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Didn't go NC but feeling a lot better


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 30th September 2015, 4:55 PM   #1
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Didn't go NC but feeling a lot better

Long story short..
He was abusive and I cheated. I begged him to come back then regretted it. Then he begged me to come back. I couldn't do it cos I felt like nothing about our relationship has changed in the past 6 months. He thinks he is committed to change but I don't think he has done anything different. I was trying very hard but couldn't accomplish anything without his input. And I constantly feel like a horrible cheater. He told everyone I cheated but I kept his abusive behaviour almost like a secret. Hence going back to his life is almost impossible because of pressure from his side.

I experienced so many breakups before so i kind of know what to expect this time. I cry whenever I want. Tried to analyse what will happen if we are together again. also acknowledged that it will possibly take me a long time to find someone again but i won't give up.

I still see him and talk to him. It's sad a lot of times and we fight a lot. But i just don't have the courage to break it off right now. I know it will end eventually so I am just taking one step at a time. I don't feel in love like I used to anymore. But I do still feel incredibly sad when I realise all my hopes and dreams about this relationship are gone. I know i will be happy again eventually but I just have to wait.

I know not going NC will probably prevent me from meeting someone else. But I kind of don't believe in NC. You only heal completely when you are just not interested in contacting the person again.

Just ranting a bit..

Last edited by samantha303; 30th September 2015 at 4:58 PM..
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Old 30th September 2015, 4:59 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by samantha303 View Post
Long story short..
He was abusive and I cheated. I begged him to come back then regretted it. Then he begged me to come back. I couldn't do it cos I felt like nothing about our relationship has changed in the past 6 months. He thinks he is committed to change but I don't think he has done anything different. I was trying very hard but couldn't accomplish anything without his input. And I constantly feel like a horrible cheater. He told everyone I cheated but I kept his abusive behaviour almost like a secret. Hence going back to his life is almost impossible because of pressure from his side.

I experienced so many breakups before so i kind of know what to expect this time. I cry whenever I want. Tried to analyse what will happen if we are together again. also acknowledged that it will possibly take me a long time to find someone again but i won't give up.

I still see him and talk to him. It's sad a lot of times and we fight a lot. But i just don't have the courage to break it off right now. I know it will end eventually so I am just taking one step at a time. I don't feel in love like I used to anymore. But I do still feel incredibly sad when I realise all my hopes and dreams about this relationship are gone. I know i will be happy again eventually but I just have to wait.

I know not going NC will probably prevent me from meeting someone else. But I kind of don't believe in NC. You only heal completely when you are just not interested in contacting the person again.
Well NC is not for everyone. If you feel like this approach is helping you out then go for it. If you fight every time you talk to him then why would you want to put yourself through that? It is emotionally draining and just a waste of time and energy. However, if you feel it helps you then go for it.
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:04 PM   #3
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Well NC is not for everyone. If you feel like this approach is helping you out then go for it. If you fight every time you talk to him then why would you want to put yourself through that? It is emotionally draining and just a waste of time and energy. However, if you feel it helps you then go for it.

Because when you miss someone and want to see him/her, you think of the good memories? NC never worked for me NC itself is so difficult for me so not sure how it can make things better
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:11 PM   #4
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Because when you miss someone and want to see him/her, you think of the good memories? NC never worked for me NC itself is so difficult for me so not sure how it can make things better
Yeah re-read your sentence that you wrote. You think of good memories yet most if not all of the time you talk to this person it is an argument. Do yourself a favor, NC will really help you move on. You need to be mentally strong enough to do it which from your posts you are not. However, that is why this site is here. When you feel weak and want to send your ex a message, post it here and we will tell you exactly why you should not. I really would suggest NC this guy and move on with your life. If not, you will be in a constant cycle of what you are doing now and it will take you forever to get over him.
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:16 PM   #5
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Yeah re-read your sentence that you wrote. You think of good memories yet most if not all of the time you talk to this person it is an argument. Do yourself a favor, NC will really help you move on. You need to be mentally strong enough to do it which from your posts you are not. However, that is why this site is here. When you feel weak and want to send your ex a message, post it here and we will tell you exactly why you should not. I really would suggest NC this guy and move on with your life. If not, you will be in a constant cycle of what you are doing now and it will take you forever to get over him.

Keep blocking and unblocking him makes me feel like a psycho. I do feel kind of sad now it looks like he's moving on with his life pretty well. He keeps telling me how much he loves me but I haven't been able to feel the love for a long time. I am trying to limit our communication now instead of a full blown NC and see what happens :/
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:20 PM   #6
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Keep blocking and unblocking him makes me feel like a psycho. I do feel kind of sad now it looks like he's moving on with his life pretty well. He keeps telling me how much he loves me but I haven't been able to feel the love for a long time. I am trying to limit our communication now instead of a full blown NC and see what happens :/
Ok so just do that. Limit it to once a week, then once every 2 week, and so on so forth. You do not feel the love so I guess you just want to check up on him? Ok then go ahead.
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:34 PM   #7
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Long story short..
He was abusive and I cheated. I begged him to come back then regretted it. Then he begged me to come back. I couldn't do it cos I felt like nothing about our relationship has changed in the past 6 months. He thinks he is committed to change but I don't think he has done anything different. I was trying very hard but couldn't accomplish anything without his input. And I constantly feel like a horrible cheater. He told everyone I cheated but I kept his abusive behaviour almost like a secret. Hence going back to his life is almost impossible because of pressure from his side.

I experienced so many breakups before so i kind of know what to expect this time. I cry whenever I want. Tried to analyse what will happen if we are together again. also acknowledged that it will possibly take me a long time to find someone again but i won't give up.

I still see him and talk to him. It's sad a lot of times and we fight a lot. But i just don't have the courage to break it off right now. I know it will end eventually so I am just taking one step at a time. I don't feel in love like I used to anymore. But I do still feel incredibly sad when I realise all my hopes and dreams about this relationship are gone. I know i will be happy again eventually but I just have to wait.

I know not going NC will probably prevent me from meeting someone else. But I kind of don't believe in NC. You only heal completely when you are just not interested in contacting the person again.

Just ranting a bit..
So he is abusive, and you cheat on him, sorry there is no correlation between these two! It is like saying, my class mate is a thief, so I decided to become a murderer! no offense, but your analogy has no weight.... so the decision is to stay with this person until you find someone better? does he know that he has to find someone better too? if he does, well fair enough, if he does not tell him now. Playing people is never a good idea. Would you accept this, if this was his mindset? Do you want anyone to play the same game on you? or if you do it, it is fair and if he does it, it is cruel?
Sorry but I feel something is seriously wrong here, if you really don't want him, plug it out now, do yourself and him a favor, don't be an emotionally attached person, your attitude is not mature, all you are doing is really selfish, you don't want to grieve, so you find someone else, and you leave him with that....Nah I will never do this to my arch enemy, let alone someone I shared my life with
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:38 PM   #8
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So he is abusive, and you cheat on him, sorry there is no correlation between these two! It is like saying, my class mate is a thief, so I decided to become a murderer! no offense, but your analogy has no weight.... so the decision is to stay with this person until you find someone better? does he know that he has to find someone better too? if he does, well fair enough, if he does not tell him now. Playing people is never a good idea. Would you accept this, if this was his mindset? Do you want anyone to play the same game on you? or if you do it, it is fair and if he does it, it is cruel?
Sorry but I feel something is seriously wrong here, if you really don't want him, plug it out now, do yourself and him a favor, don't be an emotionally attached person, your attitude is not mature, all you are doing is really selfish, you don't want to grieve, so you find someone else, and you leave him with that....Nah I will never do this to my arch enemy, let alone someone I shared my life with

Umm did i mention there is correlation between cheating and abusive behaviour? I simply gave a brief outline of how bad the situation is.
I don't understand why you are overreacting and I dont think you understand sometimes it's extremely difficult to move on even though we sincerely want to. Nothing to do with stringing anybody along
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:44 PM   #9
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Ok so just do that. Limit it to once a week, then once every 2 week, and so on so forth. You do not feel the love so I guess you just want to check up on him? Ok then go ahead.
But I don't think that will work! break ups are like quitting smoking! I was a smoker and I know how it it is...You quit and you don't touch it again. If you go back and forth you will end up smoking as much as you used to smoke before planning something like this. What she is doing right now is halving the cigarettes, I have tried it dozens of times, and no it won't work... you are just deceiving yourself, it gives you the wrong sense of progress, but you are still so obsessed that can't think of quitting
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Old 30th September 2015, 5:56 PM   #10
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Umm did i mention there is correlation between cheating and abusive behaviour? I simply gave a brief outline of how bad the situation is.
I don't understand why you are overreacting and I dont think you understand sometimes it's extremely difficult to move on even though we sincerely want to. Nothing to do with stringing anybody along
I know how hard it is... believe me I do. But the more you stay there, the worse things become...You have to be strong enough to finish things up now, if you see no future with this guy, there is no point in seeing him anymore! unless you are afraid of being alone for some time...stop torturing yourself, and him...my 2 cents, this will make things harder not easier.
Good luck
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Old 30th September 2015, 6:17 PM   #11
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OP you're just afraid to do NC because you havent let go of him. Its funny how he tells you he loves you but you dont feel it. And you're sad and argue all the time when he's your life. Dont you get the message by now? You'll never be happy with him in your life. Cutting someone out of your life maybe be difficult but if you truly want happiness and stop feeling sad, you need to grow up and face reality that you and him are bad for each other.
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Old 1st October 2015, 2:17 PM   #12
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I agree it's like a habit which I need to get rid of. He was a big part of my life and we did a lot of things together. we talked about it today and agreed on cutting down on contact. He wasn't very helpful for improving our relationship i guess he should be helpful for ending it/. Up until Sunday i still saw him fairly regularly so now im just trying not to see him anymore and try not to text too.
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Old 1st October 2015, 2:41 PM   #13
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Long story short..
He was abusive and I cheated.
It doesn't matter what he did or was, you are a cheater.


He could have been an alcoholic or even a serial killer, you don't cheat. You leave them.

Last edited by LoveIsMyReligion; 1st October 2015 at 2:44 PM..
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Old 1st October 2015, 2:47 PM   #14
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It doesn't matter what he did or was, you are a cheater.


He could have been an alcoholic or even a serial killer, you don't cheat. You leave them.
I didn't cheat on him because he was abusive. I cheated on him because I wanted to feel loved again.
This is not a thread for justifying my cheating. It is about letting go something that is so messed up. And i don;t think your comment added any value to my thread.

Last edited by samantha303; 1st October 2015 at 2:52 PM..
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Old 1st October 2015, 3:07 PM   #15
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But I don't think that will work! break ups are like quitting smoking! I was a smoker and I know how it it is...You quit and you don't touch it again. If you go back and forth you will end up smoking as much as you used to smoke before planning something like this. What she is doing right now is halving the cigarettes, I have tried it dozens of times, and no it won't work... you are just deceiving yourself, it gives you the wrong sense of progress, but you are still so obsessed that can't think of quitting
I was a smoker for 25 years. I quit by halving my cigarettes. It worked fine.

Have not touched one in 5 years.

Not every person reacts the same way no matter what the situation...
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