure cuz we were together for about 5 years and I never felt secure in the relationship and always knew she would leave me for someone else, which she did and made my insecurities even worse. I just feel like im going to be alone for f*cking ever. The only reason you would feel like that during the relationship is because you weren't happy with yourself. You didn't see yourself as a good catch and you didn't value yourself as a partner so you were forever on the edge waiting for her to leave and look what happened! By being insecure like that you are pretty much saying "please leave me, I am not worthy of your presence". You must must must be completely happy within your own skin before you can ever start to be happy within a relationship. This is why your #1 goal as of now should be working on yourself, making yourself happy and steering your life in the direction where you are completely happy as a single man. When that happens, it is then and only then that you are ready to start thinking about enjoying a functional relationship with someone. Edited October 21, 2015 by louxor 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 lol dude believe me, if she hates ciggys as much as it seems, doing that to her would've left her fuming. Coming from someone who hates the smell of cigarette smoke, if I had something like that done to me in a similar situation I would be seething! I honestly cannot think of a better way to have told her to f*** off in that situation. fuming, get it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 fuming, get it? omg lol I didn't even notice :laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Yea I know man I need to work on myself at the moment. I feel like that might have also been one of the reasons why her and I broke up cuz I started being insecure and passive to her which probably over time lead her away. My goal now is to just go to the gym and work out and work on my life as a whole, I need to get myself out of this pit. The funny thing is we were ****ing together for 4.5 years and didn't have sex. I regret that so much man, everyone told me that I should have done it, but she was a bit younger than me and I didn't want to force her into it. She kept saying she wanted to save it till marriage and at that time I just thought whatever if we're going to be together till then, I dont care about waiting. Now I just feel so sick thinking about her with her new bf and the thought of them maybe having sex, cuz I know I waited but I also know, most other guys out there wont and I feel like an idiot for doing it. I also want to thank you Louxor, your replies really help man! Link to post Share on other sites
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