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Did I do the right thing?


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Met guy from highschool through OLD. We are both early 40's.

 

So it's been two decades since we have seen or heard from each other. Busy schedules delayed our reunion and we keep in touch everyday through text.

 

First meet-up happens, and we both felt great about it. Communication remains the same until last week.

 

Throughout the month we have been catching up and getting to know each other through text, we both admit that we are compatible emotionally, amd as two people looking for the same things in life. We spend houra talking on the phone, through text and just generally great conversation. But, being the guarded person I am, kept an eye out for his online presence on OLD site. He would log in several times a day.

 

I got a little paranoid only because during our get to know through text process, very intimate photos of both of each other were shared. We established a level of trust between us only because we knew each other. So here is where I would like to know if I was wrong.

 

I sent a message telling him that its fine he was logging into the dating site and all, we werent exclusive to each other but I also didnt want to be anyone's option and thought it was disrespectful to be sharing the things we did and still be "looking".

 

After that I never heard from him again.

 

Was I wrong to call him out like that?

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Met guy from highschool through OLD. We are both early 40's.

 

So it's been two decades since we have seen or heard from each other. Busy schedules delayed our reunion and we keep in touch everyday through text.

 

First meet-up happens, and we both felt great about it. Communication remains the same until last week.

 

Throughout the month we have been catching up and getting to know each other through text, we both admit that we are compatible emotionally, amd as two people looking for the same things in life. We spend houra talking on the phone, through text and just generally great conversation. But, being the guarded person I am, kept an eye out for his online presence on OLD site. He would log in several times a day.

 

I got a little paranoid only because during our get to know through text process, very intimate photos of both of each other were shared. We established a level of trust between us only because we knew each other. So here is where I would like to know if I was wrong.

 

I sent a message telling him that its fine he was logging into the dating site and all, we werent exclusive to each other but I also didnt want to be anyone's option and thought it was disrespectful to be sharing the things we did and still be "looking".

 

After that I never heard from him again.

 

Was I wrong to call him out like that?

 

I believe you were wrong to say that. You yourself mentioned that you weren't exclusive, so why should he not be able to keep his options open and potentially date other women at the same time. From what I've read you haven't even seen each other in person since re-establishing contact (besides maybe once from what ive read) so there is nothing here whatsoever that seems a justifiable reason as to why he shouldn't be able to pursue other women at the same time as you.

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Met guy from highschool through OLD. We are both early 40's.

 

So it's been two decades since we have seen or heard from each other. Busy schedules delayed our reunion and we keep in touch everyday through text.

 

First meet-up happens, and we both felt great about it. Communication remains the same until last week.

 

Throughout the month we have been catching up and getting to know each other through text, we both admit that we are compatible emotionally, amd as two people looking for the same things in life. We spend houra talking on the phone, through text and just generally great conversation. But, being the guarded person I am, kept an eye out for his online presence on OLD site. He would log in several times a day.

 

I got a little paranoid only because during our get to know through text process, very intimate photos of both of each other were shared. We established a level of trust between us only because we knew each other. So here is where I would like to know if I was wrong.

 

I sent a message telling him that its fine he was logging into the dating site and all, we werent exclusive to each other but I also didnt want to be anyone's option and thought it was disrespectful to be sharing the things we did and still be "looking".

 

After that I never heard from him again.

 

Was I wrong to call him out like that?

 

I think without having previously established what you both were, the presumption of exclusivity would have set him off a little and potentially raised some fears regarding yourself.

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You contradicted yourself...

I sent a message telling him that its fine he was logging into the dating site and all, we werent exclusive to each other but I also didnt want to be anyone's option and thought it was disrespectful to be sharing the things we did and still be "looking".

 

First you told him it was fine, but then you said it was disrespectful.

 

For starters, NEVER share those intimate things that you did without first assuring exclusivity and a future. Now he has ghosted you and the pictures could be out in the netherworld for others to see.

 

Hard lesson to learn, but - no - I don't think you did the right thing. You weren't exclusive so he had every right to keep "looking." For all you know, he was tying up loose ends with other potentials to become exclusive with you, so any reason he was still on the site what entirely unknown from your vantage point.

 

Now you have jumped the gun by calling him out so, yeah, I'm not surprised you haven't heard from him.

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IMHO I would say yes. OLD for many is a numbers game, date as many people as you want while continually shopping. There is a reason that when you reply to someone on most sites it gives you several more options of other suitable partners. I think the mistake you made was being to available to someone so soon and sharing those intimate photos reinforced that point. At our age you think that people are more mature, honest, and cognizant of what they are truly looking for but sadly that is not the case. Take this a lesson learned be more cautious next time around.

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Thank you everybody for your input. I still don't think I was wrong to question his presence on the site, and I do understand that we were not committed and it was fine that he was keeping his options open, I told him this. I fully understand that aspect, but for me personally, I did not want to continue to be an option, I wanted to be a priority, and I wasn't feeling that because of his online presence.

 

I cut him loose because I would rather this surfaced early on than down the road when I may have been more emotionally invested. A month and a half is nothing. I have since been brought back down to earth and see the reality of the situation. Through words and actions, I may have misconstrued his intentions. I suppose my initial query here was misleading in that respect.

 

I have since decided that OLD is not for me and will take my chances in the real world. I have only been in the OLD world for 4 months and two negative experiences and plenty of flakes later, I now realize that you require tougher skin and not to keep placing all your eggs in one basket. Not everyone is who they appear to be on the Internet. I was too trusting and giving to someone I thought I knew, even for as long as we have known each other and yes, lesson learned.

 

I appreciate you all taking the time to give your valuable opinions.

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