Don't ever go back!!!!!

[Confusioncreepsin]

My experience (as of tonight).....never go back with a ****ing cheater, liar or any mixture of the two. Your heart will get ripped out with the trickle truth and keeping you are arms length.

 

After I gave in and gave her another chance, I busted her tonight with the SAME ****ing dude we broke up over earlier. She lied! She died in my eyes. Over the past couple of weeks, she appeared to be "normal" verbally (phone calls, in person) but her texting was off. She would keep me at bay and try to make it more "friendly" rather than a relationship. Man, I learned my lesson tonight.

 

Yes, I stalked (creepy i know) and caught her red handed. Just a warning to all of you....they may want you back to hurt you like you hurt them with NC. Keep that in mind. As far as my R over 2 months of NC, she was still the same messed up sociopath. What a fool I was, believing all the talks we had over the weeks where I confessed my soul and deepest feelings. I hope this can help someone out there....never let your guard down. You might be playing with fire if they return...

[Stage5Clinger]

Thanks for the reminder. I sometimes get it in my mind that I'm going to win over a girl who did this to me. Gotta stay strong and remember who they are didn't change! Sorry you got hurt man. Now you know...

[BrokenManAgain]

Gym. Heavy bag. Make sure you got good gloves. It helps. In a pinch, throw your bed mattress against the wall and go. Just make sure there's no neighbours on the other side.

[casey.lives]

I don't want to be a B but you can't bounce back into a relationship so quickly from betrayal nevvvver.... he doesn't just come back.. he has to win you over.. he didn't do the work for you or the relationship. showing up is half the battle. you lost this because you were not strong enough. change is hard and grueling and takes time. No magic dust here.

[Confusioncreepsin]

Yes, I do know now. I am one of those unique creatures that can't allow any wiggle room in the logic department. It takes a toll on me, but unfortunately I know how to catch cheaters...they are creatures of habit mostly. They will push things underground, but you have to think like they do in order to get the ****ing proof you need/desire. She was sooooo good at playing **** off, like I was crazy, then BAM....caught her and she was just SILENT. No words. No remorse. No sorry.

 

Please keep in mind that even though you hurt for them to come back, you may not like the demon that possess them now. My advice, stay focused on the future and move on. They will text, call, etc to try to get you back into a toxic dependency......but don't do it. It hurts TWICE as bad, and realize they gave you a wonderful gift. A gift that says "I saved you from my toxic self".

[casey.lives]

i think you're on to something.. but there are exceptions ..

[Confusioncreepsin]

Maybe so, but it still serves as a warning. The cloth of their character will be the basis for their future intent with you. If they cheat, lie, project, gaslight don't ever think that they will change because of NC. NC drives them crazy because they don't have CONTROL of you, the supply. My advice is to step into R with extreme caution, for their character will always reemerge if they haven't taken the steps to change....and change normally takes a LOOOOONG time.

 

Just my two cents.

[dumbass2]

I don't necessarily believe in the "once a cheater always a cheater", but I do feel that a lot of time needs to go by if that has happened in a relationship in order to heal. It takes a lot to forgive something like that, but as I always say, "forgive, but don't forget" and in the case of cheating, I just don't know how the trust ever comes back. You've learned the lesson the hard way, but hey, you did get to give it another shot and yes, having a second shot is rarely a good thing once it's all said and done.

[BrokenManAgain]

Maybe so, but it still serves as a warning. The cloth of their character will be the basis for their future intent with you. If they cheat, lie, project, gaslight don't ever think that they will change because of NC. NC drives them crazy because they don't have CONTROL of you, the supply. My advice is to step into R with extreme caution, for their character will always reemerge if they haven't taken the steps to change....and change normally takes a LOOOOONG time.

 

Just my two cents.

Think this is the exact kind of motivation you need to master the spinning back kick. Both legs. Edited October 10, 2015 by BrokenManAgain

[Xidion]

My experience (as of tonight).....never go back with a ****ing cheater, liar or any mixture of the two. Your heart will get ripped out with the trickle truth and keeping you are arms length.

 

After I gave in and gave her another chance, I busted her tonight with the SAME ****ing dude we broke up over earlier. She lied! She died in my eyes. Over the past couple of weeks, she appeared to be "normal" verbally (phone calls, in person) but her texting was off. She would keep me at bay and try to make it more "friendly" rather than a relationship. Man, I learned my lesson tonight.

 

Yes, I stalked (creepy i know) and caught her red handed. Just a warning to all of you....they may want you back to hurt you like you hurt them with NC. Keep that in mind. As far as my R over 2 months of NC, she was still the same messed up sociopath. What a fool I was, believing all the talks we had over the weeks where I confessed my soul and deepest feelings. I hope this can help someone out there....never let your guard down. You might be playing with fire if they return...

 

I'm sorry this happened to you man. These people enjoy using people. It gives them a high to see if they can win you back for a short amount of time.

 

The truth is.. we aren't in love with them. We are in the idea of being in love with who we thought they were. We all deserve better. Move on. The best revenge is to live a happy life.

[Confusioncreepsin]

You know, I realized that on this go around. Back during the beginning phases of the relationship (unicorn times), I was hooked. BAD. She pumped me full of compliments, built my confidence, ego....really too good to be true. After this last time, I was coming to the point I wanted that time back BUT I was not going to ever return to that. My messed up head said I would take her back and something of that early time would return. You almost have an image in your head of how you felt and how you feel now and something doesn't connect. She just happens to LOOK the way she does, but it could be anyone filling that picture.

 

It was the idea, rather than the actual. I, in essence, catfishes myself about her.

Edited October 10, 2015 by Confusioncreepsin

[Xidion]

You know, I realized that on this go around. Back during the beginning phases of the relationship (unicorn times), I was hooked. BAD. She pumped me full of compliments, built my confidence, ego....really too good to be true. After this last time, I was coming to the point I wanted that time back BUT I was not going to ever return to that. My messed up head said I would take her back and something of that early time would return. You almost have an image in your head of how you felt and how you feel now and something doesn't connect. She just happens to LOOK the way she does, but it could be anyone filling that picture.

 

It was the idea, rather than the actual. I, in essence, catfishes myself about her.

 

My previous 2 relationships have gone the same way. They basically worshipped the ground I walked on, which made me feel empowered, confident, and like a King. I believe Them to both be some sort of sociopath. They won't had terrible daddy issues (red flag) and got me hooked quickly, only to tear my heart out.

 

Having said that. I've had to take a look at myself to realize why I'm so susceptible to such flattery (I believe myself to be codependent). I WILL not get involved with anyone until I've built my own confidence, my own ego, and made my life to where I feel like a King myself. An alpha male. That way I can shun those who look to flatter and discard for their own self worth, and I can wait on an independent and normal woman.

[Confusioncreepsin]

Funny, mine had major daddy issues as well. She seems to use men's weaknesses to get things she needs in life. I am beyond determined to move on from her this time, fueled by anger right now. Phone blowing up today, email...not reading a DAMN thing cause it makes no difference what she says...When you have no trust and all you get are lies or projection (my fault I caught her) lol....why even acknowledge her ****. what a JOKE.

 

Found out over the past week from a friend of hers, she had an affair in her previous marriage because supposedly he was mean, violent to kids, alcoholic and taking pills for depression. I now know why!!!! Poor guy was probably good and had to deal with "male friends" all the time, red flags of affair....jesus. Well, after digging....she in not even divorced yet. I asked her about it the other day, she said "well, its done but the judge said I didn't need a decree" LMAO. Right then, I knew but my stupid brain had to get more proof of deceit. I need therapy now I guess.

 

I was lucky to follow my gut instincts and check up on how "committed" she was to me over the last weeks. Glad I did. More advice to people like me: Trust but verify every now and then. Accept what they tell you, write it down and remember it. Over some time, just create a "false" situation where you tell her you are going to go somewhere (out of town, go to sleep, etc) and then check her story out first hand or second. If it looks ok, then fine...helps to build trust a bit more. If not, do not discuss it and just verify again a few days later. The signals will be there...you will see them. Long periods of silence, asking to share time but no real commitment from her. Just watch and listen, ask to go with her places...if it doesn't sound right or non committal then try what I say.

 

Otherwise save yourself and just don't go back to begin with. Not worth the hassle!!

[Xidion]

Funny, mine had major daddy issues as well. She seems to use men's weaknesses to get things she needs in life. I am beyond determined to move on from her this time, fueled by anger right now. Phone blowing up today, email...not reading a DAMN thing cause it makes no difference what she says...When you have no trust and all you get are lies or projection (my fault I caught her) lol....why even acknowledge her ****. what a JOKE.

 

Found out over the past week from a friend of hers, she had an affair in her previous marriage because supposedly he was mean, violent to kids, alcoholic and taking pills for depression. I now know why!!!! Poor guy was probably good and had to deal with "male friends" all the time, red flags of affair....jesus. Well, after digging....she in not even divorced yet. I asked her about it the other day, she said "well, its done but the judge said I didn't need a decree" LMAO. Right then, I knew but my stupid brain had to get more proof of deceit. I need therapy now I guess.

 

I was lucky to follow my gut instincts and check up on how "committed" she was to me over the last weeks. Glad I did. More advice to people like me: Trust but verify every now and then. Accept what they tell you, write it down and remember it. Over some time, just create a "false" situation where you tell her you are going to go somewhere (out of town, go to sleep, etc) and then check her story out first hand or second. If it looks ok, then fine...helps to build trust a bit more. If not, do not discuss it and just verify again a few days later. The signals will be there...you will see them. Long periods of silence, asking to share time but no real commitment from her. Just watch and listen, ask to go with her places...if it doesn't sound right or non committal then try what I say.

 

Otherwise save yourself and just don't go back to begin with. Not worth the hassle!!

 

 

These girls are all the same, man. It's a pattern I've seen with girls I've been with and even friends. Your situation is so similar to mine. I later found out that when she started seeing me, she was still with her previous boyfriend. She told me they broke up long ago.

 

He dumped her because he saw her car at my place.. which made her latch onto me even more. She ended up cheating on me with him. I talked to this dude. She cheated on him 3 times and he said at one time she had 2 boyfriends at the same time. Daddy issues create severe insecurities and need for constant love and attention.

 

They don't see people as we do. They see them as sources of love and attention. Once they get bored with it, they need new, to get that "honeymoon stage" feeling.

 

Get this, after I found out again she was talking to her ex, She left, and I told her it was completely over. For the next 2 weeks she bombarded my phone. telling me she loved me, wanted me, that this was a mistake.. however.. no action. Just words. Telling me this all while at his house. She even went as far as to send me a picture of a pregnancy test which CLEARLY was drawn on with a marker to look like it was a positive test.

 

Reason I'm telling you this is because For the first week, I bought into it and thought maybe she really wanted to work things out. Then I started looking at actions. really she wanted to try to lead me on in case things didn't work out with him. They ALWAYS have to have more supply lined up. These girls are toxic and unfortunately cannot be helped and cannot change unless they realize it themselves and dedicate themselves to years of therapy. Even then it's not a guarantee.

 

Feel comfort in this. We will get over them. We will be able to live healthy lives and have a chance at a good relationship. Their lives will be filled with drama and unhappiness, as will their partners. Take peace in the fact that she is someone elses problem now and you no longer have to worry about what she's doing behind your back. Move on, heal, find a girl with some INTEGRITY.

[Confusioncreepsin]

WOW...same story almost. We had broken up for about 2-3 months because she lied about a message that I found when she needed me to work on her phone. She almost made me believe I did not read it...crazy but true. I went NC on her hard!!!!

 

She came back and started to make a really good case. Her words were off the chart good, but her actions were not there. Her words were like I was the love of her life and her actions were like I was a friend at most. She even brought her kids to a restaurant so that they could see me again. Sick.

 

Short story. I stopped over her house to be with her before she had to go out of town (she wanted me to go too). Strange car in her driveway at 6am. didn't feel right so I left and came back later. 10am dude is walking out of her house. She said it was the lawn guy, on a sunday, in her house from 6am to 10am. I was suppose to be over at 11am (she told when i could come over). I start going crazy, needing justification this could be true. Caught him again over there at 11:30 at night, rang her bell, knocked, all lights off. After I left she texts me that I need to stop calling because she is in the middle of a deal for work. OMG. I said it was over....stopped talking again, then she gets me again by her words and tears. Third time, this time, she has to go clean an apartment she owns for the next tenant. I ask to help, get no yes or no, just we will see. ok, so my gut is raging and stalk the apartment....boom her and him at the apartment.

 

All I can say is that people like this are a disease. She is 34 years old and acts like this...just sick.

[Confusioncreepsin]

She texts me this morning to never contact her again? Uhhhhhh, she is the one who keeps contacting. But no more....I have not will not respond.

[Xidion]

She texts me this morning to never contact her again? Uhhhhhh, she is the one who keeps contacting. But no more....I have not will not respond.

 

 

 

She's doing that to get a response out of you. Stay silent. Don't give in. Keep your dignity.

[BrokenManAgain]

She texts me this morning to never contact her again? Uhhhhhh, she is the one who keeps contacting. But no more....I have not will not respond.

How's your righ leg spinning back kick? You must have done 300 by now.

[Confusioncreepsin]

No response from me....NONE. I am hurting a bit today, but it is due to that "image" popping up of what she once was more so than anything else. I kept busy today trying to get the stupid mind movies to end. I believe the movies are my mind trying to solve the puzzle of WHY was this even done. I keep telling myself that she did this to enact revenge in actually being caught. I go back to the first time I did NC on her and none of the feeling or emotions I am experiencing now surfaced. Just don't understand why NC was easy the first time, hard this time.

 

LOL. No spinning back kicks practice yet since that would require me to put down my beer. Tomorrow is a good day to start!! I laugh at this because at the time I caught her, I so wanted to let all the air out of her tires and put my foot through the window.

[Confusioncreepsin]

It was just weird this time around. She made ultimatums that I needed to drop everything in my life to be with her. She would be all loving on the phone, but in person she was distant and cold. Almost like her brain was saying stay away, but her heart was still in love with me. She used the reason that I broke up with her last time against me, that I don't trust her. YEAH, she cheats and I am suppose to just accept that she doesn't feel she lied??? It's my fault that she can't stay with one person and have boundaries.

 

Im not giving trust out like that. She has to earn it back and all she wanted to do was sweep my concerns and her issues under a rug. She made choices the other night, lied about where she was going and avoided telling me that he was going to be there with her.

 

Starting to wonder if she was sent here as a punishment for something I did in my past life. Yeah, I still miss her lying ass since you get kinda addicted to the drama after a while. A normal life seems rather bland but in the end, she needs to be someone else's problem.

 

It's been two days since her last text and I wonder if she has even taken the time to really think of her actions from my perspective at all. I just want her to hurt like she has hurt me.

[Confusioncreepsin]

Is this a good response to her asking me to never contact her again… even if she is the one who contacts me. Please advise me. I don't want to send but I do as well. So confused!!!!!!!!

 

¯---------

 

I will honor your request for no contact but I want to say this before I do.

 

The past few weeks have been both amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. When I laid down my heart and soul to you a few nights ago,* I had made my mind up that you are all I wanted in life. I wanted the love I felt from you and to be together forever. I made my mind up to do it and get all the other **** done so I could be with the one I love. I cried that night for the longest time though,* not only because I felt loved and cared for but I noticed that you have changed over time.*

 

I never understood over this time why you kept me so distant and kinda cold. I want to believe it was to ensure I or you were not going to rip a heart to shreds. But reality tends to get in the way and I have come to conclusion you were just not really wanting a relationship with me. See,* relationships take two people wanting the same things. It means they want to share their lives with one another. They WANT TO DO THINGS together. I did not feel it this time from you. I would ask you out for dinner,* no answer. I asked you to go away with me somewhere,* no answer. I asked if we could just go and spend an afternoon together,* to a park or hell even play video games,* you said you would see.* But yet,* for us to have a relationship,* per your words,* would require me to drop everything and you would accept me into your life,* home,* and love. How could I even be able to show you how much you mean to me if I can't even take you out on a date because you are scared?

 

I say all this because of the other night. I wanted to help you clean up. I asked you Thursday and you said you know I wanted* to help,* but never a yes or no. Friday,* you call me and tell me you have to go get your truck (??) and that you have your wine. Sounded like you would be alone doing alot of work by yourself. You never called me back after that but you promised you would in a couple of minutes. I waited for an hour. You made it sound like you were alone, So I decided to once again surprise you and be there to help. Once again I get surprised.

 

Each time I have tried to be with you you are in the company of this person.* You say he is your friend. But you don't communicate anything unless I ask you specifically. You only tell me what you think I need to know so as not to hurt me. you could have said that you were having alot of people over,* and I would have never come over. But I got nothing. I even called you when I was there to see but you already knew i was there. And yet did you try to come talk to me outside?* Did you try?* No. Did you care?* Unknown

 

I say all this because i want you to know clearly,* I want to be with you and want to have a life together. You can accept your reject it. The choice is yours. I will keep that door open because I believe in us. I am fully aware that you might move on** but i am letting you know my heart is and has always been yours.*

 

I stand here ready to start the next phase of my life. I stand here with my hand extended waiting for you to join me,* for our first steps of forever. If you do or do not is your decision.* I love you and your children like my own. I would give my life to protect all you from harm. I would give you all that I had to give. Openly and honestly.* We both need to give 100% trust and transparency. We both need to meet in thr middle and work together, not having one person do all the lifting.

 

I will not contact you again per your request. I hope our fate is to once again be able to be together,* but I accept it of you decide not to. I will not be just friends with you because I want a loving relationship with you. But you have to show it and want that too. Yeah,* it is scary for both of us but I can manage the fear,* I can't manage being made to feel like a 3rd wheel.

[pidgeon1010]

Usually when someone says don't contact them ever again, you give them exactly what they've asked for (i.e. no response whatsoever). In response to her asking that you don't contact her, you've now drafted this long message which is in direct contradiction to her request and frankly cringe-worthy. Please don't send. I realize you're emotional but if you must, send it to a friend or family member who has your best interest at heart. Silence is your best option as it relates to her.

[Confusioncreepsin]

God bless you for your words. I will not send. I just don't know what is wrong with my brain and this woman. Its like detoxing from a bad drug.

[Confusioncreepsin]

The crazy thing is she will say I didn't try or I didn't chase her to rescue her from the pain.

[dumbass2]

It's not your brain that's the problem, it's your heart. When your brain catches up to your heart, you'll start to make rational decisions. Right now, there is too much emotion involved and it will take some time away from her to lesson that. There is a saying that when you brain and heart are on the same page, you'll be a wise man. Right now you are where a lot of us have been, heart is in control. It makes us think irrationally at times. I made the mistake of sending an email to my ex. Not nearly as cringe worthy as yours (yes, yours is pretty bad lol) and it is the only thing I regret doing during and after the break up. Never send that or any email and remain silent. That is what she asked for. Your silence answers that.