singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Let's list all the annoying things people try to tell you to console you after a breakup! The one I keep hearing and HATE is that stupid cliche "there's plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find somebody else". If one more person tells me that I'm going to throw a tomato at them!! What are you tired of hearing? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 The phrase "move on" goes a million miles up my a**. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 The worst thing is when I reach out to friends and the best they can do is 'that sux' and then change the subject or just don't say anything at all. They don't seem to realise how distressing it all is. The one you mentioned about plenty of fish, it's upsetting in the initial shock of a breakup because the thought of finding someone else is sickening. And 'move on' is just so unhelpful too. http://i.imgur.com/ShE9jiV.jpg 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Lol, the old "everything happens for a reason" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 The worst thing is when I reach out to friends and the best they can do is 'that sux' and then change the subject or just don't say anything at all. They don't seem to realise how distressing it all is. I have breaking news for you: You are not the only one who has experienced a break up. Seriously, you are not. Other people have experienced it too. They know how it feels. And probably, that is why they change the subject... Not because they don't care about listening, but because they don't want YOU to dwell on it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
purpledooze Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 "It wasn't meant to be." "Move on." "Ignore him." "He's an a*sh*le. You deserve better." "It's just a guy." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Quintessence Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 ''Why do you care? She's your ex.'' I love that one. Thank you for pointing that out; I kind of forgot that she was my ex; in fact, I was just wondering where my girlfriend has been for the past three months. We're supposed to just flip a switch and turn those emotional lights off when someone dumps us? So the fact she is my ex should be enough for me to detach completely, huh? Ah, if only it were that easy! I'd love to meet those people whose feelings can be switched on and off like that! ''She was not the right one for you.'' Really? How do you know who is right for me? Do you think I'm looking for someone to cook for me, wash my clothes and bear my children? That is YOUR vision of a perfect woman - not MINE. So no, you don't know who or what is right for me. Your idea of Mrs. right is not necessarily my idea of Mrs. right. Most of the time people are indeed trying to help, but I've noticed that those who have not gone through something similar (serial dumpers, for example, as opposed to serial dumpees), or are not in touch with their deeper emotions, tend to dispense such instant solutions in hopes of helping you. On the other hand, I know a few people who have gone through similar traumatic experiences, who are in touch with their deeper emotions, and I can tell you right away, their approach to my ordeal is completely different. No instant solutions. Just talking, empathizing and listening. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just LISTEN to the one in pain and be there for that person. You can't fix it over night. It does not work that way. Understand that emotions don't go away when the person walks out the door. Ever had a bent stick or a metal pipe you wanted to fix? Did you try to straighten it out in one forceful move? How did that go? The stick/pipe broke. Healing takes time...and every breakup story is far more complex than it looks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 (edited) I have breaking news for you: You are not the only one who has experienced a break up. Seriously, you are not. Other people have experienced it too. They know how it feels. And probably, that is why they change the subject... Not because they don't care about listening, but because they don't want YOU to dwell on it... Breaking news for you: most of my friends haven't been in relationships or experienced breakups so no, they don't know what I am going through. So, lose the patronising BS. It's the same when people around me pass away, friends are supposed to be supportive and someone you can talk to. They don't have to say anything, just listen. How on earth would you know what my friends are thinking? Why, when someone first tells you that you broke up, would they say "oh well don't dwell on it" it's not even dwelling. Edited October 4, 2015 by smiley1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 "Time is a great healer" (No, it isn't. Really, it's not). "It's Karma" (That one REALLY pi**es me off! If people don't actually have a fer-funking clue WHAT 'karma' actually is, call it cosmic payback, call it Fate's revenge, call it life's kick-up-de-butt - call it what you want - But IT - AIN'T - KARMA!!!) (Spoken in the broadest possible Dr Phil voice): "Whudd duzzent keeel yew mikes yew shtrawng'r". (Ugh... geddoudahere...) (What doesn't kill you simply leaves time for the inevitable...!) Ok, that's about it. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Most of the time people are indeed trying to help, but I've noticed that those who have not gone through something similar (serial dumpers, for example, as opposed to serial dumpees), or are not in touch with their deeper emotions, tend to dispense such instant solutions in hopes of helping you. On the other hand, I know a few people who have gone through similar traumatic experiences, who are in touch with their deeper emotions, and I can tell you right away, their approach to my ordeal is completely different. No instant solutions. Just talking, empathizing and listening. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just LISTEN to the one in pain and be there for that person. You can't fix it over night. It does not work that way. Understand that emotions don't go away when the person walks out the door. This is what I am talking about. Some people get it and others just dish out meaningless phrases that they think are solutions without actually listening or asking questions or having a clue where you're at. I had one good friend who got it though, she just told me, we are goin out for dinner and manicures. She didn't act as my psychologist, but she listened and was there for me when other friends stay away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 (edited) Let's list all the annoying things people try to tell you to console you after a breakup! The one I keep hearing and HATE is that stupid cliche "there's plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find somebody else". If one more person tells me that I'm going to throw a tomato at them!! What are you tired of hearing? Well first of all, there is something you need to know and it is that there's plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find somebody else (Sorry but you were not meant to be, your ex is your ex for a reason and you have to bear in mind that he was just a guy, and stop putting the guy on pedestal, and one more thing, it is karma and you have to move on) :o:o Now that you listened to what I had to tell you... I am gonna tell you what I am tired of hearing, and it is not about people here, it is what my mind keeps telling me... I am just a machine... Strange this empowers me everyday I wake up in the morning, but I am tired of hearing this as well... But sorry if that is going to hurt, we are all gonna be machines for some time, machines say repetitive things, do repetitive things, if you wanna heal, that's the right thing to do, you need to keep your distance from your human side for a while... most people here are undergoing a BU... So don't be surprised to hear these cliches again, again and again...Well after all we are just some machines...And believe me you won't even tolerate talking to a single human being for the time being... Try talking to one of your friends for instance... NO NO NO... ''I need internet access, to go on LS, I need somebody to tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea '' Good luck! Edited October 4, 2015 by Samuel_22 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 .... I had one good friend who got it though, she just told me, we are goin out for dinner and manicures. She didn't act as my psychologist, but she listened and was there for me when other friends stay away. That's almost exactly how I met my 2nd husband..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 That's almost exactly how I met my 2nd husband..... He took you out for manicures? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I cant believe people describe it as karma??? Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I cant believe people describe it as karma??? Karma is an excuse '' If you doubt what I am saying, tell me one thing...How many repetitive posts have you made on LS yourself? And every time you do it you know what you are going to get, so why do you do that? August 1: She/he broke up with me why? ''Go NC, blah blah.'' August 3: I wanna break NC... ''No stay NC and don't even touch that button.'' August 12: Should I send this message? ''No stay NC and don't even touch that button.'' September 1: I seriously want to break NC... ''No stay NC and don't even touch that button.'' October 1: I am losing her I should try something...''You have already lost her/him, No stay NC and don't even touch that button.'' It is funny one of my friends who became an addict after divorce used to go to a rehab and they used to tell her the same crap day after day after day, but she quit! It is sad but love is an addiction...welcome to the rehab. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope87 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 "Time is a great healer" (No, it isn't. Really, it's not). "It's Karma" (That one REALLY pi**es me off! If people don't actually have a fer-funking clue WHAT 'karma' actually is, call it cosmic payback, call it Fate's revenge, call it life's kick-up-de-butt - call it what you want - But IT - AIN'T - KARMA!!!) (Spoken in the broadest possible Dr Phil voice): "Whudd duzzent keeel yew mikes yew shtrawng'r". (Ugh... geddoudahere...) (What doesn't kill you simply leaves time for the inevitable...!) Ok, that's about it. Hi Tara, Curious to know your reasons for saying time is not a great healer? Everyone keeps saying "with time you'll get over it" with a lot of certainty. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 `Are we there yet` 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Hi Tara, Curious to know your reasons for saying time is not a great healer? Everyone keeps saying "with time you'll get over it" with a lot of certainty. It's quite simple. Why do some people take maybe six months to see and feel progress, while others come on with "Yelp! It's been 2 years, just saw him/her with a new squeeze, feel so low now!" Because 'Time' has nothing to do wioth it. All 'time' does, is pass. There are two types of Time (simplifying things greatly). Chronological Time and Psychological time. Chronological time is the one we see on clocks, calendars, diaries, time tables, schedules, agendas... It's what we use to measure our days: appointments, anniversaries, birthdays, significant dates (Independence Day, Thanksgiving....) We need chronology to put things in order, to keep things running smoothly. Psychological time is the bat of an eyelid, or the progress of a snail. Why waiting for a holiday seems endless, and being on holiday takes no time at all before we have to go back to work... Psychological time is what we need, to get over heartbreak. Chronological time is the (mistaken) yardstick we use to measure our progress towards healing. People take different 'times' to get over heartbreak, because for them, psychologically, it depends how quickly they can permit themselves to heal. And some can do it in "the bat of an eyelid". Others make "The progress of a snail". In the meantime, both sorts come in with "We broke up on <....> ,it's now been XX weeks/months, I'm on XX day of NC...." Because they measure their progress on a calendar, not on what their mind is doing. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 October 1: I am losing her I should try something...''You have already lost her/him, No stay NC and don't even touch that button.'' Not to take issue or contest. But I am reminded of that line from Lord of the Rings: "Certain defeat.... or small chance of success. What are we waiting for?" I think it's in that spirit that people want to break NC. (Including me, almost daily. Or at least ask with friends, try out of the box solutions, you name it.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 I have breaking news for you: You are not the only one who has experienced a break up. Seriously, you are not. Other people have experienced it too. They know how it feels. And probably, that is why they change the subject... Not because they don't care about listening, but because they don't want YOU to dwell on it... The point of this thread is to talk about the thoughtless/empty things people say to try to "comfort" us after a breakup, not to criticize others on here for feeling what they feel. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 ''Why do you care? She's your ex.'' I love that one. Thank you for pointing that out; I kind of forgot that she was my ex; in fact, I was just wondering where my girlfriend has been for the past three months. We're supposed to just flip a switch and turn those emotional lights off when someone dumps us? So the fact she is my ex should be enough for me to detach completely, huh? Ah, if only it were that easy! I'd love to meet those people whose feelings can be switched on and off like that! ''She was not the right one for you.'' Really? How do you know who is right for me? Do you think I'm looking for someone to cook for me, wash my clothes and bear my children? That is YOUR vision of a perfect woman - not MINE. So no, you don't know who or what is right for me. Your idea of Mrs. right is not necessarily my idea of Mrs. right. Most of the time people are indeed trying to help, but I've noticed that those who have not gone through something similar (serial dumpers, for example, as opposed to serial dumpees), or are not in touch with their deeper emotions, tend to dispense such instant solutions in hopes of helping you. On the other hand, I know a few people who have gone through similar traumatic experiences, who are in touch with their deeper emotions, and I can tell you right away, their approach to my ordeal is completely different. No instant solutions. Just talking, empathizing and listening. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just LISTEN to the one in pain and be there for that person. You can't fix it over night. It does not work that way. Understand that emotions don't go away when the person walks out the door. Ever had a bent stick or a metal pipe you wanted to fix? Did you try to straighten it out in one forceful move? How did that go? The stick/pipe broke. Healing takes time...and every breakup story is far more complex than it looks. Being told they were "not the right one for you" is another tomato thrower for me. I will never say that to another individual in my life! It's the worst! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Well first of all, there is something you need to know and it is that there's plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find somebody else (Sorry but you were not meant to be, your ex is your ex for a reason and you have to bear in mind that he was just a guy, and stop putting the guy on pedestal, and one more thing, it is karma and you have to move on) :o:o Now that you listened to what I had to tell you... I am gonna tell you what I am tired of hearing, and it is not about people here, it is what my mind keeps telling me... I am just a machine... Strange this empowers me everyday I wake up in the morning, but I am tired of hearing this as well... But sorry if that is going to hurt, we are all gonna be machines for some time, machines say repetitive things, do repetitive things, if you wanna heal, that's the right thing to do, you need to keep your distance from your human side for a while... most people here are undergoing a BU... So don't be surprised to hear these cliches again, again and again...Well after all we are just some machines...And believe me you won't even tolerate talking to a single human being for the time being... Try talking to one of your friends for instance... NO NO NO... ''I need internet access, to go on LS, I need somebody to tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea '' Good luck! Are you trying to be funny? I'm not laughing! Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Every single cliche means absolutely nothing when I hear it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Apparition Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 "Move on". (It just happened yesterday, WTF?!) "You can do better" (this comes from people who didn't even know my ex). "There's plenty women out there" (Yes, I know, which is why this makes it harder because despite those billion people out there, we chose this one). "If you were meant to be together, you'd be together" (god, I want to punch you). "You are young, you still have time to find the right one". "It's for the best" "Time heals all wounds" (I am left with a scar) "You'll get over it" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
purpledooze Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Personal favorite: "He didn't care about you! Why should you care about him?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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