Feeling very, very angry today.

[Apparition]

My ex sent me a text last night - telling me she's so sorry she ever hurt me and won't text me again, "goodbye". We've said goodbye every day for the past week. Logically speaking, I feel like she knows she's making a mistake and wants ME to tell her that, but I'm not going to, otherwise, why does she keep texting?

 

Her message was stupid because we have to see each other in work every single day, and I even have to discuss work with her. I replied to her text very angrily - my fault. And today I woke up more angry than last night. She's not seeing anyone else, before you ask/suggest. She doesn't even talk to her friends anymore after what happened to her (traumatic experience that happened to her when we were together - the reason she broke up with me).

 

Today will be the first full day we have not spoken completely in four (almost five) years. There was not a day that passed where we didn't speak at all over these four/five years. I know she'll miss me. She told me herself she was never loved/cared for the way I cared for/loved her. We had this thing (my idea) where if she was on her period I promised to carry her everywhere in the house if she needed to go anywhere and I did. I would make her stay in bed, otherwise, and made her up a hot water bottle, would go to the grocery store to get her dark chocolate (her favourite) and embarrassingly, I would buy her tampons. Ha. I bought these adult diaper period pads once as a joke and she was VERY moody but it had us both in stitches. We share some really incredible memories together that I will cherish no matter what happens because I never felt "home" with anyone else but her. And now that she's gone I feel homeless.

 

Anyway, I am still very angry and needed this rant.

 

Hope you're all doing better than I am.

[Shock148]

Hang in there man, as time passes it will get easier. Obviously she does miss you and feel guilty for ending things considering the unnecessary text since I am sure she has apologized for the same exact thing many times before. Just rant here any time and take your mind off of it.

[Meli22]

I can totally relate to that anger phase, for me it was the worst part. I say was because I don't really feel angry anymore, just more confusion and wonderings now and then about why everything happened. You'll get there in time as Shock said, just rant in here

[TaraMaiden2]

My ex sent me a text last night - telling me she's so sorry she ever hurt me and won't text me again, "goodbye". We've said goodbye every day for the past week. Logically speaking, I feel like she knows she's making a mistake and wants ME to tell her that, but I'm not going to, otherwise, why does she keep texting?

 

Breadcrumbs.

 

Why haven't you blocked her yet?

[BC1980]

I understand the anger. Been there and done that. But you need to block her. You have an extremely difficult task ahead of you because you see her everyday at work. Don't underestimate how hard this will be simply because you work with her. You MUST go NC in your personal life and at work.

[Apparition]

Tara, I haven't blocked her because I love her. She went through something very ugly and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, and I am not the sort of person to block her just because things didn't work out with me. However, if she did something like cheated or lied, that would be a different story and there would absolutely be no contact between us. I care about her and I'm not the one who wanted to end things, so blocking her never enters my mind. Plus, I have to work with her and there are things that can occur outside the office, such as if I need her to cover someone's shift, or there is a problem with one of her projects then I'd need to contact her before a deadline. So, no blocking.

 

I've been and done the NC thing with previous ex's but this ex isn't the same as the others, that is why blocking and NC isn't on my radar. If she texts me, I will respond. Unless she keeps saying goodbye, then I will tell her she needs to stop and just do it because it's what SHE wanted, not me. I was hoping we could become friends one day, which is why I'm leaving the door open. Not only that, I want to see her overcome this traumatic event that happened and for what she feels, "ruined" her. I would love to see her be happy and healthy again, even if it's with another person. She is a fantastic woman and deserves happiness. I'm not planning anything like NC because I know I'll break it and I'm not ready yet. I'm just going with the flow for now. If she doesn't text, then there will be no communication between us. Anyway, that is my reason for not blocking her.

 

BC, trust me, I don't underestimate how difficult this is. Working with her pains me everyday, but this year is difficult with work and I need to focus on that. I've been putting my emotional pain into my work, and thank god all this hasn't affected my work performance, otherwise my ass would be toast. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. I did send her a text last night - me responding to hers - I said she needs to quit saying goodbye and actually do it because that's what she wants. I do not know if she has responded because I turned my phone off all day and I plan on keeping it off until tonight or tomorrow because I need some me time.

 

Shock and Mel, thanks for the encouragement, really appreciate it. I plan on writing here during this journey and keeping this as my diary, basically.

[BC1980]

Blocking someone and going NC is a way to completely detach and move on. It's got nothing to do with being mean or immature, which is what it sounds like you think. Actually, being in love with her is a really good reason to block her since she doesn't want to be with you. NC is not necessary for her because she doesn't feel the same way about you. She can have limited and sporadic contact because it won't affect her emotionally in the same way it affects you.

 

The reason you don't block her and go NC is because you aren't ready to move on. When you are ready to move on, you will understand the need for NC.

[BC1980]

Not only that, I want to see her overcome this traumatic event that happened and for what she feels, "ruined" her. I would love to see her be happy and healthy again, even if it's with another person. She is a fantastic woman and deserves happiness.

 

All of that comes with a price. You want to see her overcome adversity, but doing so will be at the price of your own healing and recovery. Which one is more important?

[Meli22]

strict NC doesn't have to be an option for everyone. I haven't blocked my most recent ex. If he messages me with something to say, no matter what it is, it's not going to make me want to take him back. I was in sporadic contact with a long term ex a few years back who completely broke my heart and I got over him just fine. Everyone is different. People on this site preach total NC as if it's the sole way to get over someone. BC1980, I totally get what you're saying and this isn't about your post. It's just about the site in general. Some people can get over people without cutting them out completely.

[TaraMaiden2]

Tara, I haven't blocked her because I love her.

That is actually precisely the reason you SHOULD block her.

For both your sakes.

For you, because it is the only way you can prevent this stimulation of negative emotions. Carry on like this and she may well convert that love to hate through her actions.

And please don't tell me that would be impossible. The to centres of the brain that process those two emotions are actually in such close proximity, that switching from one sentiment to the other is both astonishingly easy and unexpectedly sudden. 'Love turning to hate' is both common, and actually, biologically natural....

 

For her, because by responding and allowing her messages to get through, you enable her dysfunction, and actually assist it in remaining. You're almost encouraging her negativity to remain prominent.

 

She went through something very ugly and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, and I am not the sort of person to block her just because things didn't work out with me.

The two are unrelated. Don't let your pity or sympathy for her blind you to the fact that this hurt you too, and you need to move on and heal. You can't remain in Contact with someone due to an event in their life., This is for her to process, alone. She made it clear when the relationship ended. You are not responsible for fixing her, after the relationship is over. You wouldn't even be responsible for fixing her in any case.

Remaining thus attached is counter-productive.

 

However, if she did something like cheated or lied, that would be a different story and there would absolutely be no contact between us.

If she had cheated or lied, you would have dumped her, anyway, so that argument is moot.

 

I care about her and I'm not the one who wanted to end things, so blocking her never enters my mind.

Thern you will continue to endure the anger, emotional imbalance and eventually hatred. This WILL happen, unless you take damage limitation measures.

 

Plus, I have to work with her and there are things that can occur outside the office, such as if I need her to cover someone's shift, or there is a problem with one of her projects then I'd need to contact her before a deadline. So, no blocking.

I told you how the NC Guide originated, didn't I?

You maintain a professional connection, out of necessity. But you block all emotional avenues. All this repetition of 'goodbye' is just yanking your chain, keeping you close and ensuring that although she may be gone, you sure as hell don't forget her. This is for her benefit, not yours.

 

I've been and done the NC thing with previous ex's but this ex isn't the same as the others, that is why blocking and NC isn't on my radar.

It is the same as the others. You're just permitting the pity element to cloud your judgement. That leaves you open to pain and hurt, time and time again. What happened to her is neither your fault, nor a reason for you to behave this way...

 

If she texts me, I will respond. Unless she keeps saying goodbye, then I will tell her she needs to stop and just do it because it's what SHE wanted, not me.

Everything she is DOING is because she wants it. She wants you to keep noticing her. She wants you to keep her on your radar. She wants you to stick around because she wants the attention you give her, even though she doesn't want YOU.

It's all being played her way, right now, so neither of you are moving on.

 

I was hoping we could become friends one day, which is why I'm leaving the door open.

You can only be friends once this is over, you're over each other, she has healed and you've both moved on. Clearly, neither of you have even begun any of that process at all, yet....

 

Not only that, I want to see her overcome this traumatic event that happened and for what she feels, "ruined" her.

No longer anything to do with you.

Not your problem, not your issue.

She cut you out of her life and denied you the opportunity of standing by her and working through this with her.

What you want, and what she wants may be different things altogether. That's obvious, otherwise she would still be with you. How this episode affected you emotionally, is not the way she processed it. So what you want to see, for her, is not running parallel with what her aim is.

And what her aim is, is no longer your concern.

 

I would love to see her be happy and healthy again, even if it's with another person. She is a fantastic woman and deserves happiness. I'm not planning anything like NC because I know I'll break it and I'm not ready yet. I'm just going with the flow for now. If she doesn't text, then there will be no communication between us. Anyway, that is my reason for not blocking her.

I respect your reasoning. But I have to tell you, it's misguided.

 

......I did send her a text last night - me responding to hers - I said she needs to quit saying goodbye and actually do it because that's what she wants. I do not know if she has responded because I turned my phone off all day and I plan on keeping it off until tonight or tomorrow because I need some me time.

 

Er.... that's essentially, 'blocking'....?

 

If you can do it that way, you can do it for good.

And hopefully, my clarification will support you and help you see the logic of NC and preventing any trivial breadcrumbs from getting through.

Edited October 5, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

[Apparition]

That is actually precisely the reason you SHOULD block her.

For both your sakes.

For you, because it is the only way you can prevent this stimulation of negative emotions. Carry on like this and she may well convert that love to hate through her actions.

And please don't tell me that would be impossible. The to centres of the brain that process those two emotions are actually in such close proximity, that switching from one sentiment to the other is both astonishingly easy and unexpectedly sudden. 'Love turning to hate' is both common, and actually, biologically natural....

 

For her, because by responding and allowing her messages to get through, you enable her dysfunction, and actually assist it in remaining. You're almost encouraging her negativity to remain prominent.

 

 

The two are unrelated. Don't let your pity or sympathy for her blind you to the fact that this hurt you too, and you need to move on and heal. You can't remain in Contact with someone due to an event in their life., This is for her to process, alone. She made it clear when the relationship ended. You are not responsible for fixing her, after the relationship is over. You wouldn't even be responsible for fixing her in any case.

Remaining thus attached is counter-productive.

 

 

If she had cheated or lied, you would have dumped her, anyway, so that argument is moot.

 

 

Thern you will continue to endure the anger, emotional imbalance and eventually hatred. This WILL happen, unless you take damage limitation measures.

 

 

I told you how the NC Guide originated, didn't I?

You maintain a professional connection, out of necessity. But you block all emotional avenues. All this repetition of 'goodbye' is just yanking your chain, keeping you close and ensuring that although she may be gone, you sure as hell don't forget her. This is for her benefit, not yours.

 

 

It is the same as the others. You're just permitting the pity element to cloud your judgement. That leaves you open to pain and hurt, time and time again. What happened to her is neither your fault, nor a reason for you to behave this way...

 

 

Everything she is DOING is because she wants it. She wants you to keep noticing her. She wants you to keep her on your radar. She wants you to stick around because she wants the attention you give her, even though she doesn't want YOU.

It's all being played her way, right now, so neither of you are moving on.

 

 

You can only be friends once this is over, you're over each other, she has healed and you've both moved on. Clearly, neither of you have even begun any of that process at all, yet....

 

No longer anything to do with you.

Not your problem, not your issue.

She cut you out of her life and denied you the opportunity of standing by her and working through this with her.

What you want, and what she wants may be different things altogether. That's obvious, otherwise she would still be with you. How this episode affected you emotionally, is not the way she processed it. So what you want to see, for her, is not running parallel with what her aim is.

And what her aim is, is no longer your concern.

 

 

I respect your reasoning. But I have to tell you, it's misguided.

 

 

 

Er.... that's essentially, 'blocking'....?

 

If you can do it that way, you can do it for good.

And hopefully, my clarification will support you and help you see the logic of NC and preventing any trivial breadcrumbs from getting through.

 

 

 

Since you took the time to address sentences separately, I will do the same because I think there is a misunderstanding here, but that isn't why I posted (to be understood).

 

 

"because it is the only way you can prevent this stimulation of negative emotions. Carry on like this and she may well convert that love to hate through her actions.

And please don't tell me that would be impossible. The to centres of the brain that process those two emotions are actually in such close proximity, that switching from one sentiment to the other is both astonishingly easy and unexpectedly sudden. 'Love turning to hate' is both common, and actually, biologically natural...."

 

I am not a hateful person, and I am delighted you seem to know about the brain because I love reading books about the human body. Irrelevant, but, my first serious relationship was with a cheater. I made all the mistakes there and learned from that relationship. She cheated more than once, and it was a toxic relationship that knocked my health and knocked me into being a person I didn't recognize (doormat). Anyway, when I got out of that dreadful relationship, I disliked her for a period of time, and then she came in contact with me again but I rejected her but also wished her happiness and love. I don't hate her and I could never hate someone, that just isn't me. My point is that I've been through the bad in relationships and not once has it made me hate someone. So, hating the one woman who treated me with respect, who was faithful, who helped me (she did, she helped me through my problem with alcohol and family issues) and who still loves me despite what happened to her? No, I cannot hate her. She has been honest with me in telling me she is not IN love with me but has love for me and I honestly don't care what that means because regardless of what the outcome is, we shared an incredible, passionate, very intimate relationship that words cannot simply do it justice. Hating her is not possible for ME. I couldn't hate anyone even if I tried. I would like to think I'm someone who finds beauty in everyone, even if they are so ugly inside.

 

"because by responding and allowing her messages to get through, you enable her dysfunction, and actually assist it in remaining. You're almost encouraging her negativity to remain prominent. "

 

I'm not enabling dysfunction - I'm being consistent with how I feel and what I think. I did not end the relationship, nor did I want to. If I ended the relationship then it would make sense for me to go NC OR if she cheated, lied, did something to me that demonstrated more than one reason for me to go NC, then I would. I know what NC is for, I've been there and done it. I know how and when to use it. I've been dumped before and used NC but this situation is entirely different.

 

"The two are unrelated. Don't let your pity or sympathy for her blind you to the fact that this hurt you too, and you need to move on and heal. You can't remain in Contact with someone due to an event in their life., This is for her to process, alone. She made it clear when the relationship ended. You are not responsible for fixing her, after the relationship is over. You wouldn't even be responsible for fixing her in any case.

Remaining thus attached is counter-productive. "

 

I'm not remaining in contact with her because of what happened to her. I'm remaining in contact when SHE texts me because I still love her, I care for her both romantically and as a friend, actually, as a human being just in general. I know I am not responsible for fixing her, that isn't what I said. Although, that doesn't mean I cannot support her if she wanted it, but she doesn't. Those were just my reasons in my explanation in why I have not blocked her - my response to you. Also, this isn't about pity, this is about someone I care for and love who has been through possibly the worst thing that can happen to her. I don't expect people to understand my situation unless they went through it but that isn't why I post. I post for myself. Although, I do like hearing others opinions and advice (but I have not asked for any yet, if I did and I didn't take it I would feel it is disrespectful). But, what I don't like is having opinions shoved down my throat. We're allowed to disagree, it happens, if I make a mistake and I end up hurt, it's not the end of the world, it's a mistake I learn from.

 

 

"Thern you will continue to endure the anger, emotional imbalance and eventually hatred. This WILL happen, unless you take damage limitation measures. "

 

Tara, the anger is simply part of the grieving process, but she did contribute to it by texting goodbye. That does not mean I will hate her. She could text me everyday saying goodbye and I still wouldn't hate her, but I would probably get angry, though, that won't happen because if she texts goodbye one more time then I am not responding. What would be left to say anyway? I've said all I wanted to, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels so there will be no more "goodbye" talk. The worst has already happened to me, it's over. Seeing her with another man couldn't compare to this because I have a deep-routed issue with abandonment as I was abandoned by my parents as a child. This is the worst thing that could happen to me with her and it's already happened. I don't hate her for it. I'm sad about it, yes. But, I have to think logically. After what happened to her, we weren't touching, we weren't kissing, or even a simple hug would make her flinch. She didn't want to be touched, she wanted to be alone, and she has nightmares every single day. She needs help and I cannot help her and knowing I cannot help her kills me alone inside. So, damage is already done.

 

"Er.... that's essentially, 'blocking'....?

 

If you can do it that way, you can do it for good.

And hopefully, my clarification will support you and help you see the logic of NC and preventing any trivial breadcrumbs from getting through."

 

It's not blocking because blocking would mean I wouldn't see her message if she sent it, but I will when I turn my phone on if she's sent anything at all.

 

I get what you're saying and I respect that, I also know you're saying this because you want me to protect myself. But, it's too late for that as I said, the damage has already been done. I'm moving on because I have no choice, every day I am moving on because she is no longer my woman and I am no longer her man. Every single day that we are alive we are moving on because time moves forward even if we don't want it to. And you're wrong, I did fail her, because I didn't protect her when she needed me most. If anything, the only person I could hate out of all this is myself since I let her down.

 

P.S I never said I wasn't capable of NC, I said I was not ready.

Edited October 5, 2015 by Apparition
Because my memory sucks.

[Apparition]

Blocking someone and going NC is a way to completely detach and move on. It's got nothing to do with being mean or immature, which is what it sounds like you think. Actually, being in love with her is a really good reason to block her since she doesn't want to be with you. NC is not necessary for her because she doesn't feel the same way about you. She can have limited and sporadic contact because it won't affect her emotionally in the same way it affects you.

 

The reason you don't block her and go NC is because you aren't ready to move on. When you are ready to move on, you will understand the need for NC.

 

All of that comes with a price. You want to see her overcome adversity, but doing so will be at the price of your own healing and recovery. Which one is more important?

 

strict NC doesn't have to be an option for everyone. I haven't blocked my most recent ex. If he messages me with something to say, no matter what it is, it's not going to make me want to take him back. I was in sporadic contact with a long term ex a few years back who completely broke my heart and I got over him just fine. Everyone is different. People on this site preach total NC as if it's the sole way to get over someone. BC1980, I totally get what you're saying and this isn't about your post. It's just about the site in general. Some people can get over people without cutting them out completely.

 

 

 

BC, I know what NC is. But as I said in my post to Tara, I am moving on regardless because I have no choice. Everyone has their reasons for NC, and I don't think it's mean or immature, but, I cannot shut the door on someone who means a lot to me and is suffering, despite her shutting the door on me.

 

What is more important to me is that she heals from what happened to her. I can handle everything else. Thanks for the advice, I respect both of you (Tara and BC) and I admire you both for trying to encourage people to protect themselves despite the fact you don't even know them. Seriously, thank you. You both seem sincere and kind people.

 

Meli, I agree with you. I'm not the sort of person to keep an ex in my life because it would be unfair to the next woman, but this one was precious to me. Most people don't even go NC until the dumper is the one not responding to them. I have been through that, too.

[BC1980]

BC, I know what NC is. But as I said in my post to Tara, I am moving on regardless because I have no choice. Everyone has their reasons for NC, and I don't think it's mean or immature, but, I cannot shut the door on someone who means a lot to me and is suffering, despite her shutting the door on me.

 

What is more important to me is that she heals from what happened to her. I can handle everything else. Thanks for the advice, I respect both of you (Tara and BC) and I admire you both for trying to encourage people to protect themselves despite the fact you don't even know them. Seriously, thank you. You both seem sincere and kind people.

 

You posts have resonated with me because I work with my ex. I met him at work actually, and everyone knew we were together. Actually, everyone loved up together, was rooting for us, and they were shocked when we broke up. And then he ended up marrying another woman that worked at the same place, and it got really weird because we had mutual friends. Well, you can read my threads if you like

 

I'm just saying that I get it on some level. I got extremely lucky because my ex had just changed jobs before we broke up, so I got about a year without him at work. Then, I got the awful news he was coming back and went into panic mode. Even though I rarely see him, it has made it harder to move on and break free of that relationship. I just really feel for you because I'm really concerned that you won't be able to move on because you work with her.

 

Also, to the question you asked about her texting. I think it's a way for her to keep you at arm's length. My recent ex did a bunch of that texting nonsense too. It gets pretty infuriating after it's been going on for months.

 

The part I highlighted, where you said the most important thing was that she heals, is troubling to me. The reason I say that is because she isn't your GF anymore, and you've got healing to do yourself. It's okay to want to see her healed, but I'm worried that is the most important thing to you.

[BC1980]

strict NC doesn't have to be an option for everyone. I haven't blocked my most recent ex. If he messages me with something to say, no matter what it is, it's not going to make me want to take him back. I was in sporadic contact with a long term ex a few years back who completely broke my heart and I got over him just fine. Everyone is different. People on this site preach total NC as if it's the sole way to get over someone. BC1980, I totally get what you're saying and this isn't about your post. It's just about the site in general. Some people can get over people without cutting them out completely.

 

No worries. You're right that most of the people on this site advocate NC. I realize there are other situations out there that may not warrant NC. I actually have an ex in my past that I did not use strict NC on and was able to move on, but my vested interest in him was at a different level than my last ex. I think that many of the posters who come to this site are emotionally fragile and highly distraught, so maybe they fall into a different category.

[Meli22]

No worries. You're right that most of the people on this site advocate NC. I realize there are other situations out there that may not warrant NC. I actually have an ex in my past that I did not use strict NC on and was able to move on, but my vested interest in him was at a different level than my last ex. I think that many of the posters who come to this site are emotionally fragile and highly distraught, so maybe they fall into a different category.

 

Yeah I get that and I agree. I don't think I could be friends with my most recent ex just yet, or if ever. But I'd be open to responding to him if he reached out. God it's so weird going from talking to someone every single day to never at all!

[Apparition]

You posts have resonated with me because I work with my ex. I met him at work actually, and everyone knew we were together. Actually, everyone loved up together, was rooting for us, and they were shocked when we broke up. And then he ended up marrying another woman that worked at the same place, and it got really weird because we had mutual friends. Well, you can read my threads if you like

 

I'm just saying that I get it on some level. I got extremely lucky because my ex had just changed jobs before we broke up, so I got about a year without him at work. Then, I got the awful news he was coming back and went into panic mode. Even though I rarely see him, it has made it harder to move on and break free of that relationship. I just really feel for you because I'm really concerned that you won't be able to move on because you work with her.

 

Also, to the question you asked about her texting. I think it's a way for her to keep you at arm's length. My recent ex did a bunch of that texting nonsense too. It gets pretty infuriating after it's been going on for months.

 

The part I highlighted, where you said the most important thing was that she heals, is troubling to me. The reason I say that is because she isn't your GF anymore, and you've got healing to do yourself. It's okay to want to see her healed, but I'm worried that is the most important thing to you.

 

Yeah I get that and I agree. I don't think I could be friends with my most recent ex just yet, or if ever. But I'd be open to responding to him if he reached out. God it's so weird going from talking to someone every single day to never at all!

 

No worries. You're right that most of the people on this site advocate NC. I realize there are other situations out there that may not warrant NC. I actually have an ex in my past that I did not use strict NC on and was able to move on, but my vested interest in him was at a different level than my last ex. I think that many of the posters who come to this site are emotionally fragile and highly distraught, so maybe they fall into a different category.

 

 

BC, did you both break-up due to that woman he ended up seeing in your place of work? I'm sorry you went through that. To be honest, I don't believe I'll ever truly "move on" from this one. I will still be able to function and live my everyday life, but I think a part of me will always be weak for her. Who knows?

 

Also, that was a rhetorical question - the one about her text. I won't jeopardize my mental well being and health, though. If it comes to it and I need to tell her to stop contacting me, I'll do so. But right now I'm playing it by ear.

 

Meli, I am with you there. It's strange not hearing the usual things you normally hear every day you wake up. It feels lonely and empty. May I ask why you couldn't be your ex's friend right now or ever?

[singme2sleep]

BC, did you both break-up due to that woman he ended up seeing in your place of work? I'm sorry you went through that. To be honest, I don't believe I'll ever truly "move on" from this one. I will still be able to function and live my everyday life, but I think a part of me will always be weak for her. Who knows?

 

Also, that was a rhetorical question - the one about her text. I won't jeopardize my mental well being and health, though. If it comes to it and I need to tell her to stop contacting me, I'll do so. But right now I'm playing it by ear.

 

Meli, I am with you there. It's strange not hearing the usual things you normally hear every day you wake up. It feels lonely and empty. May I ask why you couldn't be your ex's friend right now or ever?

 

I know what you mean, I don't think I will ever get over him. If we never get back together he'll end up being 'the one that got away' everybody has that one ex who really shattered their heart by leaving.

[singme2sleep]

Yeah I get that and I agree. I don't think I could be friends with my most recent ex just yet, or if ever. But I'd be open to responding to him if he reached out. God it's so weird going from talking to someone every single day to never at all!

 

It's beyond weird. He always used to ask me about my day, and I asked about his. We were so involved in each other's lives that I feel "where" we are now is tragic.

[Apparition]

I know what you mean, I don't think I will ever get over him. If we never get back together he'll end up being 'the one that got away' everybody has that one ex who really shattered their heart by leaving.

 

Some people experience that because they allowed the ex to get away. Like, the people who I know who have experienced that are the ones who got dumped because they did that person wrong. If I was in that situation and f*cked up, I would have worked my ass off to get her back.

 

But, it can happen too with things that simply just do not work out. There are billions of people in the world, but only one that you will be able to click with on a level no one else will match. Mentally, emotionally, sexually, physically. My ex matched all of me on those levels and I her, so I doubt she'll find someone like me again and I doubt I'll find someone like her again, but this is life.

[Meli22]

BC, did you both break-up due to that woman he ended up seeing in your place of work? I'm sorry you went through that. To be honest, I don't believe I'll ever truly "move on" from this one. I will still be able to function and live my everyday life, but I think a part of me will always be weak for her. Who knows?

 

Also, that was a rhetorical question - the one about her text. I won't jeopardize my mental well being and health, though. If it comes to it and I need to tell her to stop contacting me, I'll do so. But right now I'm playing it by ear.

 

Meli, I am with you there. It's strange not hearing the usual things you normally hear every day you wake up. It feels lonely and empty. May I ask why you couldn't be your ex's friend right now or ever?

 

Because our break up was very messy unfortunately and there's a lot of answers I didn't get and I was treated unfairly for a while which left me very angry. So I can't forgive him for that, now anyway. Also there are still some feelings there so it would be impossible.

[singme2sleep]

But, it can happen too with things that simply just do not work out. There are billions of people in the world, but only one that you will be able to click with on a level no one else will match. Mentally, emotionally, sexually, physically. My ex matched all of me on those levels and I her, so I doubt she'll find someone like me again and I doubt I'll find someone like her again, but this is life.

 

Yeah this is how I feel too. And I honestly did nothing wrong, he just left because he's depressed. But I don't think I'll ever have that deep a connection again. Like I said, tragedy.

[Apparition]

Because our break up was very messy unfortunately and there's a lot of answers I didn't get and I was treated unfairly for a while which left me very angry. So I can't forgive him for that, now anyway. Also there are still some feelings there so it would be impossible.

 

Messy like you both had a fight before you broke up?

 

I'm sure anger is still there since you cannot forgive him, which is normal.

[Apparition]

Yeah this is how I feel too. And I honestly did nothing wrong, he just left because he's depressed. But I don't think I'll ever have that deep a connection again. Like I said, tragedy.

 

Depression can ruin relationships, but as long as he gets help he'll probably realize how wrong he was to lose you and he may come back, but I can't say that for certain, I just know about depression.

[Meli22]

Messy like you both had a fight before you broke up?

 

I'm sure anger is still there since you cannot forgive him, which is normal.

 

Not necessarily a fight although there were plenty during. It was just dragged out for ages. I won't hijack your thread with the details but I'm sure there's posts around where I've explained in detail