No contact rule, 21 days she contacted me. (Updated)

[Kavey]

So theres a whole a lot to say about my situation, and I'm new here so I'll try to make this quick before I go back to studying for midterms.

 

First of I think she may have GIGS from what I've seen on the forums.

2. After we broke up I tried so many ways to get her back, even tried showing her how much of a douchebag the guy she kinda left me for is. For about 6 weeks afterwards we kept hanging out, going on dates, and all to no avail. I thought I could win her back. Throughout the time we kept saying goodbye for good, we'll never talk again but we kept breaking that promise. Even had sex a couple more times.

3. I started doing the no contact rule after I noticed nothing was working and seeing as I was just getting hurt more and more. I am on day 21 and that is a record for me seeing as before I couldn't last more then 5 days without talking to her. Regardless of that, last time we saw each other we had an amazing time, had an amazing date, but this time I skipped the whole cliche "goodbye I love you much letter take care letter." I simply did not bother to reach out to her by texting her first anymore, I was tired of being the one who kept trying when I really shouldn't be. So from that last date I Initiated NO CONTACT. After all the reason we broke up was her fault cause she cheated on me by kissing another guy. Though from what I hear recently is that she blames me because she was bored, and apparently I was a really mean ******* for putting her down by saying I didn't like how some of her outfits looked sometimes -_- (stupid i know).

 

 

4. Anyways she caved by, contacting me today through text saying "Hey sorry to bother you, but I just found your dragonball z dvd, do you want that back?" The dvd was a christmas gift she gave me to during a very special time, it's relatively not expensive and I can easily buy myself another one. But why bother reaching out to me? Is she trying to see if I'll still come back like a weak puppy? Or is she finally realizing she made a mistake, and wants a way to talk to me.

 

Keep in mind, I do want to forgive her for what she did.. but I don't know if I can yet or ever could. I want to be with her still, but don't know if thats the best idea. I love her so much, I'm in love with this girl. And we were once so in love before, I honestly believed we'd get married one day. The relationship was healthy for the most part at least for me, no real problems. She just decided one day to call it quits, by making me break up with her.

 

What's her purpose in trying to return a gift she once gave to me that I haven't even asked for in return. Is she simply just trying to return it? is the No contact rule finally taking effect on her and she's starting to miss me? Whats her purpose. I'm debating if I should reach out to her. I don't give a **** about the DVD to be honest, what I do care about is her/us. Give me some advice and tips on what to do? I will write out the whole break up situation when I finally have some free time. I'm 21, she just turned 18, 6 months ago. I'm assuming this is why she may have GIGS or w.e.

[somewhatconfused]

She needs to do a complete 180; if not, don't bother replying. No minor messages asking about mundane stuff, don't reply to it.

[ByMyself01]

Don't respond unless she's trying to reconcile. Mines did the same thing once by saying he assume I got the 2nd job I was going for. He was just testing the waters to see will I respond. The harsh truth is that sometimes they don't want us, but they still want to peep in on us to make sure we're not doing better without them.

[Protec]

She is still young...i have no good experiences of any woman who is under 20 or little above 20. They really don't know yet what they want from life.

 

She blamed you for her kissing another guy?! Sure. Of course it's your fault. No no. Don't blame yourself for that.

[Kavey]

So theres a whole a lot to say about my situation, and I'm new here so I'll try to make this quick before I go back to studying for midterms.

 

First of I think she may have GIGS from what I've seen on the forums. We were together for 2 years. We had our fights here and there but overall the relationship was pretty good. We had really great times, I was always honest with her, but I did have my flaws and so did she.

 

2. After we broke up I tried so many ways to get her back, even tried showing her how much of a douchebag the guy she kinda left me for is. Showed her how this guy is talking to my other chick friend as well and really has no respect for you. Then for about 6 weeks afterwards we kept hanging out, going on dates, and all to no avail. I thought I could win her back. Throughout the time we kept saying goodbye for good, we'll talk again someday far maybe, who knows etc etc but we kept breaking that promise. Even had sex a couple more times.

3. I started doing the no contact rule after I noticed nothing was working and seeing as I was just getting hurt more and more. I am on day 21 and that is a record for me seeing as before I couldn't last more then 5 days without talking to her. Regardless of that, last time we saw each other we had an amazing time, had an amazing date, but this time I skipped the whole cliche "goodbye I love you much letter take care letter." I simply did not bother to reach out to her by texting her first anymore, I was tired of being the one who kept trying when I really shouldn't be. So from that last date I Initiated NO CONTACT. No warning of any sort. After all the reason we broke up was her fault cause she cheated on me by kissing another guy. Though from what I hear recently is that she blames me for the relationship going stale, because she was bored, that I didn't take her out as much and apparently I was a really mean ******* for putting her down by saying I didn't like how some of her outfits looked sometimes -_- (stupid i know). ( I assumed I could tell her what I like and what I don't like without her taking it personal, at the end of the day I would care what the hell she'd wear, I'd love her the same.)

 

 

4. Anyways she caved by, contacting me today through text saying "Hey sorry to bother you, but I just found your dragonball z dvd, do you want that back?" The dvd was a christmas gift she gave me to during a very special time, it's relatively not expensive and I can easily buy myself another one. But why bother reaching out to me? Is she trying to see if I'll still come back like a weak puppy? Or is she finally realizing she made a mistake, and wants a way to talk to me.

 

Keep in mind, I do want to forgive her for what she did.. but I don't know if I can yet or ever could. I want to be with her still, but don't know if thats the best idea. I love her so much, I'm in love with this girl. And we were once so in love before, I honestly believed we'd get married one day. The relationship was healthy for the most part at least for me, no real problems. She just decided one day to call it quits, by making me break up with her. Moreover, I made it clear once to her that I would not ever talk to her again unless she stopped talking to that other guy, and cut all ties possible with him. If she really loved me, I'd feel she'd do that after what she did to me. They are not together, but all I know is that there is still a possibility they are still talking, hanging out, maybe even doing worse things I don't know about.. (hopefully not). I just know they still have each other in social media. While I removed her in every part of social media until the day something works.. or doesn't.

All in all I've been devastated since we've broken up and even now up to this no contact phase I think bout her everyday quite a bit, more then I probably should. I've been sad/depressed ever since. Feeling like she maybe chose him over me. Believe me I've been trying my best to keep busy, school work, even started doing MMA/working out, and writing more music with my band but the sadness still gets to me.

 

But yeah, what's her purpose in trying to return a gift she once gave to me that I haven't even asked for in return. Is she simply just trying to return it? is the No contact rule finally taking effect on her and she's starting to miss me? Whats her purpose. I'm debating if I should reach out to her. I don't give a **** about the DVD to be honest, what I do care about is her/us. Give me some advice and tips on what to do? I will write out the whole break up situation when I finally have some free time. I'm 21, she just turned 18, 6 months ago. I'm assuming this is why she may have GIGS or w.e.

[Kavey]

Well not blame me exactly I guess, but like tell her friends I was this and that. Im guessing she's trying to find reasons to justify her messed up actions. Yeah that's what everybody says, we're both young, but damn I just can't shake this feeling. We were together for 2 years yet she always said how I'd be stuck with her forever and that she'd never find anyone like me/never get bored of me. But here we are.. not stuck, and her "bored" of me. So I guess I shouldn't reply right? Getting the DVD back is just going to lead me back to square 1 which is saying goodbye again and seeing her/talking to her again. Which would make things 1000 times harder. Plus she's still in contact with the creep she cheated on me with. I just want to fix us. Nothing less. Her cutting ties with that prick would be a step in the right direction but she hasn't even done that.

[ByMyself01]

Well not blame me exactly I guess, but like tell her friends I was this and that. Im guessing she's trying to find reasons to justify her messed up actions. Yeah that's what everybody says, we're both young, but damn I just can't shake this feeling. We were together for 2 years yet she always said how I'd be stuck with her forever and that she'd never find anyone like me/never get bored of me. But here we are.. not stuck, and her "bored" of me. So I guess I shouldn't reply right? Getting the DVD back is just going to lead me back to square 1 which is saying goodbye again and seeing her/talking to her again. Which would make things 1000 times harder. Plus she's still in contact with the creep she cheated on me with. I just want to fix us. Nothing less. Her cutting ties with that prick would be a step in the right direction but she hasn't even done that.

 

My point exactly. If shes not trying to reconcile and fix it, don't respond. But in my opinion, you are better off telling her that so that way she knows breadcrumbs are not accepted and her little games will be shot down.

[thunder777]

just ignore ignore ignore

 

youll find she'll soon be pleading for you

 

youre too busy to give a sh#t about dvds ok? its her problem

[d0nnivain]

You are trying to use NC to manipulate her to coming back. It's not about getting somebody back. It's about facilitating your own healing.

 

 

Since this break up was about her cheating on you, why on earth are you chasing her around & begging her to come back to you? Are you nuts? Do you like being made a fool of?

[Blanco]

You want logical actions from your partner? Don't be a college-aged guy and date a girl still in high school.

 

You both sound immature, to be honest. Stop playing games to get back someone who's already disrespected you and violated your trust.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Do whatever it takes to get back that DVD man.

[Kavey]

I am using it for healing.. because I really have no other options at this point, we might not ever be together again and I just have to accept that I guess. But I would want to give us another shot. Just don't know how. It was a kiss, a simple kiss. And she confessed to me, if she didn't I wouldn't have found out any other way. I at least give her that point for telling me. Maybe you're right.. Maybe I am wasting my time. Just know I do love her. I just don't know what to do anymore then be on my own.

[perol]

You said she made you break up with her.

 

No one can make anyone do anything they don't want to except maybe under gunpoint or something of that nature.

 

Why did you break up with her if you didn't want to?

[Kavey]

@perol by made I mean by her actions, it's kind of like she did the action so she get the response out of me. I don't understand why afterwards she felt so horrible/apologetic. She was crying and screaming her eyes out that whole week. I did it not because I wanted to.. But because I felt like I had to. I had never been in this situation before where I've been cheated on so I thought it was the best thing to do. Otherwise if I just shrugged it off it would've shown that I was okay with that. Pretty much setting up a future where she's bound to do it again cause she knows I won't leave her for it. In terms of relationship, I was at gunpoint and tried shooting both of us. Instead of just telling me she wanted a break or not be in a relationship. When more people reply I'll give people the reasons she gave me. Which felt like bull****. Hence maybe why It could be GIGS.

[perol]

I'm confused by your story.

 

Did she cheat on you or did she leave you for another guy?

 

Because you said in the beginning of your first post (which you posted twice by the way) that she "left you for a douchebag". I don't see that she cheated.

 

If she left you- then she broke up with you. If she left you, then decided she wanted back in, well now you have to consider your options and you're right if you take her back, especially if you do it very quickly, she'll think she has a free pass to do it over and over again.

 

You said you'll post more reasons that she gave you when more people respond, I have no clue why you'd hold back part of your story until you receive more responses but I have nothing more to offer based on what you've written.

 

Good luck!

[Kavey]

@perol She did cheat on me by hanging out with another guy and letting him kiss her. Because of that I broke up with her. Does that make sense? If there hadn't been cheating involved I wouldn't have broken up with her because for the most part I was happy with the relationship. She is not dating anyone right now that I know of. I feel like she left me for another guy because up to this date they still keep contact, when I clearly said if you care about me and want to attempt to fix this then you will cut all ties with him in every possible. She tried at first, but failed, according to her friends apparently she has gained feelings for this guy, but is also aware of how much a douchebag he is. Well at the moment I feel like she's playing games. She wants the freedom of being able to talk/flirt etc and hangout with other guys without feeling guilty that she's in relationship with me.

I didn't give the whole story because it is beyond long, I felt that if I made it too long it would put off people from reading it, aside from that I didn't have a whole lot of time so I got straight to the point and problem that is at the moment.

 

Anyways these are the reasons she gave me. Which sounded like she was grasping for straws tbh.

1.She said she was changing. Felt like she needed "find herself".

2. She realized she was young and it scared her how comfortable we were with each other.

 

now (reasons I've heard from her friends) 1. She got bored, wanted something new.

( She said I was a mean to her because I'd say how I wouldn't like how her outfits look sometimes) Keep in mind I just gave an honest opinion I honestly didn't care what she wore.

2. Towards the end of relation I didn't take her out enough. (Which I wish she would've talked to me about) Because I would've done anything in the world to fix whatever was making her unhappy.

 

Those are some I have at the top of my head. Overall like I said the relationship was pretty healthy. No real issues.

 

Problem here is that I feel she's gaining feelings for this prick, just because it's something new. He is the complete opposite of me. He's sleazy, has no real life ambitions, constantly smoking wax, and drinking so he's kind of fat.

 

I know I should be laughing at her, and telling her its her loss but I just can't genuinely seem to feel that.

 

Now here's another problem based of this thread. Day 25 no contact. She messages me again through text saying. "Kavey would you like your dvds?" 5 mins later sends another saying, " I really hope you have the same number because if you didn't that would be embarrassing!"

Then proceeds to spamming my inbox immaturely with spelling my name "K" "A" "V" "E" "Y"

and that's what happening right now.

[PaperCrane]

Block.

Ignore.

Delete.

Move on.

 

You'll get nowhere with this one. For me cheating is a 0 tolerance policy. No turn around, no fixing it, plain and simple. She stated she wasn't happy, she strayed, now she has separation anxiety.

 

Follow the above advice as that will be the healthiest route in what I can gather from this.