Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Me and my girlfriend had a great relationship for 5 years. We had never fell out and never argued. She went on holiday with her friends 3 weeks ago and the week she came back I noticed that she had been acting a bit weird. We met a few times after she came back and one of the times I asked what was up? And she kept telling me nothing was wrong until one time she said "I just feel it's not the same between us anymore" and that she doesn't look forward to sex with me. We left it a week to see if anything got better but unfortunately it didn't. She ended the relationship the night before I went on a weekend break with friends. When I came back we met up for dinner. Still nothing was better although she says she still loves me. I really don't know what to do now as she was the love of my life. I loved her so much!! Can anyone give me some advice as of what to do please? It's the first time that I have experienced something like this and I would appreciate any help. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
CT98 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Quite the classic young girl break up situation this. Girl goes on holiday with single friends, sees how much fun they have, maybe kisses another man, maybe sleeps with another man. Starts to believe she would be better off single, and within a week her mind is made up. The only thing you can do is to read the NC guide and implement it. Chances are after a while she'll realise she was stupid to have left a man who loved and respected her for 5 whole years. But this won't be until she's slept around a bit and been treated like sh*t by men who use her for sex. By this time you're not going to want her back, and should be happily moved on. I'd advise you read the GIGS thread to see if any symptoms apply to your situation. Sorry you have to go through this, but I think every man has at least once in their life. Welcome to the club. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Thanks for your advice. Where do I find the GIGS and NC ? Link to post Share on other sites
CT98 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 The NC Guide 2014 is a pinned topic that you'll see at the top of the board. And if you search for 'GIGS' you'll find the thread I mean. You're going to be ok man.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 I'm sorry I can't find them. Could you please be more specific as to where I can ding the gigs and NC? I hope I'm going to be ok. I miss her so much and want her back so much already Link to post Share on other sites
sbk24 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Hi James, I was in a long term relationship too, 8 years in fact and I am 21. Just like you I thought she was the one and I did and still do love her very much. However, sometimes things change and it happens a lot to people who are young as they have never experienced anything else. We might be loyal and content, however, sometimes lust just gets in the way. It is natural but at least your girlfriend did not cheat on you. You are not going to like this but it wouldn't surprise me if there is another guy involved. The thing is I am still heart broken but I am getting over it slowly. You and I are both young and you might think she is the one but how do you know if you have never experienced anyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Thank you so much for your advice. How long have you been out of your relationship for? Right now I feel like I need her. She was so amazing to me:( it hurts me so much!! I feel so lost and I want to keep texting her. I know it's not a good idea to keep in contact but I feel like I need to. I am so close to her mum and dad which makes it even worse! Link to post Share on other sites
sbk24 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Well my ex cheated on me end of August so over a month and a bit. I haven't been in contact for around 4 weeks. Don't get me wrong it is the hardest thing staying in no contact as I was exactly the same but you will never move on. IMO if you keep messaging her it will push her away more but honestly mate just do not bother. As she must have been thinking about this for a while and quite hard it, plus would it ever be the same again? My ex is a completely changed person and isn't the person I fell in love with. She hurt me so much by cheating and lying and I am just p***** off really. Do not get me wrong, she will always be part of you and eventually once you have healed you can cherish the memories. You are young, now you can do what you want. Just don't let her be in control, that was my mistake. She is the one who cheated, but I still wanted her. You have to be the strong one and have your own dignity. She clearly isn't the one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 I am sorry to hear that. Typical have helped me so much already! I just don't know where to go now. Do I just lie in bed and keep thinking about it? I don't even know how to talk to new girls now as I was only 15 when I started with her. I'm so scared of what life is going to be like without her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 This post has helped me so much already** Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenManAgain Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 You're in so much pain right now that your head is spinning. I know. After my first ex left me, I was staring that ceiling for three days. This is a minute to minute survival. I punched walls until my knuckles bled and even then I continued putting holes into the wall. Scream as loud as you can. Cry. You have so much pent up emotions right now that it's going to come out one way or the other. The harder you try to keep it in, the harder it will come out. You are physically hurt. Scream. Breathe. Count to 100, 1000, 10,000. These things will not get rid of the pain but it does take the edge off. Later on, when the initial pain has subsided, there are self hypnosis and other self help guides (HOW TO FORGET YOUR EX IN 24 HOURS helped me a lot). Youtube has tons of self hynosis/meditation to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Thank you for your amazing help! I'll try everything that you have mentioned in this post! Where did you find the how to forget your Ex in 24 hours? Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyBerty Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Another heart broken guy here. I was with my ex 7 years and she left me 7 weeks ago today. Our relationship was not great the last couple of years and I was thinking of leaving but sadly that doesn't make it any easier. You will be ok trust me. You will have good days sooner than you think and your mind will stop racing and thinking about her all the time. Try and be positive and stop contact with her. Might make things hard in the short term but will help you get over her quicker Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenManAgain Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Thank you for your amazing help! I'll try everything that you have mentioned in this post! Where did you find the how to forget your Ex in 24 hours?The author's site is gone and I can't seemed to find another site that would have it. As far as I can tell, it is now a free ebook. Better googling skills than mine should be able to find it. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 JamesBrown1995: I don't know how long you have been in this site but if you browse some of the old thread you would find out how typical your story is, I have seen many similar ones here. I can guarantee you that she met someone else and wants to test the waters somewhere else, she probably still loves you or maybe not but it shouldn't matter for you. whether you want her back or not you should go 180 degrees on her. she must see you moving on. go complete NC it would be better for you and a step forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 How do I complete the NC ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Ho do I complete the NC? Where can I find it ? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 She outgrew the relationship. I imagine she loved and cared for you a lot, but was no longer in love. I've been in that position before too. People change so much between their teens and twenties and she probably hasn't dated much other than you. When I was 23, I also left a boyfriend I'd dated for 5 years. I loved him but I also knew my heart wasn't in it anymore. The best thing you can do is be very kind and patient with yourself. You're going to have some painful days ahead, and it's important you let yourself feel it. Don't try to block out those feelings or it will prolong your healing. Don't worry about meeting new girls right now. You won't be ready yet. Take it one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Thank you for sharing your story with me. The main thing that I am worried about is seeing her with another man:( Am I best not to text her? Would you have liked your bf to text you after you let him go? You are in the same boots as my gf so what would be the best thing for me to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Hope87 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Ho do I complete the NC? Where can I find it ?[/quote/] I'm sorry for your pain. You're not alone and you will get through this. You have your entire life ahead of you and the opportunity to meet and find love again ( regardless of whether or not your ex returns). I'll post the GIGS thread in a second. Here's the NC guide thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Dude, I hate to break it to you. But, she probably cheated on you while she was away. Time to move on dude. NC means NO CONTACT! No whatsoever. This is a tool to help you move on. This is a tool to help you heal. No need to not contact her at all. No texting, don't call her and you need to BLOCK her from all of your social media. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she texts, ignore it. If she email's, ignore it. Don't feel bad about doing this. Remember, this was her choice. She made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you're giving her exactly what she is asking for. If she texts you, your first reaction is to text her back immediately. that is what you're used to doing. STOP!!! Take a deep breath and post here first. People will be here to walk you through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope87 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Ho do I complete the NC? Where can I find it ? GIGS thread ( Grass is greener syndrome thread). These threads will give you a lot of comfort. You will have to endure some pain but bear in mind always that this is temporary temporary. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 I really can't thank everyone here enough. You's have helped me so much already!!! So many nice people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenleaves54 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 We got your back James! Take your time to grieve. And during these first weeks that are the hardest, try to avoid contacting her. Trying to reason with her and beg is a classic mistake and it will only push her away more. You can't think rationally right now. In time you will regain your strength, confidence and brain function, I promise! You will realize that you are a great person by yourself and do not depend on her. She wanted out. Ok, bye. She gets out. If you feel the urge to contact her, write here to us instead! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 What are the best things for me to do during grieving? I just want to contact her all of the time. I've been used to talking to her every day. I'm going out to a club tonight with my friends. Is this a good or bad idea? I just feel like bursting out crying every time I think about her! Her friends will probably be out tonight and I'll have to talk to them. Link to post Share on other sites
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