Am I crazy?

[PC96]

Hey guys, today has been a really bad day for my progress in this breakup. Just a little background story. I know this is really ****ty but I broke up with her twice during the relationship because I didn't think we were compatible but asked for her back because I couldn't handle the initial pain. After the 3rd breakup(which was mutual) I messaged her 3 times asking for her back and one of them being a long letter. She responded to all 3 of them saying that she thinks we're too different and doesn't want to do long distance anymore. She told me to move on. A week and a half later I sent an email saying that I hope she is doing well and that I don't want her to exclude the possibility that something might happen after the breakup.

 

5 days ago, she emailed me back saying that she doesnt check that email very often and if I still wanted a response. I then proceeded to say, "no it's okay, I was just being too emotional. I want to respectfully ask you to not contact me anymore until I reach a point of indifference to you. I hope you have an amazing time in college and find fulfillment in life" She replied with,"sure, whatever you want" I felt like I had hurt her and felt so guilty, so I sent her an message from another facebook account I had(am I crazy for doing that?), saying

 

"I wanted to apologize for treating you like a yoyo by breaking up with you and pulling you back so many times. I'm sure I hurt you a lot. I'm very sorry and I can't do anything to make up for it except leave you alone. I know I already apologized for this but that was because I was trying to make amends and work things out. This apology is coming from someone who cares about you but is not trying to reconcile. We are just too different. I was clouded by my emotions. Thank you for sticking to your decision and not taking me back this last time. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were. You deserve to find your soulmate and the love of your life. I hope you do. I wish you nothing but happiness. Even if I don't end up a part of your life in the future. I just want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart and in my history."

 

She hasn't seen or opened the message yet and the guilt of what I did is eating me up. I don't know what to do. I think she may have just deleted it without reading it. I really just want her to be happy and to end things on good terms. I don't want to get back together, but I just want to let her know that I care and that I really am extremely sorry.

 

I am not going to contact her anymore for no reason WHATSOEVER. Today I ****ed up and facebook/google plus/instagram stalked her. I didn't send her anything but I feel like I took a giant step back in my progress. I don't want to be with her and I don't miss her. I just feel guilt, I just want her to be happy. Am I crazy?

[Blanco]

Hey guys, today has been a really bad day for my progress in this breakup. Just a little background story. I know this is really ****ty but I broke up with her twice during the relationship because I didn't think we were compatible but asked for her back because I couldn't handle the initial pain. After the 3rd breakup(which was mutual) I messaged her 3 times asking for her back and one of them being a long letter. She responded to all 3 of them saying that she thinks we're too different and doesn't want to do long distance anymore. She told me to move on. A week and a half later I sent an email saying that I hope she is doing well and that I don't want her to exclude the possibility that something might happen after the breakup.

 

5 days ago, she emailed me back saying that she doesnt check that email very often and if I still wanted a response. I then proceeded to say, "no it's okay, I was just being too emotional. I want to respectfully ask you to not contact me anymore until I reach a point of indifference to you. I hope you have an amazing time in college and find fulfillment in life" She replied with,"sure, whatever you want" I felt like I had hurt her and felt so guilty, so I sent her an message from another facebook account I had(am I crazy for doing that?), saying

 

"I wanted to apologize for treating you like a yoyo by breaking up with you and pulling you back so many times. I'm sure I hurt you a lot. I'm very sorry and I can't do anything to make up for it except leave you alone. I know I already apologized for this but that was because I was trying to make amends and work things out. This apology is coming from someone who cares about you but is not trying to reconcile. We are just too different. I was clouded by my emotions. Thank you for sticking to your decision and not taking me back this last time. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were. You deserve to find your soulmate and the love of your life. I hope you do. I wish you nothing but happiness. Even if I don't end up a part of your life in the future. I just want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart and in my history."

 

She hasn't seen or opened the message yet and the guilt of what I did is eating me up. I don't know what to do. I think she may have just deleted it without reading it. I really just want her to be happy and to end things on good terms. I don't want to get back together, but I just want to let her know that I care and that I really am extremely sorry.

 

I am not going to contact her anymore for no reason WHATSOEVER. Today I ****ed up and facebook/google plus/instagram stalked her. I didn't send her anything but I feel like I took a giant step back in my progress. I don't want to be with her and I don't miss her. I just feel guilt, I just want her to be happy. Am I crazy?

 

Dude, leave this girl alone. Everyone already told you not to send that letter, and you did, anyway. You insisted that it was just to end things on a good note, which I think most people in the thread knew wasn't true. And this just proves it. You keep concocting reasons to communicate with her.

 

All of this "I just want her to be happy" stuff seems less and less sincere with the more you post, as it becomes more obvious that this is about you. She called your bluff on you asking her not to contact you anymore and now you're freaking out.

 

You admitted to treating this girl like a yo-yo and YOU ARE STILL DOING IT. She probably deleted your FB message because you just told her to leave YOU alone and then you sent another message. At this point, your words are worthless to this girl because your actions totally conflict with what you're saying.

[mightycpa]

You are crazy!

 

Here are the facts, as I see them:

 

You made terrible errors in judgment.

You recognized them.

You made a good faith effort to apologize profusely.

You are refraining from letting this apology stuff go too far from this point forward.

 

You don't want her back. You don't miss her. You have done all that any human can do without making it worse.

 

Let it go.

 

Oh, and one more thing. No matter how many times you jerked her around, believe me, she'll get over it. You have not scarred this girl for life, so don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Time to move on.

[PC96]

You guys are right. I sincerely just wanted to apologize 2 days ago. My rationale was that if I am over it, I should just apologize to alleviate my guilt. I told her not to contact me. You're right and I was a hypocrite for contacting her a few days after. But my notion to not keep in contact was to get over her. I am over her. I promise you guys that. I don't want to be with her. Maybe somewhere internally I am just trying to find a way to contact her, but I don't realize it on the outside. I seriously just want her to be happy so I will make every effort not to contact her anymore. Thanks for being straightforward.

[PC96]

Dang, I really messed up. I overthink things soo much. You guys are right. I'm still treating her like a yoyo. I think I'm being caring but I'm really just dealing with my own issues. I should just let her resolve hers. I don't think it's that bad though. In total I initiated 6 conversations with her in a span of a month and a half. 3 asking her back and profusely apologizing/proclaiming my love, 1 asking to not exclude me as an option, 1 asking her not to contact me anymore and 1 apologizing after I realized I didn't want to be with her. Obviously it's not the best post-breakup reaction but I don't think it's as bad as you guys made it out to be. Thanks for being honest though. I really wish I could've dealt with this better. I've apologized for everything that I needed to and I don't want to be with her. Sometimes I just have trouble letting go of things. I needed this

[PC96]

And that's kind of messed up Blanco. You really shouldn't be posting stuff like that. Especially to people in certain emotional conditions. I understand that you may like to be direct but sometimes you need to show encouragement. I appreciate the honesty and agree with a lot of your points.

 

1. I was hypocritical

2. I am still yo-yo ing her

3. I need to leave her alone

 

but you be cautious on the other things you say because

 

1. I am sincere when I say I care about her and her happiness

2. I actually don't want to be with her

3. I am not "freaking out" because she called my "bluff" It was not a bluff. I meant it. I am moving on. But I just wanted to apologize as a person and not as a ex that is trying to get back with her.

[Blanco]

And that's kind of messed up Blanco. You really shouldn't be posting stuff like that. Especially to people in certain emotional conditions. I understand that you may like to be direct but sometimes you need to show encouragement. I appreciate the honesty and agree with a lot of your points.

 

1. I was hypocritical

2. I am still yo-yo ing her

3. I need to leave her alone

 

but you be cautious on the other things you say because

 

1. I am sincere when I say I care about her and her happiness

2. I actually don't want to be with her

3. I am not "freaking out" because she called my "bluff" It was not a bluff. I meant it. I am moving on. But I just wanted to apologize as a person and not as a ex that is trying to get back with her.

 

I'm just being real with you, because I have been in your position and done the same things you're doing right now. Encouragement is nice, but so is hearing it straight from people who have been there, done that, and lived to experience the fallout of those actions.

 

I'm not saying you want to be with this girl or don't care about her happiness. But your posts indicate that there's more at play here. You're still heavily invested in this person, evidenced by your posts and over-thinking of all this.

 

Honestly, I think you were a bit rattled by her responding to your "don't contact me again" message with "Whatever you want." This was further amplified when she ostensibly never read your FB apology message. I say these things not to be confrontational, but because I don't think you're being entirely honest with yourself.

 

Everything she has said or done in response to this most recent breakup suggests that she accepts it and is moving on with her life. And truthfully, I think that bothers you a little bit. Your ego is bruised that you FEEL like she can just cut ties and move on so easily, as though you and the relationship you two shared meant nothing to her. And I'm here to tell you that it's perfectly NORMAL to feel that way, even if it's not easy to admit.

[PC96]

Again. I always appreciate the honesty. I completely understand where you are coming from and that you have experienced similar things. I have actually gone through a breakup before with a girl of 3 years and I can safely tell you that I know what it's like to not move on. It took me about a year to move on from that with almost constant day to day begging. It definitely bothers to some degree that she said "sure whatever you want" but not because she has moved on but because those are the words she wanted to say to me after I thanked her for all the time we had together, hoped she didn't regret anything and wished her a fulfilled life. That lead me to believe that she was upset with me still. I felt extremely guilty afterwards and guilty about everything I did during the relationship. I just really REALLY wanted her to see my apology. So that I could feel better because I tryed(I understand that is my own issue). But now the only thing I can try to do is just stop contact which is why I didn't message her tonight and posted on LS instead.

[Blanco]

But as you laid it out, she offered her response and you declined it and told her not to contact you again.

 

And again, I feel like you're proving my point that this isn't just about wishing her well by saying you were disappointed by her response to all of the nice things you said about her. You expected her to reciprocate with a similar message full of adulation, and when you didn't get it, it upset you.

 

Again, I say these things because I_have_been_there.

[PC96]

I declined the response because I finally realized that I just don't want to be with her so there no point. It is best for me and it is best for her. I didn't want a response because I didn't want to give her even the slight opportunity to take me back because that is what was best for the both of us. Both of us will move on and itll only get worse if we stay together.

 

I was never angry or upset that she didn't respond with any signs of caring. I was just a little sad and felt guilty because I hurt her, again and again. I would have liked to be forgiven by someone I care about. Thats why I did what I could to apologize. I realize that tensions are probably high between us so the best course of action now is to leave her alone. Her happiness is out of my control. That is something really tough to admit. But I need to forgive myself for everything because I tried my best after I messed up. Forgiving yourself is the hardest part

[Celeste.Carol]

I do not know if you are certifiably crazy but you are emotionally abusive and need to leave this girl alone! She can do better, much better.

[PC96]

Celeste. I don't think it's fair to say that. You don't know me and you don't know her. I agree, my actions were messed up and I regret it to this day. I have tried my best to make up for it. In terms of she can do better? I think she DESERVES better than what I did. but I did the best I could under the emotional circumstances. Don't go around making assumptions based on your own ideas and experiences

[Celeste.Carol]

Celeste. I don't think it's fair to say that. You don't know me and you don't know her. I agree, my actions were messed up and I regret it to this day. I have tried my best to make up for it. In terms of she can do better? I think she DESERVES better than what I did. but I did the best I could under the emotional circumstances. Don't go around making assumptions based on your own ideas and experiences

 

You said in one post that you appreciate honesty. I would leave the girl alone. She can do better and find a man who treats her respect, dignity, and kindness. You played your game with her and lost, checkmate'd. Hopefully you learn from your mistakes.

[PC96]

Played my game with her? again, don't make presumptions. This was not a game to me. The first week I asked for her back. I felt absolutely terrible because I cared so much about her and things didn't feel right at all. I gave into temporary emotional feelings. Then I tried my heart out not to contact her for 3 weeks and she responded to an email I had sent prior. In those 3 weeks I realized that I broke up with her for a reason even if I loved her. Sometime love is not enough to maintain a relationship. We were doing long distance and we are just too incompatible for it. So I told her to not contact me and leave me alone. That took all my willpower to do that. Afterwards, I felt extremely guilty for hurting her, so I apologized with all my sincerity.

 

All those were genuine emotions. I don't feel "checkmated" because this was never a game to me. I have only approached this from a rational/logical perspective and was clouded by my emotions at times. Because I care. I have a difficult time letting things go, in terms of hurting others. The best thing I can do now is let go and let her heal. There is nothing I can do to make her feel better. It sucks so much, but I need to just leave her alone. I need to forgive myself and trust that she will be okay. I have tried my best.

 

Celeste. I don't know what situations you have been in to come to the conclusion that I have been playing games but please don't make that assumption. It is not good for the people on LS and it is not good for YOU and your future relationships. Just because a guy is acting abnormal doesn't mean he is trying to mess with your mind. I know with 100% certainty that I have good intentions and I just want her forgiveness and her to be happy. Me not being in her life is the only way for that to happen so I am going to make it my ABSOLUTE priority not to contact her. That's why I am venting on LS, instead of whatever you call "playing games"

[Celeste.Carol]

Played my game with her? again, don't make presumptions. This was not a game to me. The first week I asked for her back. I felt absolutely terrible because I cared so much about her and things didn't feel right at all. I gave into temporary emotional feelings. Then I tried my heart out not to contact her for 3 weeks and she responded to an email I had sent prior. In those 3 weeks I realized that I broke up with her for a reason even if I loved her. Sometime love is not enough to maintain a relationship. We were doing long distance and we are just too incompatible for it. So I told her to not contact me and leave me alone. That took all my willpower to do that. Afterwards, I felt extremely guilty for hurting her, so I apologized with all my sincerity.

 

All those were genuine emotions. I don't feel "checkmated" because this was never a game to me. I have only approached this from a rational/logical perspective and was clouded by my emotions at times. Because I care. I have a difficult time letting things go, in terms of hurting others. The best thing I can do now is let go and let her heal. There is nothing I can do to make her feel better. It sucks so much, but I need to just leave her alone. I need to forgive myself and trust that she will be okay. I have tried my best.

 

Celeste. I don't know what situations you have been in to come to the conclusion that I have been playing games but please don't make that assumption. It is not good for the people on LS and it is not good for YOU and your future relationships. Just because a guy is acting abnormal doesn't mean he is trying to mess with your mind. I know with 100% certainty that I have good intentions and I just want her forgiveness and her to be happy. Me not being in her life is the only way for that to happen so I am going to make it my ABSOLUTE priority not to contact her. That's why I am venting on LS, instead of whatever you call "playing games"

 

 

 

I agree, the best thing you could do is leave her alone. You mentioned in a post prior you do not want her. She will bounce back and forget you.

[PC96]

Please read mightyCPA's post again. It is a really good interpretation of what I did and the advice that I need. You guys may have misinterpreted in because you started off with You are crazy! lol

 

Here are the facts, as I see them:

 

You made terrible errors in judgment. (Meaning breaking up with her and pulling her back)

You recognized them. (Yes, yes I did)

You made a good faith effort to apologize profusely. (I have let her go and apologized to the best of my abilities)

You are refraining from letting this apology stuff go too far from this point forward. (That is why I haven't contacted her and posted here instead)

 

You don't want her back. You don't miss her. You have done all that any human can do without making it worse. (I have done all that I can to make up for my mistakes)

 

Let it go. (I will because that is what was best)

 

Oh, and one more thing. No matter how many times you jerked her around, believe me, she'll get over it. You have not scarred this girl for life, so don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Time to move on.

[PC96]

Okay please don't think I am insulting you or anything but you are really harsh. You need to lighten your views on men. Yes there are a lot of ignorant A hole guys out there, but there are a lot of nice ones too. You do not need to "forget" them but instead remember them and learn from your mistakes. Also don't assume that all guys are bad. If you do that, you will NEVER have a good relationship Celeste. Stop acting as if you are a victim of anything. You make your own decisions and the guys you choose to be with. If your experiences with guys is bad, then that is a product of your own decisions and your own attitudes.

[PC96]

Celeste. I can tell by your threads that you have been through a lot. Don't lose faith in men. Learn from your mistakes and find a good guy. But don't find him and then place your past experiences on him.

[Celeste.Carol]

Celeste. I can tell by your threads that you have been through a lot. Don't lose faith in men. Learn from your mistakes and find a good guy. But don't find him and then place your past experiences on him.

 

 

 

Sorry you cannot turn this around on me. Are you kidding me? I have given you the same advice as others and I believe they were men.

[PC96]

I think it's just a difference in belief. I genuinely feel like I have been trying my hardest and you are telling me that I am playing games. I can see exactly where you guys are coming from. I understand that everyone is different and have had their own experiences with men and women. I can tell you that I am not deceiving, I try to be as caring and as open as possible and I don't have direct intentions to hurt anyone(If I do, I feel terrible about it). You can choose to believe me or not. I did not mean to make any character judgements on you. I just read your threads and am seeing a pattern of distrust haha, I'm sorry if I offended you

[Celeste.Carol]

I have no vested intention but to give my opinion on what I read. If a guy tells me to not contact him again or go away, I will do just that and not speak to them again. I also do not believe in doing NC for anything other then never contacting or responding to them again. I hope others are strong enough to do the same when the situation is not right for them.

[PC96]

You are completely right on that. I should have just been strong enough to just let it go and trust that she will move past it. I just felt an overwhelming force of guilt. I felt so bad about breaking up with her and some of the things I did, I wanted her to know that. I probably shouldn't have but I couldn't refrain myself from apologizing. I was not strong enough. That is the beauty of words. Being able to express your feelings and get things off your chest. They can analyze it however they want. But I've said what I needed o say to her. I apologized to the best of my abilities. I will leave her alone because I can't make her happy. But just because I gave in and wasn't strong enough momentarily doesn't make me a bad person. I am not trying to win her back or mess with her mind. I just wanted to express my sincerest apologies.

[PC96]

Your word choice was very uncalled for. "She deserves better" "You got checkmated" "She will forget you" are all very unnecessary things to say to someone who is trying their heart out

[Celeste.Carol]

I believe you are doing the same thing to me as you were doing with this girl. Your thought process and emotions change minute to minute, agreeing, to paranoia, arguing, agreeing, accepting, then back to not accepting a general opinion. I was not being mean but truthful in what I read. You told her to go away and she did.